Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

When I snap my fingers, you'll awaken refreshed and feeling contented. You won't remember anybody from the basketball team having been here tonight. You won't remember anything that happened tonight.
 
Is this your time of the month, or did you have a very bad shaving accident?
 
Can I look forward to you disappointing me like this for the rest of my life?
 
What's all of this cottage cheese looking stuff? It doesn't taste like cottage cheese.
 
Every time that someone mentions Nancy Pelosi, it shrivels up for a whole week. It's a curse that all men suffer from.
 
When you told me that your muscles were so strong that you could snap a carrot in half, I didn't believe you. But now, after seeing it with my own eyes, I'm afraid to have sex with you.
 
4 out of five dentist surveyed that would be me john, jim and jake think your ok but phil wants to go again before he answers.
 
"Say hel-lo to my leetle friend." Delivered like Al Pacino in Scarface.
 
"What do you mean, you're actually a penis-devouring alien from another planet? What kind of bullsh--"

*chomp!*

"Argh!"
 
"My mom might walk in, so just stay covered up. But we don't have to stop."
 
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