My Transgender Awakening

Gi_Venus

Loving Heart
Joined
Nov 19, 2005
Posts
11,550
Hi Everyone I was trying to clarify some thoughts and wrote the following. Please do contribute to the thread if you desire.... I would love to hear other stories other than my own. :rose:


My doctor says I have a female brain, It fits, the constant conflict of trying to fit into my male role with family, friends and society. All a lie to myself, an untruth that cries to be justified. In my youth my hormonal surges presented me with all kinds of unwelcome thoughts and behaviors…I knew, something was wrong with the self loathing I felt as I lived through these experiences. I lashed out, I tried to numb myself to the chaos within.
Early on I had some experiences that were a strong indicator that I was a woman, when I was treated as one I felt a sense of rightness….however the perception of the possible rejection of family, friends and our small community made exploring such things as taboo. Secret guilty thoughts quickly squelched were the norm and set the pattern for years…I became sensitized to how males are perceived and feared in our society, I knew I was not a threat to anyone yet women, children and some elderly always cast fear as a shield to the presence of me, a male. There was the fear of inappropriate behavior that was projected onto me. I wanted connection, I still need connection yet averted eyes, shunned hasty retreats from my loving nature would reinforce my loneliness and shyness. All through the years there was a sense of being lost. I played at my male role and learned to behave according to what was expected of me. Hating all of it. It was not me. I wanted gentler things, I wanted to nurture babies. I wanted the grace of female companionship in how they interacted with each other….I was outside of that, knowing that as a male I was never to share such things. The conflict of my very nature led to a state of chaos…..thoughts appeared…. Quickly to be shunned for my role as male was threatened . I hated myself.

It was not until I had a relationship with a woman online that my world was shaken, I experienced an awakening, a truth of myself and of my lived false nature. Our relationship was not really the key but what was invoked in me,
in retrospect I saw what she stirred in me and the true nature of it, I was a woman. I found myself on the phone talking to a transgender specialist asking in a small voice for help. And so my journey began to self, to recapture my life as it should be. Strangely enough it is only one of self acceptance, to be myself and not be prey to the worlds projections, to walk a path of truth, I am a woman and that is a fact despite natures joke.
The hormonal changes are secondary and incidental, whether my body changes or not, surely I am pleased to see my emerging form match my self perception and with it my fear of men grows. How ironic that I will shun them as I was shunned. Smile, except the special ones.
Gianna :rose:
 
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Very interesting - puzzling to me though. I grew up thinking that men and women are basically the same on the inside, that nurturing babies is something for both genders to do, as are math, fixing a car, cooking... that gender roles are an idea that went out of fashion around 1968. Then again, perhaps this belief is a reflection of the fact that my mind is about halfway between the typical male and female mind. I like babies and want to have one, but I love working with my hands doing carpentry and electrical work. I love stories and computers. I hate pink and spectator sports. I like fashion design but I refuse to shave my legs. I am attracted to men who are definitely men but are slender and have long hair - somewhat feminine ideals of attractiveness.

So yeah, I think gender roles are the big lie, just like religion - to be happy you should be yourself and not care who or what others think you should be, not buy into social myths about what women are or men are.
 
well i believe there is two poles 1 is male and one is female and everyone of us are somewhere in between. for the male born population that feels they fit more near the female pole they try to become a female for the females that feel they fit more near the male pole they try to become a male. But this is subjective i would say i'm somewhere in the middle ground. I love typical male things like sports any kind. but don't ask me to build something with wood or the likes. I enjoy computers and video games and anime all considered mainly male hobbies. I love to draw, I love comics. But emotionally i'm very much a woman. My heart has always told me my body isn't right being male my mind tried to make me fit the male role anyway. I will say this i will be quite a tomboy as a girl but i am a girl none the less and i wouldn't have it any other way. And while its all good trying to say that society is wrong and we shouldn't try to fit certain preordained roles but if we want to be treated like a woman then we have to play the part of and look the part of a woman. If your a man wearing a dress your still just a man wearing a dress and your gonna get treated like a man wearing a dress not as a man that is really a woman wearing a dress.


Gianna i'll think about my story and add it to this thread as soon as i get some time and know what i want to share.
 
sunandshadow said:
Very interesting - puzzling to me though. I grew up thinking that men and women are basically the same on the inside, that nurturing babies is something for both genders to do, as are math, fixing a car, cooking... that gender roles are an idea that went out of fashion around 1968. Then again, perhaps this belief is a reflection of the fact that my mind is about halfway between the typical male and female mind. I like babies and want to have one, but I love working with my hands doing carpentry and electrical work. I love stories and computers. I hate pink and spectator sports. I like fashion design but I refuse to shave my legs. I am attracted to men who are definitely men but are slender and have long hair - somewhat feminine ideals of attractiveness.

So yeah, I think gender roles are the big lie, just like religion - to be happy you should be yourself and not care who or what others think you should be, not buy into social myths about what women are or men are.
Oh I don't bellieve the lie but there are the social dynamics....that many people believe in. All the new studies show that really there are varying degrees of male and female in all of us, that we usually gravitate toward one or the other.....or sometimes inbetween. Of course there are those who think that we should associate with a "ideal" representation which is what you are speaking of....there is no "ideal" but somewhere inbetween. The roles...and behaviors I am speaking of are fact, I am not saying a man cannot be nurturing but it is perceived that women are caregivers and nurturers. Men are the agressors too, it is rare for a woman to go off on a killing spree. Transgendered folk are attacked and killed all the time and not by women. So the shunning I was speaking of is of neccesity and a grim reality. I do not live in an enlightened area. We will see.
But actually there are sex related traits that are common to each, the key word is common. There are many who are a mixture of the two. For instance, a womans spatial perception is usually not as good as a man.... or that a womans brain has a more broader perception, we have the capability to see the more holistic picture than a man. Men can focus better on smaller things...which is why they tend to do their projects. Of course if you are inbetween the two....who knows what mix you get....grin.
Oh...lol nice to meet you sunandshadow*hug*
 
I'm a gender girl and am good friends with Tiffany and Gia, so when I saw Gia's name on this, I had to pop in.

There's a lot of perceptions on what makes a woman a woman.

I despise pink. I LOATHE shopping. I enjoy anime, haunted house movies, reading scifi and fantasy. I can change a tire and rarely wear make up.

Care givers? THere've been more and more cases of women abandoning children and even killing them. Stay at home fathers are becoming more and more the norm.

Personalities are all unique. If all women were "cookie cutter," then it'd be a boring world.

What makes a woman a woman? Her heart and emotions. We're programmed differently than men. Even the tomboys or "butch" ones have the same, although they present them differently.
 
Tymeless said:
well i believe there is two poles 1 is male and one is female and everyone of us are somewhere in between. for the male born population that feels they fit more near the female pole they try to become a female for the females that feel they fit more near the male pole they try to become a male. But this is subjective i would say i'm somewhere in the middle ground. I love typical male things like sports any kind. but don't ask me to build something with wood or the likes. I enjoy computers and video games and anime all considered mainly male hobbies. I love to draw, I love comics. But emotionally i'm very much a woman. My heart has always told me my body isn't right being male my mind tried to make me fit the male role anyway. I will say this i will be quite a tomboy as a girl but i am a girl none the less and i wouldn't have it any other way. And while its all good trying to say that society is wrong and we shouldn't try to fit certain preordained roles but if we want to be treated like a woman then we have to play the part of and look the part of a woman. If your a man wearing a dress your still just a man wearing a dress and your gonna get treated like a man wearing a dress not as a man that is really a woman wearing a dress.


Gianna i'll think about my story and add it to this thread as soon as i get some time and know what i want to share.
I would love to read your story Tiffany*hugs*
 
Night_Jasmine said:
I'm a gender girl and am good friends with Tiffany and Gia, so when I saw Gia's name on this, I had to pop in.

There's a lot of perceptions on what makes a woman a woman.

I despise pink. I LOATHE shopping. I enjoy anime, haunted house movies, reading scifi and fantasy. I can change a tire and rarely wear make up.

Care givers? THere've been more and more cases of women abandoning children and even killing them. Stay at home fathers are becoming more and more the norm.

Personalities are all unique. If all women were "cookie cutter," then it'd be a boring world.

What makes a woman a woman? Her heart and emotions. We're programmed differently than men. Even the tomboys or "butch" ones have the same, although they present them differently.

Heart and emotions :kiss: I like that one Jasmine *hugs*:rose:
 
I just want you to know that I think that it is a beautiful thing and I find transgender women to be very lovely as well. I applaud your courage in pursuing your dream of becoming physically a woman when you clearly feel like a woman inside. You should seek what makes you happy. :rose:
 
yevkassem72 said:
I just want you to know that I think that it is a beautiful thing and I find transgender women to be very lovely as well. I applaud your courage in pursuing your dream of becoming physically a woman when you clearly feel like a woman inside. You should seek what makes you happy. :rose:

Thank you yevkassem72 :) :rose:
 
yevkassem72 said:
I just want you to know that I think that it is a beautiful thing and I find transgender women to be very lovely as well. I applaud your courage in pursuing your dream of becoming physically a woman when you clearly feel like a woman inside. You should seek what makes you happy. :rose:

Let me second that. The fact is that people are individuals first, and have the right to be true to themselves. If that means changing the external sex to fit what they deem to be truer to their nature, then so be it. :cool: :rose:

Then again, I also have a soft spot for a sweet and beautiful lady. :cool: ;)
 
okay quickly i'll relay my story.

I Tiffany Lauren Sachi Taylor was born Sean Ryan Taylor and am still legally Sean Ryan Taylor, but that can be corrected eventually.

Anyway i was a happy child. I enjoyed sports a lot so i did those because i fit in doing those things and i was gifted athletically short fast agile great hand eye coordination, but i also enjoyed other things that didn't show as much because i was only doing those with my sister growing up and they thought i was just being nice to my sister. House, cooking, cleaning, dress up barbies etc. When it came to friends though i did sports video games etc. Well i really didn't think about the diffrences of boys and girls till prolly 8 or 9 years old and thats also when i started going to bed everynight praying to wake up a girl. sometimes it was waking up as a girl i liked, sometimes it was just any girl. As i got older i just tried to blend in though i was never fully happy. My nature slowly started changing to a pissed off recluse. I wasn't happy and i didn't like myself but i didn't know why. I was a kind caring individual that wished harm to noone but i fought some in my teen years but i continued to do well in school and seemed fine to everyone close to me. I didn't care about my appearance or to much else really. I continued to go to bed everynight wanting to wake up a girl. about 14 or 15 i started dressing up in my moms clothing when noone was home and it felt right though i was afraid of being caught so i eventually stopped out of shear fear. I didn't think i was a girl though because i didn't like men and still don't i only found girls attractive i never felt those kinds of feelings for guys. When i turned 20ish i finally came close to admitting i was a trans but freaked out and backed off. again after i was 21 i did the same thing. well finally when i was 23 i admitted it and started my dealing with this finally 2 years later i'm getting ready to start my hormones and i've never been happier in my life. any questions about my story i'll be more then happy to elaborate as best i can.
 
Tymeless said:
Well i really didn't think about the diffrences of boys and girls till prolly 8 or 9 years old and thats also when i started going to bed everynight praying to wake up a girl.

I remember that phase - before I realized deep down that, going to sleep a chubby plain girl with brown hair and brown eyes, I was not going to wake up a beautiful slender woman with black hair and green eyes no matter what.
 
SEVERUSMAX said:
Let me second that. The fact is that people are individuals first, and have the right to be true to themselves. If that means changing the external sex to fit what they deem to be truer to their nature, then so be it. :cool: :rose:

Then again, I also have a soft spot for a sweet and beautiful lady. :cool: ;)

Sev! (((((((Big warm Hugs)))))))) :kiss: Where have you been?
 
Tymeless said:
okay quickly i'll relay my story.

I Tiffany Lauren Sachi Taylor was born Sean Ryan Taylor and am still legally Sean Ryan Taylor, but that can be corrected eventually.

Anyway i was a happy child. I enjoyed sports a lot so i did those because i fit in doing those things and i was gifted athletically short fast agile great hand eye coordination, but i also enjoyed other things that didn't show as much because i was only doing those with my sister growing up and they thought i was just being nice to my sister. House, cooking, cleaning, dress up barbies etc. When it came to friends though i did sports video games etc. Well i really didn't think about the diffrences of boys and girls till prolly 8 or 9 years old and thats also when i started going to bed everynight praying to wake up a girl. sometimes it was waking up as a girl i liked, sometimes it was just any girl. As i got older i just tried to blend in though i was never fully happy. My nature slowly started changing to a pissed off recluse. I wasn't happy and i didn't like myself but i didn't know why. I was a kind caring individual that wished harm to noone but i fought some in my teen years but i continued to do well in school and seemed fine to everyone close to me. I didn't care about my appearance or to much else really. I continued to go to bed everynight wanting to wake up a girl. about 14 or 15 i started dressing up in my moms clothing when noone was home and it felt right though i was afraid of being caught so i eventually stopped out of shear fear. I didn't think i was a girl though because i didn't like men and still don't i only found girls attractive i never felt those kinds of feelings for guys. When i turned 20ish i finally came close to admitting i was a trans but freaked out and backed off. again after i was 21 i did the same thing. well finally when i was 23 i admitted it and started my dealing with this finally 2 years later i'm getting ready to start my hormones and i've never been happier in my life. any questions about my story i'll be more then happy to elaborate as best i can.
:kiss: I am happy for you Tiffany. :rose: There are some men that attract me.....giggle....most irritate me. I prefer the company of women most of the time. You have had much more self honesty than I, fear kept me from even thinking about it...but once in a while.....an errant thought would creep in.
 
yeah well i tried to fight it tried to push it back deep down Gi but i decided when it kept coming back that it wasn't worth fighting its who i am. I may not be a genetic XX chromosome but i'm a woman and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I'm happy and content with my decision everyone else will see that in the end whether they agree with it or not.
 
sunandshadow said:
I remember that phase - before I realized deep down that, going to sleep a chubby plain girl with brown hair and brown eyes, I was not going to wake up a beautiful slender woman with black hair and green eyes no matter what.


well i hope you get to be that girl someday we can all be what we wanna be we just gotta want it and work for it hard enough.
 
SEVERUSMAX said:
Oh, I've been here, but my Yahoo is unreliable at the moment. :eek: Hugs. :kiss:
Mine has been acting strange too. I have missed you. running to bed
:kiss: :kiss: Maybe see you tomorrow night?
 
Tymeless said:
well i hope you get to be that girl someday we can all be what we wanna be we just gotta want it and work for it hard enough.
Nah - I decided that wasn't me. I'm not into remodeling myself - no plastic surgery or diets or exercise or laser hair removal or whatever. Partly that's because I've been a penniless artist all my life, and partly because I know I wouldn't be satisfied with the results, but mainly because I am happy being a lazy housecat - I like my life relaxed and natural, just following my instincts and going with the flow. :)
 
sunandshadow said:
Nah - I decided that wasn't me. I'm not into remodeling myself - no plastic surgery or diets or exercise or laser hair removal or whatever. Partly that's because I've been a penniless artist all my life, and partly because I know I wouldn't be satisfied with the results, but mainly because I am happy being a lazy housecat - I like my life relaxed and natural, just following my instincts and going with the flow. :)
laughing....*hugs* sun, I want to be like you when I grow up. :kiss:
 
Gi_Venus said:

:kiss: I'm curious....how do the bans on same-sex marriage apply if a transwoman wanted to marry a man and vice versa? Would she be counted by her new sex and allowed to marry him or by her old, and be forbidden to marry him?
 
yevkassem72 said:
:kiss: I'm curious....how do the bans on same-sex marriage apply if a transwoman wanted to marry a man and vice versa? Would she be counted by her new sex and allowed to marry him or by her old, and be forbidden to marry him?
I do not know how it applies to all the states....but to my knowledge if you can get documentation from a Medical Doctor stating you are a female then a trangendered person can marry like a biological female and rights will be observed. A powerful motivation for complete change. I know for me it is spiritual connection that counts the most, male or female.... laughing so if I end up with a female lover(nine out of ten transgendered male to females end up with female partners)...well I might not change all the way......as I can marry legally that way....but with a male....unless one is in a state that allows gay marriage I would probably make full change..... My intent by myself is to proceed to a full change.

*Laughing* this adds a whole other problem what if one is married and changes...does that marriage to an opposite sex partner become void if one becomes the same sex.
 
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