erotica_n_s
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2010
- Posts
- 307
I'm a 31-yr-old man, REALLY struggling to get over a "crush" - Am I being weak?
Yeah... my whole life I've been single, really...
Last year, I met a young woman, she was 23... I worked with her about 2 months...
It was the first time in a very long time that I actually felt this way about anyone...
Got rejected even before I asked her out... mainly 'cause she saw me get humiliated by my boss and several other senior colleagues of mine, and she watched me getting heavily criticised for poor performance at work...
I got bitterly jealous when she turned to another guy for professional guidance (this particular guy is a good-looking, smooth-talking, superficially charming type of guy whom a lot of women seem to like, but I could never stand him... when this particular young woman turned to him for professional guidance, that was the last straw for me... I picked arguments with both of them, gave her the cold shoulder on one occasion, stood around looking silent, cold, and unintentionally, I might have intimidated her with my behaviour... I don't know)...
Now she's no longer talking to me...
I've blown it...
At one point, maybe I had a chance with her, I don't know... But now I DEFINITELY don't have a chance any more... after the disgraceful way I behaved...
She's now moved to a different department... Still works in the same building, but I don't see her very often any more... Occasionally might see her in the canteen, etc. In six months' time, I expect she will be leaving altogether, so after that I expect I'm never going to see her again...
At the moment, I'm still not able to "get over" my feelings for her... I still think she's a really nice person...
I think the thing that really hurts is the fact that I got humiliated in front of her, and the fact that I'm never going to get the chance to earn her respect back... I think that's the most painful part...
There's also the fear that I may "never be able to love again"... now I realise that sounds stupid and melodramatic, but I mean... memory is a funny thing... even though we only worked together for two months, I did have a few happy conversations with her... now those memories are pleasant, but they're also painful - like a constant reminder of what I've blundered away because of my own stupidity... And in a way, I feel like I let her down too, because I remember how, during her first few days in the job, I was one of the first people she worked with, and she looked to me for guidance/advice (because she was fresh out of training at the time, and I had a couple of years of experience, she thought I'd be able to guide her in some way... but for some reason, I went through a really bad time and ended up embarrassing myself). I guess at this point, one of my fears is that those memories will never completely fade away, which may mean that I may never be able to feel such a strong adoration for another woman again... but of course, there's a part of me that doesn't want to let go of the memories...
I don't know... Overall I want to get over this and move on... there's one part of me that says "Be a man and move on", and there's another part of me that says "it's okay for men to have feelings of hurt"... But... is it normal for a 31-year-old guy to feel so hurt about missing his chances with a woman he worked with for about eight weeks?
Yeah... my whole life I've been single, really...
Last year, I met a young woman, she was 23... I worked with her about 2 months...
It was the first time in a very long time that I actually felt this way about anyone...
Got rejected even before I asked her out... mainly 'cause she saw me get humiliated by my boss and several other senior colleagues of mine, and she watched me getting heavily criticised for poor performance at work...
I got bitterly jealous when she turned to another guy for professional guidance (this particular guy is a good-looking, smooth-talking, superficially charming type of guy whom a lot of women seem to like, but I could never stand him... when this particular young woman turned to him for professional guidance, that was the last straw for me... I picked arguments with both of them, gave her the cold shoulder on one occasion, stood around looking silent, cold, and unintentionally, I might have intimidated her with my behaviour... I don't know)...
Now she's no longer talking to me...
I've blown it...
At one point, maybe I had a chance with her, I don't know... But now I DEFINITELY don't have a chance any more... after the disgraceful way I behaved...
She's now moved to a different department... Still works in the same building, but I don't see her very often any more... Occasionally might see her in the canteen, etc. In six months' time, I expect she will be leaving altogether, so after that I expect I'm never going to see her again...
At the moment, I'm still not able to "get over" my feelings for her... I still think she's a really nice person...
I think the thing that really hurts is the fact that I got humiliated in front of her, and the fact that I'm never going to get the chance to earn her respect back... I think that's the most painful part...
There's also the fear that I may "never be able to love again"... now I realise that sounds stupid and melodramatic, but I mean... memory is a funny thing... even though we only worked together for two months, I did have a few happy conversations with her... now those memories are pleasant, but they're also painful - like a constant reminder of what I've blundered away because of my own stupidity... And in a way, I feel like I let her down too, because I remember how, during her first few days in the job, I was one of the first people she worked with, and she looked to me for guidance/advice (because she was fresh out of training at the time, and I had a couple of years of experience, she thought I'd be able to guide her in some way... but for some reason, I went through a really bad time and ended up embarrassing myself). I guess at this point, one of my fears is that those memories will never completely fade away, which may mean that I may never be able to feel such a strong adoration for another woman again... but of course, there's a part of me that doesn't want to let go of the memories...
I don't know... Overall I want to get over this and move on... there's one part of me that says "Be a man and move on", and there's another part of me that says "it's okay for men to have feelings of hurt"... But... is it normal for a 31-year-old guy to feel so hurt about missing his chances with a woman he worked with for about eight weeks?