I never orgasm! Anyone else?

[desiree_d]

I would say about 5 years ago, I was 43. I spent most of my adult life married without ANY variation....it was during a support group for cancer survivors that I realized that there was foreplay, oral sex, and fantasies.


I never realized what a true orgasm was until I had one. I learned alot from reading the threads and stories. When I had a question I was not judged but provided valuable information and encouragement.

And, it was thru masturbation that I experienced my first one, after encouragement for LIT members to try different things until I found what worked for me.

PM me anytime...

[haurni]

I have a female friend in her early 20s who had never had an orgasm until a year or two ago, even though she was moderately kinky in her head, and it was only after she bought a dildo and did a fair bit of experimentation with it. I know things happened to her when she was younger so that may have had something to do with it - I think that succeeding in her case was pretty much due to reaching a point where she was relaxed and comfortable with herself enough to explore her responses to different types of stimulation. I think there may be some medical reasons why someone could be anorgasmic, however.

[NYTimesBest]

Originally Posted by JessicaRose

Just wondering if anyone else has ever had this problem?

I am an extremely sexual (and pervy :P) person, but it's like my body never got the memo. I've tried everything under the sun, it seems like. Every fetish, therapist or technique I can think of. Who else has this problem, if anybody? What have you done or plan to do, to work on it?

Is there any hope of one day getting there?! I'm twenty-five. In my humble opinion, the time should be extremely freaking nigh. >

you've clearly never had me, or you wouldn't have this problem

[JessicaRose]

I don't mind sharing here.

Yes something did happen to me when I was younger. I don't have any memory of it, but found out from my Grandmother and my doctor that someone in the family had abused me when I was around three years old. It was apparently bad enough to leave a decent amount of scar tissue to be found when I was fifteen. And then my brother molested me from around five to thirteen. But then I was taken from the house, sent to a residential facility for behavioral therapy until I was sixteen. Now I have a wonderful relationship with my family, even my brother. It's like we were two different sets of siblings, (then, and now). I have no memories of the granfather who (physically) scarred me.

I know I spent a while trying to have sex with people to feel wanted, but now I'm pretty damn healthy. A touch of body dismorphia and some self esteem issues from being overweight, but nothing I can point to that would account for this. I'd assume I had some sort of mind block, but if I do, no amount of hypnosis, self exploration or therapy has budged it.

I aslo know that the only time I feel arousal is when it's mental, like reading things hear on lit, and when it's in anticipation of the physical. Anything touches me with more weight than a feather and everything - even the mental arousal - is instantly gone, and not coming back for a good long while. This is very frustrating. Especially because I love sex. I tend to feel all the time like I should be getting much more out of this than I am.

I know that this stuff takes time, but with the work I've put in, damn if I'm not pissed to still be waiting on the returns. >.<

[heartsdesirelove]

I would like to discuss. I just sent you a PM.

[jusgoodcleanfun]

My wife of 21 years has never been able to "O" strickly through intercourse only with oral can i bring her to the mighty "O"

[eric60red]

Originally Posted by heartsdesirelove

I would like to discuss. I just sent you a PM.

now was that to me, because if it was it never arrived. Please send again

[Loverskitten]

Originally Posted by LadyVer

I've seen a thread about this subject, probably on the How To forum.

Here's one of the more recent ones
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=830695
The "how to" forum is filled with helpful people, not just people looking to PM and jack off. Geez

Women not being able to orgasm is a very common subject because it's a common issue. I never did until in my 30's when I got a Magic Wand and felt comfortable with myself.

[DarkPleasures]

Originally Posted by Loverskitten

Here's one of the more recent ones
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=830695
The "how to" forum is filled with helpful people, not just people looking to PM and jack off. Geez

That's why this thread never should have been in Fetish in the first place!

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

Originally Posted by blue80driver

Never had that problem. I wonder if it is a legit post though. The person actually put her facebook page on her prof. Sounds like someone wanting to embarrass her.

It's not a legit FB page either. It gives you a warning.

[OnceFuturePoly]

Originally Posted by jusgoodcleanfun

My wife of 21 years has never been able to "O" strickly through intercourse only with oral can i bring her to the mighty "O"

Try missionary with your legs outside of hers, and her legs clenched together. This can press your dick against her clit and help a lot. Same thing can be done with her laying on her stomach.

If she can have multiple orgasms, give her one first, then switch to PIV -- subsequent orgasms can be a lot easier. Mr.G's Try this and Report Back can be a good way to get the first couple.

Then go to her on top (cowgirl or reverse cowgirl) where she can control how your dick rubs inside her to stimulate her g-spot. Or, try her legs over your shoulders while you try and poke her g-spot.

[DarkPleasures]

Originally Posted by BBW_T&A_Lover

It's not a legit FB page either. It gives you a warning.

Very interesting.

[kduffy102]

I was unable to orgasm for many, many years..... like you, JessicaRose, I have done a lot of recovery, personal and spiritual growth work over the years but still couldn't get there. I either couldn't get adequately aroused to "go over the top" or if I did hit that peak my body clamped down to stop the sensations. I believe this is secondary to molestation as a child where I apparently learned to stop the physical response that overwhelmed and frightened me. The only time I had any success was if my orgasm happened too unexpectedly for my muscles to shut it down. As you can imagine, way beyond frustrating...... and because of my difficulties, I avoided dating or sexual encounters.

What helped me was a combination of things: 1- I explored my sexuality through reading erotic material which increased my sexual focus, led me to areas that excited me more like BDSM, incest stories, etc. 2- I changed from rather perfunctory clit stimulation to simultaneous g-spot (with some of the newer g-spot toys), clit, and sometimes anal stimulation. (I started ejaculating!) 3- I started smoking pot which I found (with most types but not all) increased my sensuality and sex drive immensely and most importantly.... I was able to stop the climax-killing clamp down of muscles around my clit which had always cut off the sensations in the past....

So now, I am multi-orgasmic, have full-body orgasms that continue to peak and climb over and over, and gush fluid like I can't believe. (I keep a shower curtain handy for under the sheet so I don't ruin my mattress again!)

Now, I seek out the sexual experiences I desire, am exploring my submissive nature, and have come to love my body and the pleasures it can provide me and my partners. Sigh, I love a happy ending, don't you.

Kathi

[JessicaRose]

@kduffy102

That sounds like exactly what I'm hoping for! Let's hope it works. I recently joined up with fetlife, because I've always been into D/s, but didn't think I would have anything in common with others inbthe lifestyle, because I'm not a masochist. Now I feel a little dumb for that one. Who knew there was an entire population just waiting for me to get my divorce? XD

[Rob1514]

Here is a recent discussion about it:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=830695

… and here is some good info about the subject:
http://www.sogc.org/health/health-myths_e.asp

Good luck there, Jessica Rose

[rosco rathbone]

Originally Posted by 69thfirmesthand

I've been with women who were unable to orgasm.I was able to help them orgasm on a regular basis.If you care to discuss feel free to p.m.me.

I've been with women who were unable to orgasm.I was able to use them as human fuck dolls on a regular basis.If you care to discuss feel free to p.m.me.

[Litfanman_inGB]

Hope it works out for you, Rose. As a man I know how the everyday hustle and bustle of life can creep into the bedroom and hinder performance. Bills, family, work and financial woes can all cause a great deal of stress. Expectations can also play a big part, especially if they aren't being met or are unattainable. Reading erotic literature, taking walks outside with the dogs, getting some sun on my face and exploring my spirituality helped me a great deal. It really helped to get rid of a lot of the stress and frustration I felt.

Coming to terms with what my wife was and is willing to do in the bedroom helped as well. I had to ask myself where my expectations were coming from and what, if any, outside sources impacted those expectations. It sounds like you're going through some life changing events. I hope it all works out and you finally discover who you are.

[haurni]

Originally Posted by haurni

I have a female friend in her early 20s who had never had an orgasm until a year or two ago, even though she was moderately kinky in her head, and it was only after she bought a dildo and did a fair bit of experimentation with it. I know things happened to her when she was younger so that may have had something to do with it - I think that succeeding in her case was pretty much due to reaching a point where she was relaxed and comfortable with herself enough to explore her responses to different types of stimulation. I think there may be some medical reasons why someone could be anorgasmic, however.

Originally Posted by JessicaRose

And then my brother molested me from around five to thirteen. But then I was taken from the house, sent to a residential facility for behavioral therapy until I was sixteen. Now I have a wonderful relationship with my family, even my brother. It's like we were two different sets of siblings, (then, and now). I have no memories of the granfather who (physically) scarred me.

I aslo know that the only time I feel arousal is when it's mental, like reading things hear on lit, and when it's in anticipation of the physical. Anything touches me with more weight than a feather and everything - even the mental arousal - is instantly gone, and not coming back for a good long while.

The girl I know had a generally similar experience - she wasn't taken from her family but they certainly didn't treat her very well either. She could get very physically aroused and wet (including from physical contact), but just couldn't make it all the way to orgasm. She was finally able to do so before she had her first (voluntary) intercourse, but it took her several years. As I said, I don't know the details, but I can ask her.

[MsQuote]

I think I have a very good answer, but not one that's easy to put in play.

Non-genitalia touch can be extremely arousing, but only with a partner who knows what he or she is doing. Someone who takes time (even hours) exploring your body to find the places you react to and during time where the focus is on touching and not intercourse/fucking. Also, some light BDSM play like restraints, blindfolds and bondage can heighten the senses since you can't see or react to being touched. It forces your focus on amping up even the most delicate touches.

I once spent about nine hours playing this way and orgasmed several times. But then again, I'm highly orgasmic but was aroused in ways that no amount of serious hardcore intercourse/fucking could bring on. This has only happened with two men in my life and they were older, much more experienced, and enjoy the journey just as much if not more than the destination. That's something most men in their 20's aren't. They're still pretty cock-centric and some men will always be throughout their lives.

Seriously, it's more erotic than it sounds.

[eric60red]

Originally Posted by MsQuote

I think I have a very good answer, but not one that's easy to put in play.

Non-genitalia touch can be extremely arousing, but only with a partner who knows what he or she is doing. Someone who takes time (even hours) exploring your body to find the places you react to and during time where the focus is on touching and not intercourse/fucking. Also, some light BDSM play like restraints, blindfolds and bondage can heighten the senses since you can't see or react to being touched. It forces your focus on amping up even the most delicate touches.

I once spent about nine hours playing this way and orgasmed several times. But then again, I'm highly orgasmic but was aroused in ways that no amount of serious hardcore intercourse/fucking could bring on. This has only happened with two men in my life and they were older, much more experienced, and enjoy the journey just as much if not more than the destination. That's something most men in their 20's aren't. They're still pretty cock-centric and some men will always be throughout their lives.

Seriously, it's more erotic than it sounds.

Yur so right, it depends what one expects, if you have never experienced an orgasm then they will not understand. If I couldnt climax, life would not be worth living, Now a days it only 2 or 3 times a day with self indulgence. wink, it used to be more, I used to lock my door at work and have cyber sex . Is that naughty?

[MsQuote]

Originally Posted by kduffy102

... I started smoking pot which I found (with most types but not all) increased my sensuality and sex drive immensely and most importantly...
Kathi

Oh, yeah. A bit of 420 goes a long way in experiencing touch, movement, freeing one's mind, and tearing away inhibitions. It usually leads to some really sweet, long and sensuous lovemaking.

I have to admit that I have NO problem coming, but there have been times when I've been high when I've come copiously and continuously without super-intense orgasms.

However, pot can be a deterrent in getting or keeping a man hard. Not all, but a lot of men. Maybe some guys can weigh in on this.

[haurni]

Originally Posted by MsQuote

Non-genitalia touch can be extremely arousing, but only with a partner who knows what he or she is doing. Someone who takes time (even hours) exploring your body to find the places you react to and during time where the focus is on touching and not intercourse/fucking. Also, some light BDSM play like restraints, blindfolds and bondage can heighten the senses since you can't see or react to being touched. It forces your focus on amping up even the most delicate touches.

I definitely agree with your first sentence. Even if she's aroused by D/s or BDSM, though, that may be something that requires establishing a good deal of trust with a partner. Obviously, it depends a lot on how she feels about herself and how comfortable she is with that partner (and v.v., of course).

[kduffy102]

[quote=MsQuote;42444775]

Also, some light BDSM play like restraints, blindfolds and bondage can heighten the senses since you can't see or react to being touched. It forces your focus on amping up even the most delicate touches.

Even though a lot of my problems with orgasm stemmed from molestation effects, I still generally had fantasies with child molestation themes most of my life. Not entirely surprising since that was my introduction to sexuality. In my fantasies, there were the same elements of adult/child sexual interaction resulting in sexual pleasure for the child but now, I could control the emotional and psychological elements of the story. I could set the situation up so that there was no fear or injury, for instance. So, when I finally began healing and exploring my sexual self, I found that I responded to mild restraint and bondage very well. Again, seems counter-intuitive to me with my history. I have decided that for me, allowing my partner to be dominant, to make most of the plans, and direct me, as well as restrain me reflects my feelings of helplessness and powerlessness as a child. It is again, someone else controlling the situation. They are choosing my sexual behavior, which takes away my need to be responsible for myself. The difference now is that I DECIDE if I want to play at all and set the tone and limitations if necessary. It is mastery of many of the negative components of my childhood experiences.

[caramelgoddess]

No matter what I do or try I can't become aroused even a little except on rare occasions when I have a dream does anyone else have this problem and what can I do to fix it????

[KWAL]

I was with a woman in her early 20s some yrs back aand she confided in me that she has never orgasmed at all. I simply made her feel completly relaxed and comffotable with me over the course of a few days and slowly her secret desires started to surface and with some understanding we worked through them and as sex continued I slowly started to direct her more (oh and also worked extensivly on her self esteem including standing her naked in fron of mirror and showing her through touch and wrds just how attractive she is etc- which really wasnnt hard cuz she was very attractive) and give her some guidance and just let her enjoy then I wwas able to just tell her its ok to cum etc... when she did she was a squirter.

I have also heard frm wmen that childbirth can do this to them. Unfortunatly that a shell I have yet to crack.

Good luck to ya hope things cum out in the end. Keep us posted and when you do release please share so we may be able to share the knowledge.