Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

Acktion · Dec 10, 2012

"So, I was listening to Dr. Ruth and...."

Acktion · Dec 10, 2012

"Um... did our belly buttons just form suction, or... oops, never mind. I shouldn't have eaten that third chalupa."

Acktion · Dec 10, 2012

"Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkk zzzzzzz Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkk zzzzzzz
Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkk zzzzzzz. No, Daddy, don't touch me there. Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkk zzzzzzz *snort* Oh, hey. I must have dozed off for a moment. But, that was feeling really good. Why'd you stop?"

Acktion · Dec 10, 2012

"So, like, you know, have you ever thought about what it must be like for old people to do this? (bubblegum snaps) I mean, like, our grandparents and stuff?"

Acktion · Dec 10, 2012

"So, my last boyfriend broke up with me because he said I sound like Fran Drescher. I don't know what he meant by that. Do you?"

loquere · Dec 10, 2012

So when do we go shopping?

TE999 · Dec 10, 2012

"It's so weird doing this with one guy."

Exquisition · Dec 10, 2012

"Hun, you;ve got a funny mark on your head I never noticed before....Say's 66 can;t make out the last digit."

loquere · Dec 10, 2012

Exquisition said:
"Hun, you;ve got a funny mark on your head I never noticed before....Say's 66 can;t make out the last digit."

Ha!!!!!

loquere · Dec 10, 2012

My fathers a baptist minister

Tio_Narratore · Dec 10, 2012

Don't worry, Tom. It's safe to have sex tonight; I emptied the powder from Dad's shotgun shells.

loquere · Dec 10, 2012

I never though I'd have to say this but your actually too big.

Exquisition · Dec 10, 2012

"If you're gonna have sex with me tonight, you're gonna have to put a thimble on it."

Acktion · Dec 11, 2012

loquere said:
My fathers a baptist minister

Er... actually... no, never mind.

Exquisition · Dec 11, 2012

"Good evening. I am the T1200. I will be your Sex robot tonight."

"Left hand on left breast."

"Right hand on right breast. Twist nipple...."

loquere · Dec 11, 2012

giggity giggity alright

CPBaudelaire · Dec 12, 2012

"Gosh darn it, that's slippery! Never mind, I can get it back. Gotta pair of vise grips?"

LaRascasse · Dec 13, 2012

"You'll love this part, it always makes your sister squeal."

MSTarot · Dec 13, 2012

"I'm drunk! You expect me to be the one to tell the difference between lube and superglue?"

neonhaus · Dec 13, 2012

Has anybody mentioned a yawn?

Handley_Page · Dec 13, 2012

Exquisition said:
"Good evening. I am the T1200. I will be your Sex robot tonight."
"Left hand on left breast."
"Right hand on right breast. Twist nipple...."

I see you've met my Ex, then.

BuckyDuckman · Dec 14, 2012

Acktion said:
"So, I was listening to Dr. Ruth and...."

A co-worker of mine was invited to appear on a nationally syndicated talk show. He invited our boss to be there for the event. While the co-worker was on stage with the host, our boss was left in the green room sitting across from Dr. Ruth. We still laugh about the imagined conversations between the two and always end with, "So, what DO you say to Dr. Ruth?"

"Hey, have you ever tried....?" I don't know.

lovecraft68 · Dec 14, 2012

Trust me, you want me to keep my socks on!

Exquisition · Dec 14, 2012

LaRascasse said:
"You'll love this part, it always makes your sister squeal."

lol. Very good!

Exquisition · Dec 14, 2012

"That's a bit of a turn up. The dog's tighter."

Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

GrumpyOldDude

GrumpyOldDude

GrumpyOldDude

GrumpyOldDude

GrumpyOldDude

Smile!

How 'bout a kiss, baby

Literotica Guru

Smile!

Smile!

Studies

Smile!

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GrumpyOldDude

Literotica Guru

Smile!

Experienced

I dream, therefore I am

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Virgin

Draco interdum Vincit

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Bad Doggie

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Literotica Guru

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