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The "Fuck you cancer!" thread

I don't spend a lot if time sitting in church pews, it's been years really. But tonight I went to something called a Blue Christmas service. It recognizes that Christmas isn't easy for everyone all the time, maybe ever. It was a good choice for me.

((Yeah, yeah, still going to write more porn... Life's a mess.))
 
LiamHDunn said:
I don't spend a lot if time sitting in church pews, it's been years really. But tonight I went to something called a Blue Christmas service. It recognizes that Christmas isn't easy for everyone all the time, maybe ever. It was a good choice for me.

((Yeah, yeah, still going to write more porn... Life's a mess.))
Click to expand...

For everyone who is a little "blue" and feeling like life is "messy" right now. May you remember that you are not alone in your feelings, in life, in this world.

Whether you sit in a church pew, alone at home, in the driver seat of your car it isn't always easy, but stay strong and know that somewhere, someone is facing an equally difficult time. Some may be facing a more difficult time. I hope there is someone you love and trust, someone you can reach out to, someone to sit beside you in silence and simply let you know they are there for you.

For those of us who have lost someone, for those of us who suffer one pain or another, for those of us feeling a little "blue" or in a bit of a "mess"...stay strong... you're not alone. :rose:

https://www.whatsappstatus007.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/merry-christmas-2017-whatsapp-animated-gif-images-for-free-download.gif
 
Apple_of_Eden said:
For those of us who have lost someone, for those of us who suffer one pain or another, for those of us feeling a little "blue" or in a bit of a "mess"...stay strong... you're not alone. :rose:
Click to expand...

Let's be there for one another. A belated Happy Christmas.

At the Christmas Eve mass at the nearby Lutheran Church, which I attended on
the spur of the moment. Glad I did.
tumblr_p1lm3lc6ka1u0eqkko1_540.jpg


Peace on earth, good will among men and women.

Would that it be so.
 
I posted this in another thread...

Shankara20 said:
My pharmacy just called. The TriMix I purchase to self-inject to get an erection has gone from $45 to $65 for a 45 day supply.

I can remember when I could get a fuckin' hard-on for free.

I even can remember far enough back to when I got so god-damed many rock hard hard-ons I couldn't fuckin' use them all!!!


*sigh* :eek:

FUCK.... :(
Click to expand...


just want to add here: FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!
 
Cinamon Hadley died; she was the model for Death in the "Sandman" series, a goth icon.

And the friend who introduced me to Sandman died a few days ago, but I only heard last night (pitfalls of not being on FB).

FYC.
 
Apple_of_Eden said:
For everyone who is a little "blue" and feeling like life is "messy" right now. May you remember that you are not alone in your feelings, in life, in this world.

Whether you sit in a church pew, alone at home, in the driver seat of your car it isn't always easy, but stay strong and know that somewhere, someone is facing an equally difficult time. Some may be facing a more difficult time. I hope there is someone you love and trust, someone you can reach out to, someone to sit beside you in silence and simply let you know they are there for you.

For those of us who have lost someone, for those of us who suffer one pain or another, for those of us feeling a little "blue" or in a bit of a "mess"...stay strong... you're not alone. :rose:

https://www.whatsappstatus007.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/merry-christmas-2017-whatsapp-animated-gif-images-for-free-download.gif
Click to expand...


It's good to "see" you - even if it's here. I've thought of you often. Your words are always helpful. Thanks for posting.
 
What is the expected time to heal and move on?

We are now 3 months after FIL cancer death. She still listens to a VM from him reads his letters and generally just depressed.
We have made love 1 time in 3 months it was wonderful but she just isn't in the mood overall I can't complain I have never experienced this type of loss so I am at a loss for words or comfort other than to be her rock.
 
mortis said:
What is the expected time to heal and move on?

We are now 3 months after FIL cancer death. She still listens to a VM from him reads his letters and generally just depressed.
We have made love 1 time in 3 months it was wonderful but she just isn't in the mood overall I can't complain I have never experienced this type of loss so I am at a loss for words or comfort other than to be her rock.
Click to expand...
Grieving a loss is a very personal thing. Everybody grieves differently, and it takes time. There are stages to grief and to hurry this process could damage your relationship.

In my opinion, 3 months is not enough time, when it comes to grieving someone very close. And if it was a lover, doing anything with someone else that they did together could be very difficult for her.

Continue to be her rock. She will come through this, in time. And she will respect you even more for it.
 
Good response DVS; I am sure that is right in line with what I want for us.

Just looking for that warm embrace that she is ready.
 
mortis said:
What is the expected time to heal and move on?

We are now 3 months after FIL cancer death. She still listens to a VM from him reads his letters and generally just depressed.
We have made love 1 time in 3 months it was wonderful but she just isn't in the mood overall I can't complain I have never experienced this type of loss so I am at a loss for words or comfort other than to be her rock.
Click to expand...

There is no set time and I'd say if she was close to her father then 3 months is still really early. I lost my dad and my sister within 6 weeks of each other half way through 2015. The first year was a blur of depression (there was other stuff going on that added to the chaos). That first year, when I had sex with my husband, who I love, it was out of a sense of duty--rarely did I get any pleasure out of it. Grief is all-consuming. Year two was better. And as I set off into year three I'm finally feeling almost like "myself" again but I've lost pretty much any inclination for the BDSM stuff that used to float my boat. It is impossible to explain unless you've been there. Being a rock is a good thing. Keep it up.

This piece, from a Reddit page, is the best explanation of grief I think I have ever read:

"As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
 
I am four months out from my husband's death (from ALS). Some days, he is so far from me - I cannot feel him anymore. Other days, he is so close, I imagine what he feels like, kissing him, holding his hand that couldn't hold mine back.... his death feels like yesterday.

It is true, what Keroin shared - the grief no longer consumes me. The waves are at 50 feet, not 100. I can breathe. Daily moments of sadness hit me at the strangest times. Doing the jumble (something we did every day), a song, a picture in the oral thread - the smallest things tear at my heart, take my breath away for a minute. I cry and then move on.

This is something I found helpful:

wAmQ2YL.jpg
 
Keroin said:
There is no set time and I'd say if she was close to her father then 3 months is still really early. I lost my dad and my sister within 6 weeks of each other half way through 2015. The first year was a blur of depression (there was other stuff going on that added to the chaos). That first year, when I had sex with my husband, who I love, it was out of a sense of duty--rarely did I get any pleasure out of it. Grief is all-consuming. Year two was better. And as I set off into year three I'm finally feeling almost like "myself" again but I've lost pretty much any inclination for the BDSM stuff that used to float my boat. It is impossible to explain unless you've been there. Being a rock is a good thing. Keep it up.

This piece, from a Reddit page, is the best explanation of grief I think I have ever read:

"As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
Click to expand...

Really liked this... a lot! So ture!
 
cookiecat said:
I am four months out from my husband's death (from ALS). Some days, he is so far from me - I cannot feel him anymore. Other days, he is so close, I imagine what he feels like, kissing him, holding his hand that couldn't hold mine back.... his death feels like yesterday.

It is true, what Keroin shared - the grief no longer consumes me. The waves are at 50 feet, not 100. I can breathe. Daily moments of sadness hit me at the strangest times. Doing the jumble (something we did every day), a song, a picture in the oral thread - the smallest things tear at my heart, take my breath away for a minute. I cry and then move on.

This is something I found helpful:

wAmQ2YL.jpg
Click to expand...

Another on target quote and I really like it! I hate the grieving of a lost one but I always try to see it as a testament to how important they were and are to me! *big hug*
 
cascadiabound said:
^^^ Kerion :heart: this is a wonderful/awful analogy. It fits.
Click to expand...

Thanks! I wish I had come up with it but I know that it helped me when I was going through my own shipwrecks. :heart:

cookiecat said:
I am four months out from my husband's death (from ALS). Some days, he is so far from me - I cannot feel him anymore. Other days, he is so close, I imagine what he feels like, kissing him, holding his hand that couldn't hold mine back.... his death feels like yesterday.
Click to expand...

I am sorry for your loss. And, yes, it's like that. Some days it is a distant thing, other days the people I've lost feel as if they are right beside me.


scotluvsoral said:
Really liked this... a lot! So ture!
Click to expand...

Glad you liked it. :rose:

I also read Joan Didion's book "The Year of Magical Thinking" on a friend's recommendation, about 6 months after my dad died. While it was difficult at times to connect with the author--wealth certainly helps with the day-to-day issues of death and grief, lack of wealth just adds to the stress--I still took away lots of good stuff. It helped me feel not so alone.

I love this quote from that book:

"People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed it on my face and I notice it now on others. The look is one of extreme vulnerability, nakedness, openness. It is the look of someone who walks from the ophthalmologist's office into the bright daylight with dilated eyes, or of someone who wears glasses and is suddenly made to take them off. These people who have lost someone look naked because they think themselves invisible."
 
Keroin said:
I love this quote from that book:

"People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed it on my face and I notice it now on others. The look is one of extreme vulnerability, nakedness, openness. It is the look of someone who walks from the ophthalmologist's office into the bright daylight with dilated eyes, or of someone who wears glasses and is suddenly made to take them off. These people who have lost someone look naked because they think themselves invisible."
Click to expand...

This is an interesting thought - the invisible quality to grief.

I know I'm not the only person to experience loss. I don't hold the market on grief. And yet, this feeling of being gutted, the awfulness of it all -- at times, when I'm sitting with friends, talking about everything and nothing or when I'm alone, again, without him, I want to scream - what the fuck? No one will ever know this hollow, heartwrench ache.

Then I realize no one WILL know my experience. Each of us will have our own moment of grieving, no matter who it is: parent, spouse, sibling, child, friend, pet.

I just have to go about my day. Because we all do. Carrying around that grief and simply figuring out how to get to a place of peace.

Thanks for coming back and posting, Keroin. All of these things help get to that place.
 
FYC for taking my father. He deserved a better death than what he got.


Sympathy and hugs for everyone that posted before me.
 
Cancer has ravaged our family. Cancer has taken many. Cancer has effected many that are still here in recovery.

Cancer has my 5 year old Niece battling a long hard battle for her life. She just had tumors removed from her lungs and kidneys. Bless her heart she call her scar on her neck a Shark Bite. Always smiling with her beautiful bald head.

My sister underwent surgery and had all of her reproductive organs removed with some thyroids. She is undergoing treatment as well. Supposedly the Drs removed all of the Cancer but you never know.

You live each day as there tomorrow is not guaranteed. Love as there is no tomorrow. No regrets.
 
As hard as it is to believe it's been 10 months now---and such a roller coaster ride...everytime I feel like I'm getting comfortable and dealing with her death....I seem to slip back.....Trying to figure it all out....
 
My mother has been told she has weeks, maybe months left to live.This has happened a lot sooner than I expected. I think I am in shock as it hasn’t really hit me yet. I should be able to take time to stay with my parents on and off pretty easily, which I am glad about.
Just scared of what lies ahead.
 
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