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I'm I too Domme?

coy_one

coy_one

Literotica Guru
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Posts
3,726
Having a rough time finding a sub. At some
Point I have to ask if it is me?
 
no

from looking at your profile and some posts...

no. I do NOT think it's you.

Maybe the stuffed shirts of VA just don't know how to behave...
 
Hi, coy_one.

I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time. Finding a submissive to build a strong foundation with is a long process; it won't happen overnight.

You didn't mention the methods you were using, but a couple suggestions would be to research online communities or frequent events and parties associated with the lifestyle. Spend as much time as you can at the meetings; getting acquainted with as many people as you can could increase your chances of finding a compatible partner. It can also provide an opportunity to get advice from other Dom/mes in the lifestyle about your search.

Make sure that you're completely honest with yourself about what you want and don't want out of the dynamic. Communicate: anything that you feel is important, bring it up.

Stay strong and stay confident, you'll find the right partner. When you do, enjoy the journey.
 
It's just like any other relationship. Having sex is one thing. Then, finding someone into kinky sex is more difficult. Then, finding someone with a compatible personality, into kinky sex plus submissive? That isn't easy.

Have you looked into joining a local group? Maybe finding a group, contacting them and then going to one of their munches could help you meet local people into the same things you are. I'm sure Virginia has kinky people.

If you haven't already, join Fetlife and look for people who live near you. In my case, there are no people on Lit who live near to me, but on Fetlife, there are hundreds of locals.

Go to a group's much, introduce yourself and get to know the other members. From there, let chemistry take its course. I'm not submissive, nor do I live in Virginia. But if I were submissive and lived in Virginia and those pictures are really you, I'd introduce myself to you in a heartbeat.

Don't assume it's your fault. That can sometimes make you come off as arrogant or a self centered egotist. In my opinion, confidence in a dom is good, but arrogance is bad. Just be yourself. Make friends first. Word will get around about the new domme in town.
 
coy_one said:
Having a rough time finding a sub. At some
Point I have to ask if it is me?
Click to expand...

Being a sub to such a Mistress as you requires bravery, to some degree, and the ability to be loyal, and true, a filled with stamina. Maybe nobody out here has those attributes.
 
Theres a lot of factors that define how intense your search is going to be. Obviously, the more specifics you want (fetishes, commitment, in person or online, etc.) the harder it is going to be to find someone. However, giving up guarantees that you wont find anyone basically. Theres someone out there for everyone, whether you want a hook-up or a full on contract with a sub. I know from a Male Bottom point of view, a full on commitment is a lot to think about and is extremely intimidating, but Im also younger so its different.

Good luck on your searches :) never give up! Youre very attractive and there are a lot of subs and bottoms here on Lit too.
 
Thanks for the replies! I got out of the local scene a few years ago... and have been trying to get back into it. Just a lot of personal things were going on and I needed to devote to myself for a time.

I also lost all my usual online hangouts and whatnot. Kind of lost my groove in a way, I suppose.

Yes, that really is me... I even have a picture thread. ;) I work out - I have a back issue and it requires me to remain strong and healthy. My hair is longer, however. I have grown it out.
 
You are a very attractive dom I can't imagine that being a problem. You might try starting slowly and letting the intensity build. Get them to where they want a little bit more each time and pretty soon they will be begging for you to do exactly what you wanted to begin with. Just a thought.
 
My usual sub is a pain in my butt. He was collared but is no different than a cat hiding under a bed.
As for taking time, we have known each other for over 8 years.
I am just wondering how I can get him to basically come out of hiding. I have gotten frustrated.

Here he is with his collar, he was finally collared this year. It just seems like the steps take forever with this one.
 

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coy_one said:
My usual sub is a pain in my butt. He was collared but is no different than a cat hiding under a bed.
As for taking time, we have known each other for over 8 years.
I am just wondering how I can get him to basically come out of hiding. I have gotten frustrated.

Here he is with his collar, he was finally collared this year. It just seems like the steps take forever with this one.
Click to expand...

You are aware that the sub really has all the power, and its up to the Dom to mold them, after 8 years he is set in his ways and needs a rude awakening,to bring him to heel. so he will do what you want with out question. Perhaps he need a good spanking or whipping?
 
Well aware he has all the power. I think it just maybe time for that cropping.
 
coy_one said:
My usual sub is a pain in my butt. He was collared but is no different than a cat hiding under a bed.
As for taking time, we have known each other for over 8 years.
I am just wondering how I can get him to basically come out of hiding. I have gotten frustrated.

Here he is with his collar, he was finally collared this year. It just seems like the steps take forever with this one.
Click to expand...

You hit the nail on the head here. Some people are cats, some people are dogs. A cat needs to feel *safe* above all other things. If he's not doing it, he's not feeling safe enough to do it.

If this is more stress than fun (the challenge can be fun) then get yourself a dog like person for a scene or three. They're exhausting in other ways, but will bend over to please on demand. They may not attract your sense of "grow a spine, Jesus Christ!" but you WILL get to do what you want.
 
hmmm a very intriguing post i have to say, and i was wondering what it was you was looking for exactly. I am sure there may be many thoughts . xx
 
I've been asked if I am a switch. The answer is no. While I may seem to have a soft side..: it doesn't make me a switch.
In fact here is my little subbie resting peacefully in my arms after a night of play.
 

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My favorite thing to do is have a sub over my knee and spank them while I also massage their balls and perineum... I know a way to smack and massage that can have any sub writhing.
It also makes them come back months later for more.
 
I must say that I do love my sub who falls asleep with his hard cock in me. it is amazing for him to succomb to me in such a way. And he is much happier too
 
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