Without a trace

danigrl84

Literotica Guru
Joined
Jun 21, 2010
Posts
672
How do you cope when a fellow litster goes AWOL? Especially one you have grown close to, spilled your heart to, shared everything with and promised one another to never just disappear without at least a good bye.... I knew this was probably inevitable. Internet affairs/relationships are a complicated thing, especially when the people involved are in serious relationships irl. I guess I'm looking for how other people have dealt with this....no lectures on not chatting with married men, please.
Maybe misery will love company and we can find comfort in one anothers voids...
 
I should be clear that although I am heartbroken for my own selfish reasons, I have been a bit overwhelmed with concern and worry as to what has caused his absence. Hoping and praying that communications weren't discovered and the reason for the abrupt disappearance.
 
I should be clear that although I am heartbroken for my own selfish reasons, I have been a bit overwhelmed with concern and worry as to what has caused his absence. Hoping and praying that communications weren't discovered and the reason for the abrupt disappearance.

There's a fair chance that IS the case. People don't seem to be particularly smart when it comes to hiding their cheating, do they?

If his wife did find out, I'd say you should focus on feeling really sorry and compassionate towards her. What you're going through is nothing in comparison to the heartbreak she's experiencing.
 
Sometimes real life gets in the way. Maybe he hasn't gone, but is just taking a break to deal with some stuff. Give him some time to return before starting to worry.
 
How do you cope when a fellow litster goes AWOL? Especially one you have grown close to, spilled your heart to, shared everything with and promised one another to never just disappear without at least a good bye.... I knew this was probably inevitable. Internet affairs/relationships are a complicated thing, especially when the people involved are in serious relationships irl. I guess I'm looking for how other people have dealt with this....no lectures on not chatting with married men, please.
Maybe misery will love company and we can find comfort in one anothers voids...

This is my own personal nightmare. I am so very very sorry that you're living it right now.

How long has it been, and what's the longest time he's been away previously? Also, how long have you been together? All of those are factors in what might be happening.
 
I'm open & above board with my husband on my end, but I'm his secret friend on his end. I know that there will be temporary absent times. The worst have been during a couple of different hospital stays & me with no way to check on him. I just have to wait it out while going out of my mind.

I don't have a solution for you, but know you are not alone in such a situation.

How long has it been since you've heard from him? It could just be that something came up on his end. The absence could be temporary.
 
slightly different situation for me

Had a long distance gf for 3 years that I had originally met on Y chat. One day she just never contact me again. Horribly painful but nothing I could do. Good Luck
 
Oh god... I just don't get how someone can fall in love with someone they have never met. Haven't you guys seen catfish? The broad that you are heartbroken over is probably just some fat sweaty dude fucking with you... If it is a real female, I bet that she never looked at you the way you looked at her. You were probably nothing more than just a distraction for her. I suggest that you never consider someone to be your girlfriend unless you have touched her vagina.

Cheers,
The Troll
 
Last edited:
How do you cope when a fellow litster goes AWOL? Especially one you have grown close to, spilled your heart to, shared everything with and promised one another to never just disappear without at least a good bye.... I knew this was probably inevitable. Internet affairs/relationships are a complicated thing, especially when the people involved are in serious relationships irl. I guess I'm looking for how other people have dealt with this....no lectures on not chatting with married men, please.
Maybe misery will love company and we can find comfort in one anothers voids...

The same thing happened to me several years ago. He just suddenly disappeared. I held my peace for about 2 weeks, then started searching Lit for other posts and replies to other posters. Finally found someone one else he was talking to quite a bit and wrote her to see if she had heard from her (she also lived closer to him, in the same state at least). She had not and said she would try to contact him to let him know I was trying to find him. Finally, after about 5 or 6 weeks, he did come back on line and had had a major heart attack requiring bypass. It turned out well for us, but we did eventually mutually agree to go our separate ways.
 
Funny...

How do you cope when a fellow litster goes AWOL? Especially one you have grown close to, spilled your heart to, shared everything with and promised one another to never just disappear without at least a good bye.... I knew this was probably inevitable. Internet affairs/relationships are a complicated thing, especially when the people involved are in serious relationships irl. I guess I'm looking for how other people have dealt with this....no lectures on not chatting with married men, please.
Maybe misery will love company and we can find comfort in one anothers voids...

Here's a recent post I made in the "Let's Hear Your Voice" thread, on this very topic...
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0qM3CDk8hh7
I'm still twisting about this one... and we hadn't gotten anywhere near heart-spilling promises... I felt we were just becoming friends and he wasn't married... so he said. It's fucking rude to not say goodbye... or even fuck you... I'd be happy with fuck you, even. But, then again... what if they're dead..?
 
Last edited:
Here's a recent post I made in the "Let's Hear Your Voice" thread, on this very topic...
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0qM3CDk8hh7
I'm still twisting about this one... and we hadn't gotten anywhere near heart-spilling promises... I felt we were just becoming friends and he wasn't married... so he said. It's fucking rude to not say goodbye... or even fuck you... I'd be happy with fuck you, even. But, then again... what if they're dead..?

That could very well be...or their internet access could be, anyways. I try my best to ensure saying goodbye when conversing with folks...and unless it's an emergency, won't leave without doing so. Who knows what is going on with some folks.....I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.....as much as it sucks, life does get hectic at times.

*smirks and chuckles a bit* Heh....sorry, just found it funny how you think NOT saying fuck you is rude. I like the way you think. ;)
 
Sadly, it's one of the realities of online relationships (romantic or platonic), and not just with married people. With married people, you obviously have that huge extra variable... their spouse can be the "easy" reason that the person you're talking to suddenly disappeared. Sickness (or worse) is another possibility, as was mentioned above. Then, this being the net, there is the scenario of "online death", where someone just creates a new username and possibly a new persona, and the old one disappears without a trace (similar to the catfish scenario that my idiotic friend mentioned above).

It happens. 90% of the time you never get an answer to your question. You just try to hope/pray for the best for the person and hope that you DO find some resolution at some point, knowing that you very well might not.

Exchanging cell numbers and talking on the phone can bring two people closer and reduce the risk of them disappearing without a trace or without reason, but can have its own inherent risks.
 
To directly answer your question, you handle it as you would handle any breakup. In real life, if you get involved with someone who is already involved, you run the risk that that person may wake up one day and make a choice between the two of you. One of you may feel heartbreak.. two of you.. three of you..
If that's what happened, then the only heartbreak that you can work on is your own.

The fact that this relationship happened on line didn't make it that much different than if it would have happened in real life. You might have still fallen head over heels for a guy who wanted the best of both worlds.. or who doesn't know how to close one book before opening another.. or is just lost and using relationships as therapy.. or.. or.. or

So the question is.. how would you handle it if he was some guy who lived 30 minutes away and just stopped returning your calls?
 
Time...

Time, and knowing that I was always sincere has helped me.
 
Back
Top