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New/old haiku thread

Piscator

Piscator

Literotica Guru
Joined
May 30, 2003
Posts
1,890
haiku thread started
in Poetry Feedback and
Discussion - your turn​
 
from this sunlit knoll
moss covered Garry Oaks view
river dance below
​
 
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A ballroom theme :)

--




a girl in red skirt
helps a dancer to get up
-- such a clumsy boy​









wh,
2018-03-31​

--
 
Petals spreading wide
New Mexican heat sparkles
no those aren't flowers
 
a music haiku

--




my grand piano
white takes more room
black dominates
​









wh,
2018-03-31​
 
your erect nipple
jutting from your perfect breast
my mouth must revere
​
 
Snow from the coalhouse
we burned snow in bad weather
snow that flecked the coal
 
last december

--




my foot missed sidewalk
hidden under snow
now my arm hurts​











wh,
2018-04-03​

--
 
at a disco

--






_ across the dance floor
i gently shook my head--"no"
_ _ _ Music Puppet laughed
​











wh,
2018-04-03​


--
 
Last edited:
at a restaurant

--



_ flirting waitress
ignores my girlfriend--wins but
_ _ _ a green butterfly
​










wh,
2018-04-03
​


--
 
Piscator said:
An edited recycled American Sentence on a similar theme

They call the damn box
piano actually
it is pretty loud.​
Click to expand...

This is a nice and interesting poem. About the "similar"? Well, this is just a very distant association, which is fine, of course--it's good to create collections/anthologies of somewhat related poems.

In fact, this haiku is not even about any grand piano but perhaps (my interpretation) about a jukebox. (Pianola could be another option but it's almost unheard of).

Also, this poem can be called haiku but only due to 5-7-5 (which is of little importance). This piece is more like tanka except for it's damning tone, which here feels charming (to me).
 
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Senna Jawa said:
This is a nice and interesting poem. About the "similar"? Well, this is just a very distant association, which is fine, of course--it's good to create collections/anthologies of somewhat related poems.

In fact, this haiku is not even about any grand piano but perhaps (my interpretation) about a jukebox. (Pianola could be another option but it's almost unheard of).

Also, this poem can be called haiku but only due to 5-7-5 (which is of little importance). This piece is more like tanka except for it's damning tone, which here feels charming (to me).
Click to expand...


Senna Jawa said:
In Polish--fortepian. It's featured in a couple of my poems.

But first of all, see the famous poem Fortepian Chopina by a great and super-original poet Cyprian Kamil Norwid--a great thinker.
Click to expand...

Senna and pelegrino, Thanks for your comments. And yes I am guilty of taking liberties both with using the shortened name of this instrument and in warping both style and content while still cleaving to the 5-7-5. But as Tzara notes in The Thread of Forms the form is a minefield.
 
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