Mom drops off arguing kids - good or bad?
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Lavared
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Absolutely. That was one of my first thoughts on reading the article: why did the eldest child make it back to her Mom while the youngest didn't.
I have let my children walk a mile or so to a playground but with strict rules that they are to remain together and that the eldest is in charge.
Lavared
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Although the first sentence of the article might lead people to believe that she put the kids out of the car as punishment, it could well have been that she did it out of frustration just so she wouldn't have to hear them argue any more.
Would that make any difference in your assessment or her parenting skills or lack thereof?
Would that make any difference in your assessment or her parenting skills or lack thereof?
I'm still trying to understand where the abuse occurred--is it a crime because she put them out of the car or is it a crime because of the distance from home?
If that latter, what is the legal limit? End of the driveway as one poster suggested, so 20' from the door--300' and it's abuse?....2000'?
If the former, if they walk three miles to the mall of their own accord that's okay but if Mom makes them walk then it's a crime? Or is it a crime for children to walk at all?
Or is it only criminal if you're rich and make your kids walk? If so, how many feet do poor kids have to walk before it's a crime? And then who is abusive, the wheelchair ridden granny raising her grandkids or the school who refuses to provide bussing?
And at what age does being walking cease to be a crime? The article mentioned it was a Sunday evening--does the time of day or day of week make it a crime? Walking three miles home to and from school is okay cuz it's a weekday but it's a crime on Sunday? Or is it a crime every day of the week if your parents are rich?
glamorilla
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she should have dropped them off into a vat of acid.
blunt_trauma
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if they were left to walk, how did the kid find her mom?
did she stop just at the end of the street?
did the 10y/o throw a tantrum and refuse to run up to the car, and that's why a 'good samaritan' approached her?
or were they dumped in a strange place whilst mom drove off to buy crack?
could be either.
there aren't enough details.
this could be something or nothing.
seems daft to get all emotional without knowing.
did she stop just at the end of the street?
did the 10y/o throw a tantrum and refuse to run up to the car, and that's why a 'good samaritan' approached her?
or were they dumped in a strange place whilst mom drove off to buy crack?
could be either.
there aren't enough details.
this could be something or nothing.
seems daft to get all emotional without knowing.
W
where
Guest
the really bad mummy in me (as opposed to the one who chucked my kids out of the car to make them walk) not only laughed, but empathised
Le Jacquelope
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Even if the 10y/o threw a tantrum and refused to run up to the car, this is nothing compared to the 40something law firm partner tantrum that left her out on the street to begin with.
Le Jacquelope
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Wait. It's okay for the mother to abandon her daughters, but not for her daughters to abandon each other?
WTF?
Aw, come on!!!! For God's sake, Lavared, you're better than this. They followed their own mother's example. The mother's behavior clearly set the definition of right and wrong for those two.
Shame on the 12 year old for not looking out for her sister? Then a hundred fold shame on the mother for not looking out for her two underaged daughters.
Lavared
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I believe there may be some details of this tale that we're not getting and those details could prove important.
To my way of thinking, if the kids knew the neighborhood, knew their way home, were in a relatively safe locale (and even your front yard can prove unsafe but we can't keep kids locked in the house all day out of fear or they'll grow up weird and scared all the time) and had plenty of time to get home before dark then it wasn't a big deal to me that she dropped the kids off. It may not have been the best parenting in the world because it shows that she let them go too far in getting to her when the arguing should have been nipped in the bud miles before but it hardly justifies her losing the kids over it.
If they didn't know their way home, were on a "dangerous" street or had to cross a superhighway to get home and it was dark or rapidly approaching dark then that was a very bad choice on the Mom's part.
I expect the oldest child to look after the younger because that is an expectation I have of my children as I have plainly made clear about a thousand times. "You're the eldest, you're in charge." Of course, the younger child hears, "You're the boy, I expect you to take up for your sister if she needs help." as he did last year when he waded through jelly-fish infested waters to take her hand and lead her back to shore from a sandbar where she'd been playing before the tide changed.
Someday I'll be gone and my husband will be gone but my children will still hopefully have each other as siblings. The sibling relationship is usually the longest of our lifetime since parents die and spouses aren't met until adulthood. I want my children to be there for each other and have strived hard to make certain that they have a relationship independent of their relationship with the entire family.
In fact, I told my husband that we should leave them both out of the will and leave our money instead to a home for wayward cats or something as the surest mean to unite them after we're gone. After all, they would then have a common enemy.
Le Jacquelope
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Then please, by God, don't show your kids by your own actions that it is okay to abandon one another.I believe there may be some details of this tale that we're not getting and those details could prove important.
To my way of thinking, if the kids knew the neighborhood, knew their way home, were in a relatively safe locale (and even your front yard can prove unsafe but we can't keep kids locked in the house all day out of fear or they'll grow up weird and scared all the time) and had plenty of time to get home before dark then it wasn't a big deal to me that she dropped the kids off. It may not have been the best parenting in the world because it shows that she let them go too far in getting to her when the arguing should have been nipped in the bud miles before but it hardly justifies her losing the kids over it.
If they didn't know their way home, were on a "dangerous" street or had to cross a superhighway to get home and it was dark or rapidly approaching dark then that was a very bad choice on the Mom's part.
I expect the oldest child to look after the younger because that is an expectation I have of my children as I have plainly made clear about a thousand times. "You're the eldest, you're in charge." Of course, the younger child hears, "You're the boy, I expect you to take up for your sister if she needs help." as he did last year when he waded through jelly-fish infested waters to take her hand and lead her back to shore from a sandbar where she'd been playing before the tide changed.
Someday I'll be gone and my husband will be gone but my children will still hopefully have each other as siblings. The sibling relationship is usually the longest of our lifetime since parents die and spouses aren't met until adulthood. I want my children to be there for each other and have strived hard to make certain that they have a relationship independent of their relationship with the entire family.
In fact, I told my husband that we should leave them both out of the will and leave our money instead to a home for wayward cats or something as the surest mean to unite them after we're gone. After all, they would then have a common enemy.
Believe it or not, it matters little what you "teach them" with words and admonishment, compared to how you act.
If you tell your daughters that you want them to be there for each other when you're gone but you dump them on the street for disobeying you, they're going to listen more to your actions and guess what they're gonna do?
Lavared
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I wish I could remember where I found the article, I may even have posted a copy here but I can't find it.
Anyway, it was about British children and how the acceptable roaming distance has decreased dramatically over four generations. The great-grandfather had a twenty mile radius, the grandfather fifteen miles, the Mother five miles and her child about 500 yards. (figures subject to my poor memory)
My grandmother thought nothing of dropping my mother off on the side of the highway for her to walk to their "camp" six miles away.
I wonder, are there that many more dangers lurking or do we have a greater perception of danger because of 24 hour news shows? My mother argues that children weren't abducted then but I suspect they were and only made the local news.
Anyway, it was about British children and how the acceptable roaming distance has decreased dramatically over four generations. The great-grandfather had a twenty mile radius, the grandfather fifteen miles, the Mother five miles and her child about 500 yards. (figures subject to my poor memory)
My grandmother thought nothing of dropping my mother off on the side of the highway for her to walk to their "camp" six miles away.
I wonder, are there that many more dangers lurking or do we have a greater perception of danger because of 24 hour news shows? My mother argues that children weren't abducted then but I suspect they were and only made the local news.
Lavared
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I don't.
paganangel
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look, in ny you can get investigated for being three miles from those kids even if they're in the house. that isn't the problem.
the problem is the incredible insensitivity of the mother.
the problem is the incredible insensitivity of the mother.
Recidiva
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I think people have selective memory about this. Population concentration has taken place and it's no longer possible in many places to "know everybody" and be sure someone has their on your kids.
My job is reviewing hospital records, not the news. So I have a reinforced view of what doesn't make the news. Add that on to what I know occurred around even my sheltered community when I was a kid, and then you might get why I believe what I believe.
Children should be let to run around and do what they want when they're prepared for it.
And in my experience the people most often saying "I'm going to teach you a lesson" are the bad guys.
ApprenticeApril
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I'm not referring to the whole situation here, but simply this point.
I disagree that punishing your children by making them walk three miles home is abandonment. When it happened to me as a teenager, it never crossed my mind that I had been abandoned. It was a plain and simple punishment. I was close enough to walk home, but my mom returned and picked me up. Even the half-mile I walked was enough to know I had done something wrong. If my brother had been left with me, and he decided to walk a separate direction, that I would have seen as abandonment on his part.
Recidiva
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How is an adult leaving children alone not abandonment if one of the children leaving the other child is abandonment?
I'm missing some logical nuance maybe.
Or maybe I'd think that arguing children wouldn't be likely to help each other and it's - bad judgment.
ApprenticeApril
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Sometimes the punishments were harsh. It never meant my parents loved me any less. Actually the fact that I was fed, sheltered, and occasionally punished showed their love for me.
Recidiva
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This really isn't a personal issue and I am not interested in dissecting anyone's parents.
My definition of a parent has to do with the parent being loving, responsible, fair and reasonable and that punishments have a purpose and lead toward some sort of understanding of boundaries or behavior.
In this specific example, I'm not seeing any teaching or learning. I'm seeing lack of control, frustration, anger, abandonment, and then blaming it all on the kids.
And if that hits close to home for anybody, it's not intended. But it is what I think a GOOD parent does.
ApprenticeApril
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I wasn't trying to personalize it, more just give an example. I figure in this situation we don't know all the details. I don't object to some kind of visit/inspection to insure this isn't a symptom of a big problem. I do think though that due to the lack of information you can't necessarily say she's a bad mother or that she doesn't deserve to have custody of her children.
Recidiva
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No, and I'm not the judge in the case, so I can just give general feedback on the things I have opinions regarding.
There's a bit in "Night at the Museum" where Ben Stiller is getting annoyed by a monkey and Robin Williams stops him from being a bitch about it by saying "Who is evolved? Who is evolved?"
Parents are supposed to be the evolved ones. No, they're not perfect, I don't expect it.
But there's a difference between "not perfect" and "reckless."
glamorilla
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the really bad mummy in me (as opposed to the one who chucked my kids out of the car to make them walk) not only laughed, but empathised
this wouldn't happen if you people knew how to control your breeding.
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How does that all go. I ask because I just recently found out that my twin neices (20 yr olds) absolutely can not stand each other and my brother has only said that at times it's "gotten pretty ugly"
They wont even talk to each other now and avoid each other like the plague apparently.
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And on the topic.....I read the story yesterday and obvioulsy she didn't do the right thing but seemingly most mothers can sympathise with her, or envy her...lol
It also sounds like a ritzy part of town....they mentioned her million dollar home so it's not like she dropped them in the ghetto.
It also sounds like a ritzy part of town....they mentioned her million dollar home so it's not like she dropped them in the ghetto.
Le Jacquelope
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Shut the fuck up, David Lo Presti.
(Bet that pisses Loveumore off)
(Bet that pisses Loveumore off)
