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Old 04-08-2012, 12:09 AM   #101
YankeeGirl74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monique1971 View Post
[*]It's always so annoying when, as a woman in a sexless marriage, I see guys saying stuff like "have you tried to spice things up?" Hah. Lingerie, candles, toys, porn, sexy pics of myself, you name it. Things got so spicy it was like an Indian restaurant. Nothing helped. It adds insult to injury when you imply that the only reason our husbands don't fuck us is because we're boring.[/list]
Monique, I LOVED that comment. Thanks for the needed laugh (because I agree with every single word of it.).
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Old 04-08-2012, 12:19 AM   #102
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YankeeGirl74 View Post
Monique, I LOVED that comment. Thanks for the needed laugh (because I agree with every single word of it.).
Yankee wait, I thought you were suppose to wear the lingerie, stockings and heels for me.



sigh
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Old 04-08-2012, 12:27 AM   #103
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Originally Posted by WillSeeking View Post
Yankee wait, I thought you were suppose to wear the lingerie, stockings and heels for me.



sigh

Yeah you seem to think that....and yet.....nope!
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Old 04-08-2012, 12:29 AM   #104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YankeeGirl74 View Post
Yeah you seem to think that....and yet.....nope!
No Cadbury egg for you then.

denied
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Old 04-08-2012, 12:55 AM   #105
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillSeeking View Post
Yankee wait, I thought you were suppose to wear the lingerie, stockings and heels for me.



sigh
Quote:
Originally Posted by WillSeeking View Post
No Cadbury egg for you then.

denied
Thank goodness I'm a strong headed woman who thought ahead and has her own stash and can take care of herself!!!!
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Last edited by YankeeGirl74 : 04-08-2012 at 12:56 AM. Reason: spelling error
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Old 04-08-2012, 01:01 AM   #106
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OY, my Cabernet must be talking to your Pinot Grigio. If you're anywhere near the DC area we can help each other

Quote:
Originally Posted by ohwhynot77 View Post
Please do not judge me. I am 35, healthy, attractive and in a sexless marriage. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 3 years.

He has zero desire - you may speculate all you want but no I do not think he is gay, no he will not go to marriage counseling. I have gone on my own but it is hard to fix a marriage from one side. We otherwise get along, and yes there is a child which makes leaving very hard - especially since we otherwise function very well as a family!

That said, should I be complacent with with a life of celibacy? We are friends, get along but it is platonic? Maybe, maybe there is nothing really wrong with that?

I have has affairs - both long term and short and was left feeling empty, more alone than before.

Truly I want to LOVE(!!!) - hard, unabashedly, passionately, devotedly, endlessly. And I want to be so loved in return.

But maybe that isn't what marriage is about? Maybe what I have is as close to good as it gets?

Sorry for my late night and tipsy ramble ... I have had a few glasses of Pinot Grigio and I am waxing philosophic.

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Old 04-08-2012, 04:10 AM   #107
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Originally Posted by Officegurl View Post
I'm pleased to see that someone else gets infuriated with the comments such as "Have you tried this?" as if the woman is ultimately responsible for the quality of the couple's sex life. It's very easy to try too hard and that is such a turn off. What we all want is the spontaneity of passion. Not hours spent doing this and that to spice up something that's already dead and gone.
Thanks Officegurl!
As a wife in a sexless marriage believe me I have shouldered the "blame" for this problem long enough! Men need to step up too and think about what will keep their wives from jumping into the bed of another. Marriage "could" be fun and "exciting" but it takes two people who are willing to put in the work to keep it. Cheating is not a longer term solution but geshhhh who wants to walk through life without any spark of sexuality?
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Old 04-08-2012, 05:33 AM   #108
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Agree that responsibility needs to be taken... And sometimes its the other way around... For very good reasons in my wife's case
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Old 04-08-2012, 08:18 AM   #109
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YankeeGirl74 View Post
Thank goodness I'm a strong headed woman who thought ahead and has her own stash and can take care of herself!!!!
LOL....foiled again.

A strong headed, independent woman is the best though. Enjoy your day.
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Old 04-08-2012, 09:50 AM   #110
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Another guy in the same boat.

I love my wife (we have been together 15 years), and I absolutely dote on our little boy, and would hate for anything to happen to split up our family.

But the sexual side of our relationship had died down to less than 4 times a year *before* our son was born, 5 years ago (a minor miracle), and since then we've maybe made love 3, 4 times? The last time must have been over a year ago, I honestly couldn't say for sure.

We've discussed it and she says she understands my frustration but she isn't willing to do anything about it. And I don't mean I expect her to lie back and think of England - I'd like her to enjoy it at least as much as I do - I mean she won't consider talking to her GP or any kind of counselor.

Meanwhile I'm living like a monk.

I kinda just put up with it because I have some self esteem issues and felt it might be my fault. Maybe, I though to myself, I've just become physically unattractive as I've aged?

But recently, at a party with non-mutual friends I met a young lady who made it *very* clear that she wanted me sexually. I turned her down but now I know that somebody (a very attractive girl many years my junior) can find me sexually desirable I'm finding I have sex on my mind nearly all the time.

I've turned to online sexual roleplay (feel free to PM me, ha ha) as a way of "cheating without really cheating" but really? Its a good safety valve but long term I just know that it's not going to be enough and I have no idea what I am going to do about it.
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Old 04-08-2012, 07:23 PM   #111
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Led Astray.....same story

Led Astray, I could have written your words to the letter. I write stories here and many have to do with my frustration and fantasies about reconciliation. In one story she comes to me and asks me to meet her upstairs, where she fulfills all of my masturbatory dreams.
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Old 04-08-2012, 07:34 PM   #112
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillSeeking View Post
LOL....foiled again.

A strong headed, independent woman is the best though. Enjoy your day.
I'll agree to that!
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Old 04-08-2012, 08:05 PM   #113
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A virtual hug coming his way

Achingyearning, give your friend a hug from me please when you next see him - but only if in private, in which case you might want to warn him first it's coming lol.

It's a tough place to be, that aching to be desired and touched. Let him know someone does care.

That's it

Jude

P.S. Does anyone else wish there were ' Like 'and 'I Don't Buttons' on here lol

Last edited by Jewdles : 04-08-2012 at 08:11 PM.
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Old 04-09-2012, 05:08 AM   #114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jewdles View Post
Achingyearning, give your friend a hug from me please when you next see him - but only if in private, in which case you might want to warn him first it's coming lol.

It's a tough place to be, that aching to be desired and touched. Let him know someone does care.

That's it

Jude

P.S. Does anyone else wish there were ' Like 'and 'I Don't Buttons' on here lol
The voting buttons ain't such a bad idea...
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:38 AM   #115
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Sexless marriages are not unusual. And it becomes more common as couples get older. No big news there.

If you have kids, you grin and bear it. That's what I am doing.

I also took control of the situation by telling her that having vanilla sex once every few months when, for whatever reason, she wanted to...was dysfunctional and pathetic and I wouldn't settle for something so lame. No sex is better than that.
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Old 04-11-2012, 09:40 AM   #116
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First of all, I am sorry to hear about your situation.

Perhaps a positive is that in discussing it, you open up a topic that I believe many are dealing with. I know that I certainly am.

Selfishly speaking, I'm curious to discuss this and understand the feedback from the female side of things. I'm married, I love being married, I love my wife dearly, we get along great, love being around; but she has zero interest in sex. None. zip. Nada. Yet sadly, when we do have sex, she enjoys the hell out of it. Unfortunately, it is a one side event. Meaning, she gets hers; me, not so much.

So I want to understand how it could be that a woman could be in a relationship with a man who has no desire. I do not understand the no desire part from a male point of view. Because I do not get any, "getting some" is always at the forefront of my mind!

With all of that said, do you have any habits that you think may "annoy" your husband? Does he have any habits or hobbies that distract him?
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:08 PM   #117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Led_Astray View Post
Another guy in the same boat.

But recently, at a party with non-mutual friends I met a young lady who made it *very* clear that she wanted me sexually. I turned her down but now I know that somebody (a very attractive girl many years my junior) can find me sexually desirable I'm finding I have sex on my mind nearly all the time.
Led Astray, I've been married 17 years and I've had a number of women hit on me at work.

In fact, I've never had a job where I wasn't aggressively pursued.

At one place, a woman flat out asked me to fuck her. At another, my boss' mistress asked me come to her room for breakfast after a morning job.

My point is that even though I've been hit on, I still sometimes think that there is something wrong with me or that I'm not physically attractive because of the years of rejection or looks of disgust when I suggest something different to my wife.

Currently, there is a woman one level above me who is in a similar marriage and we have sexted and phoned and she has told me that she will do whatever I want whenever I want. She knows that I have boundaries and is respectful of that. (I've been able to rationalize the phone and cybering over the years because it still is essentially masturbation that is my own domain).

However, curiosity is killing me. I had quite a bit of experience with a number of women before being married but now I find myself trying to remember what it was like to be with someone other than my wife.

Oh well, I'm trying to make this work and will try to ride out the periods of frustration and disappointment because of my kids and emotional equity I have in the marriage thus far.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:31 PM   #118
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I'd love to talk to just about any of the women here. I think (almost) all relationships have this problem at one point or another. Sometimes we go astray and realize how much we value what we have, even if the sex still isn't there; other times, we realize the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence.
I don't want to be an opportunist, but I would like the women who have written here to PM me. We might have a connection; we might not. Either way, we should have fun exploring.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:37 PM   #119
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kissmykitty View Post
Thanks Officegurl!
As a wife in a sexless marriage believe me I have shouldered the "blame" for this problem long enough! Men need to step up too and think about what will keep their wives from jumping into the bed of another. Marriage "could" be fun and "exciting" but it takes two people who are willing to put in the work to keep it. Cheating is not a longer term solution but geshhhh who wants to walk through life without any spark of sexuality?
yup, the guy needs to "man up".. so to speak
but I still see / know so many guys who are cheating .. and their wives are working out, looking great and adventurous.
stupid guys..
but I've been approached by one of the ladies I know..it was much fun and satisfying for both of us.
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:56 PM   #120
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It is a shameful, but far too common, truth that in our society (perhaps in most societies because I have difficulty thinking of one that isn't like this) the woman is ultimately blamed for most of the problems in a marriage.


I think, what is a woman supposed to do? When there is resentment in a relationship, when there is an unequal balance of power, certainly a few silky thongs and a blow job aren't going make things better. When a man loses respect for a woman - often because he despises the shell of a person she has become because of his treatment - then blames her for problems, the lack of intimacy, and dead sex life...well, at the end of the day thats our fault.

We don't raise boys to be better and we don't raise girls to expect more.

Last edited by EpicureanCynic : 04-14-2012 at 10:31 PM.
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:59 PM   #121
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Cool Hello

No judging here..... That's part of what makes this site so freakin' AWESOME.

I hate to see a young lady not appreciated.

A for your troubles.
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:27 PM   #122
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Wow while it's a relief to see that I am not the only one in this situation, it means that there are others who suffer the same marital existence. I am one of those as well. Married for over 9 years to a great man. Every other aspect of our relationship is ideal with that one exception. That one exception has become the 500-lb gorilla in the room that we can't get around, even after counseling, medical help etc.
Lit helps "augment" that which is lacking at home and you just continue on.
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Old 04-14-2012, 05:31 PM   #123
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Been there and done that for 30 yrs. Find some relief carefully, but do it.
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Old 05-17-2012, 01:48 AM   #124
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Officegurl View Post
I'm in a very similar situation. Even the Pinot Grigio makes an appearance in my life. The difference is that we don't have children so it's easier for me to walk away, which I am doing.

Are you going to remain in an unhappy environment for your child? Very soon your child will sense the tension and unhappiness.
I agree with this completely.
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Old 05-17-2012, 03:32 AM   #125
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You should take this thread to the GB where you can find some really sympathetic people with various expertise who will give you great advice.
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