Loosing a Sub, A Question

I did mean loosing as in letting them loose.

Here's the question. I know that in a Dom/Sub relationship, the collar represents the ownership of the sub not only to the Dom, but to other subs and Doms at the same time. Is there a commonly accepted practice on how to let a Sub go free or to divorce a Dom for whatever reason? The reason i am asking is because of a story idea I have that may or may not happen due to the answer. Please respond either subs or doms and instruct an outsider on what I need to know. Thanks in advance.

There are those who believe that a submissive must be "released" in order to end the relationship; this is commonly done by removal/withdrawal of the collar.
It's not uncommon to see internet conversations on forums such as these in which a submissive says she (or he) wishes to end the relationship; however her Dominant/Master "refuses to release (him or) her".

Personal opinion [submissive perspective]... if I'm done, I'm done. Anyone who tries to stop me will be terribly disappointed with the end result.

Thanks for the answer. If I may, a follow up.

On what conditions would a Dom release a Sub?

And on what conditions would a Sub seek to be released? Perhaps these questions again may seem like common sense, but I ask in reverence.

Azuldrgon said:

Thanks for the answer. If I may, a follow up.

On what conditions would a Dom release a Sub?

And on what conditions would a Sub seek to be released? Perhaps these questions again may seem like common sense, but I ask in reverence.

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Why does any relationship end? I ended my last relationship because it had become rather toxic. He disagreed with my decision; I won... but I'm probably not the best person to ask about BDSM relationships, as I don't really "do" them anymore.

More formal sorts might end things if they have a contract and the submissive breaks the rules of said contract. It all just kinda depends on each person's limits and boundaries.

CutieMouse said:

Why does any relationship end? I ended my last relationship because it had become rather toxic. He disagreed with my decision; I won... but I'm probably not the best person to ask about BDSM relationships, as I don't really "do" them anymore.

More formal sorts might end things if they have a contract and the submissive breaks the rules of said contract. It all just kinda depends on each person's limits and boundaries.

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Thanks for the input so far.

Master told me once if I ever found someone who made me happier than him and Mistress that he/they would release me and let me be free. When I cried about it for a couple of days, he changed his tune.

How they're loosed depends on the relationship, and why they're loosed also depends on the relationship. If you're writing a story, I'd suggest doing it because and how you think sounds hot - that's the point of erotica.

graceanne said:

How they're loosed depends on the relationship, and why they're loosed also depends on the relationship. If you're writing a story, I'd suggest doing it because and how you think sounds hot - that's the point of erotica.

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It's agreed. However, i ike being realistic in what I write and the story idea seemed realistic enough. Last thing I need is to submit it once I am done and it get trolled to death over an absurd or unreal idea. (i.e. 30 inch penis, etc,.)

Azuldrgon said:

It's agreed. However, i ike being realistic in what I write and the story idea seemed realistic enough. Last thing I need is to submit it once I am done and it get trolled to death over an absurd or unreal idea. (i.e. 30 inch penis, etc,.)

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I hear what you're saying. It's always a good idea to research what you're writing. The thing is that with BDSM you will get trolled over it. First you'll get trolled by people who read this stuff, and then make a point of saying how disgusting it is, and how those who like it are fucked up. (I think they protest too much.) Second you'll get the people who've decided that the way they do BDSM is the only way, and everyone else is posers. Then they go out of their way to tell everyone else that they're posers.

graceanne said:

I hear what you're saying. It's always a good idea to research what you're writing. The thing is that with BDSM you will get trolled over it. First you'll get trolled by people who read this stuff, and then make a point of saying how disgusting it is, and how those who like it are fucked up. (I think they protest too much.) Second you'll get the people who've decided that the way they do BDSM is the only way, and everyone else is posers. Then they go out of their way to tell everyone else that they're posers.

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I so hate that. I know BDSM is varied in degrees depending on both the sub's and dom's wishes. It's funny how those who have never done it think they're such experts. I've written a couple, but looked to reliable sources to ensure it makes sense.

Azuldrgon said:

On what conditions would a Dom release a Sub?

And on what conditions would a Sub seek to be released? Perhaps these questions again may seem like common sense, but I ask in reverence.

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On the first one, I don't know. I'm not the Dominant party.

BDSM relationships sometimes end for some of the same reasons that regular ones do. People sometimes grow apart, change. Sometimes an outside influence ends the relationship. I ended one when my Dominant began abusing alcohol. He eventually loved/needed the bottle more than me, and I valued my safety more than his Dominance. Now that he's sober again, he'd like to try again. But I don't want to. Trust is a fragile thing. I'm afraid of him when he drinks and I'm not sure that he's really at the point where he can say he's okay now. It's only been a few weeks. I'm still there for him as a friend, but I can't submit to someone I can't trust.

A friend of mine was in a D/s relationship where the Dom decided he wanted a slave rather than a sub. She asked to be released, He said "no" so she stayed. But he began changing to the relationship dynamic to make her into a slave without ever really admitting to this motive. This took the relationship out of the "consent" area (since she'd already said she did not want to become a slave.) and it pretty much ruined things for them. She removed her collar and simply said "I withdraw my consent." and returned it to him.

Maybe when your story is done, you can ask someone here to give it a read and give you some guidance.

Azuldrgon said:

I so hate that. I know BDSM is varied in degrees depending on both the sub's and dom's wishes. It's funny how those who have never done it think they're such experts. I've written a couple, but looked to reliable sources to ensure it makes sense.

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Yeah, none of us are that thrilled with some people's reactions to our stories. I, personally, won't turn on comments to my stories - I get too annoyed.

Is there a commonly accepted practice on how to let a Sub go free or to divorce a Dom for whatever reason?

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The physical removal of a collar or giving a collar back are simply symbolic acts.

Just as the collaring of a submissive is a symbolic act.

A collar does not necessarily have to be involved at all in a D/s or M/s relationship or when a Dominant releases a sub or a sub leaves a Dom or when they end their relationship together by mutual agreement. Some believe in using the collar as a symbol of ownership and some do not. It is a common practice within the BDSM lifestyle and a so a commonly accepted practice for those who use it. But not commonly accepted practice for all.

In old school BDSM and still today, many adhere to the belief (practice) that when a slave is collared, that slave is collared to their Master/Mistress for life. The slave has no option to ask for release. They have no option or right to divorce their Dominant. There was rarely a cause for release anyway because collaring was an extremely serious thing and held as a very sacred solemn act. Collars were not given out often or lightly.
I am not sure about this but I think that back then, submissives were not collared by their Dominants at all in D/s and only M/s relationships practiced collaring. Masters/Mistresses only collared their chosen slaves, not their submissives.

Like the others have said, when a relationship ends it's over. In many cases the release of a submissive is a verbal one without any symbolism involved. Asking for release is a respectful gesture, usually not something asked for if a submissive has lost respect for the Dominant.

BiBunny said:

Master told me once if I ever found someone who made me happier than him and Mistress that he/they would release me and let me be free. When I cried about it for a couple of days, he changed his tune.

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I just want to add that my husband repeatedly tells me to find someone who makes me happier than him, but when I do he won't release me.

In our relationship being able to ask to be released and him accepting it is the only time I am allowed really to have a choice. I don't have a safe word, I'm not allowed to say no, we do things the way he wants them to be.

If I felt the relationship wasn't working for whatever reason or if I felt I had no other choice but to disobey or so "no" I could ask to be released. He has told me that he may make me wait a day or two to think it over but if I asked, he would agree. I always have the choice to leave.

If he was unhappy with the relationship for some reason he would simply release me and it would be over.
(hopefully neither case will ever happen)
That's just us, though.

my Bastard Daddy released me because although i continued to serve him i was very unhappy with the relationship. After he released me i went on to fulfill things he had expressed a desire for me to do that i wasn't sure i could do. He was a certain breed of fragile sadist that i now recognize as the inverse of my own fatalistic self destructive impulse. No matter what you do you can never quite prove your devotion to them to their complete satisfaction.

my Daddy, Mr. B., says he will never let me go. Who knows if he will or he won't. For the moment i am content to believe him.

ecstaticsub said:

In our relationship being able to ask to be released and him accepting it is the only time I am allowed really to have a choice. I don't have a safe word, I'm not allowed to say no, we do things the way he wants them to be.

If I felt the relationship wasn't working for whatever reason or if I felt I had no other choice but to disobey or so "no" I could ask to be released. He has told me that he may make me wait a day or two to think it over but if I asked, he would agree. I always have the choice to leave.

If he was unhappy with the relationship for some reason he would simply release me and it would be over.
(hopefully neither case will ever happen)
That's just us, though.

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Mine is similar to that. There are certain things that are suggestions, where I have a choice. There are certain things that are a demand. I comply, or...well, I comply. Certainly, there are levels that we operate on as equals. Conversations, opinions, etc...

If there ever comes a time where we were no longer happy together, and no amount of working on problems would fix things, I could choose to leave. If it's not working for one party, it's not working for either party. There's no point in him wanting to keep me as his slave, and there's not a reason for me to be his slave.

I'm with you on that, ecstaticsub, hopefully that never happens. I like the way things work for us.

I work on a very simple principle, which renders this thread irrelevant. I do not collar my partner: she puts it on herself. We both know what that means, and it's always her choice, not mine. I never have to ask her to put it on. I think that's the deepest expression of trust there is.

Once the relationship is over, there's no D/s going on anyway. IMHO.

Industrial_Bondage said:

We have a similar arrangement. Though my collaring her is always a part of our play, it's like giving her permission to be bad that she can't give herself. Catholic girls...

Since we developed a kid infestation its become hard to communicate openly, especially after they learned to spell. And life does get in the way far more than we'd like. So to make sure there is never an absence of clear communication, we have a code.

There is a spot on our mantel where items get placed depending on her mode. If it's a night when she's in need of soft and sweet, a little heart knick-knack goes there. If she's in a place where she needs/wants to scene, a handcuff key goes there. If it's a night where she wants to play rough, a screwdriver goes there.

It works out pretty well. And before you ask how I communicate my mood, I'll tell you what I told her; assume I'm always in the mood. If that doesn't work, I could just nail a handcuff key in place like a stocking...

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Love this system! May have to steal it as our little one gets older...