Old 08-16-2012, 07:24 AM   #126
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you know, i think we're all missing a golden opportunity here...

maybe, in addition to sharing the content of the stupid PMs that mouthbreathers send, we should also collectively compose an epic retort of breathtaking brutality.

i mean, looking at the assembled array of snarkitude in this thread, how often will this opportunity come along again?

who's in?

ed
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Old 08-16-2012, 08:24 AM   #127
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Originally Posted by silverwhisper View Post
you know, i think we're all missing a golden opportunity here...

maybe, in addition to sharing the content of the stupid PMs that mouthbreathers send, we should also collectively compose an epic retort of breathtaking brutality.

i mean, looking at the assembled array of snarkitude in this thread, how often will this opportunity come along again?

who's in?

ed
Brilliant.
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Old 08-16-2012, 08:52 AM   #128
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Old 08-16-2012, 09:44 AM   #129
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucyminx View Post
Mr. Eloquent Titzengrab McCreepypants
That name needs a "Von" somewhere in it.
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Old 08-20-2012, 01:56 AM   #130
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On Fetlife, there's a group called "Return to Sender" that is basically just like this thread and the "Asshat" thread in the BDSM forum.

Well, they have something called an "RTS Kickback" which is a parody of a "mailer Deamon" email return. I'll copypasta it here...I think y'all will enjoy it! I've used it several times myself, it's quite funny.

Note: RTS Kickback in Italics!

We're sorry, but your message could not be delivered for the following reasons:
[ ] Age
[ ] Allcaps "YELLING"
[ ] Asking for phone/IM/sex, payed or otherwise/webcam play/money in initial message
[ ] Awesomeness*
[ ] Cannot take a hint
[ ] Could not read/understand sender's message
[ ] Distance
[ ] Excessive use of ellipses
[ ] Falsely crying "Fake!" to get something
[ ] Fetishes mentioned are ILLEGAL
[ ] Force-feeding beliefs, or attacking those of the recipient
[ ] Genital shot or No picture
[ ] Idiocy/Asshattery/Douchebaggery/Shadiness/Rudeness/Creepiness
[ ] Incompatible sexual orientations
[ ] Kinks don't match up
[ ] Lack of content, interesting or otherwise, in initial message
[ ] Lack of effort
[ ] Lack of interest in persons of your relationship status
[ ]Lack of interest in cisgendered individuals
[ ] Lack of interest in non-cisgendered/transgendered individuals
[ ] Little or no content in sender's profile
[ ] Maturity level, or lack thereof
[ ] Message is determined to be hate mail
[ ] Misleading subject line
[ ] Pictures in profile stolen and/or photoshopped
[ ] Please quit beating the dead horse
[ ] Possible language barrier (sorry, this list only in English currently)
[ ] Recipient NOT a sub/slave/bottom
[ ] Recipient NOT a Dom/me/Master/Top
[ ] Recipient owned/taken/engaged/married/otherwise happily coupled/single
[ ] Recipient looking for friends only
[ ] Repeat offender - Deja poo: We've seen this crap before™.
[ ] Sender complains in initial message about trivial things (religion, weight, personal relationship choices, etc)
[ ] Sender did not read/comprehend recipient's profile
[ ] Sender is confused what sexual orientation actually means (men cannot be lesbians)
[ ] Sender is unable to handle rejection gracefully
[ ] Sender is unable to grasp basic anatomy or what is physically possible
[ ] S/slashy S/speak
[ ] Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Textspeak/Run on sentences
[ ] Suspected Copy/Paste
[ ] Trolling troll is a obvious troll
[ ] Unneeded/Unwanted use of pet names
[ ] Unwarranted fantasy story
[ ] Unwarranted sexism
[ ] Unwarranted/unsolicited/nonsensical assault on recipient's weight and/or aesthetic appearance
[ ] Wall of text
Sorry for the inconvenience. Feel free to try again when you decide to put forth more effort. Any comments/complaints/concerns/questions you may have are welcome and will be forwarded to our 5000 specialists for review, and will be assigned a number accordingly.

*The likelihood of this is extremely rare, and if unchecked, does not apply to you.
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Old 08-21-2012, 09:58 AM   #131
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I think whenever someone sends me an "erotic" wall of text in the future I'll just play along with them, only adding into the story that homeless men keep raping him.
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Old 08-21-2012, 02:27 PM   #132
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Quote:
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I think whenever someone sends me an "erotic" wall of text in the future I'll just play along with them, only adding into the story that homeless men keep raping him.
Better yet, ask him if he wants to see you nekid, then send him a pic of a ladyboy. Ooh, better would be a 400 pound dude sitting nekid at the computer!
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Old 08-23-2012, 05:25 PM   #133
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No no find the picture of the 400 pound dude sitting almost naked at a computer with a pink tutu. Guaranteed to make anyone not horny.

Course if you do this do be prepared for another PM talking about how horrible you are.

Almost forgot [walk by trouting of silverwhisper]

Nothing to see here, be about your day folks.
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Old 08-23-2012, 05:44 PM   #134
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Downside to some of these strategies is that somewhere out there is a really creepy guy who is also into that.
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Old 08-23-2012, 07:09 PM   #135
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Downside to some of these strategies is that somewhere out there is a really creepy guy who is also into that.
You say that like it's a problem, er, uh, I mean EEEWWWWWW That's gross!
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Old 08-23-2012, 07:19 PM   #136
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No no find the picture of the 400 pound dude sitting almost naked at a computer with a pink tutu.
Why do you have to bring Nipple Muncher into this?

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Old 08-23-2012, 09:03 PM   #137
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Why do you have to bring Nipple Muncher into this?

You had your chance at this luxury liner, big boy, and you blew it! You wanted to chase all the pretty ladies, remember?
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:14 PM   #138
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You had your chance at this luxury liner, big boy, and you blew it! You wanted to chase all the pretty ladies, remember?
I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I?
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:17 PM   #139
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You had your chance at this luxury liner, big boy, and you blew it! You wanted to chase all the pretty ladies, remember?
*spew*

Dammmit! You did it again!
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:18 PM   #140
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I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I?
Not to even mention his outrageous mustache!

Then again, you climax stars and rainbows, and will become a unicorn on demand so maybe the muumuu was a deal breaker--but the question remains do you have a tutu or a 'stache pmann? Do you???
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:22 PM   #141
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper View Post
you know, i think we're all missing a golden opportunity here...

maybe, in addition to sharing the content of the stupid PMs that mouthbreathers send, we should also collectively compose an epic retort of breathtaking brutality.

i mean, looking at the assembled array of snarkitude in this thread, how often will this opportunity come along again?

who's in?

ed
Man, I'd love to see that. I won't join in 'cause I'm a rank novice compared to the rest of you, but oh hell yeah. That'd be one awesome post.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:35 PM   #142
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Man, I'd love to see that. I won't join in 'cause I'm a rank novice compared to the rest of you, but oh hell yeah. That'd be one awesome post.
We can help you channel your inner asshole.

@Saucyminx- I will have whatever kind of tutu or stache you like. Burt Reynolds style. Hitler style. Handlebar style.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:41 PM   #143
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I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I?
Sure, you say all that now, after having led me on and taunted me with all those cock pics you've been PM'ing me. Wrong choice indeed, good sir!

Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora View Post
*spew*

Dammmit! You did it again!
Now honey, I've told ya, you can't reading my comments while casually sipping your favorite beverage.
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:11 PM   #144
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I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I?
*ahem*
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:16 PM   #145
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A Worthy Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goey View Post
I think whenever someone sends me an "erotic" wall of text in the future I'll just play along with them, only adding into the story that homeless men keep raping him.
Damn. LOL. That would be a worthy thread itself.
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:19 PM   #146
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:26 PM   #147
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*ahem*
and there's a new muumuu in the ring. . .
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Old 08-23-2012, 11:28 PM   #148
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And we have a new contestant for the evening!

Quote:
Originally Posted by asshat
Are you here to be a whore tonight?

Ok friends and neighbors--release the hounds. How would you answer this fine gentleman?
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Old 08-23-2012, 11:36 PM   #149
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Ok friends and neighbors--release the hounds. How would you answer this fine gentleman?
I would say:

You bet your sweet ass I am!
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Old 08-23-2012, 11:40 PM   #150
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This also reminds me of a great joke.

A skinny little white guy is tried, convicted, and sent to the big house. His cell mate is a big burly black man. Upon entering the cell, the black inmate says to the skinny little white guy, "is you the wife or is you the husband?"

Figuring this was his chance to establish dominance, the skinny little white guy says, "I am the husband!"

The black guy retorts, "good! Now get over here and suck your wife's dick!"
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