tiny_tits journal and random thoughts

Are you looking for tips on how to be a bad girl for a specific guy or just guys in general?

This sort of says it. Not all guys are the same. Some actually get off on "shy girls" who have to be "taught" things. Some guys get off on kinky hooker lingerie, some hate it. Personally I hate it. Some guys get off on dirty talking and reacting to being talked dirty to. I love that. Some guys want anal, some guys don't.

Basically, you should first do some reading or watching of porn, not that porn is the way to all men's hearts and hards. But the point is, you need to first know about the options that are out there and then be confident enough to talk honestly and openly and at least semi-dirty about sex. Tell him what you like and ask him what turns you on. Do it after a bit of making out or a few glasses of wine when you're both a little loose and don't drop dirty talk on him in the middle of a restaurant unless you know that's a particular turn on for him. You san say things like, "I really love the first time I feel a hard cock slip into my wet pussy." or "I sometimes wonder if all women love sucking cock as much as I do. Are you a guy who loves licking pussy? I adore having mine licked."

If he cringes, then you know he's not the "dirty girl" type. If he responds in kind, go from there IF that's the sort of thing you want. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself because if you try to fake it, eventually he'll know and it will collapse like a house of cards. Be yourself and if he responds to the real you, then you're home free. If you're looking to expand your repertoire, then tell him and let him help you in what he likes as well as what you like.
 
For myself I don't like discussing stuff in advance as such. It's generally awkward (especially being a Brit!).

Oh Thank God I'm not alone :eek:

I have found that setting up Tumblr accounts and posting porn pics or gifs that we like the look of is a good way to get an idea of what to do without having to discuss the ABCs of it all. Or to email sexy pics with a short message along the lines of "wouldn't this be fun to try?"

As for being sexy; confidence is the key, I think. Don't be afraid to be vocal about your appreciation if he is doing something you really like. Don't be afraid to use props. Licking cream or chocolate off one another can be fun. Bringing a hot tea or coffee to bed and then warming up your mouth up before giving a BJ is fun. Especially if you can do it surreptitiously so he is not expecting it.

Sound advice- thanks! :rose:
 
Yep, that's a very good question.

It takes practice to figure out how to communicate well, especially about something intimate like sex and sexuality.

Since you mentioned it, if anal is the topic you want to discuss (or whatever else it may be), others may give you different advice, but this is what I would do.

When and where is happens will depend. It's got to be a time that you are and feel your partner is receptive to having an honest conversation.

Quite frankly, especially if he is your age, your lover is likely to be at least as nervous as you are talking openly about sex as you may be.

I would start simple. Tell him the things you enjoy doing with him and ask him to tell you the things he enjoys doing with you (in bed obviously).

Then ask him if there are things you haven't done together but which he'd like to do. If he doesn't ask you the same question, you follow up by telling him the thing or things you'd like to try.

Personally, I wouldn't jump right in to, "I wanna try anal!"

That puts him on the spot and he's likely to respond negatively as positively.

You could even make a game out of it. Word association, for example, or 20 questions, or never have I ever...

But again, be patient, and most importantly, have fun!

Still, it isn't ever a good time for that kind of convesation :confused:
 
Dear TT,


I'm curious, what turns you on? I'm also curious to what you're goals are? The point of my question is that you should build upon what your successes / what you're familiar with. As many have mentioned, this is a journey and not a destination

Also, you appear to have had short-term lovers and I question how often you've had a frank and descriptive discussion about sex and your interests. Have you considered taking an older lover / mentor? Someone that will challenge you

On the basis of your age, I'm guessing that you don't have the experience that others that have had. While its natural to be curious / intrigued of other's experiences, be assured that most learned along the wau

What turns me on, and my goals, is being hot and desirable. Not being passive and uninspiring.
 
Okay, let's talk about communication.

When / how do you discuss things? Over dinner? In bed, before, after? In the car?
"Hey, hon, let's try anal tonight"?

Generally, I find that the best time to talk about sex with a partner is right after having sex. At that point you've both done intimate things to each other and seen each other at their most vulnerable, so the ice is broken, if not thoroughly smashed. It also takes the pressure off a bit, because anything you talk about isn't likely to happen until the next time you have sex, not right away.

After the wind down and during the post coital cuddling, I would start off with something like, "I really enjoy having sex with you, sweetie, and I especially loved it when you did [fill in the blank] to me tonight." Complimenting them will make them feel confident and more comfortable, so that's a good start. Then you can ask them what they enjoyed most, and if you could do anything better next time to please them. Gauge their reaction, and take it from there.

Anal is definitely a tough subject to penetrate [see what I did there? ;)], so tread lightly and take it slow. You could try asking them to rub their thumb along the rim on your anus, but not penetrate, the next time you are in the Canine position. Or as suggested by others, have him watch you play with a toy, and while doing this you can also use a finger to play with your anus - it'll give him the idea that you're okay with it.

Good luck, and have fun!

SJ
 
Still, it isn't ever a good time for that kind of conversation :confused:

If you're not comfortable with that, no worries. Forget it.

Just consider what you ARE comfortable with.

What turns me on, and my goals, is being hot and desirable. Not being passive and uninspiring.

What makes YOU feel hot and desirable? Does being aggressive or inspiring make you feel hot and desirable?

Whenever it may have been, think back to a time when you felt hot and desirable. What about that particular experience made you feel that way? Is there something you can take from that experience and re imagine or recreate to make you feel that way again?

If you know, you have a great place to start from. If you're not sure, then it's time for practice and experimentation. Starting by yourself might be easier than with your partner.

Toys- OMG, I've never done that in front of someone, but willing to try. Turning red as I even type that.

If it would be awkward with a partner, consider trying it by yourself first. That is a great way to get in touch with how you're feeling, how your body responds, etc.

Another thing to consider, is whether with toys or not, when you're alone, imagine that your lover is there WITH YOU. It might be easier to be who it is you're trying to become without the potential performance anxiety that might come with a partner there with you.

This is also a form of role playing. You're playing out a fantasy. Entirely in your mind, but that has a specific purpose and goal, getting more in touch with your own sexuality, finding out what turns you on, practicing saying out loud some of the things you may not have been able to bring yourself to say IRL.

One of the suggestions from the books I mentioned earlier:

Say out loud, to yourself, the things you think you might like to say to a lover. Look in a mirror, and say whatever sounds sexy, hot, erotic, etc.

At first, you're going to feel really silly. I know, I've been there.

But it gives you a way to practice and learn how you sound. Practice with different voice tone and inflection. Slow and sultry, or high pitched and giggly, and so on, whatever pops into your imagination.

Looking in a mirror has the added benefit that you can see your own reactions. You can see what YOU look like, when you look sexy, when you look flirty, when you look silly, and so on. Then you have a better idea of what to go for when you're with your lover.
 
Shell

You have to be comfortable with yourself first and I think opening up on here helps some.
When you get to the point of sex don't hesitate to tell the other person what you want need and if they are doing it wrong in a positive way no put downs.

Little hints like "it gets me so hot when you do ******"

Don't forget to to listen too what your partner wants some times you might have to pry it out but find out if they are tight lipped some thing like " does this feel good, or which is better this ???? or THIS????.

Mutual masturbation mite be a good fore runner to full blown SEX.
Set it up and have him watch you and you watch him (not at the same time) and study what pushes him over the hill and when you are doing it be vocal how you like it and why.

Again this is to get in the the brain and get brain working for you first the other organs will follow after.

Again you have to be comfortable with your self first!!!!!
 
One little suggestion, take the lead, initiate, and when he reciprocates, stop him. Make him try to stay perfectly still while you tease him.
 
An easy way to start is to ride him and let him watch you masturbate as you grind your sex up and down his shaft as you get more comfortable showing off just how bad you want it you can start talking to him. dirtier and dirtier as you get closer to orgasm and let your inhibitions subside. Guys want to see how bad you want it not that your just willing to take what they are offering.
 
If your goal is to be desirable and sexy than I suggest just being yourself. There's nothing sexier than someone comfortable with themselves. We can't please everyone and the right person will like YOU and not the sexy act.

Being able to communicate with a lover openly takes time. Clearly the first date is not going to be the best time to discuss your sexual preferences. Dating someone for a while or having sex with the same person more than a few times you'll both be able to discover likes and dislikes.
 
Dirty talk is a key to a door that leads to a larger door, with some people. Find yours and your partners limits by talking about them when you're comfortable. If it takes a bottle of Stoli Ras to open you up a bit, do it!
 
Color makes the role. If you are being dominant then black, red, purple.

Nope. Attitude makes the role. One of the most dominant women I know has a penchant for carnation pink, and there is no way any one would ever mistake her for a submissive.

First and foremost, enjoy yourself and do what you enjoy.

This. Examine the things you already know you like, and then see how you can expand your boundaries within that area. Example: I like to dance, but all my training has been in the classical or latin genre. Still, when I wanted to bring some extra spice into the bedroom, I started looking at ways I could incorporate my love of dance as an enticement for my husband. Enter erotic dance lessons. Needless to say, my efforts were well received. :D
 
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Communication. Communication, honesty and sensitivity towards each other.

One's definition of bad girl is another's definition of good girl. And by the way, the two are not necessarily antonyms. Find out what makes you hot and desirable and communicate that to your partner. What does your partner do that turns you on? What do you do that turns your partner on?

If you want to rock someone's world in the bedroom, then you have to communicate outside of it. What makes the person shiver? What does the person want? Does the person want a dominant or a submissive in the bedroom? Are toys yay or nay? Dirty talk or no? Do not assume that works for one will work for the others (I can tell stories; I was turned off of sex precisely because of that for almost two years before I met my all).

Communicate, find out what makes you both hot and then have fun. Not everything will work - something that sounds good may epically fail, but if no one gets harmed, so what? You will not like everything sex-related.

I think that the definition of a bad girl is one who is willing to communicate, listen and experiment, and also laugh. But the most important thing is to be honest with yourself and each other.

Read stories that gets you hot under the collar and share them with your partner. Discuss (or not). And keep an open mind when your partner tells you of his/her fantasies. You do not have to try everything, but do not automatically reject something (unless outside of the normal ethical confines) or reject your partner (again, unless outside of the normal ethical confines). Even if something squicks you, be respectful of your partner when you say no.

Oh, and by the way, not everyone is geared up to be the porn star du jour. I get really sick and tired that people expect acrobatics kinky sex every single time (sayeth the woman with some pretty strong kinks and whose all also has some strong kinks). As long as you enjoy yourselves and are compatible, who cares whether or not you match up to preconceived notion of 'bad' (or 'good') girl?
 
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First and foremost, you need to be 100% comfortable and happy with your body. That is very important. Also think about what you like, without judgment on yourself. Don't think about what others may think about what turns you on, find your sexuality and own it!
Next, all those times when you are in bed and feel like trying something, do it! Don't be afraid to try anything, open your mind. Some of the most memorable and sexy times have been when I've tried something I had never thought about before.
I too am submissive and have been my whole life, know what you really don't like, your hard limits. If you know those and why they make you uncomfortable you will be open when new things come along.

A
 
If you want to rock someone's world in the bedroom, then you have to communicate outside of it.

Couldn't agree more!


Communicate, find out what makes you both hot and then have fun. Not everything will work - something that sounds good may epically fail, but if no one gets harmed, so what? You will not like everything sex-related.

As my dear ole Aunt used to say, "Even if you fall flat on your face, at least you're moving in the right direction."


Read stories that gets you hot under the collar and share them with your partner. Discuss (or not). And keep an open mind when your partner tells you of his/her fantasies. You do not have to try everything, but do not automatically reject something (unless outside of the normal ethical confines) or reject your partner (again, unless outside of the normal ethical confines). Even if something squicks you, be respectful of your partner when you say no.

Breeze has a couple GREAT stories in this category that I can highly recommend:

Show Me

Tell Me
 
First of all, apologies up front for
(a) not looking back beyond the first few pages for a similar thread
(b) the use of 'girl' instead of woman or female. Somehow, "Bad Woman" doesn't sound quite right.

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I'm looking for tips, tricks and hints for the inhibited or shy woman who needs to learn how to let go. Ideas on how to be a bad girl in the sense of letting go and allowing yourself to enjoy what the world of sex has to offer.

I really feel I have a ways to go. I know its not just as simple as stripping and crawling to him on my hands and knees, or just jumping on the bed naked.

What I'm looking for are hints on being seductive, exciting, erotic.

How about use of sex toys, props, dressing naughty, Kind of a 'how to turn up my personal volume'. But more in a technical sense, rather than discussing my personal self esteem.

So guys, what is a turn on for you in the bedroom?
Girls, what helped you become more exotic / erotic / naughty in the bedroom?

*PS* I am not looking for PM's.
If you respond to this topic by PM, consider this as your response:

Thank you for your reply, but please respond on the thread, so others can agree / add to / disagree.



My first thought was "Come spend a weekend with me!":D I tend to make "Bad Girls" out of females. I can't help it.

But more to the problem read a few stories here at Lit. find out what turns on you and whoever you have in mind.
 
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<snip>

Color makes the role. If you are being dominant then black, red, purple. If you are being sub then pink, white, etc. Again you have to sell it.

Taken out of context. LOL and the exception proves the rule.

Poorly said but what I meant was that in general one's interpretation of the color would define attitude. The dom lady you mentioned may get off on wearing pink and flipping the script so to speak but I can't imagine any person starting off trying to be a dom would choose a pink outfit. Just saying... ;)

J

Respectfully, I disagree. Many those who identify as submissive will wear black and reds and purples. Hell, I wear those colours because the colours look good on me. I also wear white, but do not assume that I look demure.

I know of many dom/mes who wear 'softer' colours: pinks, blues, pastels. And yes, I know many dom/mes (including my all) who wear dark dominant colours, simply because they like those colours and it is age and work appropriate. It has nothing to do with the fact about how they identify themselves in their personal relationship dynamic.

Bottom line, to reiterate and highlight what the wondrous Baila:rose: said, it's the attitude, not the colour. Her friend who is a domme is not the exception to the rule, and I seriously doubt that 'she gets off' of wearing pink. Rather, she wears pink because she likes that colour. When it comes to BDSM and clothing, there is no exception to the rule because there is no rule to begin with. The only rule that I know of is SSC, RACK and no 4Cs. Outside of it, whatever floats your boat in whatever colour that boat may be.

While colour association can play a role, it's the attitude and the way one wears/embodies the role rather than the visual that will make and define the role. A domme once told me that she wears whatever she wants because that is her prerogative.

For casual play, sure. Go with the social normative stereotype if it helps to get one in the mood. However, to say that dominant wears this and (I am sorry, but this got to me) a submissive wears white or pink(!) is misleading.

This debate is neither here nor now, but I did want to point it out the fallacy in logic. And again, I do not want to start a flame-war, finger-pointing or an argument.
 
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Poorly said but what I meant was that in general one's interpretation of the color would define attitude. The dom lady you mentioned may get off on wearing pink and flipping the script so to speak but I can't imagine any person starting off trying to be a dom would choose a pink outfit. Just saying... ;)

J

Maybe because you're basing your assumption on what is stereotypically portrayed as what a dominant woman "should" wear? A stereotype that's largely based upon male fantasy, I might add. If you ask a dominant woman what she prefers to wear (color preferences included), her answer is likely to include some variation of "Whatever I damn well please." Most dominant women I know have said to hell with the "script," and opt instead to write their own. Just sayin'. :D
 
Hot and Desirable. No one will love you until and unless you love yourself. Substitute "desire" "want" or any other word. The key is you have to be real in these situations. I recommend that you practice masturbating in front of a mirror. When you can do that naturally and with pride in front of another, all of the rest will follow. Every man loves it, it will lead to many things. If we were a steady couple and you did it regularly, I'd take my cues from how you played to continue the encounter with you after you have reached your first orgasm. Tease your ass with a finger? Think I won't notice and take it further when the show has reached a climax? You can go anywhere sexually and it will happen without awkwardness once you can masturbate for him, knowing how sexy you look, sound, are. If you have to start with sub tendencies, sit in front of your mirror and imagine your DOM lover demanding it of you. One way or the other you need to get comfortable doing it and know you are never more beautiful than when you are lost in your own pleasure and woman enough to let him see it.
 
Hi again Tiny,

I read through your other thread earlier today and just had to tell you, this new beau of yours has no idea what's in store for him what with all the advice you've been getting. :D He also probably has no idea how lucky he is.

You're a beautiful, sexy, obviously brilliant woman. If you want him, make him yours. And this you can do dominantly, submissively, whatever flavor you like.

Just have fun! Cuz I know if I were him, I sure would ;)

Oh, I almost forgot...

Judging from the lovely pics in that other thread and in your profile, it seems you're a bit (or a lot?) of an exhibitionist. That's definitely something worth exploring alone or with your partner.
 
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Thanks for the advice.

I already started some of what you suggested, the mirror and vocalizing, and I texted him that loved his tongue and finger play last time. Starting the communication part.

I will also try the schoolgirl outfit, I could really pull that one off.

Always open to more ideas...
 
Use the mirror every day, turn yourself on, look yourself in the eye, it will be sensational when it is his eyes and you truly feel beautiful and sexually desirable. Go girl, turn that brain into your biggest, juiciest sex organ.
 
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