Hiring a professional

[Rainshine]

A little background...

We've been married going on 10 years and together 14, since my husband was 21. His sex life prior to me was fairly limited a couple of girls nothing crazy. Mine - a fair bit more varied and certainly more experiences, and definitely a little more crazy... I'm a few years older and travelled a lot for a while there.

We're fairly open with each other, and know each other pretty well... or do we? One of his fantasies has always been to see me with another girl, and to have two girls at once. I've been there before and it's not really something that turns me on (two guys on the other hand!!)... he has a birthday coming up and I wanted to make that happen for him, and "hire a third." We talked about it a little and he said he wasn't sure and needed some time to think about it.

His birthday has been and gone, and it's never been mentioned again....

Firstly: Hmm..

Secondly: Should I raise the idea again or let sleeping dogs lie?

[amofiga]

It's really none of my business but I'd personally be cautious with a "professional" considering the potential for STD's but if you do go the professional route, it would probably be necessary to pay big $$$ to possibly lower that risk. You sure don't want to select from the local street corner.

In my humble opinion, with the extremely limited experience in this area, the only time I've had such experience (and it was MMF not FFM) was when a lady friend of mine organized the arrangement with another guy she also dated. We got to know each other before jumping into the sack together. I'm not sure how I'd feel with a "professional" onboard. However, it's what ever works for you. Good luck.

[Rainshine]

Oh... sorry I should clarify, it certainly would be a high class professional.

[JasonDaniel]

If he hasn't brought it up, I would leave sleeping dogs lie. If it had been something he really wanted, he would have pursued it, and apparently, he didn't.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by amofiga

It's really none of my business but I'd personally be cautious with a "professional" considering the potential for STD's but if you do go the professional route, it would probably be necessary to pay big $$$ to possibly lower that risk.

...not really. Please note that the OP is in Australia. Most legit sex workers here are well-educated about STI prevention, use appropriate precautions, and get tested on a regular basis, so their STI rates are pretty low.

http://www.scarletalliance.org.au/li...aper_mandtest/

[JasonDaniel]

Whether a hooker is disease free or not doesn't depend on whether she is a high class or low class whore; it depends on her clientele. There is an old saying, "there are no $500.00 hookers: only $500.00 johns", and regardless of a person's financial or social status, anyone can get an STD. Regardless of how often a hooker gets tested for STDs, there is no guaranty the guy she was fucking yesterday wasn't carrying the clap. If you are messing with prostitutes, (regardless of her presumed status), it's a crap-shoot as to whether she is carrying a disease at that particular moment.

[Rainshine]

Originally Posted by JasonDaniel

Whether a hooker is disease free or not doesn't depend on whether she is a high class or low class whore; it depends on her clientele. There is an old saying, "there are no $500.00 hookers: only $500.00 johns", and regardless of a person's financial or social status, anyone can get an STD. Regardless of how often a hooker gets tested for STDs, there is no guaranty the guy she was fucking yesterday wasn't carrying the clap. If you are messing with prostitutes, (regardless of her presumed status), it's a crap-shoot as to whether she is carrying a disease at that particular moment.

Just as it is any random or "non-random" person any one of us might have sex with in our lifetimes. But thats not what this threads about.

[JasonDaniel]

Originally Posted by Rainshine

Just as it is any random or "non-random" person any one of us might have sex with in our lifetimes. But thats not what this threads about.

You did ask advice about "Hiring a Professional", (the title of the thread), and I was just giving you my opinion. And you are right, any person, random or non-random can have an STD at any given time. Your husband is a very lucky man to have a wife willing to fill his fantasies, you are indeed a good wife, but in my opinion, if any couple wants to have a third in the bedroom, it needs to be someone they know at least well enough to trust. Better safe than sorry, as they say.

[louise_lloyd]

Originally Posted by JasonDaniel

If he hasn't brought it up, I would leave sleeping dogs lie. If it had been something he really wanted, he would have pursued it, and apparently, he didn't.

This is exactly what I was thinking. If your guy wanted to turn the fantasy into real life, he would have brought the subject up.

[Rainshine]

Originally Posted by JasonDaniel

You did ask advice about "Hiring a Professional", (the title of the thread), and I was just giving you my opinion. And you are right, any person, random or non-random can have an STD at any given time. Your husband is a very lucky man to have a wife willing to fill his fantasies, you are indeed a good wife, but in my opinion, if any couple wants to have a third in the bedroom, it needs to be someone they know at least well enough to trust. Better safe than sorry, as they say.

My thinking behind a professional, is that when talking about it with each other before we'd always said to avoid any sort of emotional baggage it would need to be someone we didn't know or have a connection with. I wouldn't be interested in just some other random person looking for a couple either. *shrug*

Either way, you're right I'll let it go. I'm sure if he wants to revisit the idea he'll say.

[JasonDaniel]

Originally Posted by Rainshine

My thinking behind a professional, is that when talking about it with each other before we'd always said to avoid any sort of emotional baggage it would need to be someone we didn't know or have a connection with. I wouldn't be interested in just some other random person looking for a couple either. *shrug*

Either way, you're right I'll let it go. I'm sure if he wants to revisit the idea he'll say.

There is the problem for any couple wanting to expand their sexual horizons, finding someone you can trust, but also wants to avoid any emotional attachment. It is possible le to find the right person, (or persons), but it takes time and patience. As I am sure you know, the key is keeping communication open between you and your husband. If you really want to know how he feels about a particular fantasy, ask him and discuss both your fantasies and his. Perhaps he would like a different fantasy?

[amofiga]

Originally Posted by Bramblethorn

...not really. Please note that the OP is in Australia. Most legit sex workers here are well-educated about STI prevention, use appropriate precautions, and get tested on a regular basis, so their STI rates are pretty low.

http://www.scarletalliance.org.au/li...aper_mandtest/

Excellent point. Sorry I missed it. I've never been to Australia. Maybe someday before I die. There was a TV series there called "Satisfactions" about sex workers in a pricey legal brothel. I'm not sure if that's anywhere near reality, but there was one show that covered this exact point. A hired threesome all nice and cozy.

[query]

I prefer to hire amateurs, thereby broadening the base of available sex workers....

You're welcome!

Seriously, dunno about Aussie sex worker hierarchy, but surely you have "gentleman's clubs"? Why not take him there as"no reason, just thought it'd be fun" sort of a little treat and see how it is to interact a little bit with the third wheel...

Find a friendly girl, she may come home with you for sport but more likely than not will play with a couple if you will "compensate her for her time."

[subwannabe]

I say since the ball is in his court and he hasn't done anything with it, and you don't seem to be that thrilled with it anyway, I say let sleeping dogs lie. I have a few fantasies that really turn me on. Half of me would really love to experience them in real life but the other have of me says don't do it.

[njlauren]

My take? Let it lie. I think the idea you would be willing to do it is touching, that shows real caring (especially since you aren't into it), but if he wanted to he probably would say. Sometimes fantasies are just that, I have fantasies about my spouse that are pretty wild, but I know I would not want to experience them for real.

[nakdsub]

Having two women is a fantasy for a lot of guys, but if you're married, what's good for the goose is...
Just like you said, (two guys?)

I would think, if I actually took her up on her offer, then I don't have a leg to stand on if she wants a second guy and that's a whole different matter.

I'm one of those old fashion guys who believes in fidelity. Before getting married to my ex, she proposed the same thing, a three some with her best friend. (I should have taken that as a warning) I turned her down for the same reasons I stated. By that time we were getting serious and I was pretty sure I was going to propose to her. I did not want the thought of her wanting another guy in the bedroom and me not being able to say no, hanging over my head.

[roomfor1more]

Personally, high class or not, prostitution in most parts of the world is illegal and the last thing you want is risking arrest for solicitation. Another point, regardless if they are high class or not, the risk of STDs still remain. My advice, if you are looking for someone that you do not have an emotional attachment to, is to use the internet. There are many places that cater to couples looking for single males and some are free. Also there are free sites that provide a wealth of knowledge regarding finding a third person where you do not have an attachment to them. Therefore I would recommend forgetting the professional and search a bit for someone that you do not have an emotional attachment with.

[Rainshine]

Originally Posted by nakdsub

Having two women is a fantasy for a lot of guys, but if you're married, what's good for the goose is...
Just like you said, (two guys?)

I would think, if I actually took her up on her offer, then I don't have a leg to stand on if she wants a second guy and that's a whole different matter.

I'm one of those old fashion guys who believes in fidelity. Before getting married to my ex, she proposed the same thing, a three some with her best friend. (I should have taken that as a warning) I turned her down for the same reasons I stated. By that time we were getting serious and I was pretty sure I was going to propose to her. I did not want the thought of her wanting another guy in the bedroom and me not being able to say no, hanging over my head.

I've been there in the past two.. (two guys) pre husband, so it's not something I would actively seek out to re-do anywhere other than in my head.

However, it would never even occur to me to say something like that (use the past or store some event away in my pocket for future use) as a means to get something I might desire.

[Rainshine]

Originally Posted by roomfor1more

Personally, high class or not, prostitution in most parts of the world is illegal and the last thing you want is risking arrest for solicitation. Another point, regardless if they are high class or not, the risk of STDs still remain. My advice, if you are looking for someone that you do not have an emotional attachment to, is to use the internet. There are many places that cater to couples looking for single males and some are free. Also there are free sites that provide a wealth of knowledge regarding finding a third person where you do not have an attachment to them. Therefore I would recommend forgetting the professional and search a bit for someone that you do not have an emotional attachment with.

We have many legal brothels here in Australia.

[Bramblethorn]

Originally Posted by roomfor1more

Personally, high class or not, prostitution in most parts of the world is illegal and the last thing you want is risking arrest for solicitation. Another point, regardless if they are high class or not, the risk of STDs still remain. My advice, if you are looking for someone that you do not have an emotional attachment to, is to use the internet. There are many places that cater to couples looking for single males and some are free.

Prostitution is legal in many parts of the world (India, almost all of South America, most of Western Europe, and Canada, among many others). We'd already established that the OP's in Australia, where it's legal.

And can we get past the "prostitute = STI" mindset please? At least in Australia, that's very misguided. There've been around 20,000 recorded cases of HIV infection in this country; by my understanding, not one has been attributed to prostitute/client sex. You're much more likely to catch an infection from an amateur who's careless about protection and mistakenly believes only 'promiscuous' people get STIs.

(Also, I think the OP was mainly talking about finding a single female looking for a couple, which is a whole different ball game from finding a guy?)

[Mike4fun]

Hello Rainshine

It is very positive that you want to help your lover fulfil his fantasy. I would say that if he didn't bring it up, don't surprise him, but you bring it up. He may not have brought it up as he may know how you feel about girl on girl and may be being considerate toward you.

Regarding hiring. A professional I'm on the fence. On the one hand, it's a professional sex worker, on the other hand if it's regulated then as you say, the risk is higher than someone we pick up for a one night stand, but not. By much, it may even be lower?

Have you discussed Mmf with him at all?

Mike

[Thefamiliar]

The irony, I was just thinking of a story idea for this.

My guy fantasizes about it too, its not my thing, but as my mind wandered, I was wondering if a hired girl would bring about as much "jealous" reaction as someone that was a free agent.

Write him a story, get him some porn with it, but don't push. Its likely with the heartfelt offer, the reality suddenly was not as appealing as the fantasy.

There are a billion uncertain factors and he may have realized he would rather not put a kink in something good for one night if fun.

Though asking if he lost interest or changed his mind might shed light on the confusion. Its not a new topic. Nor seems to be one he closed with clarity.

[nakdsub]

Originally Posted by Rainshine

I've been there in the past two.. (two guys) pre husband, so it's not something I would actively seek out to re-do anywhere other than in my head.

However, it would never even occur to me to say something like that (use the past or store some event away in my pocket for future use) as a means to get something I might desire.

Now you say you wouldn't actively seek out two guys, but in your original post it doesn't sound like that at all.

Also, your post was about dealing with the fact that HE hasn't mentioned it since your offer. I was suggesting the thought of you with two men maybe his hang up. I wasn't saying you would necessarily do it, but he maybe thinking, if you did want to do it, what could he say about it...nothing.

Maybe you should try to assure him you would never consider two guys even if he went ahead with two women.

[BiTodd]

Originally Posted by nakdsub

Now you say you wouldn't actively seek out two guys, but in your original post it doesn't sound like that at all.

Also, your post was about dealing with the fact that HE hasn't mentioned it since your offer. I was suggesting the thought of you with two men maybe his hang up. I wasn't saying you would necessarily do it, but he maybe thinking, if you did want to do it, what could he say about it...nothing.

Maybe you should try to assure him you would never consider two guys even if he went ahead with two women.

Actually, if you read the original post. You will find that Rainshine only mentioned that two guys and herl was a turn on. Not mentioning pursuing anything.....

[wellnow]

If my wife and I were to agree on any number of additional partners, we would hire a professional, for sure.

Until I got married, I seemed to fall, by accident,into many, many extemporaneous or impromptu threesomes and a few moresomes with female partners and I. I've never had nor was really interested in an opportunity for the opposite. Now after many years of marriage, I've found myself fantasizing about my wife having multiple male partners, with or without my participation. It also seems to turn her on a lot. Strange how we change.

wellnow