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Old 06-15-2002, 10:41 PM   #1
Cirrus
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Sub Drop?

My SO, who will hopefully become my Dom, and I have been doing a lot of reading in the last day or so and have been learning a lot.

We have come across a term, however, that we're not totally sure of. Sub drop. I tried searching for it but because "sub" is a 3 letter word it won't work (GOD do I HATE that hang up on the search feature of these boards).

I've Googled it, and the best I can come up with is this...someone tell me if I have the right idea, even though I know I'm probably not "right" about what it actually is:

I take sub drop to mean that after a play session, in which a sub experiences intense sensation and emotion, they come down off the endorphin/emotion high and basically don't know what to do with it, becoming moody or depressed, etc.

Right idea or not? Is it common to happen with a Dom as well or not?
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Old 06-15-2002, 10:52 PM   #2
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Re: Sub Drop?

Quote:
Originally posted by Cirrus
My SO, who will hopefully become my Dom, and I have been doing a lot of reading in the last day or so and have been learning a lot.

We have come across a term, however, that we're not totally sure of. Sub drop. I tried searching for it but because "sub" is a 3 letter word it won't work (GOD do I HATE that hang up on the search feature of these boards).

I've Googled it, and the best I can come up with is this...someone tell me if I have the right idea, even though I know I'm probably not "right" about what it actually is:

I take sub drop to mean that after a play session, in which a sub experiences intense sensation and emotion, they come down off the endorphin/emotion high and basically don't know what to do with it, becoming moody or depressed, etc.

Right idea or not? Is it common to happen with a Dom as well or not?
That's it in a nutshell. That is why many times you will here the term "aftercare", where a Dom/me will spend time to help the sub adjust to coming back to reality. I usually use that time to hold and hug my sub, talk to him and generally debrief him(yes it happens to guys too).

I do not have "Top drop", myself. Mainly because I am very relaxed at that point. I am only speaking for myself. Others may have a different experience.

Ebony
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Old 06-16-2002, 12:03 AM   #3
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From the very beginning, I have suffered from sub drop...

It does mostly depend on the intensity and duration of play.

I have experienced sub drop in varying degrees, from mild to sever. I wrote about it in the old mother thread the first time I experienced it.
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Old 06-16-2002, 02:26 AM   #4
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Okay, now I know I'm a masochist. I just waded through the Mother Thread to find the original info we posted on sub-drop.

Here it is (from pages in the mid-60's); don't say I never did anything for you:

Originally Posted by cellis
Well, it is me again... wondering if some of the submissives here could talk about this sub-drop thing.... I had, of course, read about it, but had never experienced it until just the last few days... and Himself is out of town, so I can't discuss it with Him, although I did send Him a long email about how I felt... I was just caught unaware... didn't even think about it happening... and not almost 2 days later.... and I have not even been able to write about until today....

I would appreciate some feedback on this.... Thanks...

Originally Posted by cellis
I don't know if I can really, cymbidia... it was like I was soaring after being with Himself and having what I guess you would call a scene... all that day and most of then next and then suddenly it was like the bottom fell out of me... emotionally and physically.... I just crashed.... first of all I don't sleep very much... at the most about 5 hours a night... and I slept for 10 hours.... and then there were these intense feelings of neediness and I am not a needy person... I really don't know how else to describe it... being kind of new to this kind of thing.... I don't if this makes sense to you at all.... it was not really a depression... I think I know the difference....

Posted by carrie-on
cellis, I have experienced the low that you talked about,but thought it was just me. I had never heard of subdrop until I read it in your post and then went to the link you provided. Now I know for sure that I am not crazy. (Wellllll...too crazy anyway).

Posted by cellis
carrie-on.... thank goodness!!... I was really beginning to think there was something wrong with me... and I don't that it was because of not being cared for afterwards... Himself is very good about making certain that I am okay and spending lots of time with me afterward.... and I did feel good... great, in fact afterwards, which is really normal for me.... there is a rush that I get afterwards and I am almost giddy.... but never have I experienced the crash until this weekend....

Posted by RisiaSkye
cellis & carrie-on--you aren't alone. In my first long-term BDSM relationship (in which I was sub), I went through some of those highs and lows. For me, at least, a good deal of it was because it was new, and I was still learning to know and accept myself without the kinds of judgement I expected would (and sometimes did) come from others.

A few days after my first real "immersion" into sub-space, I was ovewhelmed by a feeling of hopelessness, loss, and inexpressible despair. I have rarely felt as suicidally depressed as I did in those hours, and I've never entirely figured out why. It's a risky thing, opening yourself so fully to another person, no matter how much you love and trust them. So, be careful of yourself. And, above all--be honest with your Dom/me. Even if they're far away, keep the lines of communication open. You need each other right now, as much or more than at any other time.

There's nothing I've found that makes that bottom-falling-out-of-the-world feeling any easier except time, faith in yourself, and the mutual devotion of a strong and trusting bond with your O/other. But, at the least, know that you aren't alone. You are among friends, who have no desire to judge you, and who will (if we can) support you through this, until you can make peace with your new (for cellis) path.

For what it's worth, know that your feelings are shared by others, and that there's nothing "wrong" with you that's causing this reaction. It's an enormously emotional and spiritual journey, this way of living and loving--and some of the waystations are dark. The light returns in the end.


And, finally, an info link:
sub-drop
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Old 06-16-2002, 02:57 AM   #5
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Wow, RisiaSkye, thanks for dredging up that info!

I've never experienced sub-drop myself. Is it generally considered a good thing or a bad thing? That info page makes it sound kind of bad - a lot of work and management - but then I like Ebonyfire's description of using that time to be close and quiet with her sub. Perhaps there are varying degrees of it?
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Old 06-16-2002, 10:05 AM   #6
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Thank God sub drop is not

cutting the main chord that suspends the sub helplessly from a very high height!

Seriously, I had a really bad experience years ago, and I was pretty shaken. It sure wasn't a high afterwards, but I don't really know if it was the kind of drop referred to here. I think it probably was not.
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Old 06-16-2002, 03:16 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Etoile
Wow, RisiaSkye, thanks for dredging up that info!

I've never experienced sub-drop myself. Is it generally considered a good thing or a bad thing? That info page makes it sound kind of bad - a lot of work and management - but then I like Ebonyfire's description of using that time to be close and quiet with her sub. Perhaps there are varying degrees of it?
I think it depends on the individual and like cellis said the intensity and duration of play. My sub (chrissy) lives about 30 miles away and has to drive an interstate to go home. I have to make sure he is alert and able to make it home without killing himself. Good subs are hard to find. I am attached to him.
Aftercare is an integral part of our play.

Ebony
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Old 06-24-2002, 12:41 PM   #8
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bump for sub drop questions - I am looking through M thread too because I know there is a link in there
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Old 06-24-2002, 12:47 PM   #9
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Risia posted it above but here it is again.


http://www.twoheartsonesoul.com/subdrop.htm
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Old 06-24-2002, 01:06 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Etoile
I've never experienced sub-drop myself. Is it generally considered a good thing or a bad thing? That info page makes it sound kind of bad - a lot of work and management - but then I like Ebonyfire's description of using that time to be close and quiet with her sub. Perhaps there are varying degrees of it?
Sub-drop is generally considered a bad thing.
It's a depressed, rather lethargic state of mind, the low low low after the high of bonding so intensely with one's dominant. It can occur hours and even days after the play is concluded, too.

Sounds like a lot of work and management required of the dominant partner? Perhaps. Other terms, however, might be closeness and caring, communication and out-of-scene time: aftercare, in a word. Aftercare is at least as important as knowing how to *not* wrap a flogger or what to do if your submissive goes non-verbal during an intense scene.

Aftercare is part of the play, part of the relationship, part of what resides so finely between the two of you. Aftercare on the part of the dominant for the sub - but on the part of the sub for the dominant, too. We all have needs after the screaming, sweating, gasping, exertion-filled highs of the play wind down to cool, slow, regular breathing, don't we?



edited to add: Not everyone experiences sub-drop.
I never had, not ever, until a week or so ago.
Sub-drop sucks; i know it from a first-person perspective now.
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Last edited by cymbidia : 06-24-2002 at 01:09 PM.
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Old 06-24-2002, 01:13 PM   #11
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thanks

Quote:
And, finally, an info link
Thanks Risia for posting that link...it's amazing and i'm learning something i had truly no idea about...~smile~

belle


http://www.literotica.com/stories/me....php?uid=72711
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Old 06-25-2002, 05:35 AM   #12
WillowPuss
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I have not experienced sub drop ... and, from the descriptions of it, hope I never do.

What I have found though ... after an intence (for us) period of play, I go really cold. Even if the room is warm .. I find myself feeling cold and shivery.

Is this normal? Do others have this? (Or am I just really odd?)
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Old 06-25-2002, 09:44 PM   #13
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Sub drop happens...you can plan on it, prepare for it, having your partner alert can help. Its just one of those physical - psychological things. Personally, I think if you try to avoid it, your limiting your journey in bdsm. Your not going to let yourself "go" into headspace enough if your worried about sub-drop.

Remember, Tops get top-drop too.

Hell, a large number of us in the central florida area recently experienced Bash-drop. We had a large weekend event and the monday after just sucked LOL

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Old 06-25-2002, 11:06 PM   #14
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Old 06-25-2002, 11:44 PM   #15
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I'm sorry to do this, but...

foxinsox,
what a wonderful AV...!

Sandia.
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Old 06-25-2002, 11:46 PM   #16
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Re: I'm sorry to do this, but...

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Old 06-26-2002, 11:25 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by WillowPuss

What I have found though ... after an intence (for us) period of play, I go really cold. Even if the room is warm .. I find myself feeling cold and shivery.

Is this normal? Do others have this? (Or am I just really odd?)
It's the endorphins. Nothing to worry about. Ever get a body piercing? I have, and I feel really freezing cold afterwards. Same deal. Your body is sending blood to your brain and other areas during almost any really intense experience, and away from your skin...that's why you feel cold.
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Old 06-27-2002, 05:06 AM   #18
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Phew!
Thanks Cirrus ... began to wonder if there was something odd about me. Well, OK then, odder about me!

Not got any piercings - yet.
Am considering it - and thinking about a tattoo as well ... still at the thinking stage at the moment tho!
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Old 06-27-2002, 05:16 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by foxinsox
I can say that I'm fortunate, Himself always takes wonderful care of me after a session.

It's the responsibility of the Dom. This isn't a selfish game and a true D/s relationship can't exist without caring and deep understanding
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Old 06-27-2002, 05:24 AM   #20
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Like foxinsox, I haven't been left with the depressed feeling. Guess I am fortunate that my Dom aslo takes the time to wrap me, cuddle me, stroke and soothe me until I am back down fully.

A good Dom seems worth his weight in gold!
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Old 06-27-2002, 05:25 AM   #21
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Old 06-29-2002, 09:50 PM   #22
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Old 06-30-2002, 12:13 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cirrus
It's the endorphins. Nothing to worry about. Ever get a body piercing? I have, and I feel really freezing cold afterwards. Same deal. Your body is sending blood to your brain and other areas during almost any really intense experience, and away from your skin...that's why you feel cold.
A part of the eroticism of my previous relationship, i've had many body piercings - but i never felt cold like that after any of them. I think it may simply be the way your body, and hers, handles the chemical rush of the "play high". Others process it differently, i suppose.
Quote:
Originally posted by WillowPuss Like foxinsox, I haven't been left with the depressed feeling. Guess I am fortunate that my Dom aslo takes the time to wrap me, cuddle me, stroke and soothe me until I am back down fully.

A good Dom seems worth his weight in gold!
Grrrrrrrr. The thrust of this exchange seems to presuppose that those of us who have experienced sub-drop do so because our dominants don't care for us after the play - and that's just plain crap.

Sub-drop happens.
It happens, sometimes, days after the play is concluded.
It happens if there's intense amounts of committed aftercare and it happens when there's the bare minimum. It happens most of the time for some of us (cellis) and has only happened once in our lifetime for others of us (me).

Lousy aftercare is not the cause of sub-drop, although it can be a contributing factor - but so can where we are in our cycle or something new that opened in our hearts during the play or the sight (and associated memory) of the marks that were left on our butts as we pass a hall mirror two days later or...or....anyfuckingthing.

In most cases, it has almost nothing to do with the aftercare our dominant has provided for us. Our dominant partners are not to blame for the phenomena.

Yes, willow, a good dom is worth his/her weight in gold. So is a good sub. Sub-drop, however, has nothing to do with being a good BDSM partner to each other.
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Old 06-30-2002, 02:54 AM   #24
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Old 06-30-2002, 06:10 AM   #25
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I apologise ...

... for my poor choice of words.

My wording certainly seemed to imply that sub-drop is the direct cause of negligent Doms - that is not what I meant at all.

I meant that I am fortunate not to have felt depression after a session.

I am sorry that people may have taken my post as a criticism of those who have suffered such feelings.

willow
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