Pearls Before Swine

Everyone has some brilliant idea that they think is going to make "Blood Meridian" look like a spaghetti western starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Good luck on the Pulitzer.

I don't care about that.

I want to hear your worst idea, something that you thought of and were, like, "Yeah, yeah, that's it. And what if the Ewoks ALL became Jedi's? Man, that would be so freakin' sweet."

I knew it would never be a hit, it was an 'exercise', but I tried anyway. I really did try, and there's a good 10-12 hours of my life that I'll never get back. Once I gave up, I chopped it up and tried turning it into a weird CFNM type of thing for LW. It still may never see the light of day

The original version was of two clean-cut, soccer mom, PTA ladies who were best friends and neighbors. They found out by accident (damn the wine) that they had a repressed fetish of cutting people's hair. Before long, they were paying guys to come over and get shorn. Big burly biker dudes with back sweaters were their favorites.

The girls would strip, oil themselves up, then shave the guy bare, head to toe, getting hair from the clippers all over their oily bodies. Once they were covered, they would get off by straddling the guy's smooth thigh/knee and ride off to happy-town. The three would then shower off, and the guy couldn't touch them, (that would be cheating on their husbands), but he could jerk off in the shower.

With a plot like this, how could it not be an instant cult classic?
 
I knew it would never be a hit, it was an 'exercise', but I tried anyway. I really did try, and there's a good 10-12 hours of my life that I'll never get back. Once I gave up, I chopped it up and tried turning it into a weird CFNM type of thing for LW. It still may never see the light of day

The original version was of two clean-cut, soccer mom, PTA ladies who were best friends and neighbors. They found out by accident (damn the wine) that they had a repressed fetish of cutting people's hair. Before long, they were paying guys to come over and get shorn. Big burly biker dudes with back sweaters were their favorites.

The girls would strip, oil themselves up, then shave the guy bare, head to toe, getting hair from the clippers all over their oily bodies. Once they were covered, they would get off by straddling the guy's smooth thigh/knee and ride off to happy-town. The three would then shower off, and the guy couldn't touch them, (that would be cheating on their husbands), but he could jerk off in the shower.

With a plot like this, how could it not be an instant cult classic?

This is great. This is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. That is a specific little niche you've found there.
 
I've come up with ideas while sleeping that just make no damn sense after I wake up, but as far as ideas that are actually coherent, they're all going to appeal to some audience, however small. For example I've seen erotica about the following uncommon topics:
- fattening
- a human woman pregnant with snakes (or plants, or fish, or puppies, there was a whole series.)
- a lactating robot
- incestuous superhero romance
- a fantasy race where everyone is born male then turns female around age 25
- a science-fiction race where only females are sentient and males are similar to dogs in intelligence
- sexual organs in improbable locations, like dicknipples, dicktongues, dick tail-tips, vaginas in the center of one's chest, centaur-like beings with a penis between the hind legs and a vagina between the forelegs (the flexible ones could fuck themselves, including potentially getting themselves pregnant)

And there are probably many I don't even have to describe because everyone's already heard of them, like tentacle monster sex, sex with a magical clone of oneself, various fantasy aphrodisiac drugs, or being bitten by a vampire being somehow sexually pleasurable.
 
I once swam Appalachicola Bay, (about 12 miles of open sea if I remember right) alone, unaccompanied by boat or swimmers, on a $50 bet. It took me most of the day. My buddies waited on the other side,partying and no doubt discussing what an idiot I was. Oh sure, I did it. But when I look back now, what a fucking stupid idea!
 
Oh, I just remembered. When I was twelve I tried to write a story about sex between an alien and a human, (inspired by Phillip Jose Farmer's, "The Lovers". Problem was, I knew very little about aliens, and even less about sex. Believe it or not, I still lhave the idea floating around, but no clue how to write it. lol
 
My first attempt at erotic writing, originally written on an IBM XT with twin 360k floppy drives, was set in the mid 19th Century, in an unnamed Balkan state. It was a long, boring, badly written story full of technical information about 19th Century Artillery, Civil Engineering, rifle training etc...

The premise was that the hero,a weedy runt, was derided by the local village women when a young adult. They would chase him, strip him, and dress him as a woman for not being man enough for them. It was a favorite Saturday night sport for the women. His only friend was the local giantess, who was also an outcast because she was taller, larger and heavier than any local man. Sometimes she defended him, but at first she might also humiliate him by tying him up in a bundle with her apron, and slinging him over her shoulder as a helpless package.Eventually the two rejects from society became friends.

He studied Civil and Military Engineering from German manuals belonging to the giantess's deceased father.

He was conscripted to be a soldier when their country was invaded.

He was a useless infantryman because he couldn't carry the load of equipment, but he was a great tactician with light artillery.

His unit were fighting a rearguard action near the village but bad leadership by the commander meant they were outflanked and most were killed, including the incompetent officer. The runt, despite being just an artilleryman, recovered the guns with the physical help of the village women led by the giantess. He mobilised the women into a guerilla force and they harassed the supply lines of the invaders so effectively that the invasion failed.

But as the invaders retreated, they overran the village despite heavy losses caused by the runt's artillery served by the women. Before they left, the enemy commander insisted that any men should be handed over as prisoners of war.

The hero had been injured and was unconscious. The women he had been leading dressed him as a woman - again- and carried him past the enemy troops on a stretcher. He started to regain consciousness, and the giantess stuffed his mouth with a corner of her apron.

He became a national hero, married the giantess, became Mayor of the village and helped reorganise the country's army.

But his wife would still bundle him up as a package in her apron, and for some festivals in the village the women would insist on dressing him as a woman to celebrate their rescue of him.
 
I don't think that's a bad idea, ogg. It puts me in mind of the mythology of the Egyptian god Min. A wonderful little tale to check out, if you're unfamiliar.
 
I don't think that's a bad idea, ogg. It puts me in mind of the mythology of the Egyptian god Min. A wonderful little tale to check out, if you're unfamiliar.

It might not have been a bad idea, but the writing was appalling. There was little sex, not enough forced transvestism for the fans of that fetish, and far too much technological detail.

The full version, before I hacked it about drastically, would have been about 14 Lit pages. :rolleyes:

I still have the much reduced version, but it is beyond saving as a reasonable story.
 
I've come up with ideas while sleeping that just make no damn sense after I wake up, but as far as ideas that are actually coherent, they're all going to appeal to some audience, however small. For example I've seen erotica about the following uncommon topics:
- fattening
- a human woman pregnant with snakes (or plants, or fish, or puppies, there was a whole series.)
- a lactating robot
- incestuous superhero romance
- a fantasy race where everyone is born male then turns female around age 25
- a science-fiction race where only females are sentient and males are similar to dogs in intelligence
- sexual organs in improbable locations, like dicknipples, dicktongues, dick tail-tips, vaginas in the center of one's chest, centaur-like beings with a penis between the hind legs and a vagina between the forelegs (the flexible ones could fuck themselves, including potentially getting themselves pregnant)

And there are probably many I don't even have to describe because everyone's already heard of them, like tentacle monster sex, sex with a magical clone of oneself, various fantasy aphrodisiac drugs, or being bitten by a vampire being somehow sexually pleasurable.

Just thinking...

1. Crepidula fornicata (the mollusk in a slipper shell) starts life as a male and becomes a female as it ages.

2. For years, scientists wondered where male angler fish were, having never found them. Then the icthyologists realized that some of the growths on the females were actually the males. They bite into the female's side and attach themselves, drawing nourishment from the female's blood. Eventually their heads atrophy and they become "brainless" growths on the female, serving only to provide sperm.

3. Snails and earthworms, among many other forms of animal life are truly hermaphroditic, having separate and distinct sets of male and female reproductive organs in each individual. And where do you think you'd find a male squid's organ? http://www.theatlantic.com/video/ar...er-video-of-deep-sea-squid-having-sex/267101/

Yeah, Mother Nature seems to have an imagination that outdoes us mere mortals...
 
2. For years, scientists wondered where male angler fish were, having never found them. Then the icthyologists realized that some of the growths on the females were actually the males. They bite into the female's side and attach themselves, drawing nourishment from the female's blood. Eventually their heads atrophy and they become "brainless" growths on the female, serving only to provide sperm.

I was watching the documentary "Blue Planet", and they talked about this, and I found this kind of hot. Nothing like getting a boner while listening to David Attenborough talk about some super intense fish bondage.
 
2. For years, scientists wondered where male angler fish were, having never found them. Then the icthyologists realized that some of the growths on the females were actually the males. They bite into the female's side and attach themselves, drawing nourishment from the female's blood. Eventually their heads atrophy and they become "brainless" growths on the female, serving only to provide sperm.

Oh, damn, now I suppose we'll get a spate of angler fish stories posted here by angry lesbians.
 
Just thinking...

1. Crepidula fornicata (the mollusk in a slipper shell) starts life as a male and becomes a female as it ages.

2. For years, scientists wondered where male angler fish were, having never found them. Then the icthyologists realized that some of the growths on the females were actually the males. They bite into the female's side and attach themselves, drawing nourishment from the female's blood. Eventually their heads atrophy and they become "brainless" growths on the female, serving only to provide sperm.

3. Snails and earthworms, among many other forms of animal life are truly hermaphroditic, having separate and distinct sets of male and female reproductive organs in each individual. And where do you think you'd find a male squid's organ? http://www.theatlantic.com/video/ar...er-video-of-deep-sea-squid-having-sex/267101/

Yeah, Mother Nature seems to have an imagination that outdoes us mere mortals...
Yeah a lot of the more interesting ideas I've seen have been inspired by taking some biological oddity in nature and applying it to a human-like species.
 
It might not have been a bad idea, but the writing was appalling. There was little sex, not enough forced transvestism for the fans of that fetish, and far too much technological detail.

The full version, before I hacked it about drastically, would have been about 14 Lit pages. :rolleyes:

I still have the much reduced version, but it is beyond saving as a reasonable story.
Not every story has to be erotica. Sounds like it would make a hilarious Gilbert and Sullivan style musical. :cattail:

I know the feeling though. I've got a couple of scenes floating around in my head where the scene feels compelling to me but I haven't thought of a plot to fit it into. One involves a human woman who is brought into a futuristic or fantasy culture where they have the ability to easily reshape human bodies. She gets herself changed into a male. When the transformation is done she looks into a mirror and can't hold back her tears - it's the first time she's ever looked at her reflection and considered herself attractive. I don't have any real idea where the plot could go from there though.

I thought maybe she would meet a guy she had previously been attracted to, but he has also changed his body (still male but now really tall and muscly, because he always hated getting pushed around and harassed for being a bit androgynous). It turns out he was attracted to her before; but now, both of them are very happy with their own bodies but neither of them are sexually interested in the other. But that idea doesn't go anywhere sexy or romantic, and I'm not a fan of tragedies, so I discarded it. Haven't thought of anything better yet.
 
I thought maybe she would meet a guy she had previously been attracted to, but he has also changed his body (still male but now really tall and muscly, because he always hated getting pushed around and harassed for being a bit androgynous). It turns out he was attracted to her before; but now, both of them are very happy with their own bodies but neither of them are sexually interested in the other. But that idea doesn't go anywhere sexy or romantic, and I'm not a fan of tragedies, so I discarded it. Haven't thought of anything better yet.

I think this sounds like a fascinating idea. Then again, I am a fan of tragedies. Rather, I think tragedies are a fan of me, and I feel obligated to return the support.
 
I know the feeling though. I've got a couple of scenes floating around in my head where the scene feels compelling to me but I haven't thought of a plot to fit it into. One involves a human woman who is brought into a futuristic or fantasy culture where they have the ability to easily reshape human bodies. She gets herself changed into a male. When the transformation is done she looks into a mirror and can't hold back her tears - it's the first time she's ever looked at her reflection and considered herself attractive. I don't have any real idea where the plot could go from there though.

I thought maybe she would meet a guy she had previously been attracted to, but he has also changed his body (still male but now really tall and muscly, because he always hated getting pushed around and harassed for being a bit androgynous). It turns out he was attracted to her before; but now, both of them are very happy with their own bodies but neither of them are sexually interested in the other. But that idea doesn't go anywhere sexy or romantic, and I'm not a fan of tragedies, so I discarded it. Haven't thought of anything better yet.

Have you considered the wonders of stuff like the Arabian Nights, complete with strange magic and so on ?
 
I think this sounds like a fascinating idea. Then again, I am a fan of tragedies. Rather, I think tragedies are a fan of me, and I feel obligated to return the support.

How does "tragedies being a fan of you" work? :confused:



Have you considered the wonders of stuff like the Arabian Nights, complete with strange magic and so on ?
If you mean the arabian nights as a type of fantasy setting, it's not one of my favorites. I like fantasy worlds where there are no gods and magic is commonplace and systematic and has its own sort of physics. I don't like supernatural creatures like jinns/genies/however you spell it much. Or did you mean it as an example of tragedy?
 
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