Wild_Honey_66
sweet freak
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2014
- Posts
- 50,279
Or...how you enjoy serving your dominant woman, and why.
Now's your chance, guys!
Now's your chance, guys!
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Very...poetic.
Also, nice buns.
*giggle* so all you have to do is mask my face and we're good?
LMAO
this is not a hookup thread.
:caning:
That explains my lack of success.
I didn't even see the "No Fishing" sign.
(pulls in his line and paddles away)
I was in a three year relationship with a dominant woman. It was the most transformative period of my adult life. It was so liberating to give up control on a regular basis to a beautiful woman who seemed to see me right at the core of my soul.
I think I was finally able to see myself through another person's eyes. Not all of what I saw was good, but I was with someone I could trust. She tweaked away some of my old habits that were hanging me up intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. If I followed her instructions carefully, the rewards would be pure magic.
That relationship ended, due to my own screw-ups, but her gift keeps on informing my life. Now I love going to a yoga class and being totally receptive to a teacher-- just taking these much needed breaks from always trying to control things. I also find that most of my closest friends are either women or bi/gay men. I'm still straight in a lot of ways, but I'm much more open hearing about what other people are experiencing. A lot of straight guys don't share very much.
The thing I miss the most is this domm's rapt attention. What a turn-on that was.
I've felt like I should contribute more to this thread. Anything really, but on nights like this; one overpowering memory leaves me with nothing else to add.
Feeling of truly satisfying her and being used as a means to her pleasure.
Placing myself in her hands, and letting her show and teach while I'll obey.
Giving control and direction to her, and not knowing where the passion might go.
hello, you!!
{{{hug}}}
Hey you, too!
{{{hugs}}}
Are you sure it's okay to hug in a BDSM thread?
Wow. hun I feel like I should whip you or something to cheer you up. I have a feeling the person I'm with at the moment is going to feel like this down the line. I can't change the way he works now tho. His decisions are his to make alone. I know I'm the only person that he is really honest with and can make him feel. But I'm also out of his comfort zone. He will probably eventually choose to go his own way with the nice vanilla girl that his friends and family like. I will be sorry and I will miss him dearly. But what can you do?days like this, disoriented by illness, in a fog of pressure in my ears and sinuses, entirely unfit for emotional distress, I tend to fuck myself over by waxing nostalgic about past relationships. In this altered state it's impossible to see the relevance of a bad match, the fundamental flaws that doomed from the start my brief forays into submission.
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. Both fundamentally and by virtue of my actions and lack thereof. I wish I had done things differently, even knowing that it never would have worked out, even fully acknowledging that I would never actually give up or allow causality to imperil my relationship with my wife or my wonderful children; I'd never go back and change anything, I just wish I'd arrived here differently.
I wish I'd done more research, committed myself more, risked more, begged more, communicated better... I do understand not all of those things were possible then; much of my regret is based on hindsight, based on wisdom gained in the decade since. I still wish the memories were different.
I'm sorry, Mistresses of yore, that I couldn't make myself worth your time. I'm sorry I couldn't make our relationship my highest priority, that I couldn't make that family my own.
Specifically, right now, I'm sorry that every time anyone has ever bothered to try tying me, I have been too excited to get into the right head-space. Analyzing rope work, body mechanics, comfort levels, and carefully answering questions that would have been better responded to with a curt "yes miss," I realize I must have been annoying as hell. I think I do understand why one mistress walked out at the start of a scene. I certainly don't blame her.
I wish I had broken through the shock of it to call out to her though. "Please," I wish I'd said, even though it was her least favorite implorative, "Please come back. Tell me what I've done wrong! Punish me!" I have never wanted so desperately to be punished. "Mistress please punish me! Grant me catharsis!" It may be the only time I have ever really wanted someone to hit me. I am not a masochist, but I would have let her then, in that moment, ceaselessly. Unable to talk, with so much self contempt; I was rapidly unfit to consent.
"Mistress help me. Please use me." I wish I'd told her then, or ever, "Find some way to enjoy me... anything mistress, I need this, just please don't leave me worthless."
But I said nothing. I can still feel myself shrivel inside as her shadow faded down the hall, I clearly remember staring at my worthless wrists as I listened to my mistresses bicker. The loosed ropes still dangled, taunting me with what almost was, that which I clearly did not deserve.
I made no mention of this in any journal. I had gotten sloppy about keeping the one I started when I went to visit them. The insistence that it would eventually be shared made it impossible to write so soon after a journal had been stolen. The worst part of any memory is not knowing if it's genuine, whether it really happened, or if it's some diabolical mental mirage left over from the height of my migraine problems.
I know I visited them. I know we didn't fit well. I know it broke off; it ended harshly, but perhaps one of the least messy breakups I've ever endured; yet another traumatic story I'll never be secure in. I'll never know for certain any of the details, not a single one... just my bitter sweet memories, real or not.
I'm sorry I was not the right sub for them or anyone else. I've come to realize I was not the right sub for me either.
I've felt like I should contribute more to this thread. Anything really, but on nights like this; one overpowering memory leaves me with nothing else to add.
I appreciate the sentiment.
Right now I'm working through a particularly nasty head cold that's on the verge of developing pneumonia if I sleep wrong, haven't the energy for housework let alone whipping. At the moment I think I'd appreciate a mommy more than a mistress; I'm pretty pathetic when I'm this sick, but don't worry I can take care of myself. The misery seems to be pretty much what brought this nostalgia to surface in the first place though.
I'm told this (frequent illness) comes with pre-school, and doesn't let up till late elementary school... which, come to think of it, is about how it worked out for my first daughter too.
~~~
I miss the mischievousness of a woman who knows she's got me under her thumb, pushing not so much toward stated boundaries, but in other ways, for her own amusement, & to see if there are any other boundaries to be found.