Sexless marriage ... just can't take it anymore!

[lovetporoleplay]

Originally Posted by monique1971

:-) Why, yes, don't mind if I do.

*reaches in pocket and pulls out pack of gum*

And yes it is a pack of gum and yes I am happy to see you.... cliche'

Here Ya go....Glad to oblige. *wink*

[cumbtwntits]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

How about just suggesting that you have an open marriage.

[b4uris]

Good grief. It's like you didn't even read the post.
My point was, I have tried everything.
Yes, he has had a complete medical workup.



Ok, that resolves that. I just brought it up because in your litany you didn't mention it. "Everything" is a bit broad, no?

Sorry, just trying to help a stranger. I have been duly corrected.

[Sundayschild]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

Haven't read the thread, but your situation struck a chord in me. The way I looked at it was that things weren't going to get better by themselves, and (life not having a good manual) I ran out of things to do to try and fix the situation. I certainly didn't want to think that was the rest of my life (I know what you mean about feeling emptier), so something had to give. Being human I then delayed the inevitable, which didn't solve anything. Finally I contrived a way to end it, when I should have just said "this isn't how my life will be". Short story - I got out (not a marriage btw).

However that was me - you may be in a different situation. Either way - best wishes x

[In_Vancouver_BC]

Marriage was created to provide a "lawful" union in which a sexual relationship is an intrinsic part. My ex-wife unilaterally decided that sex would be when and only when she felt the need. Her needs at 27 seemed to run about once every three months.

I allowed myself to feel there was something wrong with me as I wanted more sex. When I finally got the courage to challenge her, she turned it around and blamed me.
I left the marriage within 2 months. I should have left 4 years earlier.

[Spenser41]

Whatever.

[hotkimzuen]

Originally Posted by ohwhynot77

Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

I can understand your situation. Leaving and separating was very hard.

[cf23430]

Originally Posted by hotkimzuen

I can understand your situation. Leaving and separating was very hard.

yes indeed it was......but she left....and I HAVE THE kids.....

[Inruss]

Is sex the only expression of love? Does your husband love you?

[hvnfun1212]

There are people who just won't consider that perhaps nobody is at fault. So often a person feels insecure or hopeless when they have tried everything to refocus the relationship. I understand your frustration Officegurl. I've asked others I know about this topic and the usual response is that I"m not doing enough or tried everything. Unless they are in the room, no one else knows the frustration of the attempts to "spice" things up and to be shot down....

[jiimmmy]

I dont know why people dont understand that they do not love someone.

You arent feeling what you should from him, because you dont feel what you should toward him.

You state that you have platonic feelings and that you have cheated.

It would have been more ethical and humane to break it off when you realized the lack of correct feelings toward your husband and before you cheated.

Not judging you right or wrong.... But the fact is that you dont do this to people that you love.

[monique1971]

Originally Posted by b4uris

Good grief. It's like you didn't even read the post.
My point was, I have tried everything.
Yes, he has had a complete medical workup.



Ok, that resolves that. I just brought it up because in your litany you didn't mention it. "Everything" is a bit broad, no?

Sorry, just trying to help a stranger. I have been duly corrected.

Actually, it was in the litany. I don't expect you to go back and read, but yes, when I wrote "everything" I chose the word with care.

The more important here is that it is SO easy for well-meaning people who haven't gone through this themselves to think that there's some kind of easy answer out there, especially when it's the man who is the asexual. Our culture has such a strongly rooted stereotype of men as naturally high libido that it's almost impossible to envision a situation in which the wife can 't just fix this thing if she tries a little harder or gets a little more creative.

[monique1971]

Originally Posted by jiimmmy

I dont know why people dont understand that they do not love someone.

You arent feeling what you should from him, because you dont feel what you should toward him.

You state that you have platonic feelings and that you have cheated.

It would have been more ethical and humane to break it off when you realized the lack of correct feelings toward your husband and before you cheated.

Not judging you right or wrong.... But the fact is that you dont do this to people that you love.

This is a fair point. I work every day to be more loving, more patient, more giving and more accepting. To love.

There are many different kinds of love and just because he does not feel sexual love towards me doesn't mean I can't make the choice to love him with gratitude and tenderness.

He really can't help it. I know he feels sad about disappointing me.

Sometimes I wonder if the best thing would be to set him free to find someone as asexual as he is.

[novicev]

Originally Posted by monique1971

This is a fair point. I work every day to be more loving, more patient, more giving and more accepting. To love.

There are many different kinds of love and just because he does not feel sexual love towards me doesn't mean I can't make the choice to love him with gratitude and tenderness.

He really can't help it. I know he feels sad about disappointing me.

Sometimes I wonder if the best thing would be to set him free to find someone as asexual as he is.

this is not a solution or advice..just an idea that popped in my mind..if he is aware that you need sex will he be open to open marriage to make you happy?

[lovetporoleplay]

Originally Posted by jiimmmy

I dont know why people dont understand that they do not love someone.

You arent feeling what you should from him, because you dont feel what you should toward him.

You state that you have platonic feelings and that you have cheated.

It would have been more ethical and humane to break it off when you realized the lack of correct feelings toward your husband and before you cheated.

Not judging you right or wrong.... But the fact is that you dont do this to people that you love.

I concur......I always told my ex that if I TRULY loved her, and wanted her to be happy then I should accept her even if that meant being happy with someone else. That is True love, but obviously not realistic. You do not treat people this way. Especially if you truly love them.

No judgement, just once again, saddened that this problem is so common.


Gum?

[machinelanguage]

Unfortunately.... I am yet another husband who knows how you feel...

My wife doesn't care if we only have sex 3 or 4 times a year.... and she thinks I'm crazy to want it more often then that....

That's why I'm here.. I'm trying to find a cyber companion....

Ideally, I'd like a woman in her 50's, but at this point.... any woman with a good imagination over 40 will do

I live in NYC..... You may thin kits easy to meet people here, but as anyone who is married can tell you.... I don't go out much at all..

I'm not a bar person.. and between work, and just the normal day to day routine.. it doesn't give me much time to look.. except when I'm on line......

Porn can be boring after a while..LOL

[howbo]

Originally Posted by Lit19899

After reading these posts, I look on other people marriages and find a greater appreciation for those who have had affairs. I used to feel a marriage was a sacred bond and infidelity was terrible. Now, I think an affair may save a person's sanity, if not their marriage. I no longer condemn people who step outside their marriage. I want to thank everyone for posting. I wish I could be more articulate on this topic.

i have cum exactly from where u were to where u r with this. i include men who desire to experience sex with a man. no offense to the wives or partners since i don't know why they are no longer giving satisfaction to their man.

[Minalick]

I think this issue has been covered in a lot of different places and in a lot of different ways. Bottom line is we are all different and it takes different things and people to make us happy. When we meet someone and decide to take that "long shot" of marriage, I think most of us figure whatever happens, we'll deal with it.

The problem with that is over time we all change. Good or bad is irrelevant.
But when a partner changes and goes off in one direction, does the other have to follow suit? How selfless can you be to go along with that? But everything out there says that if you don't, then you're not being a good and supportive partner. So you go along....

The double-edged sword on this however, is once you've gone along for a period of time and then you decide to put on the brakes... The other partner cries foul, because they are used to going their way for so long. They can't see or don't care that you have no life of your own. They figure you should be happy shadowing theirs.

Either way you're screwed.
If you stay, your life isn't your own and you cling to certain moments of happiness to make up for the rest of the time when you're not.
If you leave, you're a selfish person who ruined a family.

[mysteriousintn]

Well put Mina

[schlag321]

That is a fact.

If the male at home does not proved sex and intimacy for his wife or partner,the female will get satisfaction.

I've seen it a number of times.

[Calliesdad2010]

to your situation its not fun

[Javabenita]

Originally Posted by Calliesdad2010

to being frustrated in a sexless marriage,

which is why im on lit

to find someone to talk too

and meet in real life

for amazing naughty sex :-)

Having a sexless marriage is tough.... People come to me everyday , with this issue... Bottom line is communication, if your communication is bad then , everything else is bad.... It's normal to want a raunchy sex life... It keeps things going... But there are so many other things ... You should tell her what you want and if she doesn't want the same then maybe it's time you find a nice piece of pie... If you know what I'm saying... Your happiness is just as important... Remember that.

[Tessa8]

Originally Posted by In_Vancouver_BC

Marriage was created to provide a "lawful" union in which a sexual relationship is an intrinsic part. My ex-wife unilaterally decided that sex would be when and only when she felt the need. Her needs at 27 seemed to run about once every three months.

I allowed myself to feel there was something wrong with me as I wanted more sex. When I finally got the courage to challenge her, she turned it around and blamed me.
I left the marriage within 2 months. I should have left 4 years earlier.

You did the right thing before children were involved.It never improves

[antiasexual]

Fit here, good money, and continuing to get more fit. Interesting in intelligent conversation, and an extreme kink. Very high drive, and looking for a serious meet-up.

34, successful, attractive, male. Real.

Western Canada.

[snakeeater10mm]

I had enough and walked away from the ice queen sex once every six months does not work for me not when I busted my ass taking care of her .Hell she would not even kiss me when I came home from the sandbox the last time before I walked away for good .