How do I explore my BDSM kink?

Hello. I am fairly new to the world of BDSM I just turned 19 years old and still live with family.

The only problem is is that I don't know where to begin. I've experimented with all types of bondage, tying myself up in sexually revealing lingeries and getting naked while trying out different poses that would traditionally please a dominant as well as looking into explicit porn on a few websites that I had to purposfully sneak and was excited to learn that I was aroused with the ways they were tied, moaning, fondled, spanked and touched.

I've never had a good romantic relationship in my life— let alone a SEXUAL one. I'm still a virgin and just now found the courage to act on my fetishes but the confuson lies on the question of WHAT should I do with these new found urges? I don't even know a community close to me where I can explore BDSM. The environment I grew up in is extremely vanilla. But I have an interest in becoming a submissive for someone who I can share interests, fetishes and consent with. I'm aware that it's not an easy process though and I don't even have a lot of experience. Is there anyway I can join the BDSM community one step at a time???? I'm wary of the risks of pursuing a relationship like this. Should I even try to pursue this and delve more deeply into the BDSM world??? Thank you!!!

Welcome to BDSM!

You wrote "Should I even try to pursue this and delve more deeply into the BDSM world???"

My answer is an unequivocal yes. I believe the everyone should explore their interests and curiosities.

You also asked if it is possible to get into BDSM a step at a time. Again my answer is yes. Remember that in safe, sane and consensual (SSC) BDSM, you as a submissive have every right to set the pace and boundaries of your D/s interactions.

As to how to proceed, you have made a good start by engaging in a BDSM forum like this. Read posts and respond to them. Post your questions and read the responses as you have done with this thread.

Continue your online research into BDSM. Look for sites with questionnaires about your BDSM likes and dislikes and about your submissive tendencies. The more you know about yourself and your BDSM desires the better you will be able to communicate with your BDSM partner.

When you think you are ready to meet other people interested in BDSM, google "BDSM munch" to learn more about these BDSM gatherings. Add the name of the state where you live to your search to find munches near you.

These are just my thoughts. Everyone's BDSM experience is different. Please feel free to PM me with further questions. Good luck and stay safe!

Everyone is Different

Recognize that each person must explore their sexuality in a way that is individual for you. So I can't say if you should or shouldn't as I don't know you.

That being said, I wish I had explored my sexuality more when I was 19. It probably would have saved me a few years of heart ache.

IF you decide to explore, read these posts. There are lots of experienced people willing to share their thoughts with you.

Good luck

Hi. I'm more than 10 years older than you, but my BDSM beginnings were much the same as yours, at roughly the same age, and I grew up in a conservative culture as well.

I did a lot of self-bondage and experimented in online chatrooms and roleplay MUSHes initially. The online stuff tends to get a bad rap (for reasons that I understand - personally online play holds zero appeal to me currently), but for someone who is new, young and living with family and wanting to "wet their feet" in a relatively safe and harmless manner, I think they are excellent. Especially the roleplay games, as you can pretend to be a different persona - it's like playing Final Fantasy or Dungeons & Dragons, just with a kinky twist. Just be careful about taking anything out of the "online" world, and remember that there is NEVER an obligation to show anyone pictures, or webcam with them, or give them any real-life info about yourself.

Fast forward to the present, I am in a LTR with a sexually compatible partner who is also my Dominant in the bedroom. The self-discovery that I started at your age was INVALUABLE in leading to this. You have the advantage in knowing what you want sexually and out of a relationship without needing to go through lots of terrible unsatisfactory Rs to get there.

More additional suggestions:
- Read blogs and articles by other female submissives. I've found submissiveguide pretty good for this, but really anything written by subs for subs will do
- Learn about your sexuality. Have you been able to bring yourself to orgasm yet? theclitoris is a good website to start with
- If you want to dabble in self-bondage, be SURE to learn the ropes re: safety and err on the side of caution. The last thing you want is to have to get your parents to rescue you....

Good luck.

I'm 22 and I love BDSM so much

Vardai said:

Well honey,

Bdsm is a way of living for some, a kink for the big part of population, a private part of some's life for others.

Do it for yourself, not for others.

So My first best advice: Read, read and read

My second best advice: ask yourself why i am attract to this? why being a sub? What turns me on? What kind domination attract me or submission. You have to know yourself to know your boundaries. And why you do this or this choice. A huge part of bdsm is psychological. You shouldnt feel in danger...if you do with a Dom, its not good.

Ex for me i dont accept humiliation or slap in the face on me or my subs, du to my life experience...and i wont change that for nobody...so i tell my subs or Doms. Its important to respect yourself.

Bdsm is serious and not to trust everyone with everything. Be careful thats why i say read, so you must take good decisions in regards of your needs and safety. Take your time to know those with who you will talk about it or do it. And maybe youll discover you are a switch...you need to read about it

If you have any questions feel free to pm.

I wish you good pleasures in your discover of your sexuality, sacred or naughty

Vardaï

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If they haven’t gotten any further in the 5 years since they posted, I think it’s a tough case.