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Old 10-09-2008, 11:01 PM   #26
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one night, while really drunk, i was going down on a girl and proceeded to throw up on her.
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Old 10-10-2008, 08:15 AM   #27
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Feel the sudden urge to go to a park with Wings...
NO more parks!!! Ha!
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Old 10-10-2008, 09:55 AM   #28
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pounding away and as i cum let out a massive fart with each squirt !!!
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Old 10-10-2008, 12:50 PM   #29
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A Little too hard..

One night after a few margaritas(which means loss of all inhibitions) I have licked and played..and climbed on top of him...riding up and down..feeling sooo good...he begins to feel even better, thrusting his hips up to meet mine our timing goes alittle off..I loose my balance..he throws me into the headboard...lol I hit my head..kinda kills the mood..and to top it all off I have a black eye that I have a hard time explaining..
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Old 10-10-2008, 01:14 PM   #30
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I thought of another. I was with the same lover as on the beach, at her mother's house. A friend had given her some benwah balls, we decided to play with them but found after inserting them we couldn't extract them. After several frustrating minutes she went to the bathroom for another try while I engaged her mother in conversation in the living room. Shortly thereafter there was a loud metallic/ceramic CLUNK, followed shortly by a second CLUNK. During this I strained to keep a straight face.

Oh and we did clean the balls after a rather animated debate as to which of us would extract them from the toilet.
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Old 10-10-2008, 01:19 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by ukrocker69 View Post
Nuff said

I managed to get about 15 of these in a row (every thrust) until she said "Ok you're doing it deliberately aren't you".
That's happened to me too, tho not quite 15 in a row LOL. I didn't know whether to be mortified or to find it funny
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Old 10-10-2008, 04:18 PM   #32
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Picture this...

Saturday morning and our 19 YO son was away for the weekend and our 16 YO son had left for work an hour before, so I went back to bed to take a shower and "wake up" my wife by climbing between her legs and going down on her. I told her we were alone and she became quite noisy, begging me to come up and fuck the hell out of her...about half an hour of wild sex in many positions followed that and other demands and words of encourgment and appreciation, etc.. If was pretty wild! All with the door open.

I got up a few minutes later and walked out the bedroom door toward the bathroom, just in time to greet my older son's female friend coming out of his bedroom. As I learned later, mechanical problems cut short their weekend plans (hence no car in the driveway) and they came home in the middle of the night and collapsed in his room. I was sure she heard a lot, but was convinced when I saw her mother a week later...her daughter told her all about it.

B
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Old 10-10-2008, 04:23 PM   #33
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Saturday morning and our 19 YO son was away for the weekend and our 16 YO son had left for work an hour before, so I went back to bed to take a shower and "wake up" my wife by climbing between her legs and going down on her. I told her we were alone and she became quite noisy, begging me to come up and fuck the hell out of her...about half an hour of wild sex in many positions followed that and other demands and words of encourgment and appreciation, etc.. If was pretty wild! All with the door open.

I got up a few minutes later and walked out the bedroom door toward the bathroom, just in time to greet my older son's female friend coming out of his bedroom. As I learned later, mechanical problems cut short their weekend plans (hence no car in the driveway) and they came home in the middle of the night and collapsed in his room. I was sure she heard a lot, but was convinced when I saw her mother a week later...her daughter told her all about it.

B
Well I must say that could make for some good BBQ conversation...
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Old 10-10-2008, 04:33 PM   #34
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One evening I had a new gf over for dinner. We had fooled around a bit, but had yet to have sex - that night was to be our big step! After dinner we ended up on the couch making out pretty heavily when we decided to move our playing to the bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed as she does a little stripese for me (of what remaining clothes she had on!) then pushes me back on the bed. As we are rumbling and tumbling about the planks of the bed slipt apart, crashing onto the floor, the mattress collapsing below us. Lying there in the mess, she naked, I half dressed neither of us were sure of what to do. Fortunately, she just burst out laughing. Managed to fix the bed, but by that time lost the mood.

We went back out to the living room to watch tv a bit and slowly started fooling around again. This time we just stayed on the couch!
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Old 10-11-2008, 11:22 PM   #35
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Oh dear jesus, how to concise the best ones... don't say you didn't ask.

I was sick. Really, really sick with the flu. The boyfriend (whom drove some crotch rocket motorcycle and lived about 75km away) stopped in when he was done work (as a bartender in a local club). Well, he wasn't the most in-tune man on the planet, to say the least. He said he was stopping in to "feed me chicken soup". Yeah, bullshit. He stopped in to pester me give him head. I explained that it wasn't a good idea, I was ill. He wouldn't shut up. So, to alleviate his whining, I gave in.

Slurping and sucking away, I started to feel a bit weak. He hadn't even taken his pants off, just rolled down the front enough to provide access for what he was after. Well, I'm feeling like a bag of stewed ass, my stomach is rocking, I feel like my temperature is trying to mimic the surface of the sun. And byaaaaak, I vomit all over cock, the front of his pants, and the edge of my bed. I was more upset about the bed than him. Fucking moron, served him right to have to ride home with wet pukey pants.

**************

I was with another boyfriend, years later. He was mmmmm... gorgeous cock. Oh yeah, I wish I had that cock right now... woah, back to topic. Anyway, it was thick and long and fantastically hard and I loved riding it anywhere and everywhere.

We were house-sitting for a friend of his, in the boons. There was a pool on premise and about 27 bedrooms (it was more like a mansion than a house). So we had been christening every spare spot on the property. Wouldn't you know that the trouble would come the minute we were in a real bed doing it like civilized folk.

I'm on all fours, ass in the air and he's pounding it to me, hands on my hips and talking that lovely filthy speak that was soooo erotic with him. His cock was feeling good, oh damn, so very good - and then instant, burning, omfg I think I might die right now pain. I screamed, louder than a banshee and I'm sure neighboring farms must have called 911. So boyfriend thinks "hell YEAH, she's loving this" and fucks me harder. And I think I'm being sawed in half, and let out this howl/scream/yell/moan thing, and if boyfriend doesn't get so hot he cums right then and there. But at least he gets the fuck off me at this point.

I'm doubled over and clutching my stomach and becoming a bit delirious and he figures out, finally (I said he had a nice cock folks, he was no rocket scientist), that all that noise was not due to his prowess. So we have to take me to the hospital, on the only vehicle there, a Harley-Davidson Softail motorcycle. Once at the hospital, the doctors determined that I had a ruptured ovarian cyst and I was taken into surgery. The doctor was asking what we were doing when this happened and I'm screaming doggy, doggy, doggy and the doctor thinks that I'm worried about my dog. Boyfriend had to explain that no, we were "umm doing it, doggy style".

**************

My boyfriend had come to my apartment to visit, late at night after he was finished work. Well, we did very little visiting and a lot of mutual sucking and licking. We never bothered turning the lights on - it was my apartment, I knew where everything was, who needs lights? Boyfriend brings me to a delicious orgasm with his tongue, and I reciprocate with my mouth and hand, and then we notice the time. Shit! He's supposed to meet a friend of his when the friend gets done tending bar (yep, same guy as story one, but that's a whole other story) and he's gonna be late.

So he rushes to get clothes on and flies out of my apartment. He shows up for last call and the friend asks boyfriend, "What is all over your nose? Did you have a nosebleed man?".

Yeah, you guessed it, I began menstruating while he was servicing me ever so nicely earlier. Lol? We never turned the lights on so I never saw that he was smeared with blood. Poor guy. He called me at about the same time I was cleaning up and figured out he might be a mess. Heh. Oops.
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Old 10-11-2008, 11:44 PM   #36
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Oh dear jesus, how to concise the best ones... don't say you didn't ask.

I was sick. Really, really sick with the flu. The boyfriend (whom drove some crotch rocket motorcycle and lived about 75km away) stopped in when he was done work (as a bartender in a local club). Well, he wasn't the most in-tune man on the planet, to say the least. He said he was stopping in to "feed me chicken soup". Yeah, bullshit. He stopped in to pester me give him head. I explained that it wasn't a good idea, I was ill. He wouldn't shut up. So, to alleviate his whining, I gave in.

Slurping and sucking away, I started to feel a bit weak. He hadn't even taken his pants off, just rolled down the front enough to provide access for what he was after. Well, I'm feeling like a bag of stewed ass, my stomach is rocking, I feel like my temperature is trying to mimic the surface of the sun. And byaaaaak, I vomit all over cock, the front of his pants, and the edge of my bed. I was more upset about the bed than him. Fucking moron, served him right to have to ride home with wet pukey pants.

**************

I was with another boyfriend, years later. He was mmmmm... gorgeous cock. Oh yeah, I wish I had that cock right now... woah, back to topic. Anyway, it was thick and long and fantastically hard and I loved riding it anywhere and everywhere.

We were house-sitting for a friend of his, in the boons. There was a pool on premise and about 27 bedrooms (it was more like a mansion than a house). So we had been christening every spare spot on the property. Wouldn't you know that the trouble would come the minute we were in a real bed doing it like civilized folk.

I'm on all fours, ass in the air and he's pounding it to me, hands on my hips and talking that lovely filthy speak that was soooo erotic with him. His cock was feeling good, oh damn, so very good - and then instant, burning, omfg I think I might die right now pain. I screamed, louder than a banshee and I'm sure neighboring farms must have called 911. So boyfriend thinks "hell YEAH, she's loving this" and fucks me harder. And I think I'm being sawed in half, and let out this howl/scream/yell/moan thing, and if boyfriend doesn't get so hot he cums right then and there. But at least he gets the fuck off me at this point.

I'm doubled over and clutching my stomach and becoming a bit delirious and he figures out, finally (I said he had a nice cock folks, he was no rocket scientist), that all that noise was not due to his prowess. So we have to take me to the hospital, on the only vehicle there, a Harley-Davidson Softail motorcycle. Once at the hospital, the doctors determined that I had a ruptured ovarian cyst and I was taken into surgery. The doctor was asking what we were doing when this happened and I'm screaming doggy, doggy, doggy and the doctor thinks that I'm worried about my dog. Boyfriend had to explain that no, we were "umm doing it, doggy style".

**************

My boyfriend had come to my apartment to visit, late at night after he was finished work. Well, we did very little visiting and a lot of mutual sucking and licking. We never bothered turning the lights on - it was my apartment, I knew where everything was, who needs lights? Boyfriend brings me to a delicious orgasm with his tongue, and I reciprocate with my mouth and hand, and then we notice the time. Shit! He's supposed to meet a friend of his when the friend gets done tending bar (yep, same guy as story one, but that's a whole other story) and he's gonna be late.

So he rushes to get clothes on and flies out of my apartment. He shows up for last call and the friend asks boyfriend, "What is all over your nose? Did you have a nosebleed man?".

Yeah, you guessed it, I began menstruating while he was servicing me ever so nicely earlier. Lol? We never turned the lights on so I never saw that he was smeared with blood. Poor guy. He called me at about the same time I was cleaning up and figured out he might be a mess. Heh. Oops.
I love story number two.....great tales
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Old 10-12-2008, 04:51 PM   #37
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Ok, per Fresh Meat's request:

We were once in the lake, my legs wrapped around him when a HUGE (HUGE I SAY) fish bumped in to me. I freaked out and went splashing back to shore as quickly as possible. It wasn't until I heard the hysterical laughter that I turned around and he shouted "that was my HAND you twit". Yeah well, he didn't get any that night after that, NOW who's the twit?

On the back of my 4wheeler, half naked, going at it and we started hearing this very loud crashing noise through the brush. We both froze, looked at each other, looked towards the sound and sure enough, big ass bear came barrelling out. Thankfully she was not interested in us, she was on her way somewhere else, but dammit. After she left we scrambled to get dressed and hightailed it out of there!
Thank you for fulfilling my requests. You ARE a wild Amazon.
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Old 10-13-2008, 06:18 PM   #38
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Ok, so I had to add today's latest "Angel-ism" --side note, an Angel-ism is something only I would be dumb enough to do. I think it's because I tend to rush headfirst in to things. Anyway, on to the story.

There I was, riding the hub, incredibly effing happy to be doing so, both of us laughing and trying to discuss our days while getting at least a few orgasms in before he left for work and the phone rings. Yes, the PHONE. So instead of letting it ring and calling back whomever decided to interrupt our time, the hubinator grabbed the phone (later, he swore it was a reflex) in the process he managed to buck up with his hips and send me flying off the side of the bed. Now I'm NOT a tiny girl, and if you know me, you know this, but my god, the man sent me flying! So there I was laying on the floor, laughing hysterically and he ANSWERED the damn phone. Who was it, you ask? Yes, it was my father, who proceeded to ask the hubster if he'd heard about Evernham going to Toyota with me STILL laughing in the background. Hubinator finally lost it and started laughing. My father, god bless his soul, said "hmm, I think you two are busy, I'll call you later". Dear lord.

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Old 10-13-2008, 09:55 PM   #39
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Don't know how embarrassing it was, but it sure scared the shit out of me...

Back in my youth, when Saturdays were made for field parties and skinny dipping, I had occasion to sneak off from one field party with a fellow named Larry. Larry was a few years older than I, tall, lanky, blonde hair (not my thing, but hey, it was dark) and sweet hell could he kiss. Like many of the boys of my youth, he was a bit light on the brains, but he made up for it with that mouth.

So we wander off through the grass, and past the old canning factory foundation, and keep on going until we find a spot to lay on the ground (on his jacket of course) and explore more than each others mouths. I think that may very well have been my first experience at having my cunt licked and lavished and the louder I became, the harder Larry worked his tongue into my slit and I was soon screaming and shaking and ready to turn into a puddle of jell-o.

Larry started yanking at his pants, in a desperate motion to get them down and stuff me full of his well past rigid cock. I thought he was going to injure himself (and maybe me in the process) so I gave a hand with the zipper. Soon he was balls deep and banging for much more than his age should have allowed. I would have lost a bet if I had laid money on how long he would have lasted. Mind you, I wasn't complaining, I was getting ready to reach down and rub myself to another mind numbing orgasm. And then...

In the distance, I hear this noise. It's a rumbling and it's getting louder. I'm thinking, "what the fuck is that?"... oh yeah, it's a train! The conversation went like this:

me - "Larry, there's a train coming, Larry, get the fuck off me man!"
he - "No, I'm going to cum, fuck the train coming, I'm going to cum!"
me - "Larry, for fuck sakes get the FUCK off me, there is a train!!!"
he - "Oh my god no, ugghhh, oh fuck I'm cumming shit yes, who cares about a train."
me - "We're on the fucking train tracks you retarded shit, GET THE FUCK OFF ME, I CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING TRAIN!!!"

It was far too close for comfort. Bet ya he's not forgetting that experience any time in this life time or the next, heh.
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Old 10-13-2008, 10:07 PM   #40
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Great post and yeah I'm sure it was scary.....
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Old 10-13-2008, 10:09 PM   #41
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Oh my god, I got the chills from that story, and NOT the good kind. I HATE trains. HATE them!
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Old 10-13-2008, 10:49 PM   #42
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he - "Oh my god no, ugghhh, oh fuck I'm cumming shit yes, who cares about a train."
me - "We're on the fucking train tracks you retarded shit, GET THE FUCK OFF ME, I CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING TRAIN!!!"
Priceless.
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^story link (mild non-consent)
They say most of your brain shuts down in cryo-sleep.
All but the primitive side. The animal side.
No wonder I'm still awake.
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Old 10-13-2008, 11:07 PM   #43
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sort of off subject, but it just came up, so I thought I'd share. If, there is ever a time when your phone is filled with pictures of me, don't let your best friend use it, ok? Because that gets awkward when I get an IM from said best friend, telling me he likes my newest tattoo. Ummmm, yeah, there's only one way to see that.
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Old 10-13-2008, 11:10 PM   #44
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Priceless.
For you Rune, I'd make it very very cheap
Affordable even.
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Old 10-14-2008, 12:06 AM   #45
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OK- the train thing is fucking hilarious

I don't have that many stories.

once- dogs nose in my ass right as i am cumming- damn thing would not move. I think she knew. (the dog that is)

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Old 10-14-2008, 01:36 AM   #46
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This will be my first post.....

A girl that I'd been after for some time finally calls me and joins me at a local bar. She's drunk, and I'm just flat out happy to see her. We decide to go out to the Wildlife Refuge for a ride in my car. Sunroof open, looking at the stars, we pull over and start getting busy. Goind down on her, fucking her on the trunk of the car. We think it would be better to find a place off the refuge to ensure privacy, so we gather our clothes and hop in. With the clothes in piles all over the car, we begin heading off the refuge.......and get pulled over.

So, here we are, two thirtysomethings, caught with our pants down...literally.

A cop friend of mine later called me "stud" with no point of reference and no reference later....I'm waiting for this to be used against me.

No regrets, though...that girl was fucking hot!!
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Old 10-14-2008, 08:29 AM   #47
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This will be my first post.....

A girl that I'd been after for some time finally calls me and joins me at a local bar. She's drunk, and I'm just flat out happy to see her. We decide to go out to the Wildlife Refuge for a ride in my car. Sunroof open, looking at the stars, we pull over and start getting busy. Goind down on her, fucking her on the trunk of the car. We think it would be better to find a place off the refuge to ensure privacy, so we gather our clothes and hop in. With the clothes in piles all over the car, we begin heading off the refuge.......and get pulled over.

So, here we are, two thirtysomethings, caught with our pants down...literally.

A cop friend of mine later called me "stud" with no point of reference and no reference later....I'm waiting for this to be used against me.

No regrets, though...that girl was fucking hot!!
Are you in Minnesota? I realize it's random, but I thought I'd ask.
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Old 10-15-2008, 12:53 AM   #48
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Are you in Minnesota? I realize it's random, but I thought I'd ask.

No, bb....I'm in Oklahoma. My ex is from Minnesota, though. Not so random, though, I see that you are in Minnesota....did it sound familiar?
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Old 10-15-2008, 03:43 AM   #49
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1) Going at it hot and heavy in the missionary position with my boyfriend when the cat jumps on the bed and starts swatting at his balls.


2) I get really wet, which helps to create mucho pussy farts.
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Old 10-15-2008, 04:23 AM   #50
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I once damn nearly woke the wife while pounding her.....

Sheesh. Seriously I have so many daft moments!

Some time ago was with a lady and she used a vibe on my ass (slim one I should add!). I'm quite enjoying the experience but she's used lube hasn't she? And lube makes plastic toys difficult to grip doesn't it?

It was the way she went rigid and let out an "opps...." that alerted me to the fact that not all was well! Long story short I had to high-tail to the bathroom and eventually got offending (still buzzing) thing out! Laughed like drains afterwards but still have a mental picture of arriving at A&E asking to see a doctor 'privately'!

---

Another time a guy I shared a house with was on the home straight with his gf when she started bucking like a bronco. Said friend wasn't exactly blessed with many brain cells and just thought she was reacting to his manly prowess. Took a while to work out she was actually having an mild epileptic fit (she was alright afterwards, just REALLY pissed with him!).

---

Not one that involves sex, but I used to play in a Sunday football team - one very cold day we'd had a really good game but I'd managed to strain both groin muscles. I went back to (relativly) new gf's house and proceeded to have a steaming hot shower - we were meeting the parents for the first time later - the tops of my legs ached like hell so after the shower I slapped a load of Ralgex cream on. So - you do the maths..... very hot shower = lots of blood pounding around my body..... lots of heat-cream slapped around my upper thighs.... naked so my balls could swing freely.....

My gf became alerted by the howls of pain and came into the bathroom to find me sitting in the bath, knees up, shower turned to cold with teh jet directed at my balls. She said she didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the sight! Damn I miss that girl - seriously!
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