Cyndeveaux
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2013
- Posts
- 19
I need advice on an issue I'm having with my wonderful b/f. Some quick background info; I was in a long term relationship before, with a man who didn't do much in the b/r other than mostly wham bam thank you ma'am sex. After 13 yrs and when my daughter was 3.5 yrs old, I left the relationship.
During that previous relationship, I was young and was a virgin when I met him but I was definitely a curious woman, and read plenty of stories in magazines such as Penthouse Letters and Forum. I was intrigued but too shy to even approach ideas to that first long term partner.
Since then, I've met a wonderful man who has been very patient with me. He has opened me up in ways I never thought possible. He encourages me to explore my sexuality. We watch videos of DPs and gang bangs frequently. Some of the videos depict fantasies I'd never want to come to reality. I was raised very conservatively and the idea of another man along with someone I love in my bedroom at the same time was very taboo...and still is. In fact, I have a standing rule..No Sharing Me.
One time, last summer, early in our relationship, we were watching a gang bang and he was telling me how turned on it was to imagine me being the one gang banged. I asked him if he'd really like to see me do that. He hesitated, and said, honestly, yes. So I agreed to think about it as a possibility.
He even started to hint to someone who could set it up. Long story short, I backed out...realizing I could never really do this. I know its my fault for leading us down that path. I was just afraid of not appealing to him. He has a lot more experience in matters of the bedroom than I do, thus why I felt that way.
That was never brought up again other than for fantasy's sake. DPs have come up though. Watching them is erotic and goes to my fantasies...but again, I can't ever do that in reality. The subject of doing one via cyber has been approached. I told him I'm not sure I'd enjoy it that way, but I was willing to try it. My heart wasn't fully in it...and I know I can't do anything cyber unless he was involved. Besides that, he is bothered by the interest my post drew and me having shared them with him...and I don't blame him in retrospect. I didn't mean to hurt him.
Now I've backed out of that. He must think I'm nuts now. He thinks it is truly something I wanted, where I wasn't sure I could even enjoy is via cyber. Sure a DP interests me, but to the point of sharing it with another is not something I really want to do.
You may be wondering why didn't I tell him all this beforehand. Quite simply..FEAR. Fear of what? Fear of being an uninteresting or unadventurous lover. Fear of being a bore. I am truly a one man woman and have tried to tell him this but he doesn't seem to believe me.
I feel like I've made a huge mess of things all out of fear. So my question is, what do I do now? How can I amend things? He is quite upset with me atm for basically trying to cuckhold him by reading some of the msgs I got. How do I show him that was not what I was doing or meaning to do anyway? ANY thoughts would be appreciated.
During that previous relationship, I was young and was a virgin when I met him but I was definitely a curious woman, and read plenty of stories in magazines such as Penthouse Letters and Forum. I was intrigued but too shy to even approach ideas to that first long term partner.
Since then, I've met a wonderful man who has been very patient with me. He has opened me up in ways I never thought possible. He encourages me to explore my sexuality. We watch videos of DPs and gang bangs frequently. Some of the videos depict fantasies I'd never want to come to reality. I was raised very conservatively and the idea of another man along with someone I love in my bedroom at the same time was very taboo...and still is. In fact, I have a standing rule..No Sharing Me.
One time, last summer, early in our relationship, we were watching a gang bang and he was telling me how turned on it was to imagine me being the one gang banged. I asked him if he'd really like to see me do that. He hesitated, and said, honestly, yes. So I agreed to think about it as a possibility.
He even started to hint to someone who could set it up. Long story short, I backed out...realizing I could never really do this. I know its my fault for leading us down that path. I was just afraid of not appealing to him. He has a lot more experience in matters of the bedroom than I do, thus why I felt that way.
That was never brought up again other than for fantasy's sake. DPs have come up though. Watching them is erotic and goes to my fantasies...but again, I can't ever do that in reality. The subject of doing one via cyber has been approached. I told him I'm not sure I'd enjoy it that way, but I was willing to try it. My heart wasn't fully in it...and I know I can't do anything cyber unless he was involved. Besides that, he is bothered by the interest my post drew and me having shared them with him...and I don't blame him in retrospect. I didn't mean to hurt him.
Now I've backed out of that. He must think I'm nuts now. He thinks it is truly something I wanted, where I wasn't sure I could even enjoy is via cyber. Sure a DP interests me, but to the point of sharing it with another is not something I really want to do.
You may be wondering why didn't I tell him all this beforehand. Quite simply..FEAR. Fear of what? Fear of being an uninteresting or unadventurous lover. Fear of being a bore. I am truly a one man woman and have tried to tell him this but he doesn't seem to believe me.
I feel like I've made a huge mess of things all out of fear. So my question is, what do I do now? How can I amend things? He is quite upset with me atm for basically trying to cuckhold him by reading some of the msgs I got. How do I show him that was not what I was doing or meaning to do anyway? ANY thoughts would be appreciated.