cottonnightie
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2013
- Posts
- 21
First, thanks very much for the previous feedback and assistance. Everyone who has provided constructive criticism was helpful and I hope to demonstrate that I'm willing to put the advice to good use.
The last story had problems with my repetitive use of a particular sentence structure (pronoun verbed the something something) and boring descriptions.
I've written a new story from scratch (~3500 words) with two overriding goals in mind:
1. avoid simple, repetitive sentence structure and
2. move the point of view to keep from making boring, third-person declarative scene descriptions
I'm not sure how well I am doing, because I always seem to be a little blind reading my own words. I just keep missing lots of things, even when I try reading it out loud. Here is the story, boy chases girl until she catches him and another girl, too:
http://freetexthost.com/vt4gmm32tm
I hope to avoid a repeat of the last time when I submitted and got rejected without really understanding why. Incidentally, my last story is still pending, but I think every time I've updated it, it goes to the back of the queue again. Ha! That'll teach me to edit in the queue.
Anyway, thank you in advance for your time if you choose to read and comment.
CN
The last story had problems with my repetitive use of a particular sentence structure (pronoun verbed the something something) and boring descriptions.
I've written a new story from scratch (~3500 words) with two overriding goals in mind:
1. avoid simple, repetitive sentence structure and
2. move the point of view to keep from making boring, third-person declarative scene descriptions
I'm not sure how well I am doing, because I always seem to be a little blind reading my own words. I just keep missing lots of things, even when I try reading it out loud. Here is the story, boy chases girl until she catches him and another girl, too:
http://freetexthost.com/vt4gmm32tm
I hope to avoid a repeat of the last time when I submitted and got rejected without really understanding why. Incidentally, my last story is still pending, but I think every time I've updated it, it goes to the back of the queue again. Ha! That'll teach me to edit in the queue.
Anyway, thank you in advance for your time if you choose to read and comment.
CN
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