Tell a Joke

Have you been curious what all the hubbub on "fracking" is about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4aOMKhkhSc&feature=player_detailpage

Earth Nears Date for Closest Asteroid Fly-by Ever.
On February 15, asteroid 2012 DA14 will fly on a path that puts it just 17,200 miles from earth, which is closer to Earth than some communication satellites, according to Universe Today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7YTmS6U8WM&feature=player_embedded

Counting Dog

One day a farmer was bragging to his neighbor that his dog was so smart he could count.

The other farmer didn't believe him, so the first farmer ordered his dog to go count the geese in the pond out back. The dog took off, came back, and barked 4 times.

Both farmers went out back to check if the dog was right, and sure enough there were 4 geese in sight.

Back at the farm house the neighbor said that the dog was lucky and wanted more proof, so the farmer sent the dog off again.

This time the dog came back and barked 6 times, and when they went to check, sure enough there were 6 geese.

But the neighbor was still unsatisfied, and demanded another demonstration, so the first farmer agreed to send the dog out one more time.

On the dogs return he started humping his masters leg, then picked up a stick and started shaking it.

"I knew that fool dog couldn't count," said the neighbor triumphantly.

"Oh, yes he can," said the farmer, "you just can't understand him. He just said there are more fucking geese than you can shake a stick at."

This is a mainstream news source checking the facts behind Piers Morgan's stance on gun control

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=mw8Yh30ocDE

Lady: Do you drink?

Man: Yes

Lady: How much a day?

Man: 3 six packs

Lady: How much per six pack

Man: about $10.00

Lady: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: 15 years

Lady: So 1 six pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 six packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not counting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink?

Lady: No

Man: So Where's your fucking Ferrari?

Five More Useless Facts:

BusyAfternoon said:

Have you been curious what all the hubbub on "fracking" is about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4aOMKhkhSc&feature=player_detailpage

Click to expand...

lol... i like your AV, nice.

Six More Useless Facts:

God Bless Cowboys!



Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'

BEAR COUNTING IN CANADA
The park is named after the Algonquin Indians.
Momma Bear and her three very young cubs in the wild of northern Ontario, Canada.
Humane wildlife experts taking a winter bear census right in the hibernation dens.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=vJRDpTUIrJI&vq=medium

A Priest was presenting a special children's mass to the congregation.

During the message, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's mass is crucial, but at the same time, asking the children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The Priest called on him and the little boy said, "All I know is that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than 4 hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for mass to be continued.

Well yeah... he's gotta point!


I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them:

'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

' NO!' the children answered.

' If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!'

By now I was starting to smile. 'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?

Again, they all answered 'NO!'.

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, '

Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six year-old boy shouted out: "Ya Gotta Be Fookin' Dead..."

It's a curious culture, the Irish.

Balladeer08 said:

I actually used that line. About 37 years ago. I'd just gotten to a new Army base. Got lost and wound up going the wrong way on a one-way street. In the Officers housing area. So I was trying to hurry up and get out of there when the MPs pulled me over. After going through a conversation like the above about the one-way street, the MP added "And this is a 15 M.P.H. zone". I said "Yeah, but from the other side that reads 51." Eventually they lead me out of there and gave me directions to my company area.

Click to expand...

One time, I was lost and turned around in a parking lot that said 'Exit Only' and the exit was angled directly between a one-way street and the main road. You could only see the Stop sign if you were exiting the lot or going the wrong way.

A cop came out behind me from the one-way street and pulled me over. When he said I had gone the wrong way, I asked him why he came down the wrong way on a one way street to pull me over when the signs at the very beginning of it directed me to the main road? He flipped his ticket book shut, told me to have a good day, and sped off w/his lights still flashing.

You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...

You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in the country illegally.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You have to have your parents signature to go on a school field trip but not to get an abortion.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
An 80 year old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a Muslim woman in a burka is only subject to having her neck and head searched.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more of our money.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
A seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for calling his teacher "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
The Supreme Court of the United States can rule that lower courts cannot display the 10 Commandments in their courtroom, while sitting in front of a display of the 10 Commandments.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately discipline them while children of "underprivileged" drug addicts are left to rot in filth infested cesspools of a “homeâ€.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Hard work and success are rewarded with higher taxes and government intrusion, while some slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing, and free cell phones.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
The government's plan for getting people back to work is to provide 99 weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Being self-sufficient is considered a threat to the government.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
The rights of the Government come before the rights of the individual.
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen TV while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying iPhones, TV's and new cars) and the government forgives his debt and reduces his mortgage (with your tax dollars).
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you "safe".
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You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You can write a post like this just by reading the news headlines.

"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian!"

Henry Ford

We have now all seen on TV, how the last Space Shuttle is now in Los Angeles. Here is one final picture of the cockpit with everything powered on for one last picture before the electronics and secret stuff were pulled out and removed. Additionally, the last Commander ordered erased all the flight deck graffiti signed by all the crews over 25 missions.

http://www.launchphotography.com/Endeavour_Flight_Deck.html

adult



A guy walks into a bar pointing a gun around and shouting out

"Who the f**k has been sleeping with my wife?".

A voice from the back of the bar replies

"I don't think you have enough ammo!"

Breastfeeding in public


A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started
To breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said,
"Come on,
Eat it all up or ... I'll have
To give it to this nice man here."

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding,
So she said,
"Come on, honey.
Take it or I'll give it to this nice
Man here."

A few minutes later, the anxious man
Blurted out,
"Come on, kid.
Make up your mind!
I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

Women In Combat

A retired soldier went into the Job Center in Downtown Dallas,

and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the
ladies ready for the gynecologist.

You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down

and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and

gently shave off the pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready

for the gynecologist's examination.

The annual salary is $65,000, and you ll have to go to Billings, Montana."

"Good grief", the sailor asked, "Is that where the job is?"

"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now.

A armed man walks into a local bank an announces a stick-up. An alert teller hits the silent alarm and the police arrive in minutes. A struggle with the police ensues and in his haste to get away he fires three shots. Unfortunately, all three shots hit a pregnant woman in the stomach. They rush her to the hospital. The doctor said she was fine and she was having triplets, but each will have a bullet in them and they will pass it in due time. - Anyway, she successfully gave birth to 2 girls and 1 boy. 12 years later the first daughter runs in and screams "Mama, while I was peeing I passed a bullet!" The mother told her she was fine and told her the story. The next day the second daughter comes running in screaming "Mama, while I was peeing I passed a bullet!" The mother said she was fine and told her the story. The next day her son comes running in screaming but this time she interrupts before he can say anything and says "I know, you were peeing and passed a bullet." "No," the son replies "I was behind the barn jacking off and I shot the dog!"

Cool Papa Bear was so fast, he hit a line drive that hit himself in the head when he slid into 2nd base.

Difference between Ravens/SF Fans

Circle of Life

http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/5844478_700b_v1.jpg