Make me dirty

Onomatopoeia

One day during an intensive tutoring session, Sebastian (a professor) asked one of his students to give him an example of onomatopoeia. His naughty student Winifred promptly replied, "If you stroke my pussy, Sir, you'll hear me purr."

gingerbread

Gingerbread

"What an interesting thought, Winifred," Sebastian responded, stroking his ginger beard (bit dyslexic there! LOL). "Can you also provide an example of cynghanedd?"

Shallots
 
pineapple

When Harry had first floated the idea of introducing fruit into their sex life, Lucinda had embraced the novelty enthusiastically. She'd had her nipples crowned with strawberries and avidly gobbled, thin slices of succulent apple eaten from her equally juicy vulva, and done what comes naturally with a particularly large and exquisitely curved banana.

But when Harry entered their bedroom brandishing a pineapple and wearing a grimly determined expression, she knew their experimentation had gone too far...

antimacassar
 
antimacassar

Softly he laid her back on a bed spread with doilies, napkins, handkerchiefs and antimacassars, all in an effort to satisfy her passion for lace. Her naked pale limbs were spread among the white figured cloths, her face faintly flushed with gratification. She whispered: "Come to me," but unfortunately he realised at that last moment that he was wearing the wrong underpants.

Tinsel
 
tinsel

"I know it's Christmas," he whined to his domme, "but I'm not sure that hanging tinsel from my organ is all that festive."

twinberry
 
tinsel

"I know it's Christmas," he whined to his domme, "but I'm not sure that hanging tinsel from my organ is all that festive."

twinberry

twinberry

"Suckle me, honey," she crooned as he eased her back into the eliptic oval-shaped leaves of the twinberry bush. Her gaze took in the gauzy splendour of a spider's web without seeing it as she felt his lips brushing, his tongue flicking at her own pink berry of a clitoris. On the edge of a lapping spreading pool of pleasure, she was dimly aware of the sharpness of small stones pressing into her back and then she was quivering adrift in her orgasm.

Twinset
 
Rhubarb

She simply couldn't resist their rhubarb crumble. She would try and try to keep away but her feet seemed to go of their own accord up the cobblestone path to the little dark porchway.

"Hullo!" she would call tentatively into the cottage door.

"Why, darlin'," Mrs. Winklevoss would murmur seductively. "How nice of you to come again."

And then she was allowed to lie on the table while the Winklevosses ate warm crumble and cold whipped cream off the curves and crevasses of her naked body.

Marbles
 
Banjo

But the real climax was only reached when he got out the Tonka Toys. Yes, that man could play on her like a banjo.

Pearson's Rank Correlation
 
rhubarb

As he pulled aside the gusset of her panties and began dutifully to lap Belinda into a state of quivering ecstasy, he was dismayed to find himself worrying more about having forgotten to'lift the rhubarb in his allotment than he was about the task in hand...

marsupial

convolutions

The convolutions of the lissome blonde’s spine and hips encased in her pink polyvinyl cat suit caused small earthquakes in her lover’s cock.

spatula

Sounds like this lissome blonde's been toying with the idea of hopping threads for a while now... ;)
 
sledgehammer

"Tell me, Babe," he asked, "do you call me 'sledgehammer' because I pound you so well?"

"If you must know," she replied, "it's because you're dense, heavy, and completely lacking in the finer skills of love-making."

somnambulist

(By the way, Neko, did you know that marsupials have bifid penises?)
 
somnambulist

After several weeks of working as the Roberts' au pair, Fritha decided that her subtle attempts at attracting the attention of her dishy (but, alas, slightly dim) employer, Alan needed to step up a gear.

Her experimental flirting foundered on the twin rocks of his slight deafness and her thick Norwegian accent, and even her increasingly revealing outfits, worn when Mrs Roberts, an actuary, was out at work, failed to fan the flames of his interest.

Eventually, Fritha decided more drastic action was in order. She recalled reading an article in a magazine about a somnambulist marrying her landlord after walking into his room while fast asleep and decided that this would be her chance.

She waited until the house was quiet (Mrs Roberts was attending an international conference on Demographic Risk Weighting in Niche Sectors), and the only light in the house was from her target's room. She shucked off her nightie, pausing briefly to wish the Roberts would install some central heating, and headed towards the master bedroom in what she hoped was her best sleepwalking gait.

18-year-old Andy Roberts, back from uni for the weekend, emerged from his parents' en suite to be greeted by a statuesque, naked Norwegian blonde who, despite the obviously cold temperature, was fast asleep and wandering the house. And it wasn't even Christmas...

nomenclature
 
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cheiloproclitic

"I'm...not sure...we sh...ould...consider your...cheil...oprocli...tic...tenden...cies a...pr...oblem," observed Dr. Chambers as her new patient threw her on the analyst's couch and commenced thrusting his erect member in and out between her luscious, full, invitingly red, sensual lips.

Tractarianism
 
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Tractarianism

I am alone in this world as are you. Look what the church has done to you, a loyal servant - a true man of the cloth. I care not what sectarian beliefs you hold, whether they be vestiges of Catholicism, Tractarianism, or some other brand of faith that worship of your God implies.

Take what this life has to give you. You deserve a reward for all that you have done and all that you will still do. I fall to my knees to please you now.

Take me.


Albedo
 
blowfish

His lecture on the tetraodontidae was still in her mind as her date with the marine biologist came to an end. She had invited him in for a drink, and now found herself kneeling at his feet, undoing his slacks and dropping them to the floor. Her eyes widened as his organ swelled like a distended blowfish, and she relished the sense of danger and excitement as her lips enveloped the fugu he served from between his thighs.

gyroscope
 
caboose

Sorry, couldn't resist going to the Ballad of Aimee McPherson...

THE BALLAD OF AIMEE McPHERSON

Did you ever hear the story of Aimee McPherson?
Aimee McPherson, that wonderful person,
She weight a hundred eighty and her hair was red
And preached a wicked sermon, so the papers said.

cho: Hi dee hi dee hi dee hi
Ho dee ho dee ho dee ho.

Aimee built herself a radio station
To broadcast her prraching to the nation.
She found a man named Armistead who knew enough
To run the radio while Aimee did her stuff.

Shc held a camp meeting out at Ocean Park
Preached from early morning 'til after dark.
Said the benediction, folded up her tent,
And nobody knew where Aimee went.
When Aimee McPherson got back from this journey,
Shc told her tale to the district attorney.
Said she'd been kidnapped on a lonely trail.
In spite of all the questions, she stuck to her tale.

Well, the Grand Jury started an investigation,
Uncovered a lot of spicy information.
Found out about a love nest down at Carmel-by-the-Sea,
Where the liquor was expensive and the loving was free.

They found a cottage with a breakfast nook,
A folding bed with a worn-out look.
The slats were busted and the springs were loose,
And the dents in the mattress fitted Aimee's caboose.

Well they took poor Aimee and they threw her in jail.
Last I heard she was out on bail.
They'll send her up for a stretch, I guess,
She worked herself up into an awful mess
Now Radio Ray is a going hound;
He's going yet and he ain't been found.
They got his description, but they got it too late.
Sin they got it, he's lost a lot of weight.

Now I'll end my story in the usual way,
About this lady preacher's holiday.
If you don't get the moral then you're the gal for me
Cause they've got a lot of cottages down at Carmel-by-the-Sea.

dolicocephaly
 
Legoland

Sadly, thanks to a worldwide shortage of pink bricks, the inaugural Legoland XXX Giant Sculpture competition is indefinitely postponed.

culpable
 
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