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How to Encourage Partner to Take Charge during Sex

LanguageOfLove said:
Since joining the forums, in July, I've been slowly trying to get up the nerve to tell my husband what I want in terms of our sex life. I had a very difficult time telling him that I wanted a change in what we do. I finally had a talk with him, and to my surprise.he totally agreed. He was so happy I shared it with him.

Thanks for reading.

I think that's the end.
Click to expand...

I love a happy ending :)
 
I have no problem asking my boyfriend to do this, but I don't think he really knows how to do it and I don't know how to encourage him. I have tried teasing or resisting him a bit to get him to respond a little more vigorously but he just gets nervous or confused. Once I asked him to tie me up and he kept asking me how to do it and what to do lol. How is this working for you?
 
chame1eon said:
I have no problem asking my boyfriend to do this, but I don't think he really knows how to do it and I don't know how to encourage him. I have tried teasing or resisting him a bit to get him to respond a little more vigorously but he just gets nervous or confused. Once I asked him to tie me up and he kept asking me how to do it and what to do lol. How is this working for you?
Click to expand...

When I first wrote that post, my husband and I were reconnecting again and I was having trouble expressing myself to him that I wanted to be with him "more often" and wanted him to make the first move, one of many moves. I wanted him to know that I was changing, blossoming, whatever you want to call it.

So, in the past 3 months, our sexuality has improved very much. Its not quite up to what I wanted, but at least he is understanding me more. I am much happier now in telling how I feel than I was before. For me, communicating that to him has brought in more than sex, its brought in the whole package.

So before we go to any other level, we are just enjoying our new ways of expressing ourselves.....many times and many ways..lol

*Still working on the blindfold and maybe an occasional hands above head?

Thanks for replying...Good luck and talking about it helps.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LanguageOfLove View Post
Since joining the forums, in July, I've been slowly trying to get up the nerve to tell my husband what I want in terms of our sex life. I had a very difficult time telling him that I wanted a change in what we do. I finally had a talk with him, and to my surprise.he totally agreed. He was so happy I shared it with him.

Thanks for reading.

I think that's the end.

Bramblethorn said:
I love a happy ending :)
Click to expand...



I change my mind, I think that this is the beginning of something wonderful!!
 
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It is the beginning of something wonderful, maybe I should start to write stories about our encounters...hot wife?...lol

Maybe I'm the only one reading this now, but if there's anyone out there who wants to communicate to their partner, its never too late. Intimacy brings together much more than just sex, it brings a closeness that nothing else will ever compare too.

Its never too late and I'm in my 40's.

Now, back to planning...lol
 
Its been three months since I started trying to get back together with my husband, with more intimacy, and as the thread says, with more control. I've learned that its not about the control more so than it is about letting go. That is just a by product of the control.

Sharing fantasies is a little bit harder to do, perhaps I'll start a thread on how to do that, other than leave subtle hints that really go unnoticed. I'm so happy that we are going on this journey together, its brought us closer.

So next step is better communication and sharing fantasies.

After 23 years of marriage, its never too late to change. Never.
 
Four month mark of bringing the romance back into our marriage (This is my original thread, I changed my username before.)

The fourth month in has definitely been the hardest, it feels as though my marriage is slipping back unfortunately to the way it used to be. I can see a little bit clearer why we weren't together for those years. I can see the distancing, the couch potatoing...the lack of communication and respect... the not being on the same wave length. Even the "act your age" bit towards him.

I told him if you want me to be with you, you have to be the man that I want to be with. I changed, full throttle for you, you can change for me as well, at least just a little. Catch up to where I'm at. I gave myself to you whole-heartedly, body, soul and mind...at least respect that treat me right, even listen to me a little.

I think coming to Lit was a good idea in the beginning to bring a little spice, however I think that too much time spent here isn't good. I know I need to be the one to work things out or else nothing will get done and will slip even further. I won't let that happen. Maybe less time here will help things.

If that's the case, this has been an amazing journey, meeting so many neat people here on Lit and having maybe the best time ever.

Always doing the right thing, that's me.


LOL = Language of Love
 
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I think this has become a place to just write down my thoughts of saving my marriage, and how things are going.

I don't want to seem like I'm giving up. I won't ever give up. Today is another day and I believe that this past week was a bump in the road and I've upgraded my tires....;)

Its still progressing, even though there's times we may slip back. That's ok,, that's a part of life. We make mistakes and we learn from them and move on.

*Sharing my thoughts*
 
Hiya Languageoflove:rose:,

sounds like your not having the best time at the moment. I've found a lot of what you've been sharing quite inspirational. Stay positive. I think you were doing well and it sounded like things were going great till you hit a bit of a bumpy patch.

Just bulldoze the s#*t out of those bumps. Rinse and repeat. :D

XXOOXX

Uggg
 
After five months of bringing the romance back into our lives, my relationship is getting better. I can communicate with him much better and we can both express our wants and needs. We have added more to our sensual relationship to make it more exciting, and hopefully continue to bring in more. a

Just last year, I thought for sure our relationship was going down hill, but we recognized what was wrong and continue to grow as lovers and as people in general. With age comes wisdom and patience and most of all gratitude.

I am grateful for having a second chance with my marriage and my relationship with my husband.
 
I'm really happy that your relationship is good and getting even better with time! I believe that a good sex life brings couples closer and if people would just talk to each other when they're not quite satisfied they could work things out. Keep enjoying each other! 💘
 
SherylSunshine said:
I'm really happy that your relationship is good and getting even better with time! I believe that a good sex life brings couples closer and if people would just talk to each other when they're not quite satisfied they could work things out. Keep enjoying each other! 💘
Click to expand...

Thank you for your awesome reply! I like to share how my life is going, as it once was a sexless life to now a blossoming and wonderful sex life with much happiness. Plus, the sex is getting much better with time as well...lol
 
crashD said:
There are a lot of kinky cards online. Send him one with the right message
Click to expand...

This!
I wanted my wife to take charge for a change, so I made some ‘coupons’ for her.
Later, she made some for me! Works both ways!

Still something we do now and then. We save the good ones, and use them again and again.
 
She sent me a text...it said think about me slowly unzipping your pants...you know the rest!!
 
LanguageOfLove said:
Thank you for your awesome reply! I like to share how my life is going, as it once was a sexless life to now a blossoming and wonderful sex life with much happiness. Plus, the sex is getting much better with time as well...lol
Click to expand...

Thanks for posting. I like a success story. I hope you'll post some more.
 
It just keeps getting better and better...

When you let down your walls, your inhibitions, and show your love and affection, the communication and romance gets better.

Its not perfect, we have our disagreements sometimes, we have our stumbles, but making up is great!

Recently I ordered new toys for us, we have used them and have added a lot of excitement to our intimacy.

Another thing that I did to help him begin exercising with me, was to give him a coupon for free sex (really...lol) if he exercised with me. Boy did that work!! He did not stop!!

I can tell that the more I open up with him, the more he does with me. I want him to know he can tell me anything.

So seven months in from our reconnection is still going strong...thanks to that one amazing day we had back in June.

Just my thoughts...and somewhere to write them :)
 
You go girl! 😊 I still read your post and am happy that you're happy. As long as both are willing there is no excuse for boring sex or no sex at all.

xxoo
 
Sounds like things are going well! One thing you might try is writing stories or even erotic poetry and leaving them where he will find them. I used to hand write them but you could do on the computer, then print off. Put them in a notebook then slide the notebook under the bed, on his side and leave enough of it sticking out where he'll find it. Or maybe leave it in the bathroom. Don't say anything about it at first. Just let him find it.
 
Jada59 said:
Sounds like things are going well! One thing you might try is writing stories or even erotic poetry and leaving them where he will find them. I used to hand write them but you could do on the computer, then print off. Put them in a notebook then slide the notebook under the bed, on his side and leave enough of it sticking out where he'll find it. Or maybe leave it in the bathroom. Don't say anything about it at first. Just let him find it.
Click to expand...

Oh, that sounds like a good idea, I have made a coupon for him before and that worked really well, but this is more random...

I know he'd like that...
 
Our anniversary was a few months ago. We had a wonderful short getaway, and fell in love all over again. The sex was awesome, but so was the fun, laughter and communication. Maybe that's why I haven't been online that much lately, I've been a busy gal...lol

My marriage used to be a struggle, but now it is a blessing. I just wish all aspects of life could be this way.

Well, one thing has changed, maybe its time to tackle something else.
 
Simple.....just be forceful!
My wife has no problem grabbing my head and shoving my face in her pussy, yelling EAT ME! the whole time!

Nothing wrong with that! I find it hot!

Same is true with me....I want something, I have no problem asking, and pushing. She finds it hot too!
 
Klinkster said:
Simple.....just be forceful!
My wife has no problem grabbing my head and shoving my face in her pussy, yelling EAT ME! the whole time!

Nothing wrong with that! I find it hot!

Same is true with me....I want something, I have no problem asking, and pushing. She finds it hot too!
Click to expand...

I agree, I'm just been on a long journey that started with that and has brought much excitement and romance back into our marriage.
 
It is never to late to start for a change. I did it with 52 in my second marriage. I told my beloved wife that I am submissive and want her to take charge in our sex life. That I would like to wear a cock cage and give her the keys to keep me chaste. My wife never had heard of male chastity nor never seen a cock cage. But she thought about my wish and gave it a chance.
We made an agreement for a six months test period. After this half year, we decided to make my chastity a part of our life.
It was successful and is still working. It has developed. I am now caged 24/7since the last three years and five months. We go to nudist beaches, I get a rough spanking every saturday and her best female friend is involved.
We both are happy
 
switchersm said:
It is never to late to start for a change. I did it with 52 in my second marriage. I told my beloved wife that I am submissive and want her to take charge in our sex life. That I would like to wear a cock cage and give her the keys to keep me chaste. My wife never had heard of male chastity nor never seen a cock cage. But she thought about my wish and gave it a chance.
We made an agreement for a six months test period. After this half year, we decided to make my chastity a part of our life.
It was successful and is still working. It has developed. I am now caged 24/7since the last three years and five months. We go to nudist beaches, I get a rough spanking every saturday and her best female friend is involved.
We both are happy
Click to expand...

See, change is good, it can bring many good things to a relationship...not just change, but being honest as well, honest to express what you want out of it. Trust enough to tell them your wishes..it brings you closer. Its a chance, but it is worth it.
 
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