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Old 03-25-2010, 05:46 PM   #26
UnderYourSpell
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
whoah whattami gettin the blame for now? what 5 words? you've lost me. easily done, that, lately
The five words in your first challenge lol ...... they are what I used for the line endings do keep up lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by EroticOrogeny View Post
A B C D E
B C D E A
C D E A B
D E A B C
E A B C D

A B C D E
B A D E C
C E A B D
E D B C A
D C E A B

There are many more, but don't want to take trh trouble to enumerate them either by brute force or some analysis
Heyyyyy hang on you are talking to the analytically challenged here and I wasn't writing it to be so precise anyway the words had to go where they felt right also if I had put them in any of those orders it would have been just a watered down sestina. As it is I have asked Lauren and had the answer back that an annikey is indeed a new form *pats self on back* which is very hard to do!
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
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Old 03-25-2010, 09:55 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
..... it's not difficult!!
Liar!



Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
The five words in your first challenge lol ...... they are what I used for the line endings do keep up lol

Heyyyyy hang on you are talking to the analytically challenged here and I wasn't writing it to be so precise anyway the words had to go where they felt right also if I had put them in any of those orders it would have been just a watered down sestina. As it is I have asked Lauren and had the answer back that an annikey is indeed a new form *pats self on back* which is very hard to do!
I liked this challenge a lot, UYS. I found it very difficult, but do you know that I also find something to like in all the poems that were submitted? (I like when sentences run from one line to the next, which this form/process seemed to demand at least a couple times in everybody's poems.) There is something to that whole business of paying attention to the last word of each line. Is that how a sestina works, too?

I also like how you came up with the form. Very clever! *Pats UYS on back*

Last edited by Palba_Noruda : 03-25-2010 at 09:58 PM.
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Old 03-25-2010, 10:19 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palba_Noruda View Post
Liar!





I liked this challenge a lot, UYS. I found it very difficult, but do you know that I also find something to like in all the poems that were submitted? (I like when sentences run from one line to the next, which this form/process seemed to demand at least a couple times in everybody's poems.) There is something to that whole business of paying attention to the last word of each line. Is that how a sestina works, too?

I also like how you came up with the form. Very clever! *Pats UYS on back*
A sestina has six lines per stanza and a bit at the bottom (yes I know very technical lol) that has to encorporate all six words. I will dig the link out for you later. I had to write sestinas when I was doing the survivor challenge and I just got it into my head to write my own using the five words suggested by Chippy

List of forms
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
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Last edited by UnderYourSpell : 03-25-2010 at 10:21 PM. Reason: added
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Old 03-25-2010, 10:24 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EroticOrogeny View Post
A B C D E
B C D E A
C D E A B
D E A B C
E A B C D

A B C D E
B A D E C
C E A B D
E D B C A
D C E A B

There are many more, but don't want to take the trouble to enumerate them either by brute force or some analysis
Correct me if I'm wrong here, EO, but I think there should be 5! (five factorial, or 120) permutations (rearrangements) of five unique things, so 120 possible different orderings of line-ending words, given five words as source material.

I am so not writing a 120 line poem. Just sayin'.
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Old 03-25-2010, 10:26 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Tzara View Post
Correct me if I'm wrong here, EO, but I think there should be 5! (five factorial, or 120) permutations (rearrangements) of five unique things, so 120 possible different orderings of line-ending words, given five words as source material.

I am so not writing a 120 line poem. Just sayin'.
my brain hurts
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
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Old 03-25-2010, 10:29 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
my brain hurts
OK.

Why?
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Old 03-26-2010, 03:55 AM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
The five words in your first challenge lol ...... they are what I used for the line endings do keep up lol



Heyyyyy hang on you are talking to the analytically challenged here and I wasn't writing it to be so precise anyway the words had to go where they felt right also if I had put them in any of those orders it would have been just a watered down sestina. As it is I have asked Lauren and had the answer back that an annikey is indeed a new form *pats self on back* which is very hard to do!
oh! i've been ill. (that's my excuse and i'm sticking with it )
he lost me, too. you are not alone, annie

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my brain hurts
ditto
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Old 03-26-2010, 05:39 AM   #33
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yeah 120 lines sounds right. you all should write a 120 line Annikey epic.
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Old 03-26-2010, 06:15 AM   #34
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yeah 120 lines sounds right. you all should write a 120 line Annikey epic.
*faints*
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Old 03-26-2010, 06:58 AM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara View Post
OK.

Why?
permutations has never been my strong point and I'm getting on a bit now and I've been wearing out my remaining brain cells on more pleasurable accivities!
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:18 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982 View Post
guns don't kill, bullets do

standing on the firing point
disengaged eye shut tight
inhale, exhale and squeeze
the hammer striking pin and flash
should ever bring surprise

keep the butt held in tight
the kick won't bruise, the flash
suppressed as bullets point
the way down range now squeeze
every hit at 100 yards a surprise

spent casings as the tracers flash
colourful trails and muscles squeeze
to aim and measure just how tight
the groupings set and point
the sniper hits the target and Surprise!

bullseye they die and tears squeeze
through blind eyes and fingers point
the way to failure as cameras flash
and armies war while moms hold tight
their babes and death is no surprise

in violent norm peace is the surprise
and farmers toil in fields and point
the way to happiness of family's squeeze
in hugs and joy as now news flash
the wish to sleep and hold each other tight.
I hope you don't mind if I start puttting these critiques up a bit early but I am going to London tomorrow. Please forgive my lack of expertise in the critiques


1. Points for a good title I take my hat off to anyone who can do titles ..... I'm rubbish.
2. Correct placings of the words
3. Your syllable count did get a bit longer towards the end, but not madly so
4 I liked the progression of your poem especially the last two stanzas which bring a moment in time vividly to my minds eye.
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:21 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
c-c-c-culture versus nature


his throat is rough as grit and twice as dry
he watches as the gunman lights a smoke
the muzzle's black, hypnotic, makes him freeze
it never wavers as he whispers "why?"
but silences his question with a choke

out there on the horizon they see smoke
hangs blue and lazy, makes them wonder why -
crops or homestead? season's way too dry
but when they see the corpses all thoughts freeze
they count the bullet wounds and start to choke

the hunter trusts his gun and knows just why
the critters caught in his sights start or freeze
he never wastes a bullet and will smoke
whatever he can't eat until it's dry
come winter, larder's stocked and he'll not choke.

the cop pulls out his sidearm and yells "freeze!"
then finds the sidewalk's kiss is cold and dry
his brain attempts to make sense of this why
his breath drifts up, away, it looks like smoke
and blood jets from his neck, to makes him choke

the casualty statistics make me choke
in peace or wartime, can't be swallowed dry
but, faced with figures, politicians freeze
and bumble-mouth the platitudes, that's why
the bullets fly and we breathe in their smoke
1 Another good title
2 Correct placing of words
3 Your syllable count is a bit long I didn't check every line but one that I did check was 11
4 I would have liked a bit more punctuation especially in the first 3 stanzas
5 I like the clever comparison that marries in with the title and I especially like the words "politicians freeze
and bumble-mouth the platitudes"
6 Stanza 3 maybe the last line could read " and he won't choke"
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:26 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greenmountaineer View Post
You be rockin’ all night long
Before you head out, Johnny Boy,
With my CZ TT. Treat you right
And give you everything you need
For a fair and friendly price.

You mind I call you Johnny Boy?
Most my Johnnies have a need
For ah – no – nym - ity. l play along,
No need for forms to read or write
Your name on… for a friendly price.

What room you’re in is all I need
‘bring her with me when it’s right
After midnight, Johnny Boy.
Hairpin trigger I just know you long
To finger; one fine piece; one fine price.

Johnny Boy’s a working stiff. Am I right?
Work your ass off all day long
Get your family what they need
Put up with shit from half ass boys
You have to work with. What a price

You pay. And suburban life, the prize
You thought it once was? This lady longs
To have her chamber cocked just right.
CZ TT’s what you need.
What’s your number, Johnny Boy?
Well you leave me in a quandary do I mark down for taking liberties with the form or not??! I think I must do although I admit it is cleverly done but the whole point of an annikey is to use all 5 end words that were used in the first stanza in their right positions in the following stanzas which includes not changing them to fit the context and as the rest of the competitors have done just that you can't get away with it this time!
Your syllable count gets longer the more stanzas you do but not too far out of the boundary.
I like the content of the poem although I have no idea what CZ TT's are
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 03-26-2010, 02:06 PM   #39
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120 permutations is right, but there are fewer if we also require the end word be different in each stanza.
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Old 03-26-2010, 02:18 PM   #40
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I really think you two should show us exactly what you mean .............
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 03-26-2010, 02:24 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
1 Another good title
2 Correct placing of words
3 Your syllable count is a bit long I didn't check every line but one that I did check was 11
4 I would have liked a bit more punctuation especially in the first 3 stanzas
5 I like the clever comparison that marries in with the title and I especially like the words "politicians freeze
and bumble-mouth the platitudes"
6 Stanza 3 maybe the last line could read " and he won't choke"
thanks, annie i thought a 10 count was fine since you said no less than seven. so oops, lol.

and which line reads as 11 for you? i can't see it for looking though i do have a snikki 9er
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Old 03-26-2010, 02:44 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
thanks, annie i thought a 10 count was fine since you said no less than seven. so oops, lol.

and which line reads as 11 for you? i can't see it for looking though i do have a snikki 9er
I can'r find it now it was just a random line I put through the syllable counter!
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Annie submits
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Old 03-26-2010, 03:19 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I can't find it now it was just a random line I put through the syllable counter!
bet it was the word casualty that tripped a 4 instead of a 3. never mind my own regrets about this poem was it's more stilted nature ... not the fault of the form, but of my botching the write in order to 'fit' the bits together jigsaw wise.
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Old 03-26-2010, 04:01 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I like the content of the poem although I have no idea what CZ TT's are
It's a pistol manufactured in the Czech Republic.
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Old 03-26-2010, 04:09 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
thanks, annie i thought a 10 count was fine since you said no less than seven. so oops, lol.

and which line reads as 11 for you? i can't see it for looking though i do have a snikki 9er
I read them all as ten syllables, except for "crops or homestead? season's way too dry" which I scan as nine.

The dictionaries I checked, though, break "casualty" into four syllables, so that it probably the difference, though I (and, apparently, you) pronounce it like it is three syllables.
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Old 03-26-2010, 04:37 PM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzara View Post
I read them all as ten syllables, except for "crops or homestead? season's way too dry" which I scan as nine.

The dictionaries I checked, though, break "casualty" into four syllables, so that it probably the difference, though I (and, apparently, you) pronounce it like it is three syllables.
yup.

with casualty, it's a kind of slidy one for me - i def pronounce casual as 3, but within the line and in perhaps a less than perfect manner i tend to pronounce casualty as kas-yewl-tee. if i'm speakin proppa like, i might use 4 an say it rite, init?
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Old 03-26-2010, 06:13 PM   #47
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Am thinking I might have a look at other forms and see if they can be bastardised (if that's the right word lol) Not so easy I am thinking with the rhyming ones as everyone else has got there before me. But heck someone did it with the Bob so must still be possible
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 03-26-2010, 11:06 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
yup.

with casualty, it's a kind of slidy one for me - i def pronounce casual as 3, but within the line and in perhaps a less than perfect manner i tend to pronounce casualty as kas-yewl-tee. if i'm speakin proppa like, i might use 4 an say it rite, init?
Thats pretty much how I'd pronounce them.
The syllable counter needs a dictionary to run - my meter program also counts it as 4 (with 1 accent). Can only use these programs as a guide.
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Old 03-27-2010, 08:29 AM   #49
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On reading back on what I put in the orginal chalenge I take back what I said about syllables on Champs and Chippys poems as they do have the same meter throughout will have to check the other one later
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 03-27-2010, 02:47 PM   #50
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I've got to get in on these challenges sooner than later, damn me! Some great reads here, and a fab challenge to boot, Annie!
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