Distance Domination-Support Thread

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Montana_Roze said:
Looking for guidance. Reassurance.

Hi
Well, also new to the long distance thing as well. I met someone on lit and he is My "baby" now, but your right, its hard from a thousand miles away.

You have come to a good place for help. Everyone here is very supportive.
Good Luck in your journeys.[/QUOTE]

Thanks, he's understanding of my looking for support here, I think.
 
DontThankJustSpank said:
New to Lit and to having a dom who is not irl. Terrified as hell about how i feel. NEVER felt like this before. Feel like my head is spinning.

After being without a true master for nearly 3 years, clicked with someone here a couple of days ago. He calls me his pet and I am lost... But he's more than a thousand miles away and no actual seeing him anywhere in sight.

i hear "pet" in innocent conversation and i quiver. How do i tell him how much this scares me without running him off?

Looking for guidance. Reassurance.


hi. welcome. its really scary to start a relationship, especially when you dont know if or when you will actually be able to be with him. i wonder if the captians wench has seen this. i know she is also in a relationship in which her master is very far away and doesnt know when she will be with him.

this thread has been really helpful in having those in LDRs and online relationships find support.
 
The stereotype of the online Dom is that he is married (to someone else). Obviously, this is not true in many cases. But in some cases, it is.

To the more experienced onliners, and for the benefit of those who are just starting out, I ask the following questions.

How do you know whether or not the guy on the other side of the screen is cheating on his wife with you?

Do you simply take his word for it, or are there sensible ways to determine whether or not he is telling you the truth when he declares himself to be otherwise unattached?
 
I personally don't care if mine is otherwise attached, why should I, after all I am. As long as he gets what he wants and I get what I want, I don't care if he has am online harem, is a woman or whatever. This is a limited needs based relationship and we both understand that. Finding someone who does "get" that is rare, and I must say, rather wonderful.

Now others might hope to take this into RL someday. That might be a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

Fury :rose:
 
JMohegan said:
The stereotype of the online Dom is that he is married (to someone else). Obviously, this is not true in many cases. But in some cases, it is.

To the more experienced onliners, and for the benefit of those who are just starting out, I ask the following questions.

How do you know whether or not the guy on the other side of the screen is cheating on his wife with you?

Do you simply take his word for it, or are there sensible ways to determine whether or not he is telling you the truth when he declares himself to be otherwise unattached?


I want to comment on this, as I've had a bit of experience. Not with Dominants, but with men in general, truck drivers to be specific. I've been driving truck for over 10 years, and it is VERY hard to meet drivers that are not married. I've met my fair share of liars and I'll note a few warning signals I get if I think a man I'm conversating with might be married or cheating.

First off, limited phone calls or conversation times. If he can only talk to you during certain times of the day, or you cant call him but he can call you sort of thing. That really trips my warning sensors.

Elaborate stories or inconsistancies in the things he says. Things just dont seem to add up. Or maybe your gut is just telling you that things dont seem right.

The only D/s relationship I have ever been in online is my current one, but I will say we were friends long before the D/s relationship came into play and that helped a huge deal. We both knew what we were getting into, and jumped in with eyes wide open and arms outstretched. As with any relationship, you have to choose whether to take the risk, and the depth at which you are willing to jump in to.
 
DontThankJustSpank said:
New to Lit and to having a dom who is not irl. Terrified as hell about how i feel. NEVER felt like this before. Feel like my head is spinning.

After being without a true master for nearly 3 years, clicked with someone here a couple of days ago. He calls me his pet and I am lost... But he's more than a thousand miles away and no actual seeing him anywhere in sight.

i hear "pet" in innocent conversation and i quiver. How do i tell him how much this scares me without running him off?

Looking for guidance. Reassurance.

Are you actually comfortable with him calling you his Pet? You should be able to sit and talk with him about this, because there will be many other things you will have to be willing to communicate about in an online relationship. Your relationship is new and tender, but if you start off on the right foot who knows where it will lead?

My advice is to go slow and easy, savor what you have and not concern yourself with the future. Enjoy the present and see where the yellow brick road leads you. Welcome to Oz!
 
FurryFury said:
I personally don't care if mine is otherwise attached, why should I, after all I am. As long as he gets what he wants and I get what I want, I don't care if he has am online harem, is a woman or whatever. This is a limited needs based relationship and we both understand that. Finding someone who does "get" that is rare, and I must say, rather wonderful.

Now others might hope to take this into RL someday. That might be a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

Fury :rose:

I definitely agree with you about not worrying about the OL part. It is limited and the reason both are there is they are looking for something they don't have.
 
ChromeCollar said:
I want to comment on this, as I've had a bit of experience. Not with Dominants, but with men in general, truck drivers to be specific. I've been driving truck for over 10 years, and it is VERY hard to meet drivers that are not married. I've met my fair share of liars and I'll note a few warning signals I get if I think a man I'm conversating with might be married or cheating.

First off, limited phone calls or conversation times. If he can only talk to you during certain times of the day, or you cant call him but he can call you sort of thing. That really trips my warning sensors.

Elaborate stories or inconsistancies in the things he says. Things just dont seem to add up. Or maybe your gut is just telling you that things dont seem right.

The only D/s relationship I have ever been in online is my current one, but I will say we were friends long before the D/s relationship came into play and that helped a huge deal. We both knew what we were getting into, and jumped in with eyes wide open and arms outstretched. As with any relationship, you have to choose whether to take the risk, and the depth at which you are willing to jump in to.

In my case, I have actually had my wife communicate with my sub and they have become friends. That leaves no doubt about the honesty part. Unfortunately, I realize that it is not a solution that everyone can deal with
 
ChromeCollar said:
Are you actually comfortable with him calling you his Pet? You should be able to sit and talk with him about this, because there will be many other things you will have to be willing to communicate about in an online relationship. Your relationship is new and tender, but if you start off on the right foot who knows where it will lead?

My advice is to go slow and easy, savor what you have and not concern yourself with the future. Enjoy the present and see where the yellow brick road leads you. Welcome to Oz!

Am I ever...the jangling nerves are from excitement, which i really didn't expect to have so intensely with someone that I've never met IRL. And we are communicating well, but its so scary to me. NEVER done this strictly online. He is insistent about us both being honest, which I appreciate and knows that he'll get the same from me.

That's the thing. I don't know where this will lead. I am married and won't leave my spouse, which he knows.

He stirs something in me that I thought I had lost. Something that was missing and I thought I could live without. I've been reawakened to these amazing feelings and I am afraid. He knows this and is very reassuring.

Thanks to all who are responding,
his pet
 
raven2 said:
In my case, I have actually had my wife communicate with my sub and they have become friends. That leaves no doubt about the honesty part. Unfortunately, I realize that it is not a solution that everyone can deal with

In my case, that wont happen. My husband is very open to certain aspects of my sexuality and appreciates them, but not this. He cant be my master, nor does he want to be.
 
DontThankJustSpank said:
Am I ever...the jangling nerves are from excitement, which i really didn't expect to have so intensely with someone that I've never met IRL. And we are communicating well, but its so scary to me. NEVER done this strictly online. He is insistent about us both being honest, which I appreciate and knows that he'll get the same from me.

That's the thing. I don't know where this will lead. I am married and won't leave my spouse, which he knows.

He stirs something in me that I thought I had lost. Something that was missing and I thought I could live without. I've been reawakened to these amazing feelings and I am afraid. He knows this and is very reassuring.

Thanks to all who are responding,
his pet


Well I'm happy for you! Enjoy this awakening and welcome to the thread. Look forward to hearing more from you on your journey. Maybe you can drag your Master in here too. *wink nudge*
 
JMohegan said:
The stereotype of the online Dom is that he is married (to someone else). Obviously, this is not true in many cases. But in some cases, it is.

To the more experienced onliners, and for the benefit of those who are just starting out, I ask the following questions.

How do you know whether or not the guy on the other side of the screen is cheating on his wife with you?

Do you simply take his word for it, or are there sensible ways to determine whether or not he is telling you the truth when he declares himself to be otherwise unattached?

To be quite honest, I don't know. I mean there's always "signs", things like he only calls me, he only calls from work, I can only call him at a certian time, he won't let me come to him, he disapears suddenly with no explination....and so on, but they aren't nessisarily fact. Me, I'm a bit nieve in that I take people at face value. I tend to trust people right off and what not. It's gotten me burned a few times, but I think my outlook on life is what makes me me, and very unique in this world. I've been called "empish" and "child like" many times. I think that may also be why people say I have an air about me that just makes you want to protect me.

In my case, I send my Master packages and letters and cards all the time. Nearly one every month, so if he were married, she'd be pretty pissed I'd imagine. *gigggles* I've also sent get well cards and christmas presants to his mother. So I'd be in for one hell of a surprize if I found out there was another woman in the picture, but some how it just doesn't seem likely to me.
 
Hey everyone! As I said in my intro-post, I met my guy online, and slowly we discovered that we wanted to engage in a D/s relationship, and we're gonna meet soon.. I cant wait... It will be before the summervacation, we don't know when exactly.

Actually Im writing here because I have a lil problem...
My bf n I cam alot, since it's the only thing way to see each other. I love camming with him, and it makes me so happy when I see him, and he gets happy when he sees me too....
I still live home at my parent's, I only recently turned 18. Lucily, my dad is outside our country, but my mom constantly bugs me... She alwayss interferes in our relationship, and she doesnt even know about my BF...
Recently she saw a stupid documentary about girls stripping on cam for strangers on the net, and now suddenly she has this stupid paranoia that Im doing the same.... Since I cam alot. She has confronted me about it in the past and I told her Im not that kind of girl and that im offended that she could think such a thing about me... I also enjoy not wearing too many clothes, and my mom apparently thinks itø's proof enough that im doing the same... god I hate her.... So she keeps taking the cam... She hasnt restricted me to use it, she just keeps taking it and hiding it with the excuse that she needs it :-/... So today I told her I needed the cam, and she was like: "I want know why."
And I explained to her that I take piccies and cam with friends.
And then she responded with: "i really dont see how you can cam with friends so much. It puzzles me why you're using it so much"
I told her that im not doing what she thinks im doing and that i cant belive she even suspects that. So she asked why I need it now, right at this moment, and I said that I didn't... But that she shouldn't hide it from me. Then she just didnt say anything and whent back to working on her laptop... Oof!! I hate her >.<!! I know I shouldn't say that, but right at this moment I hate her more than anything. I admit that My BF and I have had... uh "private" camsessions... But it's the closest thing to sexual interaction... And like any other couple... We DO want to do sexual things... We are even starting to feel that cam just isnt enough, and it's hell without it...

Can someone please help with this?! How am I going to make my mom understand? I cant tell her about my BF... She probly wouldn't support it at all. She would think this is a result of me spending too much time on my computer or sumthing...
oy... what should I do? >.< She treats me like a kid, but I'm an adult now and I can think for myself....


Thanks for taking your time to read this rant made by little kitten... :catroar:
 
It happened

:eek: Oh no. It finally happened. Sir finally got what he wanted for about 2 weeks now- he made me cum so hard I peed >_< damn, it was a really good cum, but I didn't wanna pee. *sniffle* oh well, at least Sir enjoyed that >_>

Any of your Masters have kinks like that? >_>


edit: oh, and little kitten- you could just lie to your mom and say the cam is broken and that you tossed it, and then hide it in your room somewhere. or, you can say "fuck you, I'm an adult" ;) That's what I do to my mum.
 
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Ldr

everything happens for a reason. sometimes we don't know what that reason is for, until its too late to do anything about it....

sometimes, however we are blessed with meeting someone that is sooo on the same frequency that its scary....

and that is what i believe is happening here.

whatever else...its gonna be an interesting and wild ride!

Me
 
raven2 said:
I definitely agree with you about not worrying about the OL part. It is limited and the reason both are there is they are looking for something they don't have.
raven2 said:
In my case, I have actually had my wife communicate with my sub and they have become friends. That leaves no doubt about the honesty part. Unfortunately, I realize that it is not a solution that everyone can deal with
If your online partner understands and accepts that the D/s relationship is "limited", and your wife understands and accepts what you do in the virtual world, then I for one would not call that cheating.



ChromeCollar said:
First off, limited phone calls or conversation times. If he can only talk to you during certain times of the day, or you cant call him but he can call you sort of thing. That really trips my warning sensors.

Elaborate stories or inconsistancies in the things he says. Things just dont seem to add up. Or maybe your gut is just telling you that things dont seem right.
the captians wench said:
I mean there's always "signs", things like he only calls me, he only calls from work, I can only call him at a certian time, he won't let me come to him, he disapears suddenly with no explination.
Thank you both for addressing my question. :)

Hopefully those who come to the online world seeking a primary relationship leading to partnership in the physical world will heed what you have to say.

And Wench - packages to his Mom made me grin. I agree, that seems like a very positive sign indeed. :)
 
*cry* Sir just brought me close to climax about 20 times and I'm not allowed to cum until the next time he calls me, which'll be hours from now. I've been needy all day! >_<
 
Little_Kitten said:
Can someone please help with this?! How am I going to make my mom understand? I cant tell her about my BF... She probly wouldn't support it at all. She would think this is a result of me spending too much time on my computer or sumthing...
oy... what should I do? >.< She treats me like a kid, but I'm an adult now and I can think for myself....


Thanks for taking your time to read this rant made by little kitten... :catroar:


You may be an adult that can think for yourself, but she is and always will be your mother. That instills a very protective urge within a person, and whether you agree with her methods, you can not fault her for being protective of her daughter against online dangers.

Not only that, but you still live within her household, and have to abide by her rules. I hate to be the party pooper, sounds like you need to sit her down and have a little mommy daughter chit chat. Maybe a little more understanding on both sides would help in the situation. You try looking at it from her view, and she look at it from yours. Tell her you and your boyfriend like seeing eachother, it makes you feel closer. Or something along those lines. I wouldnt suggest lying, but hey thats just my opinion. Lies have a way of turning around and biting you in the ass.
 
JMohegan said:
If your online partner understands and accepts that the D/s relationship is "limited", and your wife understands and accepts what you do in the virtual world, then I for one would not call that cheating.



Thank you both for addressing my question. :)

Hopefully those who come to the online world seeking a primary relationship leading to partnership in the physical world will heed what you have to say.

And Wench - packages to his Mom made me grin. I agree, that seems like a very positive sign indeed. :)

*giggles*

Earned me some brownie points cause she loved the pillows I made and his cat is scared of them. :cathappy:
 
ChromeCollar said:
You may be an adult that can think for yourself, but she is and always will be your mother. That instills a very protective urge within a person, and whether you agree with her methods, you can not fault her for being protective of her daughter against online dangers.

Not only that, but you still live within her household, and have to abide by her rules. I hate to be the party pooper, sounds like you need to sit her down and have a little mommy daughter chit chat. Maybe a little more understanding on both sides would help in the situation. You try looking at it from her view, and she look at it from yours. Tell her you and your boyfriend like seeing eachother, it makes you feel closer. Or something along those lines. I wouldnt suggest lying, but hey thats just my opinion. Lies have a way of turning around and biting you in the ass.

I totally agree....I was thinking along the same lines but didn't know how to put it so ... nicely. *giggles*

I think the more adult thing to do would be to talk to mom, if you aproach the situation as an adult she's more likely to treat you like one than if you play the child stealing cookies from the cookie jar.

My mom didn't understand my relationship at first, but she got used to it. And when I first met my Master, I was living with her. She didn't like the idea of my cam either, and rightfully so as I was doing exactly what she thought I was, just not with as many different people as she thought I was. But she understood that I needed some time with the one I love who is so far from me, so she gave me some leaway when she'd come home and I'd be scurrying to throw my dress back on. *giggles* :eek: He used to say he's never seen some one move so fast!
 
raven2 said:
In my case, I have actually had my wife communicate with my sub and they have become friends. That leaves no doubt about the honesty part. Unfortunately, I realize that it is not a solution that everyone can deal with
DontThankJustSpank said:
In my case, that wont happen. My husband is very open to certain aspects of my sexuality and appreciates them, but not this. He cant be my master, nor does he want to be.
My husband is open to my sexuality and my submissiveness, as well, however, he has no interest in being a Dom. He has been open to listening to me and discussing my needs, and through our discussions he is developing an interest in BDSM himself ... as a sub, too. So you can see, that leaves 2 people of like minds. Great friends, but not able to provide the Domination each seeks.

My husband allowed me to develope an online LDR with a Dom, and after consideration he gave his blessing that my Master and I should meet. Everything is out in the open in my marriage and in my D/s relationship, as also in my Master's marriage. I am great friends with Master's wife; in fact, we're almost like sisters. Master and I share real life time every few months or so ... with the blessing of both our spouses.

I am a very fortunate woman. I have the best of all worlds. I have a loving husband, mate and companion for life, and I have a Master who provides certain needs and will for many years to come. I can love them both ... and I do. :heart:
 
DontThankJustSpank said:
In my case, that wont happen. My husband is very open to certain aspects of my sexuality and appreciates them, but not this. He cant be my master, nor does he want to be.

Nor is my wife my sub. She doesn't want to be.
 
the captians wench said:
But she understood that I needed some time with the one I love who is so far from me, so she gave me some leaway when she'd come home and I'd be scurrying to throw my dress back on. *giggles* :eek: He used to say he's never seen some one move so fast!


The mental picture has me grinning.

My Mother first found out about my interest in BDSM when she was at the house for a visit and I knelt down to get something out of the veggie compartment in the fridge. Damn those low riding jeans, she saw the bruises all over the small of my back and up my spine from my last scene. Dear God, you'd have thought the world was coming to an end. She lamented for weeks about why her Baby wanted to let someone abuse and beat her, and what did she (mother) do wrong in the raising of me to make me think I deserved such a thing. After a couple months of me talking to her, and my sister talking to her, we managed to work things out so that she doesnt tell me the gruesome details of her sex life, and I dont tell her mine. Life is good!
 
ChromeCollar said:
The mental picture has me grinning.

My Mother first found out about my interest in BDSM when she was at the house for a visit and I knelt down to get something out of the veggie compartment in the fridge. Damn those low riding jeans, she saw the bruises all over the small of my back and up my spine from my last scene. Dear God, you'd have thought the world was coming to an end. She lamented for weeks about why her Baby wanted to let someone abuse and beat her, and what did she (mother) do wrong in the raising of me to make me think I deserved such a thing. After a couple months of me talking to her, and my sister talking to her, we managed to work things out so that she doesnt tell me the gruesome details of her sex life, and I dont tell her mine. Life is good!

*giggles*

My mom and I have always been pretty open. She knew the people that introduced me to this stuff. They all worked at the shop that sold my costumes, and she visited the store almost as often as I did. While she didn't want the details, and really didn't understand why I wanted some one to leave me black and blue, she understood it made me happy. We each know where the line is in how much we can tell each other. There's just some things I don't want to know about her, and she about me. But we have a very unusual relationship.
 
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