So basically, I am confused. I have had this "weirdness" (for want of a better word) for a very long time, since school.
It started when I was curious, and I took a pair of my cousins panties. Most nights I would wear them in bed, I would rub myself in them and enjoy the feeling. I had no sexual feelings of that nature for my cousin, but something about womens underwear drove me crazy.
As time (years) went on, I took a bra and a thong. I would start to wear them and rub my cock with them until I came. God it felt good, but I every time afterwards I would feel a wave of shame. Like what I had done was utterly terrible. I guess I didn't understand myself. At one point I was so ashamed that I threw away what I had.
It didn't stop there though. I went to University, and I got a job, and I found that I was able to be much more private and explore myself. I collected all kinds of things to wear and make myself sexy. By this time, I was grown up enough to understand that people can be very different sexually. I still felt a little guilty (or ashamed?) after an orgasm though (infact, I still do sometimes to this day). I collected everything from frilly ballerina tutus to teddies and stockings and corsets. I just loved the feeling of feminine things rubbing against myself. Especially if they were satin or lacy.
I even bought myself a dildo because when I was dressed up, I felt like something was missing. I would fuck myself with the dildo and loved every second. I had even started sharing videos of myself on websites for people to watch. I realised that I really wanted men to watch the videos and cum watching me dress up.
I ended up getting a girlfriend, and we love each other dearly. I know what you are thinking, getting a girlfriend? The poor woman is going to be his beard. I can truly say that I love her, there is no denial about that. I don't know how I can explain it. When I am not dressed up, I am your ordinary computer programmer. When I am dressed up, I turn into a submissive cock lusting slut. It is literally like a switch in my brain. Put on a sexy tanga, and suddenly I want cocks in my mouth and ass.
She ended up finding out about my collection, it was only a matter of time. To my surprise, she was only angry that I had not told her sooner. She has never been truly "into" it, like I am, but she has always been supportive. Which is a lot better than I have heard it go down in forums. She never knew about my dildo, because I had gotten rid of it. I thought that may be too much to explain. Sometimes we have sex and I am dressed up. I cannot help but wish that I had a dick in my mouth while I am with her.
Perhaps I should ask her about a strap-on. I don't know if this is going too far, seeing as she doesn't really appear to be that interested in my fetish. I think that she tolerates it to make me happy. And even then, I do not know if it would satisfy the cravings to be filled with cum and treated like a slut.
What the hell am I? Perhaps I would feel better if I could quantify myself... The closest I can come up with is cross-dresser and bi-sexual.
It started when I was curious, and I took a pair of my cousins panties. Most nights I would wear them in bed, I would rub myself in them and enjoy the feeling. I had no sexual feelings of that nature for my cousin, but something about womens underwear drove me crazy.
As time (years) went on, I took a bra and a thong. I would start to wear them and rub my cock with them until I came. God it felt good, but I every time afterwards I would feel a wave of shame. Like what I had done was utterly terrible. I guess I didn't understand myself. At one point I was so ashamed that I threw away what I had.
It didn't stop there though. I went to University, and I got a job, and I found that I was able to be much more private and explore myself. I collected all kinds of things to wear and make myself sexy. By this time, I was grown up enough to understand that people can be very different sexually. I still felt a little guilty (or ashamed?) after an orgasm though (infact, I still do sometimes to this day). I collected everything from frilly ballerina tutus to teddies and stockings and corsets. I just loved the feeling of feminine things rubbing against myself. Especially if they were satin or lacy.
I even bought myself a dildo because when I was dressed up, I felt like something was missing. I would fuck myself with the dildo and loved every second. I had even started sharing videos of myself on websites for people to watch. I realised that I really wanted men to watch the videos and cum watching me dress up.
I ended up getting a girlfriend, and we love each other dearly. I know what you are thinking, getting a girlfriend? The poor woman is going to be his beard. I can truly say that I love her, there is no denial about that. I don't know how I can explain it. When I am not dressed up, I am your ordinary computer programmer. When I am dressed up, I turn into a submissive cock lusting slut. It is literally like a switch in my brain. Put on a sexy tanga, and suddenly I want cocks in my mouth and ass.
She ended up finding out about my collection, it was only a matter of time. To my surprise, she was only angry that I had not told her sooner. She has never been truly "into" it, like I am, but she has always been supportive. Which is a lot better than I have heard it go down in forums. She never knew about my dildo, because I had gotten rid of it. I thought that may be too much to explain. Sometimes we have sex and I am dressed up. I cannot help but wish that I had a dick in my mouth while I am with her.
Perhaps I should ask her about a strap-on. I don't know if this is going too far, seeing as she doesn't really appear to be that interested in my fetish. I think that she tolerates it to make me happy. And even then, I do not know if it would satisfy the cravings to be filled with cum and treated like a slut.
What the hell am I? Perhaps I would feel better if I could quantify myself... The closest I can come up with is cross-dresser and bi-sexual.