Female Orgasms!

[desertslave]

Originally Posted by dr_mabeuse

It's the difference between going down on a woman because you think she'll enjoy it, or going down on her because you're just frantic to feel that pussy in your mouth. It's the difference between technique and emotion, and I'll take emotion every time.

This! I've had lovers go down on me because they thought they should, but it was pretty obvious that it really wasn't their thing. I don't want sex to be a duty. Master enjoys it, and it's very clear in his actions. That enthusiasm gets me off as much as what his (OMG amazing) tongue is doing.

Back to the O. I used to be a long buildup, one time screaming and thrashing Big O kinda girl. I still get the big ones now and then, but I'm also multi on a variety of levels. I orgasm from floggings, I orgasm from nipple play (those seem to be hard-wired to my clit), I orgasm from sex-as-usual, and I often orgasm when I'm cocksucking. Many times they're just quiet but intense tremors, or something like an all over body shiver, but the aftereffects feel exactly like a 'normal' orgasm. Master seems to think this is all very amusing. I find it perplexing at times. The month or so after my nipples were pierced, I was having little O's if I brushed against a wall.

I've also learned that one of the meds I'm taking makes it significantly more difficult to have the crazy-big O's. It's really damned frustrating on one level, but on the other level, as M points out, I probably have more O's in one play session than some women have in a month. He's evil.

[Cruel2BKind]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Not necessarily dialogue-- communication.

This!

My characters don't talk much. They COMMUNICATE in volumes. Hands, eyes, lips, even movements.

[Redkate]

I wouldn't say any of those really sum up what happens to me. I usually have one or two orgasms a session. More than three is usually impossible for me because I'm far too sensitive and it becomes painful. Also the orgasms are never continuous. There is always a break inbetween. So the idea of multiple orgasms where the girl comes over and over while someone goes down on her just doesn't happen for me.
As for gushing, I can get very very wet, but it's a slow build up. No gushing or squirting for me, but that doesn't mean it's dry or not messy.

[LaSalia]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Not necessarily dialogue-- communication.

Well apparently my idea of non verbal communication is subtle.

[LaSalia]

Originally Posted by desertslave

This! I've had lovers go down on me because they thought they should, but it was pretty obvious that it really wasn't their thing. I don't want sex to be a duty. Master enjoys it, and it's very clear in his actions. That enthusiasm gets me off as much as when his (OMG amazing) tongue is doing.

Back to the O. I used to be a long buildup, one time screaming and thrashing Big O kinda girl. I still get the big ones now and then, but I'm also multi on a variety of levels. I orgasm from floggings, I orgasm from nipple play (those seem to be hard-wired to my clit), I orgasm from sex-as-usual, and I often orgasm when I'm cocksucking. Many times there just quiet but intense tremors, or something like an all over body shiver, but the aftereffects feel exactly like a 'normal' orgasm. Master seems to think this is all very amusing. I find it perplexing at times. The month or so after my nipples were pierced, I was having little O's if I brushed against a wall.

I've also learned that one of the meds I'm taking makes it significantly more difficult to have the crazy-big O's. It's really damned frustrating on one level, but on the other level, as M points out, I probably have more O's in one play session than some women have in a month. He's evil.

Enthusiasm is a big turn on, I'll agree. Unless you get off on the power trip, not many people are going to enjoy something that is done "just 'cuz."

I sympathize with the nipples. My hubby has learned how to "accidentally" brush up against me at inconvenient moments, and it makes me nuts. When we were younger and trying to wait a little more before plunging into full on sex, this used to be his favorite way of making me O.

I don't know how you could get your nipples pierced, with that sensitivity! My little one bit me once when I was feeding her and the pain didn't go away for DAYS.

I probably couldn't get off with a flogging though, so that probably explains it, LOL. Kinda envy you there, I'm a total wuss.

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by LaSalia

Well apparently my idea of non verbal communication is subtle.

There's communication between the characters, and communication with your readers. Two different needs.

Subtle is'nt real good in a stroker. Never underestimate the obtuseness of your readers

[desertslave]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

There's communication between the characters, and communication with your readers. Two different needs.

Subtle is'nt real good in a stroker. Never underestimate the obtuseness of your readers

LOL That needs to be in a sigline!

[Athalia]

I always get into these threads late. Must visit site more often.

Stella and Dr. M are right on. My own reaction to the poll was that there should have been more choices:

Some of the above.
All of the above.
None of the above.

I find it kind of sad that when men write these stories, they equate a woman's orgasm with theirs. It's obvious that they're missing a lot when they have sex (assuming they actually have sex), not noticing what their partners are experiencing. Our climaxes are not black and white, but infinite shades of grey, with a few colors splashed in here and there in surprising places. I've had a few orgasms which I thought might resemble a man's in their suddenness and force, but they are certainly not the norm for me. On the other hand, I find myself wondering which kind of orgasm, if any, will surface during any given lovemaking experience. Once I persuaded myself, and my lovers, that they're all good, I found myself enjoying sex more, and actually looked forward to the variations.

It's a conundrum for female erotica writers: do we write for men, creating female characters that are male-like in their sexual responses? Or do we owe it to ourselves to create female characters that don't have a five-star orgasm every time, but know how and when to take their pleasure as it comes? I must confess that in my earlier writing, I leant toward the former, figuring that that's what men wanted. Lately, though, I've gravitated to the latter, on the possibly unrealistic expectation that maybe, just maybe, men might learn how to accommodate such a woman in his sex life, and appreciate her for who she is.

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by Athalia

It's a conundrum for female erotica writers: do we write for men, creating female characters that are male-like in their sexual responses? Or do we owe it to ourselves to create female characters that don't have a five-star orgasm every time, but know how and when to take their pleasure as it comes? I must confess that in my earlier writing, I leant toward the former, figuring that that's what men wanted. Lately, though, I've gravitated to the latter, on the possibly unrealistic expectation that maybe, just maybe, men might learn how to accommodate such a woman in his sex life, and appreciate her for who she is.

A lot of women writers write men who have orgasms the way women do. Obviously, these women are writing not for men at all, but for themselves.

Personally, I write with a female readership in mind. I made the decision to write women who have orgasms the way women do, to give women the notion that their own sexuality is worth something. But you know what, you've just given me the notion to write women who don't come every time, and still totally enjoy, so thank you for that.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've lived a good long time, and dont really give a shit about making sex into effing weekend math homework to fret about. I've had my WHOA! moments, and I've had my EVEN BABE RUTH DIDNT KNOCK IT OVER THE FENCE EVERY TIME AT BAT times, too.

RULE OF THUMB: If she wants you she'll come get you, and her satisfaction prolly aint got shit to do with what you do or dont do. Like her grocery money, she'll make do with what she's got to work with.

So chill-out.

[Redkate]

It is an interesting point that I don't think a lot of men understand. An orgasm for a woman isn't the measure of whether or not sex was an enjoyable experience. Sex can still be highly pleasurable with orgasming. Sometimes that relentless push for an orgasm by a man is enough to turn and enjoyable experience into a mediocre one.

[LaSalia]

Originally Posted by Redkate

It is an interesting point that I don't think a lot of men understand. An orgasm for a woman isn't the measure of whether or not sex was an enjoyable experience. Sex can still be highly pleasurable with orgasming. Sometimes that relentless push for an orgasm by a man is enough to turn and enjoyable experience into a mediocre one.

I can see where this is going. Good to know. I'm at a disadvantage to some of the other writers here since my experience is only with one lover, books and video. And we all know that books and video tend to skip the inane details that happen in REAL LIFE.

[Athalia]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

But you know what, you've just given me the notion to write women who don't come every time, and still totally enjoy, so thank you for that.

You're very welcome. And I think I've talked another writer into doing that, too. Perhaps a few seeds sown in the right places will bear fruit. (Or am I just being hopelessly idealistic again, as I am wont to do?)

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

A lot of women writers write men who have orgasms the way women do. Obviously, these women are writing not for men at all, but for themselves.

Personally, I write with a female readership in mind. I made the decision to write women who have orgasms the way women do, to give women the notion that their own sexuality is worth something. But you know what, you've just given me the notion to write women who don't come every time, and still totally enjoy, so thank you for that.

I'm sure I ain't alone in wondering what / how so we might try and write it better (or; more accurately). Perhaps someone could do a thread to tell we suffering blokes. . . .

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by Athalia

You're very welcome. And I think I've talked another writer into doing that, too. Perhaps a few seeds sown in the right places will bear fruit. (Or am I just being hopelessly idealistic again, as I am wont to do?)

Hopefully idealistic. And also, activist.

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

I'm sure I ain't alone in wondering what / how so we might try and write it better (or; more accurately). Perhaps someone could do a thread to tell we suffering blokes. . . .

What do you want to know? (it's easier to start explaining shit if I start from a question)

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Hopefully idealistic. And also, activist.

What do you want to know? (it's easier to start explaining shit if I start from a question)

If I knew something of how a woman could enjoy making love without all the screaming big O, it might help.
What is it that says afterwards "That was nice" and cuddle up. (please understand "nice" is used as in England; very pleasant, unstrained, relaxing, enjoyable, etc.).

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

If I knew something of how a woman could enjoy making love without all the screaming big O, it might help.
What is it that says afterwards "That was nice" and cuddle up. (please understand "nice" is used as in England; very pleasant, unstrained, relaxing, enjoyable, etc.).

Endorphins, baby!

My theory; *cough*

Physical proximity in an atmosphere of mutual regard and intimacy induces the release of oxytocin AKA the love hormone, also dopamine, progesterone, Vasopressin and probably a lovely cocktail of other peptides that our brains use to further our survival as a tribal species. Which translates as Really Feeling Good™ in emotive language. The flush of these hormones also lead to a spate of neural dendrite growth (all over the body) which we seem to feel as a physical pleasure (probably on account of how it's really really life-sustaining for us)

This happens to male and female human brains, with or without orgasm, as many non-orgasmic men can attest. Its usually subsumed in the rush to cum, which IMO has developed as a mechanism-- one of several-- in humans, to get us to get together in the first place.

That's my theory, anyways. The remnants of four years as research assistant to an anthropologist with an interest in biology.

[Thefamiliar]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

If I knew something of how a woman could enjoy making love without all the screaming big O, it might help.
What is it that says afterwards "That was nice" and cuddle up. (please understand "nice" is used as in England; very pleasant, unstrained, relaxing, enjoyable, etc.).

This is easy, you can masterbate to understand it.

One time when you're not partocularly in the mood or watching porn stroke it anyway, bit not with the goal of orgasm in mind. It still feels good doesn't it? Maybe not earthshattering pleasure, but it causes relaxation and all.

I think as far as sensations, men and women are pretty close.

As far as orgasms it seems the only real difference is a man's pushes outward upon release, and a woman's pushes inward.

They both have the sensations that build up to it. And you can make a guy have the "waves" if you latch on immediately after orgasm and keep stimulating. Its most successfull with your mouth. But the reaction is very much the same. Guys tend to be less apt to allow that though, it really is a sense of not being in control and unsettling.

Although, I have to admit these are little things I found later in life, I was programed to believe men were vastly different. Then I happened accross a lover that seemed somewhat like me in style of lovemaking, I started experimenting with things I knew turned me on or made me lose it. Low and behold it works, and has made me wonder if I had approached other lovers with the same curiosity if I wouldn't have learned the differences aren't as big as they seem. Comparing notes with other women, it seems its 50/50 on weather they have found the same with theor lovers.

Study the tantric books, and things about sexual spirituality and so forth. You will fully understand how sex without orgasm can still be amazing.

[estragon]

This is a spammer. Ban the bum!

[Handley_Page]

Originally Posted by estragon

This is a spammer. Ban the bum!

I've clocked one report, can anyone deal with the 2nd and on please?

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by Handley_Page

I've clocked one report, can anyone deal with the 2nd and on please?

One hundred six bogus posts so far-- when Laurel deletes the spammer she'll delete them all.

[PayDay]

Lol @ 'neat and tidy'

[BuckyDuckman]

My wife seldom gushes and when she has, it's a wet spot neither of us want to sleep in. We watched a comedian together who quipped , "Men, be fair to your lovers. Offer to sleep in the wet spot tonight." That night, after we made love, I repeated the joke, "Let me sleep in the wet spot." She laughed and said, "I AM the wet spot!"

Not a new thought, guys like to measure success. I often wonder how things would be different for women (en mass) if guys sometimes didn't have an orgasm. Would you feel as if you failed in bed? Doesn't count if you don't feel that way with your female lovers - it has to be the strangeness of the opposite gender for the thought to work.

My wife also feels strongly that she shares the responsibility to have an orgasm if she wants one. She's never been afraid to give her clit the extra strokes she might need while everything else is going on.

She was very active before we married (and after) and has complained about muff divers who won't give it up and swordsmen who think the path to success is lasting forever. She's had big ones and small ones (I apparently fall in the middle) and she shrugs off the differences. She likes the fullness from a big dick, but gets annoyed at having a bruised uterus. With smaller ones, she says she's enjoyed them because she could focus on other things that were happening instead of just the constant plowing. Some positions, according to her, are impractical with big dicks and others fail if you don't have enough. (She claims I'm the Goldilocks prick that works for all positions and I will appreciate you staying out of my fantasy that she's not lying, LOL!)

I've always seen sex as something like a dance or an intimate negotiation that can be verbal or non-verbal. If the mutual goal is getting her off - then both partners need to pay attention to what's going on. I still do that. If since my lover is clinging to the desperate edge of an almost orgasm - and has been there a while - I know I probably need to change up what I'm doing to help her (sometimes him) over the edge. Touch somewhere different. Grab his/her nipple in a different way, say something, stop saying something - but change is needed, you know?

Multiple O's are a mystery to my wife, she's too sensitive after an orgasm and needs time to recoup.

[Noor]

It depends on my mood, and my partner. I can come multiple times, but I also don't mind riding on the edge for a long time or even not coming.

When I couldn't come, would just start and frizzle, I didn't like that at all.

How much I gush depends on lots of factors, hormones, hydration, partner, how long I have been thinking about my lover before actually having sex, how many times I have already come.

Given the option, I like to make my partners feel special (in the English sense, HP), because if they are in my life and in my bed even my virtual bed then they are special and I appreciate them.

I suppose that would be my advice to anyone, have fun, experiment explore and make each other feel special.