Isolated Blurts - The HT Cafe Way

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So, sitting here watching "Back-up Plan" with Jennifer Lopez and Alex O'Loughlin (whom I love).

I get to the scene where Alex is flirting with Jennifer and it all sounds awfully familiar.

I realize, these are the exact same lines that some guy laid on me and I totally fell for. Word for word! I don't know what makes me more upset - the fact that I was too stupid to realize he wasn't as smooth as I thought he was, or the fact that he actually plagarized a God damned Jennifer Lopez movie.

Very disappointing.
 
feeling a little removed from myself this week

Earlier this week, on Tuesday, I watch a man jump to his death. It was a surreal collection of moments that days later have me wondering about the fragility of the mind and just how fleeting life is.

It was just before noon and I was heading to a lunch meeting across the river. Traffic was slow but fine as I began to ascend the bridge. Bit heavier than normal, probably a small lunch hour rush.
The gentleman was on the sidewalk that runs along one side of the bridge, the other side from my direction of travel. Because there is a slight curve in the bridge - to the right in the direction I was heading - as you near the apex, and pedestrians are rarely crossing on foot, I noticed him standing there. He was all the more noticeable because he was carrying an open umbrella on a partially cloudy, but rain free day.
He was just an average looking guy, late thirties / early forties, just standing there, holding his umbrella and looking out at the river.

I watched as he closed his umbrella and leaned it against the railing. I was half expecting him to produce a camera, as the views of the city from the bridge deck are nice and the few times you see folks up there they are snapping away with their canons or cell phones.
Then he took off his coat, folded it neatly, and set it on the sidewalk beside his umbrella. I slowed, and I remember thinking for a brief moment that I had to stop before the curve. I’d be hard to spot stopped in the curve, an accident waiting to happen.

I stopped, put on my hazards and watched the man take his shoes off, one at a time.
Traffic stopped behind me but was still buzzing by in the oncoming lanes. As I got out of my truck the man set his shoes on top of his folded coat, stood and grabbed the railing. I shouted “Hey!” and another driver who had stepped out of his car yelled “Don’t!”.

In two blinks of an eye the man did this little leap and swung both his legs over the railing, like you would do yourself to get over a low fence. Then he was gone.
By the time there was break in traffic for a few of us to cross and look down, he was gone. You could not even discern where he had entered the water. The bridge is very high and for several minutes me and some strangers watched the moving water to see if the man would surface. Hoped he would surface. He didn’t.

The police cars arrived and several officers took up positions along the railing, looking down at the river and speaking into the radio mics clipped to their jackets.
My details were taken down and I gave a brief statement. I called the gentlemen I was to meet for lunch to cancel and apologize.

I felt surreal and detached as I drove down the empty bridge - they closed if for a “police incident”. I went home, hugged my kids extra long, and told my wife what happened.

I still can’t get my mind around it. I don’t understand how someone can do something like that. It seems so senseless. A few days ago I even found myself a little angry at this person, and considered him a selfish, ungracious fuck for impacting so horribly the lives of his family, those who knew him, and a handful of unsuspecting commuters on Tuesday.

We are all lights, and the time we have to shine and blaze already seems so... momentary. Why ever would you want to douse this precious light prematurely?


 
^^^^
Sorry to hear you had to see that Emerson.

Just remember... Whoever that guy was, I'm certain that wasn't a clear headed decision. Most people, when they get to that point, have severe problems with which they just don't know how to deal. When I was young my family dealt with a suicide of a close family member. It was really difficult to try to understand why someone would do something like that. Why they wouldn't get help. Suicide is a selfish way out to the eyes of everyone on the outside. To those struggling with it, in their minds, it is the only way- as faulty as that is.

I can't imagine seeing that. :(
 
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Em, sorry you witnessed that - glad you are talking about it. You may need to for a while yet.

How? - their logic and reasoning would not be of yours, so it is nearly impossible to rationalise what happened. For whatever justification this person had, they obviously believed that it was totally the only choice they had left. The ultimate control of self that no one or series of events could take away from them. They believed their decision was right and unavoidable.

Don't feel guilty for your own emotions over this no mater how they swing. Don't analyse them too much, as that will cause them to linger. Let them flow and pass through you. Importantly don't feel negatively toward yourself for your own emotions or indeed sometimes when there may be none, but you feel there should be more. The most important message to you is to embrace life for all its worth and keep loving your family and help to make everyday precious to them and for yourself.
 
sex symbols? - who would have thought...
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Em, I know we've already talked in PMs, but I just want to remind you that I'm here if you need to talk. You've got a lot of people here and at home who love you; don't go through this alone. ((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))
 
Em, who knows why they did what they did? You can not feel what this person felt, so acknowledge it in the best way you see fit...and move on...

Celebrate life...
 
holy crap emerson. i don't even know what to say, man.

that poor fellow. i'm struck by how methodical he was. was he worried about leaving even more of a mess?

wow.

ed
 
This sounds like something the Lit Society would come up with.

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Make a decision already!

ETA: Fuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!11
 
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Thank you

Thank you everyone, for your posts and messages over the last several days. The last week was a weird one, but a week that has taught me a great deal about myself, and has provided more than a few of those little life lessons that come along every once in a while, reminding you just what things in life are truly important and dear.

I of course did not find answers to all my questions, but I am fine with this. I realize that some of the answers I was looking for could never be found or understood, partly because I have the good fortune in my life to not be travelling down the troubling and difficult road that some, including the unfortunate man with the umbrella, struggle down as they navigate life.

Thanks again everyone, for your words (whether few or many), your insight, advice, and wisdom.

I would also like to give an extra big thank you to those who shared their personal experiences, and the things they learned by them. I am just a bloke on a message board, who posts every once in a while and enjoys the company and contributions of others. You really had no reason to re-visit those arduous times, share your experience, and help make some sense of something that, to the average bear, is really quite senseless. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
 
I have had to deal with the suicide of a close family member...I knew what pushed him to it but i never really came to terms with it...it still affects me and has shaped how I behave in relationships...am scared shit about losing people I love...except that they do not understand my need to know and be close and they move away..It hurts but I have to deal with it...
 
Short sale = oxymoron.

The amount of money I saved just bought me a lot of patience. :D
 
sailing away at a sale

I tried so hard to explain - "you didn't save any money at all - you spent it - it is now all gone"
 
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