dirty haiku

nerk

Literotica Guru
Joined
Jun 27, 2010
Posts
632
My challenge to myself. One dirty haiku a day.

Each will stand alone.
Each will be exactly 17 syllables long.
Each will feature natural imagery and some degree of smuttiness.

Comments and constructive criticism are welcome.

Anyone else who wishes to add a poem that follows these rules is welcome.
 
oops ... and my first example:


as low clouds rumble
glistening lips glide faster
and the first drops fall
 
oops ... and my first example:


as low clouds rumble
glistening lips glide faster
and the first drops fall

i cannot call this haiku, but it has its own merits. :)
as for constructive crit, i'd suggest this'd work even better in the non-kuesque type form, even though i realise your purpose here is to adhere strictly to a 17 syllable affair so please accept this suggestion in the spirit it's intended - just a thinking aloud sort of thing:

low clouds rumble
lips glisten
as first drops fall
 
i cannot call this haiku, but it has its own merits. :)
as for constructive crit, i'd suggest this'd work even better in the non-kuesque type form, even though i realise your purpose here is to adhere strictly to a 17 syllable affair so please accept this suggestion in the spirit it's intended - just a thinking aloud sort of thing:

low clouds rumble
lips glisten
as first drops fall

I am being strict on my syllables, as that adherence is a part of the exercise, though I understand it does work differently in Japanese.

That said, it's a wonderful revision.
 
you could always rename to your own specifications as I did with my annikey!

no idea what an annikey is.
but if I persist in erroneously calling mine haiku, there's a chance that I will learn more about the form, if someone can tell me WHY instead of THAT they think this isn't.
 
no idea what an annikey is.
but if I persist in erroneously calling mine haiku, there's a chance that I will learn more about the form, if someone can tell me WHY instead of THAT they think this isn't.

i've pm'd you.

please don't stop posting up your pieces, though; i'm sure no-one here wished to disrupt your thread, and welcome to the poetry forum. :rose:
 
i've pm'd you.

please don't stop posting up your pieces, though; i'm sure no-one here wished to disrupt your thread, and welcome to the poetry forum. :rose:

Thank you.

I don't see it as a disruption as much as a discussion, and one that I'm enjoying much more because of -->> http://www.ahapoetry.com/haiku.htm <<-- the link you PMed me. I hope you don't mind my posting it, but on the off chance that anyone reading was interested in the discussion, it has a lot to say on the subject.



AND it has erotic haiku.
 
Thank you.

I don't see it as a disruption as much as a discussion, and one that I'm enjoying much more because of -->> http://www.ahapoetry.com/haiku.htm <<-- the link you PMed me. I hope you don't mind my posting it, but on the off chance that anyone reading was interested in the discussion, it has a lot to say on the subject.



AND it has erotic haiku.

you're most welcome. and of course i don't mind the link being posted - i actually did post it previously here, so all's well and good. :rose:
 
let me use this one, from their site, as a prime example of modern-day ku using the old styles of the two quite separate images [holy ground/city folk on the beach] brought together by the third of shoes being removed and its implications; plus it gets in its seasonal reference [kigo] :

HOLY GROUND
CITY FOLKS ON THE BEACH
REMOVE THEIR SHOES
 
day two

the warm breeze ripples
both lake and skirt asking what
is hidden under
 
day three

white lace covers the
mountains in winter and snow
drifts across her breast
 
day four

stars hang distant in
the hot summer sky while I
dream of your kisses


(yes, it's past midnight. but it still counts)
 
I like this one :)


thank you

I was inspired by a bit from Hanif Kureishi that has stuck in my head for years:

Skirts, like theatre curtains later, quickened my curiosity. I wanted to know what was under them. There was waiting, but there was possibility. The skirt was a transitional object; both a thing in itself and a means of getting somewhere else. This became my paradigm of important knowledge. The world is a skirt I want to lift up.

even though he uses the word paradigm.
 
day five

sunlight slashed by blinds
carefully seasoned bamboo
stripe her bare behind
 
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