New writer needs editor

I'm a new writer and I'm looking for someone to edit my work. It's transsexual/crossdressing. It has been sent back to me and I need help with my dialogue between my characters as well as other editing suggestions.

Can you post a sample of your dialogue?

Dialogue

As summer started to approach I realized I had to find a summer job. One afternoon while I was surfing the want ads my phone lit up it was a text from Texi saying “Hey”.

I ignored it and went back to looking through the ads my phone buzzed again.

It was her again this text said, “stop ignoring me and answer.”

I picked it up and said, “what do want.”

Her response shocked me, “I just wanted to ask if I could come by and talk to you about what happened over Christmas break as I deserved a true apology and explanation.”

“That’s probably not a good idea as I really don’t want old feelings coming up,” I replied.

Try this:


As summer started to approach I realized I had to find a summer job. One afternoon while I was surfing the want ads, my phone lit up it, and it was a text from Texi with the message: 'hey'

I ignored it and went back to looking through the ads my phone buzzed again.

It was her again with another text: 'stop ignoring me and answer.'

I picked up the phone and finally mustered the courage to call her.

“What do you want?" I asked, frustrated

Her response simply came as a shock to me.

“I just wanted to ask if I could come by and talk to you," she said softly. "What happened over Christmas break was wrong and you deserve a true apology and explanation."

“That’s probably not a good idea as I really don’t want old feelings coming up."

You put things in italics by putting the words in this bracket form: <i> </i>

Put the words inside that, then when you preview it before submitting, you'll see that the words become italics. Use 'b' instead of 'i' then it becomes bold.

This is what I'd do

As summer started to approach, I realized I had to find a summer job. One afternoon, while I was surfing the want ads, my phone lit up...it was a text from Texi saying, 'Hey'. I ignored it and continued looking through the ads until she texted, again, 'Stop ignoring me and answer.'

I picked it up and texted, 'What do you want?'

Her response shocked me! 'I only want to ask if I can come by and talk to you about what happened during Christmas break, as I deserve a true apology and explanation!'

'That’s probably not a good idea, as I really don’t want old feelings coming up,' I replied.