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08-16-2012, 07:24 AM
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#126
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just this guy, you know?
silverwhisper is offline
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: on hiatus
Posts: 10,241
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you know, i think we're all missing a golden opportunity here...
maybe, in addition to sharing the content of the stupid PMs that mouthbreathers send, we should also collectively compose an epic retort of breathtaking brutality.
i mean, looking at the assembled array of snarkitude in this thread, how often will this opportunity come along again?
who's in? 
ed
__________________
"i think this line's mostly filler"--willow rosenberg, once more, with feeling, season 6, buffy the vampire slayer
exemplar of youthful snark: "does it hurt little boy? are you going to cry now? well suck it up and be a man."
psst! hey, wanna see a blog?
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08-16-2012, 08:24 AM
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#127
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The Last Unicorn
pmann is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 3,864
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper
you know, i think we're all missing a golden opportunity here...
maybe, in addition to sharing the content of the stupid PMs that mouthbreathers send, we should also collectively compose an epic retort of breathtaking brutality.
i mean, looking at the assembled array of snarkitude in this thread, how often will this opportunity come along again?
who's in?
ed |
Brilliant. |
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08-16-2012, 08:52 AM
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#128
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Put me on Iggy
Eilan is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: O-H
Posts: 9,484
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Snarkitude? Say no more! |
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08-16-2012, 09:44 AM
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#129
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Professional Pervert
Texguy84 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Republic of Korea
Posts: 3,989
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucyminx
Mr. Eloquent Titzengrab McCreepypants
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That name needs a "Von" somewhere in it. |
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08-20-2012, 01:56 AM
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#130
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Queen of Geeks
satindesire is offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: One does not simply QWOP into Mordor
Posts: 12,317
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On Fetlife, there's a group called "Return to Sender" that is basically just like this thread and the "Asshat" thread in the BDSM forum.
Well, they have something called an "RTS Kickback" which is a parody of a "mailer Deamon" email return. I'll copypasta it here...I think y'all will enjoy it! I've used it several times myself, it's quite funny.
Note: RTS Kickback in Italics!
We're sorry, but your message could not be delivered for the following reasons:
[ ] Age
[ ] Allcaps "YELLING"
[ ] Asking for phone/IM/sex, payed or otherwise/webcam play/money in initial message
[ ] Awesomeness*
[ ] Cannot take a hint
[ ] Could not read/understand sender's message
[ ] Distance
[ ] Excessive use of ellipses
[ ] Falsely crying "Fake!" to get something
[ ] Fetishes mentioned are ILLEGAL
[ ] Force-feeding beliefs, or attacking those of the recipient
[ ] Genital shot or No picture
[ ] Idiocy/Asshattery/Douchebaggery/Shadiness/Rudeness/Creepiness
[ ] Incompatible sexual orientations
[ ] Kinks don't match up
[ ] Lack of content, interesting or otherwise, in initial message
[ ] Lack of effort
[ ] Lack of interest in persons of your relationship status
[ ]Lack of interest in cisgendered individuals
[ ] Lack of interest in non-cisgendered/transgendered individuals
[ ] Little or no content in sender's profile
[ ] Maturity level, or lack thereof
[ ] Message is determined to be hate mail
[ ] Misleading subject line
[ ] Pictures in profile stolen and/or photoshopped
[ ] Please quit beating the dead horse
[ ] Possible language barrier (sorry, this list only in English currently)
[ ] Recipient NOT a sub/slave/bottom
[ ] Recipient NOT a Dom/me/Master/Top
[ ] Recipient owned/taken/engaged/married/otherwise happily coupled/single
[ ] Recipient looking for friends only
[ ] Repeat offender - Deja poo: We've seen this crap before™.
[ ] Sender complains in initial message about trivial things (religion, weight, personal relationship choices, etc)
[ ] Sender did not read/comprehend recipient's profile
[ ] Sender is confused what sexual orientation actually means (men cannot be lesbians)
[ ] Sender is unable to handle rejection gracefully
[ ] Sender is unable to grasp basic anatomy or what is physically possible
[ ] S/slashy S/speak
[ ] Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Textspeak/Run on sentences
[ ] Suspected Copy/Paste
[ ] Trolling troll is a obvious troll
[ ] Unneeded/Unwanted use of pet names
[ ] Unwarranted fantasy story
[ ] Unwarranted sexism
[ ] Unwarranted/unsolicited/nonsensical assault on recipient's weight and/or aesthetic appearance
[ ] Wall of text
Sorry for the inconvenience. Feel free to try again when you decide to put forth more effort. Any comments/complaints/concerns/questions you may have are welcome and will be forwarded to our 5000 specialists for review, and will be assigned a number accordingly.
*The likelihood of this is extremely rare, and if unchecked, does not apply to you. |
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08-21-2012, 09:58 AM
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#131
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Really Really Experienced
Goey is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 372
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I think whenever someone sends me an "erotic" wall of text in the future I'll just play along with them, only adding into the story that homeless men keep raping him.
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08-21-2012, 02:27 PM
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#132
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Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 2,727
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goey
I think whenever someone sends me an "erotic" wall of text in the future I'll just play along with them, only adding into the story that homeless men keep raping him.
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Better yet, ask him if he wants to see you nekid, then send him a pic of a ladyboy. Ooh, better would be a 400 pound dude sitting nekid at the computer!
__________________
Boobs are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too!
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08-23-2012, 05:25 PM
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#133
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Literotica Guru
emap is offline
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,992
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No no find the picture of the 400 pound dude sitting almost naked at a computer with a pink tutu. Guaranteed to make anyone not horny. 
Course if you do this do be prepared for another PM talking about how horrible you are. 
Almost forgot [walk by trouting of silverwhisper]
Nothing to see here, be about your day folks. |
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08-23-2012, 05:44 PM
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#134
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Professional Pervert
Texguy84 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Republic of Korea
Posts: 3,989
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Downside to some of these strategies is that somewhere out there is a really creepy guy who is also into that. |
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08-23-2012, 07:09 PM
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#135
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Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 2,727
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texguy84
Downside to some of these strategies is that somewhere out there is a really creepy guy who is also into that. |
You say that like it's a problem, er, uh, I mean EEEWWWWWW That's gross! 
__________________
Boobs are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too!
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08-23-2012, 07:19 PM
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#136
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The Last Unicorn
pmann is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 3,864
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emap
No no find the picture of the 400 pound dude sitting almost naked at a computer with a pink tutu.
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Why do you have to bring Nipple Muncher into this?
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08-23-2012, 09:03 PM
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#137
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Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 2,727
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pmann
Why do you have to bring Nipple Muncher into this?
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You had your chance at this luxury liner, big boy, and you blew it! You wanted to chase all the pretty ladies, remember?
__________________
Boobs are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too!
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08-23-2012, 09:14 PM
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#138
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The Last Unicorn
pmann is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 3,864
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NippleMuncher
You had your chance at this luxury liner, big boy, and you blew it! You wanted to chase all the pretty ladies, remember? |
I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I? |
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08-23-2012, 09:17 PM
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#139
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In my own little world
bailadora is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In his arms
Posts: 2,843
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NippleMuncher
You had your chance at this luxury liner, big boy, and you blew it! You wanted to chase all the pretty ladies, remember? |
*spew*
Dammmit! You did it again! 
__________________
What we do, Miss Ventura, does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling. ~ Lionel, Maid in Manhattan
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. ~ Dr. Randy Pausch
This is LIT-erotica where the size of your polysyllable matters. - swiped from Velvet Darkness
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who do not believe, no proof is possible.~ Stuart Chase
Swiped from Fire Breeze: my johari window. Curiosity and all that jazz...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Regarding Dirty PMs: Don't bother. Your orgasm is not my problem.
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08-23-2012, 09:18 PM
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#140
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Fuck you Boots
Saucyminx is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,548
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pmann
I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I?
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Not to even mention his outrageous mustache!
Then again, you climax stars and rainbows, and will become a unicorn on demand so maybe the muumuu was a deal breaker--but the question remains do you have a tutu or a 'stache pmann? Do you???
__________________
My first new story in 3 long years
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. -- Kathleen Casey Theisen
Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps. --Emo Philips
Don't think about it, just swallow. --my friend Eileen
Sex is like Pinochle, if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
Come on in--the smut is fine
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08-23-2012, 09:22 PM
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#141
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In my own little world
bailadora is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In his arms
Posts: 2,843
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper
you know, i think we're all missing a golden opportunity here...
maybe, in addition to sharing the content of the stupid PMs that mouthbreathers send, we should also collectively compose an epic retort of breathtaking brutality.
i mean, looking at the assembled array of snarkitude in this thread, how often will this opportunity come along again?
who's in?
ed |
Man, I'd love to see that. I won't join in 'cause I'm a rank novice compared to the rest of you, but oh hell yeah. That'd be one awesome post.
__________________
What we do, Miss Ventura, does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling. ~ Lionel, Maid in Manhattan
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. ~ Dr. Randy Pausch
This is LIT-erotica where the size of your polysyllable matters. - swiped from Velvet Darkness
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who do not believe, no proof is possible.~ Stuart Chase
Swiped from Fire Breeze: my johari window. Curiosity and all that jazz...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Regarding Dirty PMs: Don't bother. Your orgasm is not my problem.
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08-23-2012, 09:35 PM
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#142
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The Last Unicorn
pmann is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 3,864
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora
Man, I'd love to see that. I won't join in 'cause I'm a rank novice compared to the rest of you, but oh hell yeah. That'd be one awesome post.
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We can help you channel your inner asshole.
@Saucyminx- I will have whatever kind of tutu or stache you like. Burt Reynolds style. Hitler style. Handlebar style. |
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08-23-2012, 09:41 PM
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#143
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Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 2,727
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pmann
I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I?
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Sure, you say all that now, after having led me on and taunted me with all those cock pics you've been PM'ing me. Wrong choice indeed, good sir!
Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora
*spew*
Dammmit! You did it again! |
Now honey, I've told ya, you can't reading my comments while casually sipping your favorite beverage.
__________________
Boobs are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too!
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08-23-2012, 10:11 PM
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#144
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Put me on Iggy
Eilan is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: O-H
Posts: 9,484
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pmann
I do. I just chase the girls. I could have had a guy in a muumuu. I mean, tutu. I made the wrong choice did I?
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*ahem* |
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08-23-2012, 10:16 PM
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#145
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Literotica Guru
Paul_Chance is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Via Del Norte, Santa Clara, California. California is a state of mind, not just an address on a townhouse.
Posts: 2,303
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A Worthy Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goey
I think whenever someone sends me an "erotic" wall of text in the future I'll just play along with them, only adding into the story that homeless men keep raping him.
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Damn. LOL. That would be a worthy thread itself.
__________________
“Carnal love: a practical man’s love. A love you can see, touch, and taste if you’re kinky. If you can’t hear it, you’re probably better suited to its more abstract form.”
― Benson Bruno
My First Literotica Story - The Guest Room
My Second Story - The Voyeur
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08-23-2012, 10:19 PM
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#146
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Really Really Experienced
RNJAG is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 344
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Scribeded
__________________
2 Bits for your thoughts...$50 bucks to act them out!!
I bet I can flip you and dick you before you can throw me and blow me!
I am by far the BEST you've never had...
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08-23-2012, 10:26 PM
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#147
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Fuck you Boots
Saucyminx is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,548
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilan
*ahem*
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and there's a new muumuu in the ring. . . 
__________________
My first new story in 3 long years
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. -- Kathleen Casey Theisen
Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps. --Emo Philips
Don't think about it, just swallow. --my friend Eileen
Sex is like Pinochle, if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
Come on in--the smut is fine
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08-23-2012, 11:28 PM
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#148
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Fuck you Boots
Saucyminx is offline
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,548
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And we have a new contestant for the evening!
Quote:
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Originally Posted by asshat
Are you here to be a whore tonight?
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Ok friends and neighbors--release the hounds. How would you answer this fine gentleman?
__________________
My first new story in 3 long years
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. -- Kathleen Casey Theisen
Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps. --Emo Philips
Don't think about it, just swallow. --my friend Eileen
Sex is like Pinochle, if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
Come on in--the smut is fine
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08-23-2012, 11:36 PM
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#149
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Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 2,727
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucyminx
Ok friends and neighbors--release the hounds. How would you answer this fine gentleman?
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I would say:
You bet your sweet ass I am!
__________________
Boobs are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too!
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08-23-2012, 11:40 PM
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#150
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Masticatus Nipplicanis
NippleMuncher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lost in Imfamy
Posts: 2,727
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This also reminds me of a great joke.
A skinny little white guy is tried, convicted, and sent to the big house. His cell mate is a big burly black man. Upon entering the cell, the black inmate says to the skinny little white guy, "is you the wife or is you the husband?"
Figuring this was his chance to establish dominance, the skinny little white guy says, "I am the husband!"
The black guy retorts, "good! Now get over here and suck your wife's dick!"
__________________
Boobs are like toy trains ... They are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too!
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