As The Hospital Pervs

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Face meltingly insane. I like that.

Double the shitstorm today, so apparently the world is back in balance. Oh well, it's over. Back to do it all again tomorrow.

It's the week of psycho parents. The parents of every scheduled admission this week have, in the past, either (a) sued us, (b) accused us of abuse, or (c) both. YET THEY KEEP BRINGING THEIR KIDS BACK. :rolleyes:

I hope you're enjoying your days off. :rose:
I am glad you like the language. It truly feels like that sometimes! I say things like that in the medication room when it is busy: I am about to peel my face off. Nobody responds because they are all busy talking to themselves out loud.

I don't think the institution should accept families back that do those things. It's a risk. I am not saying that bad things don't happen but it's not fair to the patient when that threat is present.

I know for myself in my own practice that when a family member creates an atmosphere of mistrust, I back away. For example: some family members write down everything that happens the whole day without leaving bedside. I read these notes like a sneak: nurse in room, nurse giving medications, etc.

On one hand the family member is doing me a favor because it proves my presence in the room but at the same time it's weird and gives me a bad vibe. I provide the standard of safe care without the emotional aspect because it feels strained. I won't take the extra effort to explain the truth in a language that makes sense. I will defer all questions to the physician.

I actually spend less time with these patients and it's not fair to the patient. And it is exhausting.
 
That being said I make every effort to establish and maintain trusting relationships with the patient and family. It usually works out great.
 
Well then, get busy.
It was so busy today! I barely had time to be perverse. I went into bed ten to do a toss and turn with a friend, she said: Look at his adorable erection!

I didn't believe her. I peeked under the sheet. I asked her if we should soap it up. She said no. Then I asked: if the man ejaculates, will the semen leak around the foley catheter?

She told me to shut up.
 
Then I went back to my DTer climbing out of the bed while hooked up to a ventilator, with bilateral wrists restrained, on Versed 10mg/hour intravenous.

How does this happen? It's a secret maneuver that all DTers perform. It's a sneaky slide to the bottom of the bed and then the legs go to one side and tangle with the bed rails.
 
Then I went back to my DTer climbing out of the bed while hooked up to a ventilator, with bilateral wrists restrained, on Versed 10mg/hour intravenous.

How does this happen? It's a secret maneuver that all DTers perform. It's a sneaky slide to the bottom of the bed and then the legs go to one side and tangle with the bed rails.

The personal best in SI was a little fella, about 110 pounds, amputee. He extubated himself 7 times in one day...with the stub of his leg. After we shot the 7th PCXR for placement on him I patted his hand and said, "Darlin, you keep this up and you won't get a wink of sleep, anymore radiation and you're gonna glow in the dark."
 
The personal best in SI was a little fella, about 110 pounds, amputee. He extubated himself 7 times in one day...with the stub of his leg. After we shot the 7th PCXR for placement on him I patted his hand and said, "Darlin, you keep this up and you won't get a wink of sleep, anymore radiation and you're gonna glow in the dark."
Hahahaha! Did I tell you that I call the PCXR, the portable chest truck?

That's crazy! I wasn't risking a self extubation-- by 1500 hour I asked for Propofol on top of Versed. It worked! I said: Sweet dreams! :heart:
 
Hahahaha! Did I tell you that I call the PCXR, the portable chest truck?

That's crazy! I wasn't risking a self extubation-- by 1500 hour I asked for Propofol on top of Versed. It worked! I said: Sweet dreams! :heart:


LOL I can understand why. You can hear us coming a mile away.

I asked this guy's nurse why he wasn't sedated, evidently his doc didn't feel it was necessary. We both rolled our eyes when he told me. That was crazy on a new crazy level.
 
The Surgeon asked me if I was 'in charge' and I said yes. He wants a bed for a patient transfer from the floor.

I said: We have beds and highly skilled RNs ready to administer care to any of your patients as you deem necessary. It's your world.

He asked: Really?

And then I think he got a hard-on.
 
I went to the V.A. dermatology dept. yesterday. They were to check out some patches on my ears to see if they were cancerous. I was expecting them to take a sample for lab work.

Got a lady doctor.

First, she froze both my ears with liquid nitrogen (-320 degrees fahrenheit!).

Then she told me to take off my clothes.

???

This woman has a lot to learn about foreplay.
 
The Surgeon asked me if I was 'in charge' and I said yes. He wants a bed for a patient transfer from the floor.

I said: We have beds and highly skilled RNs ready to administer care to any of your patients as you deem necessary. It's your world.

He asked: Really?

And then I think he got a hard-on.

I would think so. That might be the first time he's ever heard a response like that. :cool:
 
I went to the V.A. dermatology dept. yesterday. They were to check out some patches on my ears to see if they were cancerous. I was expecting them to take a sample for lab work.

Got a lady doctor.

First, she froze both my ears with liquid nitrogen (-320 degrees fahrenheit!).

Then she told me to take off my clothes.

???

This woman has a lot to learn about foreplay.
The lady doctor needs a nurse to work for her because these are things nurses consider. :rose:
 
The past few weeks have been so busy, I haven't had time to be a perv! It's been crazy - literally and figuratively. Two work rotations found me working with half of my patients A/O x 1 - to self only. Three of my six patients were coo-coo for cocoa puffs (aka CCFCP). It got to the point that I wondered if they were A/Ox4 and *I* was the confused one!

I've also become the black widow of my department. I've taken care of 2 patients near death who died for the next nurse to take care of them. One was already a DNR; I worked all weekend to get the other patient declared DNR, then she died Tuesday. I dread going to work every day now because of the infamous cycle of threes.

The funny part of my past few weeks comes from one of the residents. A few weeks ago, I had to keep calling him all day to try to get discharge orders for a patient. He kept forgetting. Finally, I called him and said, ok, look, stop whatever you're doing and come on down now before you forget again. He laughed but he came then to discharge my patient.

Apparently he likes assertive nurses. He's been flirting with me ever since. It's becoming funny as hell. I might have to ramp up my assertiveness techniques and see how he reacts. :D
 
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