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iLackBrainCells

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 29, 2017
Posts
3,183
It can be anything you like, sexual or not... Enjoy yourself!

I once had a friend, Joe, who worked in the coal mines. Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down the mine shaft and crushed Joe to death. A local composer wrote an orchestral piece in memory of Joe:

It was called "Symphony in A Flat Miner."
 
An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, ''Why are you going to sleep on the floor?'' The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
 
Little Johnny

Teacher
who can give me a word that is not in the dictionary, and then use it in a sentance

Little Johnny
Yes sir I can.

Teacher
Alright then Johnny what is your word.

Little Johnny
Garn

Teacher
yes Johnny that word is not in the dictionary, now can you use it in a sentence.

Little Johnny
Yes Sir "Garn get fucked"

Teacher
Right come on Johnny off to the principals office we can't have that in class.

some time later

Teacher
Can anyone give me another word that's not in the dictionary and then use it in a sentence.

Little Johnny
Yes Sir I can

Teacher
alright Johnny go ahead

Little Johnny
Smee

Teacher yes you are correct that is not in the dictionary can use use it in a sentence.

Little Johnny
yes sir I can " Smee again, Garn get fucked"
 
Went to the Employment agency the other day.
The lady behind the counter said,
Yes sir what can I do for you.
I said, well I want a job,:D may be you could help me;)
Yes sir, what kind of job are you looking for,
I said well ;)
Head Job​
Hand Job​
Blow job​
Or All of the above​
She said I should leave,:confused:
Talk about hard to get on with :rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
When three people have sex together it's called a threesome.

When two people have sex together, it's called a twosome.

Now I understand why people call me handsome.
 
Someone sent this to me, but I’m taking credit anyway :)

A Blonde, Brunette, and Redhead walk into the office block lift on there way to work.

Noticing some fluid on the lift wall the Brunette says "that looks like spunk"

The redhead puts her nose to it and says
"well it certainly smells like spunk"

The Blond wipes some off with her finger and tastes it.

"Well its nobody from our floor"
 
Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read, "BEAR LEFT". So they went home.
 
Why do married guys receive fewer injuries when they’re involved in side impact crashes?

They have a passenger side wind bag
 
Iceprincess12 said:
Someone sent this to me, but I’m taking credit anyway :)

A Blonde, Brunette, and Redhead walk into the office block lift on there way to work.

Noticing some fluid on the lift wall the Brunette says "that looks like spunk"

The redhead puts her nose to it and says
"well it certainly smells like spunk"

The Blond wipes some off with her finger and tastes it.

"Well its nobody from our floor"
Click to expand...

done_got_old said:
Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read, "BEAR LEFT". So they went home.
Click to expand...

These two made me smile. :) I might pass them on too..
 
Some inspirational words first....

- Never play leap-frog with a unicorn....

- Time flies like an arrow......fruit flies like a banana....

Now, a joke....

A man takes an alligator into a bar and says he can prove the gator is VERY friendly. If the bartender is willing to give him free drinks, he'll get the gator to go down on him.

Another man sitting nearby is very interested and comes closer to watch. As the first man unzips, the gator scoots over and opens his mouth. Sure enough, the gator uses its tongue on the man. When he cums, he quickly pulls out and hits the gator on the nose with a stick.

The place erupts in cheers. Turning to the 2nd man, the first asks if he'd like to try.

"Not if you're going to hit my in the nose with that stick!"
 
jeff_is_smiling said:
Some inspirational words first....

- Never play leap-frog with a unicorn....

- Time flies like an arrow......fruit flies like a banana....

Now, a joke....

A man takes an alligator into a bar and says he can prove the gator is VERY friendly. If the bartender is willing to give him free drinks, he'll get the gator to go down on him.

Another man sitting nearby is very interested and comes closer to watch. As the first man unzips, the gator scoots over and opens his mouth. Sure enough, the gator uses its tongue on the man. When he cums, he quickly pulls out and hits the gator on the nose with a stick.

The place erupts in cheers. Turning to the 2nd man, the first asks if he'd like to try.

"Not if you're going to hit my in the nose with that stick!"
Click to expand...

The groan is real:D
 
What does a Rubik's cube and a cock have in common?

The longer you play with them, the harder they get!
 
(Repost from someone else)

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of discharge. The doctor says, "Pop your knickers off and get on the bed." He puts his latex gloves on and applies three fingers into her vagina.

"How does that feel?"

"Fucking lovely," replies the woman.
"But the discharge is in my ear."
 
Iceprincess12 said:
(Repost from someone else)

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of discharge. The doctor says, "Pop your knickers off and get on the bed." He puts his latex gloves on and applies three fingers into her vagina.

"How does that feel?"

"Fucking lovely," replies the woman.
"But the discharge is in my ear."
Click to expand...

Bahahahahahaah, I like that one.;)
 
I’m through dating women a lot younger than me.

I bought my girl a very large, very expensive gift, and when she opened it, she ignored the present and started playing in the box.
 
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