blulilacgrl
Viva la Tarte!
- Joined
- May 22, 2012
- Posts
- 10,390
This thread has been weighing on my mind all day and I find that I simply must respond.
Some people self medicate with sex period~ vanilla or kinky or pistachio flavored.
Would you require all people get a "clean bill of mental health" before engaging in sex of any kind?
Also may I just point out. Not all BDSM "relationships" are about love. Not all Doms are setting to create a scenario for the sub to "get lost in". In fact there are some where it is simply the exchange of sex (not all, but some). And it seems to me that what she was considering and what the whole post was about.
I took this to mean should she look for another relationship entirely or should she look for an agreement with a Dom in order to satisfy the sexual feelings and cravings she is having.
This does not necessarily mean her relationship is on the fritz. Nor would it necessarily (going on the assumption that her partner is aware and okay with her seeing someone else for this) destroy her current relationship.
I have seen no such comments on this thread.
Apparently a lot 1,447,646 people believe that one can speak openly about their sexual wants and needs right here on the Lit boards.
Where did she say she wanted to be blindfolded and restrained. And no offense, people deal with trust issues all the time. The commitment issues you claim she is dealing with is incorrect.
Also while it is something that you are uncomfortable with does not mean that everyone else is uncomfortable with such a thing. And the OP didn't seem to be uncomfortable with the idea.
A) At least you recognize that you are stereotyping and making wild generalizations. People discover the joys of BDSM at many different times in their lives. Sexuality is not something set in stone. Just because you were not interested in something in your 20s does not mean you cannot move toward something else in your 40s.
B) Again, the OP didn't mention any issues within her current relationship other than the normal ones of time and energy. And just because you are driven and involved in things does not mean you are an Alpha personality type. It means you are driven and involved.
A) When did the poster talk about being gagged?
B) You are supposing that she would not consult her partner before engaging in these things. Given that her partner was a practicing Dom would lead me to the thought that her partner would be able to understand and perhaps support the OP in the OP's quest for information and experience.
You may not be the only one who sees it as odd. But I don't see it as odd at all. I recently went through some rough times and found the pain to be a way to hep me deal with it. It was cathartic and ultimately helped me to break down and let my emotions out. But again that is just me. Although I will suppose that I am not unique and so there might be others out there who also benefit from pain the same way I do.
Again where did you see the OP asking for this?
Utimately Shawn you made sweeping generalizations, attributed false motives and desires to the OP and made it clear that you are not someone who practices BDSM (at least not intentionally). And yet you felt that you somehow are more aware of the ins and outs of this lifestyle than members of this board. I find that to be incredibly arrogant.
Okay said my peace. Thanks.
I never said the act or participation in BDSM is in and of itself a sickness. I said that people use it as a means of self-medicating. I also said that after she gets a clean bill of mental health, she could then pursue her increased interest in pain.
Some people self medicate with sex period~ vanilla or kinky or pistachio flavored.
Would you require all people get a "clean bill of mental health" before engaging in sex of any kind?
Also may I just point out. Not all BDSM "relationships" are about love. Not all Doms are setting to create a scenario for the sub to "get lost in". In fact there are some where it is simply the exchange of sex (not all, but some). And it seems to me that what she was considering and what the whole post was about.
<snipped>
... And this is where I'm confused...I don't know what I'm looking for or what I *should* be looking for. Should I be going to visit a dominatrix? But is there sex involved in that relationship or is it just BDSM stuff? Should I be looking for that dynamic in a sexual relationship with another woman?
<snipped>
I took this to mean should she look for another relationship entirely or should she look for an agreement with a Dom in order to satisfy the sexual feelings and cravings she is having.
Huntress2603;43858285 said:I don't want to pursue someone else. This wouldn't be a "hook up" for me. I had asked about a dominatrix because I thought a professional relationship would help to teach me more about BDSM and help to satisfy some of my needs, which I discussed earlier. And, quite honestly, my g/f hasn't worked as a Dom in quite a while. When we do explore further, it will be a learning experience for her, as well, since she might be a little rusty ;-)
This does not necessarily mean her relationship is on the fritz. Nor would it necessarily (going on the assumption that her partner is aware and okay with her seeing someone else for this) destroy her current relationship.
Lastly, the Literotica forums is not the place where you should be asking for advice pertaining to important life decisions. While there are some intelligent and knowledgeable people on here, they are easily and often lost in the sea of people who are thinking to themselves: "I'd really like to smack her ass and put it in her butt; sounds like she'd be agreeable too."
I have seen no such comments on this thread.
I can understand why communicating with your partner could be scary for you. At the same time, if you can't talk about your sexual wants and needs with the person you're having sex with, then who can you?
Apparently a lot 1,447,646 people believe that one can speak openly about their sexual wants and needs right here on the Lit boards.
If it were something like androphobia or building a budding career then I would agree with you. Right now she's dealing with trust issues and possibly commitment issues though. At the end of the day, isn't BDSM rooted in trust? I don't know about the rest of you but I wouldn't want to be blindfolded and restrained while someone I wasn't absolutely positive about did w/e they wanted to me.
Where did she say she wanted to be blindfolded and restrained. And no offense, people deal with trust issues all the time. The commitment issues you claim she is dealing with is incorrect.
Also while it is something that you are uncomfortable with does not mean that everyone else is uncomfortable with such a thing. And the OP didn't seem to be uncomfortable with the idea.
Before you embark into the BDSM lifestyle, you should take a long, hard look at who you are as a person and your reasoning behind doing it. If you don't like what you see, you probably shouldn't go down this road. I know I'm stereotyping and profiling with this next comment but I'm too tired to care.
A lot of people involved in the BDSM lifestyle have some-kind of deep seated trauma or are emotionally damaged in one way or another. Your escalating need to feel pain with your pleasure proves that something isn't quite right. If you were a submissive masochist all along then why are you just now figuring it out? Are you intentionally punishing yourself for something you feel you did or didn't do? What prompted the sudden need to explore the lifestyle? What about it resonates with you?
I've been thinking about your personality all night long and the pieces just don't fit. You're an Alpha arch-type personality that is driven and involved. Something tells me that the identity crisis within your relationship stems from two dominant people trying to figure out when they should assert and when they should yield. She has previous Dom experience and-or is older, plus you've got the kids so you're wearing the skirt by default.
A) At least you recognize that you are stereotyping and making wild generalizations. People discover the joys of BDSM at many different times in their lives. Sexuality is not something set in stone. Just because you were not interested in something in your 20s does not mean you cannot move toward something else in your 40s.
B) Again, the OP didn't mention any issues within her current relationship other than the normal ones of time and energy. And just because you are driven and involved in things does not mean you are an Alpha personality type. It means you are driven and involved.
A bad experience while gagged and an inability to call things off could undermine all of the work she has done with her counselor thus far.
As for the child point, I was referring to her partner taking her going to a Dom poorly. Add to that that her partner is an ex-Dom and yeah. Bet her kids are emotionally invested in her partner and don't want to see her go. Acting without talking it out could lead to just that (the fact that you all are debating whether or not BDSM is a sexual act leads me to believe that her partner could construe it as cheating).
A) When did the poster talk about being gagged?
B) You are supposing that she would not consult her partner before engaging in these things. Given that her partner was a practicing Dom would lead me to the thought that her partner would be able to understand and perhaps support the OP in the OP's quest for information and experience.
I never said she was an emotional cripple, nor did I imply it. I did, however, implore her to do some soul searching (which she is doing). She went through some rough times emotionally and now she wants some rough times physically. Am I the only one who sees that as odd?
You may not be the only one who sees it as odd. But I don't see it as odd at all. I recently went through some rough times and found the pain to be a way to hep me deal with it. It was cathartic and ultimately helped me to break down and let my emotions out. But again that is just me. Although I will suppose that I am not unique and so there might be others out there who also benefit from pain the same way I do.
Tied to a bed with a gag in the mouth. Whoops, no where to drop it. The only reason why I brought this up is that Huntress sounds like she wants to go from 0 to 60 immediately.
Again where did you see the OP asking for this?
Utimately Shawn you made sweeping generalizations, attributed false motives and desires to the OP and made it clear that you are not someone who practices BDSM (at least not intentionally). And yet you felt that you somehow are more aware of the ins and outs of this lifestyle than members of this board. I find that to be incredibly arrogant.
Okay said my peace. Thanks.