Women, Scars, and Beauty

I've been in bed with some pretty big jerks and even they didn't care. If you find a guy who's that much more of an asshole than some of the assholes I've dated, consider yourself lucky to have an "early warning system."

I don't even know you and I think you are beautiful. Any guy would be blessed to have you in their life.

You came forth with something that bothers you and asked for advice. That took courage in it's self and you recieved some wonderful advice from so many here.

You are young and I'm hoping will have many guys in your life before you settle on one. Take your time and shop around. When you find him, he will love you for you .... not for what you look like.

The inside of a person is the most precious thing, the outside is just a shell that carries us around on our journal through life. No one is perfect, even the beautiful have flaws.

I wish for you the best that life has to offer, do not settle for less.

Ok, I'm going a bit of a different route here, but I'm going to be nothing but honest, ok?

First, many guys will be initially a bit freaked out by anything of this nature. That's just the truth of it. A lot of (really good) guys will not, but even some of the good guys will initially be confused by their own emotions towards scars like that. The key here, though, is to not let it be a suprise. Most guys will be freaked out or confused because they won't understand what happened... And even in a few cases, will be retroactively protective, and won't be able to do anything, which will confuse them. (It did to me when I first saw my ex's scars...) It's not anything against them, and they usually won't see it as a defect in your beauty. It's more internal for him; he wants to protect you, but obviously he can't fix what happened in the past, and it confuses him. But given a bit of time, he'll come to the realization that what you need now is to be loved, not protected.

Second, any guy that can't look past your scars is really not going to be worth your time. In all honesty, do you really want to be giving yourself to someone who would worry about something as superficial as that? What's really valuable is inside, and you've shown that you've got what's really important already. You don't need someone who will treat you badly because you've had to work hard just to survive...

And lastly, (And in my opinion, most importantly!) the really, really good guys will see a story, see the strength that you gained from what happened, see how it made you who you are; someone they can love... And they will love the scars you carry with you as they would anything that made you special, mady you unique, made you _you_. This is obviously a big part of you; the fact is, those scars are marks of something that helped to form you into the person you are now, and if someone really cares for you they will love them as a part of you.


Just as an aside, and I know it's very different for guys, but I've gotten a total of about 40 stitches over the years from different surgeries and injuries and whatnot. A few of my scars are noticable on the street, but the big ones are all hidden... and ever time they've been noticed, it has led to me telling the story, which brought me closer to the person I was with at the time. If you accept that they are part of your story, sharing that story can be a very powerful experience.

find the right guy and the minor imperfections wont matter.

I hope this is making you feel better............

AWW, its ok hun. Just because you have scars, does not mean that a man would not want you anymore. If you go to the tanning salon or just get a tan at the beach or in you backyard, it would be less noticeable, but if you are like me, pale and lovin it, I would say just be proud that your alive after such a surgery. All you have to say to any man that has a problem with your scars is "Don't let the door hit you in the behind on the way out."

Any guys that truly loves you and wants to be with you, will accept your scars. After all, they were from medical conditions, not you cutting yourself, or being raped and cut like that. Don't worry so much, those scars make you YOU, sure, maybe others don't have them exactly like yours, but if they did, would you feel better because they are going through the same thing? or worse because they have something that makes you unique?

X_fallenangel_X said:

After all, they were from medical conditions, not you cutting yourself, or being raped and cut like that.

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This is just silly.

It doesn't matter where the scars come from, simply because to a good man, the scars themselves don't matter.

This is a wonderful thread and so kindly shows how caring people can be. We all seem to relate to this issue, some more intensely than others, but we're all an imperfect member of the human race and we all have things we like...and don't like about ourselves.

I had a blood cyst that diseased my tube and ovary on one side at 16, so a military hospital sliced me from my belly button to my pubic hairline... vertical thick scar too! They reopened it to emergency c-section my son and 14 years later they cut me horizontally to emergency c-section my twin daughters. SO yes, I have an upside down cross scar on my abdomen. Not to mention stretch marks from my pregnancies.

I too worried when I was 16 that if I ever got naked with a male they would be repulsed...NONE of them cared, they wanted to be with me, the total package, not one aspect of me. After my son and first marriage, my next husband had no problem with it either and found me just as beautiful after the csection of our twins.

Another thing, I have a daughter with multiple birth defects...her heart (ASD, multiple holes, she is having surgery next year at MUSC...open heart or amplatzer), one good kidney/multicystic kidney, rib/vertabrae anomalies, fused ribs and some missing, tethered spinal cord(had surgery to repair), a feeding tube, and has RAD. She has scars all over her sweet little body....and you know what? She is the MOST beautiful little girl EVER!! She has twelve boys in her early preschool class and they all want to be her boyfriend...LOL...she has three! Calls them her cookies! And one can see her scars and that there are "lumps" and "spaces" in her chest from her rib deformities...

And I dare anyone to ever make fun of her...she has three teen brothers that are over 6ft tall, muscular and VERY protective of their baby sis.

You are beautiful, hon...don't let some loser guy convince you otherwise!

I wouldn't worry about those scars, they are only there to remind you of how far you have come and how much you have overcome. Anyone who is put off by them is only showing themselves to have a problem with the basics of humanity and compassion.
If you really hate them and want to change the way they look on you, i once knew a girl who got other scars made at a tattoo/ body modification place to make her original scar part of something she loved, there are some massive technological advances in scarification at the moment so if your desperate check them out, hell if they can do this:
[img=http://img453.imageshack.us/img453/3220/bambooib5.th.png]
you can do anything. good luck and keep us posted.

scars are like tatoos, except the stories are more interesting

Voice love the pic and they did a really nice job. As a matter of fact I am working on getting a scar covered on my belly that is pretty nasty looking. I will post pics when I am finally able to get it done. Scars can be covered or not. They make you who you are. If someone does not like them they are not worth your time.

I showed my only visible scar that's 3.5" long, and very narrow, and the needle marks still visible years later on my abdomen. I don't have memory of the three rows of stitches being clipped and removed eleven years ago (6th surgery or so). I have a second scar behind my ear at the hairline; I'd have to buzz around it if I really wanted it to be seen intentionally. I think the airbubble is what makes some uneasy. No one noticed at the party I was at last night. Those scars (since being two weeks old) are a reminder that I survived being born at 6 months, barely two pounds with a lot of complications. A hairstylist said yesterday "You've got the curliest head of hair I've ever tried to tame. Your hair must grow crooked!" I've got a gelled, mostly straightened punk rock style now.

It only matters to people who don't matter....

I love my scar.....
other people love my scar....
I've been told it's very sexy...
it even helped me be picked over others (models)

sometimes i look at it though and i feel like Frankenstein, freakish and i cry because i feel like it's ugly...

my scar was also from thoradic surgery as evidenced by the incision and proportionately spaced titanium wiring (it still creeps me out when i touch the wire through my skin though)
http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o180/onesilentfeather/itsok.jpg

it really is what's inside that counts
pet

I hope the replies to this thread have made you realise that your scars are part of you and your history. You are you and what is happening on your skin surface is not the most important thing.

An aside to the way this thread is going, what on your body/face do you like? What is your best feature, can you show it off, make more of it? In other words work on the positives and dont make mountains out of the things you dont like about yourself.

OnlyByMoonlight said:

Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl with a big problem. Due to childhood medical conditions I have four very visible scars on my body (one being from open-heart surgery so its right down the center of my chest). To add insult to injury I was allergic to the sutures they used which caused my scars to be fatter and redder. Today the redness has gone down but they are still fat, pink, and very visible since the rest of my skin is very fair. And on top of all that, I had to have a pacemaker implanted in my left shoulder and my body grew a bunch of veins around it. They are fat, blue, and clearly visible through my skin. All my life I've never seen another girl with scars like me. I've never heard it talked about. I feel like I'm the only one out there and that I'm going to repulse any man I sleep with. I just wanna know will guys really care? The one piece of feedback I've gotten about this was cruel so I'm hoping for something more positive.

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I know how looking different can cause scars that aren't visible. I went through some very tough times at one of the schools I went to. Just because I was new and one of the "fat kids" that did his own thing. I understand that my experiences aren't the same as what you've gone though and I'm not comparing. I just know the pain it causes.

I've seen a couple of women that have had open-heart. Honestly, it's not something that bothers me. I actually think that people that purposely avoid scars like the plague are simply not living life.

One of my favorite songs of the grunge era was "Name" from the Goo Goo Dolls, one of the lines is very powerful: Scars are souvenirs you never loose.

I just don't believe that the scars you bear are something to be ashamed of. The proof that you're alive and have survived something of that magnitude is to be proud of. Whoever it was that was cruel to you regarding your story of survival should be ashamed of themselves.

I know I only repeated a lot of what's already been said. But as a guy, I actually find scars to be sexy. I have my wounds from battle. I embrace every one no matter the size. They're all a moment in time.

ak2002usa said:

scars are like tatoos, except the stories are more interesting

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Well put.

This captured my attention.

It sounds like you scar like I do... you form thick ropey red puffy scars called keloids. Nothing terminal its just the way our bodies decided to heal.

I am head to foot a map of various surgeries, accidents, scraps etc... On my legs alone I have four major scars... a burn a big as my hand shaped like africa.... a cancerous mole removal about the size of an altoids box, a long narrow one from my knee being reconstructed, the scar on my shin where a compound fracture broke through. Seven 5 inch or longer scars on my belly both horizontally and vertically....the two on my back giving me my legs back... so the list goes....
They have faded some what... but for years I was extremely self conscious...
ANd I really resent have a fricking anchor on my belly now! But Lived to tell the tale!
There are products now that you can purchase that really do work in reducing the color, tecture and appearance of scars MEDERMA being the most awesome.

Natural products include, vitamin E, aloe vera and of all things Camphophenique...tried and true from the scar queen...apply thrice daily until you forget to do it anymore....

DO not despair... they fade.... eventually.... and like all the others said.... if a boy or girl can't handle the fact that you are a survivor and are proudly wearing your battle scars - drop 'em like hot coals.

Good Luck sweetie.... Once you accept them? All the others will follow....

No man with a shred of care will be in the least bit interested in your scars.
He will see a shining bright young woman who he cares deeply for.
With any luck you will think he's gods gift and allow him to fuck your brains out.
He wont see your scars and you will be too worried about how much you enjoyed it.

X_fallenangel_X said:

snip...
After all, they were from medical conditions, not you cutting yourself, or being raped and cut like that.
...

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The latter is where I get my scars... that was usually a date-ender because they always wanted to know where the scars came from and I just suck at lying...

My SO still managed to look passed that, sweep me off my feet and years later even paid for as many scars as possible to be removed, so that I could be free from the memory every time I looked in the mirror.

So yup - the good guys will not be bothered by your scars.

Thank You

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied. I honestly didn't exect this many replies. Even though I know what y'all are saying is true, its still hard for me to accept my scars, but I am trying. Like I said I haven't had a lot of feedback on this and its nice to know this isn't as taboo a topic as I thought it was.

I wanted to say thanks as well. I don't have scars per se, but spots from chicken pox a few years back, and this thread is helping alot in realizing what is important.

I for one enjoy seeing people with imperfections. One reason is it makes them seem more real... You can only see a model with her skin airbrushed so many times before you get bored. And second is because like tattoo's and piercings (I am a fan of both) they are a wonderful modification when you accept them. Plus the stories that go with them usually kick ass

OnlyByMoonlight said:

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied. I honestly didn't exect this many replies. Even though I know what y'all are saying is true, its still hard for me to accept my scars, but I am trying. Like I said I haven't had a lot of feedback on this and its nice to know this isn't as taboo a topic as I thought it was.

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I know this may be hard, but I think it could end up being very theraputic. Take some pics of your scars and post them. You needn't show your face or "bits" if that's too uncomfortable. You already know how supportive this community is. Take advantage of us. We like it We're all here to help.

i too have two very visable scars.... scars that I am ashamed of and that remind me of a horrible time in my life..... but you grow, you deal, they fade .... and soon you know that they are a part of you (the only time I'm really aware is when someone sees them for the first time.)