Dangerous Games. (Closed for myself and wicked)

Julianne stood there, frozen. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to explain it to Craig in a way that he would understand – going back in that room would kill her, and she would fight him tooth and nail before doing it. She certainly wouldn’t go willingly. Or easily. Surely there was some way she could make him understand what he had done by putting here there in the first place, what he would if he put her in there again –

Suddenly, her train of thought was stopped. She watched him as he shut off the alarm. She wondered what he was doing. What game he was playing now. She wondered if she had what it would take to play it with him; but the reality was, she didn’t have anything left. She listened to him call off his security, still not sure what he was getting at.

Julianne was hesitant, scared even. When he went to speak, she was prepared to take his words with a grain of salt believing little if anything that came out of his mouth. What she wasn’t prepared for, however, was his sincerity.

Kitt – Julianne. We can’t keep doing this to each other. This is exhausting, and fucking pointless. Do you have any idea what the rest of our lives are going to be like if we can’t just come to a damned understanding and set pride to the side?

Craig was right. He was always right. It was one of the reasons he was so damn good at his job. But this time, Julianne didn’t fucking hate him for being right. His words lacked their usual arrogance, and for once she didn’t find him as insufferably annoying for being right.

We have been together for a month, and despite the fact that we can’t get along you were out of my life for five days and I felt your absence. In work, hell just your company, because that 1% of the time we are not at each other’s throat? I actually like having you around. We need to find a way to make this work because chances are w- EMILY! FUCKING STOP!

It was getting harder and harder for her to contain herself. It had been such a long week. She was so tired. Physically she was tired, but even more so mentally and emotionally. And as Craig spoke to her, with a kind of genuineness in his voice she’d never heard him have before, much less directed at her...she could feel herself coming apart at the seams. It was only a matter of time.

The quick panic in Craig’s eyes, and the view in her peripheral vision told Julianne that Emily was up. Julianne continued to stand there in the awkward light of the hallway, frozen. She didn't even bother to look, she just closed her eyes tight, slightened her knees, tightened her fists, and braced herself for impact. There was no way in hell she had anticipated Emily being able to get up, much less walk. Julianne didn't stand a chance against the woman. There was nothing she could do.

But Craig's words stopped the guard. Julianne heard something drop and she jumped, keeping her eyes shut tight until it was over. Whatever was going to happen, would happen, and she just didn't find it necessary to watch it all unfold. She would wait until it was all over with.

She felt the air of Emily walking by her, and she knew it was over. She heaved a sigh of relief as she opened her eyes again, a few more stray tears running down her cheeks hard as she might try to hold them back. Her eyes immediately went to Craig, not bothering to watch as the bloody mess sulked out the door.

So the ball is in your court. Come have a drink with me, or walk out the door. No one is going to stop you from leaving, but you know what waits for you if this doesn’t work between us and there isn’t anything I can do about that. I’m just tired of fucking fighting with you kitten.

Again...Craig was right. But again Julianne did not hate him for it. His words lacked their usual bile soaked disdain and condescension. For the first time, she found that she could swallow the words that came out his mouth. She didn't find herself choking on the truth as her force fed it to her.

She knew that if she walked out the door, she'd have nowhere to go. She couldn't go home, her parents would either turn her away or turn her over to the police and she'd go from having been in one prison to another. Craig was the only person she had left. She may have at times found him intolerable, but the truth was she didn't have anyone else.

It didn't take her long to concede. Without a word, because they would likely only come out in shameful trembling squeaks, she nodded to him in agreement. She would stay. So long as she would never have to go back in that room, for any reason, locked or unlocked, ever again...she would stay.

She slowly, carefully, and deliberately closed the distance between them, still shaking as her body came down off of its adrenaline high. In the back of her mind she realized how stupid she was being, really. Craig could at any moment lose his shit again and lock her back up. Or do god knows what else to her. But what was her alternative?

As she approached him, she thought maybe for a moment she ought to apologize. At least acknowledge that she had in some ways contributed to Craig having reached his breaking point with her. But as she thought about it, she figured not walking out and calling the police and every news station in town was acknowledgement and apology enough.

She left about 2 feet of space between them before she stopped, acknowledging that her guard was down and that she was willing to trust him, even though he hadn't given her reason to. In a low, almost raspy whisper, she nodded to him again.

"Okay. I'll stay."
 
He let out a breath as she started to creep down those stairs toward him. He hadn’t realized how true those words were until they were out of his lips. He had been suppressing the fact that he actually enjoyed the banter on some level. It was nice to have someone who would tell him to stuff it once in a while. Someone to temper him, keep him grounded. He missed her on many levels, on almost as many as they loathed each other.

So when she didn’t brush by him and dart for the door he felt this immediate sense of relief rush through his body. What a gamble, but it had paid off. He could see her trembling, and he didn’t know if it was fear, or the sudden loss of adrenaline. Maybe it was both? Either way it didn’t matter ,his response was going to be the same. He closed what distance still lay between them and folded his arms around her slender form. He hugged her with a ferocity that could doom him forever. If there was any doubt in how sincere he was? It was crushed with that near bear hug. For that single moment in time, that heartbeat between the pair his walls were down and he was completely vulnerable. Any barb, any lash she had to give would have gone straight to the heart.

”okay, I’ll stay”

“Good”

No, it wasn’t a hallucination, that was actually warmth in his voice. He released her from that hug after planting a kiss on her left temple. He spoke his words against her skin.

“Lets get something to drink, and then get you cleaned up ok?”

He could see she was dazed, exhausted, so he let his arm slink around her slender body, leading her back to his room. The door had been left wide open and as she entered the room it was dimly lit. There were however some telltale signs to be picked up if she was focused enough to catch them. She knew his routine by now so she knew that the sheets were changed every night, yet they were rumpled and tossed. He hadn’t been sleeping well.

While he had given her no creature comforts in the makeshift prison he had made for her, everything she had on her side of the bed had been left as it was. The jewelry box she had brought from home was still in the same place. The extra pillow she used on occasion when she slept on her side to place between her legs, still there.

The soft silk robe he had purchased for her as a sort of peace offering when she had first come to live with him was still hanging on the peg near her side of the bed. Despite the fact that peace had not come, she had seem to have come to treasure that robe, she wore it as often as she could. He always wondered if it was because she liked it, or because it showed off her body so well and she was just toying with him.

Even the slippers she wore when she got up in the morning, they were neatly tucked half under the bed where she always left them.

All the signs pointed to one conclusion. He missed her, and he had always intended to let her come back where she belonged.

“Come on kitten. Take a seat on the bed.”

He guided her to the foot of the bed, helped her sink into it. It was much more comfortable than the one she had been confined too in the room. He walked over to the little mini-fridge he had in his room, picked up two glasses and turned to her.

“Water, or something stronger?”
 
Julianne stayed as calm as she possibly could, given the circumstances, which was actually relatively calm. For the time being, in that moment, the chaos had ended. It was done and over with, broken and shattered, the remains of which were left for her and Craig to somehow piece back together. She wasn’t sure if or how they could fix this, if any amount of back pedaling would resolve the last few weeks, and especially the last 5 days. The truth was she didn’t have a game plan at all. She didn’t know what they were going to do or how they were going to do it. All she knew is that something had to change, and it did, but, now what?

Craig closed the remaining space between them by wrapping his arms around her, and she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. Rational feeling and emotion still escaped her somewhat, so the sudden contact between them seemed confusing and difficult for her to process. Her response was in turn delayed. Slowly her arms came up around his hips, drawing her small frame into his, giving into the force of his body.

She breathed out what was left of her tears. No, she did not cry, but what was left of her pent up angst, emotion, and everything else slowly released itself, detaching from her as she let it all go. Finally letting her guard down made her realize how exhausted she was, how tired she was from having circled her four walls over and over again for 5 days. So when he went to lead her, she let him. It wasn’t so much that she didn’t resist, it was more than that.

Lets get something to drink, and then get you cleaned up ok?

Together they shuffled back into the bedroom. She held her breath and was almost hesitant as they came upon the threshold. She anticipated it to feel foreign, different than it had when she’d last seen it a week before. But it didn’t. Walking into it that night felt the same as it always had. At the time she would think nothing of it; the details of the room and its comforts would be beyond her. Noticing would have required deeper cognitive thought processes than she was capable of that night. Julianne was still in a bit of a clouded fog.

The continuity of the room, without her consciously realizing it, made it easier for her, though. The transition back was seamless as it was welcoming, as opposed to being foreboding or disbarring.

She sat as he instructed. Initially she was not mindful of the drying blood…She shook her head to Craig “no,” indicating that she didn’t really want anything to drink. It wasn’t really a prioritized necessity for her at the moment. As he turned away from her again she looked down, finally realizing the blood. For a moment she thought maybe she had been injured and simply hadn’t felt the pain of her injuries yet…but then she remembered what had happened only a few minutes before and realized the blood wasn’t hers.

There wasn’t much, it hadn’t been a bloodbath, but there was enough to indicate there had been a fight and it had been ugly. Quick, but ugly. Normally Julianne would have found it humorous, because while other little girls took ballet, she’d taken martial arts. It had paid off. There was half dry blood her upper arms and shoulders, from having taken Emily down after she’d been cut with whatever had been stuffed into the pillowcase. The majority of it, however, was on her shins and sneakers.

Julianne jumped up at the realization, not wanting to soil or stain the sheets and the linens. She looked down, double checking to make sure she hadn’t inadvertently made a mess. Seeing that she hadn’t, not waiting for Craig to turn back around, she made a b-line for the bathroom. Not even bothering to turn the bathroom light on (she didn’t really want to see what she looked like at that moment, anyway), she immediately kicked off her shoes and tore off her shirt and threw them in the trash. The one pair of shoes and one of the few items of clothing she’d been given, now bloodstained, and she wanted nothing to do with them. She sat on the edge of the bath in her shorts and a plain cotton bra and turned the water on, first washing off her shins, thinking that what she really wanted was an actual shower but not sure she had the energy.

She heard the bathroom door creak open even over the sound of the running water and she turned to see Craig standing in the doorway in the dark. He seemed to hesitate, standing in the half shadow. Julianne wasn’t sure what to do. At the time she’d jumped up, getting to the bathroom and getting rid of her clothes seemed more important than anything else. The two just sorta stared at one another, each unsure what the other was looking at and each unsure what to say to one another.
 
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The woman was a fucking mess. Blood on her shoulders and arms and covering some of her lower body as well. The truth was Craig was barely concerned about it. Sheets could be replaced and changed. Right now he was just trying to diffuse this situation and bring some measure of calm to the woman. She still seemed a good deal dazed, and when he offered her a drink, she simply refused, gently. Maybe this was a turning point in their relationship? They were actually getting along. Then again after what she had just been through she was about as burned up as he had ever seen her. He couldn’t blame her for being shaken to the core.

When he turned around she was gone. He had pulled out a couple of bottles of water anyway, just in case she did want something when she found a little focus. So there he was standing there with two drinks in hand, and no woman. Had she deceived him and darted for the door at the first opportunity? The thought crossed his mind, but he tried to think rationally first before jumping to conclusions. It was a big house, she could be anywhere. Well ok where could she have gone? The bathroom light wasn’t on, but he just had a feeling she might be there, after all she was covered in someone else’s blood. He would want to wash off as well.

Then he heard the sound of running water, so he was right. He usually was. He padded over to the bathroom and slowly twisted the knob, the door quietly creaked open and he saw her sitting in the dark, washing her body wearily. Another pang of guilt shot through him as he looked on her. She was a pitiful sight and maybe it was that which softened his heart. He stood in the door frame, watching her. Their eyes met and there was a moment of awkwardness between them. This was not the first time he had seen her in such a state of near nudity, but there was something about this time that was different.

They were both fucking drained, tired of butting heads like a pair of adolescent bucks. For once he didn’t care who won, he didn’t care if he claimed a victory or if it was a stalemate. He felt genuinely sorry for pushing the woman to this state. What to do? How to fix this? They stared, and the normally strong willed, decisive man she knew hesitated for the first time since they had known each other. He dared not push her too far too quickly. They had to make this work. They had too.

Well he had to make a choice. He had put her in this mess, time to help clean it up. He reached over to click the dimmer switch, turning the lights on to a gentle glow, barely brighter than candle light. He did something rare, he smiled at her. A genuine smile that wasn’t laced with the bite of sarcasm. He set the bottles of water down on the sink and vanished from the door frame for just a moment. When he came back he had a second towel in hand, along with her robe. Draping both over the towel rack next to his towel he finally closed the distance between them.

“Come on kitten let me help you.”

His hands reaching out to slowly take the wash rag from her hands, he set it down on the side of the tub and pulled her to her feet. Then he leaned over to turn on the shower head. Steam quickly filled the room, he tested the temperature and with a soft nod turned. He pulled a couple of clean rags from the cabinet under the sink and hung them over the neck of the shower head. No turning back now, no room for shyness. No more games. That is what he had said right? A thumb hooked either side of his boxers, he gave a tug on each hip. They slid off and he stepped out of them. She had seen him aroused before, even tenting in his pants, even felt him before but this was a first. She had never seen him nude. Despite her state of undress and the ever present attraction to her he wasn’t aroused in the slightest. He was focused on her face. His eyes stared back into hers as his hands drifted around her back to slowly rest on the clasp of her bra.

Normal Craig, confident, arrogant, Gods gift to women Craig would have just tore the thing from her body, but in her state, no in their state he paused with his hands just resting over the clasp of her bra. Looking down at her he spoke quietly.

“I won’t push you tonight, Julianne. If you want me to just leave the room and let you clean up say the word, but I would prefer if you let me help.”

Yeah, this was a totally different man than the one she had known from day one. This was Craig without all the masks, without the cold, distant arrogance. The man behind the fancy suit. Who knew he could be a nice guy?
 
They continued staring at one another, and Julianne became increasingly confused. She could blame it on that night, she could blame it on the last week; saying that her mind wasn't right enough for her to be able to understand. But having been in the right mind wouldn't have helped her confusion at all. There was nothing that could have helped her - the situation was just that damn confusing.

And it would only get worse. She was waiting for a moment of clarity that simply wouldn't be coming to her. She watched him, very much like a cat would, with very closely following eyes. Craig went from standing in the shadow, to turning the lights on, to smiling, and then to disappearing, furthering her confusion eve more. When he came back a few minutes later with her robe and another towel, she still didn't understand.

Even when he finally came up to her, offering to help her, pulling her to her feet, she still didn't understand. What was he doing? She couldn't help the fear that it was just another game, and that she was just too tired to understand it. To see it clearly for what it is.

She was physically weak, and she was emotionally vulnerable - resultant of having agreed to stay instead of running out the door like she probably should have. What was more, was that she felt fragile. Julianne was not a fragile woman, not ever. Standing there covered in another woman's blood was a testament to that. She could feign being delicate, but anyone who knew her more than 5 minutes knew that it was only a part of her polite charm. But there, standing in that bathroom, she felt small. She felt fragile and confused, she felt anything but herself.

The odd part...oh hell. She could start with the night being odd, and she could go all the way back to the odd day at the convention. What was particular to her in that moment standing there...was that as she looked at Craig, he looked like anything but himself, too. Standing there he was obviously not physically different, but nothing else about him was as it had been when he slammed the bedroom door shut behind him the last night they'd seen each other.

She watched him, still ever so closely, as he dropped his shorts. It almost startled her. What in the hell was going on? She'd just ran into the bathroom for a moment, and now there they stood across from one another in near states of undress. No, it wasn't the first time...but even confounded by confusion, it was the first time Julianne could see Craig.

Her normal facade of bullshit had been stripped from her days before, by agreeing to stay she knew she agreed to let him see her emotionally bare and raw. She knew she'd agreed to let him see her, the person she was at her core. She was barren of anything else, all she had left was what was at her core. She did not expect for him to give her the same in return.

It was no wonder it was so awkward - the two people standing across from one another were foreign to each other. But no matter how strange, she guessed that they had both always known on some level.

She stopped following his motions and her eyes came up to meet his as his hand came up and rested on her back. For a moment, she was prepared for him to undo her bra, but then he stopped.

I won’t push you tonight, Julianne. If you want me to just leave the room and let you clean up say the word, but I would prefer if you let me help.

He had actually asked her. She didn't think she could recall a time Craig asking for anything from anyone. He either demanded it, or he simply took it. He never asked.

She hesitated for a moment, not sure she'd ever felt more confused in her entire life. She wasn't sure what she wanted. Not consciously. Not on a cognitive level. The only thing she could think about and focus on was his warmth. It was a warmth beyond physical warmth. There had always been heat between them, especially when they were in close contact with one another, but it was a kind of heat that was too hot to the touch to handle.

Everything about that night was just different. The only thing that made sense to her was the warmth of his body against hers, and the warmth of his energy surrounding hers. Finding comfort in it, trusting it, for reasons she could and would never be able to explain to anyone not even herself, she nodded to him.

In a soft voice, one where she wasn't even sure actual words had vocalized, she whispered "Okay."
 
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With his guard lowered he wasn’t sure why he had asked. At that moment they had come to a cross road and her denial might have been completely devastating. It would have forever changed their relationship, or simply ended it right then, right there. It would have been like trying to open a glass jar with a brick. You could pick up the pieces, but unless you melted them down, remolded the broken shards it would never be a jar again.

Yet she did not deny him.

”okay”

It was not a resounding, excited, energetic reply. Not that he had expected one. She was worn to the bone and he could see it plain as the blood on her nude flesh. Somehow he was able to find heat in that quiet, mousey reply. If there were a few actual marks from the scuffle with the unfortunate guard she might have even thought Julianne had been on the receiving end of the beating. She was stunned, confounded, shocked and stripped of the normal fight that made her both so blasted infuriating, and so fucking attractive.

It was her fire that both pushed his buttons and drew him close. It was the dangers of trying to hold a flame in your hand. It shed heat, but that heat would sear you to the bone if you didn’t have your wits. Perhaps that had been why they were so unerringly drawn to one another? That was just it too. They fought it tooth and nail, they struggled against the bindings but they could never break them. They didn’t want to break them, not really. She could have walked out the door. Craig had not had the heart to stop her. He had meant every word of what he said. It was sincerity with the force of a sledge hammer. Even now he gave her an escape. The fact that he chose to stay well it meant something. If only he could understand what.

There was one thing that was clear though. Without all the fight, without their barbs, their anger to get in the way all that remained was the draw. With hands that were startlingly delicate he unclasped the bra and slid the straps off her shoulders. He took his time with the motion and ignoring the dried blood on her skin he dragged his fingertips along her soft skin. There was no mistaking the tenderness in his touch. He was not actively trying to seduce her, he was trying to relax her, put her at ease and do something he had wanted to do since the first moment he had met her. Touch every single inch of that gorgeous skin of hers. He wanted to taste it, stroke it, feel the smooth flesh form into goose bumps beneath his touch. For now though he simply took his time removing her bra, stroking his fingers down the back of her arms as the bra fell to the floor.

Steam from the shower began to surround them. It created a completely different kind of warmth than his flesh, his touch offered. Still he wanted to be closer to her rather than put distance between them. His fingertips slid inward toward the small of her back and collected there, dragging the slightest hint of his finger nails over her skin as they drifted downward to the waist band of her shorts. This time he did not pause to ask her for permission. The drag of fingertips was slow and almost reverent as his fingertips dragged what remained of her clothing off of her slender hips. On his knees to perform the task with his eyes focused on hers he leaned forward to press his lips just under her navel. He had never kissed her this way before. It was sensual and tender. It was a kiss to be shared between lovers and with the intimate placement it just made it that much more potent. He could be a different man, he wanted to be a different man and for the first time he was able to show her what was at the core of his being.

The truth is he had been much like Julianne in his youth. Wild, free, untamable. He had been a daydreamer, and always wanted to pursue a career in music. It looked great on his college transcript but as the only male heir in the family he quickly felt the noose tighten around his neck and he had accepted his responsibility. It had turned him into the man he was today. Rough edged, but smooth when needed, frustrated with his life, but refusing to fail at the path put before him. Driven by passion but wanting to have romance and excitement. He was a contradiction and navigating his personality was a mine field. So far the only woman who had been able to push him out of this shell he had built around himself was standing right in front of him.

That very moment he vowed to make an effort to change, to shift things between them. He would show her they did not have to be at one another’s throat, they did not have to live on the edge of a razor blade. They could make this work. They would make this work.

The shorts slid down and his fingers followed the trail down her calves but his body did not follow. He slowly rose from his position and locked his arms around her slender figure, pulling her against the hard planes of his body. Kissing the top of her head he whispered softly just barely above the roar of the water. “I’m sorry”

He did not expand on what he was sorry for, or why he was sorry. He left it lie between them. Slipping into the hot stream of water he turned toward her. Reaching out for her hands, the water cascading down his nude form he waited for her to take them so he could help her step free of what was left of her clothing, and to guide her into his arms once more, and into the hot rush of water.
 
There wasn't much Julianne was sure of anymore. Not after that night, that week, or the last three weeks since she'd met Craig. She wasn't sure if she'd ever actually met him, not up until that moment there, in the bathroom. What she was sure of, however - regardless of how mistakenly wrong it might have seemed for her to stay - it felt right. Whatever it was they were doing finally felt right.

Who knows how long the feeling would last. They could be back at each other's throats within the hour. That was just their nature, even independent of one another- it was just what was in their nature. No one might have guessed that the soft, gentle and meek tenderness they were showing one another then was inherent of either of them. But it still felt right.

Craig undid her bra and she looked away. Suddenly she felt shy. She didn't flinch, or pull away from him. The feeling of his hands on her skin was comforting, she liked it. Standing there she just wanted to lean into him, and into his warmth. She'd almost forgotten she was covered in dried blood. The manic disorganized rush to clean herself off came to a screeching halt as she stopped trying.

She'd stood in the hallway facing Craig, unsure and uncertain, trying to think. She'd tried to think of a way out, a way around, she'd tried to out think him. The reality was she couldn't, and so she just had to stop. She stood facing him again, and for a moment considered her confusion, but again she just had to stop.

Her eyes slighted. He removed the rest of her clothes. Again she felt shy. She brought her arms up, crossing them and covering her chest. She might have considered her confusion for a moment, but at the touch of his lips against her skin...she stopped.

He was the only man Julianne had ever met that could get her to stop. Stop talking, stop thinking, stop planning and plotting. For that, she was almost grateful.

As his arms enclosed around her she gave into her desire to lean in against him, opening her own arms to the embrace, her hands resting on his sides.

I'm sorry.

She didn't need to hear him say it. She knew. She had the chance to walk out the door, and she hadn't. The most he could have hoped for was just her leaving. The mess she could have made, his whole life and future could have come crashing down on him, and she'd given him that. And so she knew. But at the sound of those words, there was in fact some relief. She nodded to him before he pulled away and slipped into the shower.

He pulled away and Julianne's arms remained across her chest. She still felt somewhat rigid. She awkwardly took his hands as he reached for her and pulled her into the shower. She faced the water, with her back to Craig, resting against him. The hot water burned against her skin, but it was the first unrushed and unsupervised shower she'd had in a week. If she wasn't so exhausted she'd been willing to stand there for hours. She tilted her head back, letting the water hit her breasts and wash over her body, taking with it the dried blood. She laid her neck on Craig's chest as she pulled her dampened mess of waves and curls to one side.

It felt so good to just stand there, she almost didn't dare move. The feeling of her back against his chest, finally able to stop and relax. She inhaled deeply, breathing in the steam, exhaling out everything else. The nightmare was over. It was really over.
 
How long had it been since he had shown anyone this side of him? Years upon years since he had been so foolish as to expose himself like this to anyone. To do so was a massive failure of common sense and it showed weakness. It was things like this which made him adopt this arrogant, self assured mask. It was not completely false of course, one could not paint a picture without inspiration to work from. Yet what he was showing to Julianne right this moment was just as much, if not more a part of him as was the arrogant, competitive prick that she knew so well. This was a part of him, a part that never saw the light of day.

He watched her intensely as she disrobed. She was showing ample amounts of shyness and at first he was confused, but he quickly understood why she was suddenly having waves of shyness. This had been a harrowing week for her, much worse than what he had endured, and now she was exposing a part of herself near equal to what he was showing her. They were making an offer to one another, showing each other their most vulnerable parts, the delicate parts of the soul. Doing so would be enough to leave anyone feeling raw and exposed.

As she sank against his body and submitted to the pounding beat of the water he let out a deep, content sigh. Most men would be hard pressed to keep hands to themselves in a situation with a beautiful woman who had sexually tormented them. Now she was here in the shower with him, pressing against him, nude. He was one of those men truth be told. His body even responded to some degree, the faint nudging against the small of her back was certainly not his thumb. His arousal was a minor thing however, and it certainly did not rule his thoughts.

Instead he focused on her, creating a strong base for her to relax against. He watched the water trail over her skin, watching the blood wash away, watching it spiral down her thighs and fall away into the drain. Was it really that easy? Could they just wash away their sins, wash away the horrible things they had said and done to each other? No, he knew that was a fantasy, a wish that would go unfulfilled, however he had a chance to start building something positive and beautiful; he could not paint over his mistakes, but he could wall them up.

His eyes flicked away from her curves to meet her gaze. His eyes were soft, warm even affectionate. Reaching out, only breaking his gaze long enough to make sure his movement was accurate, he retrieved a loufa. Pulling the fluffy ball into the stream of water he let the damp heat soak in. Then he tugged free the body soap. He didn’t know what it was exactly, he never paid attention but when he opened it the shower smelled suddenly of a scent that always lingered in the sheets after Julianne left.

The sudden rush of scent triggered memories of her. These were not memories that were negative. He remembered all the times she teased him, when she would show off her body, or touch him, or kiss him in those rare moments when passion overwhelmed the both of them. A subtle shiver rolled through his entire body, and he drew in a ragged breath. That was her smell and just having it hit him like that sparked arousal deep down inside of him. He had managed to keep it to himself until now just how much smelling the mingling of soap, her natural scent, and her perfume turned him on. His prick suddenly pulsed against her body as it surged to thickness.

It was several heartbeats before he managed to reign himself in. He had not acted on his sudden desire in any way, other than the automatic effects it had upon him. He did not hide it either, he did not pull away from her, he did not hide the effect she had. Instead he turned his focus to pouring a healthy volume of the body soap onto the large loufa and pressed it gently against her stomach. His touch was confident but gentle as he let the rough scratchy fabric work its magic and scrape away the troublesome flecks of blood that still clung to her beautiful skin.

Something to do, something to focus on, this would keep his mind off of lust and desire. He began to wash her skin with infinite, tender care. He had never imagined a moment like this between them, he had never dared to hope of it. His touch was so careful, so delicate and aimed at more than just cleaning her skin. He was trying to soothe her, to relax her, to show her with his touch what he had never been able to say with words. There was more to him, more to how he felt about her than just rage at each other, anger at an arranged marriage. After all it was those who you cared about who were the ones worth fighting with in the first place. No, the way he touched her was not the aggressive passion he pictured so often in the darkest parts of the night. This was the way a man would care for his most prized possession, a porcelain doll being washed clean of grime and dirt.

The loufa steered toward her thighs and he paused. The movement might have been smooth if he were in a normal mindset, but instead he got hung up on the idea of coming too close to those delicate petals between her thighs. Mid-movement his hand shifted, it was like a kid learning to drive a stick shift for the first time, the movements were jerky, and completely lacking grace. He was not trying to tease her, he was trying to relax her, that did not mean that he didn’t want to touch her.

The rough fabric drew along her thigh, down as far as he could reach until he had to bed down to keep going. Bending at the knees he drew it down to her ankle, then he drew his hand to the other leg and began to trace back upward. This time the transition was smooth and graceful. He rose to his feet slowly looking at her as he realized he still had to wash her breasts. He could not help but groan quietly. That was going to be a test of will power, one he was not sure he could even hope to pass.

He drew hand and spongy fabric over her skin. Settling his body against her again, he was closer now, their bodies even more intimately pressed together. The full weight of his fleshy globes were settled against the curve of her bottom. That alone almost shattered his focus. Drawing his hands upward, he dropped the loufa with a grumbled oath and just began to slide his soapy palms over her skin. Sliding his hands beneath the undersides of her breasts, he worked the soap into her flesh. His hand continued to slide until he was cupping her breasts in his palms. His thoughts were sluggish, desire and lust were muddling his ability to process information. It took a long while before he realized that he was fondling her chest freely as if he had the right. His hands shot off her body as if she were a red hot cast iron pan.

“Fuck I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

“I.. What I mean is I am not trying to seduc”

Fuck fuck shit hell damn fuck!

He stepped back from her slowly, taking care to keep an eye on her in case she was leaning upon him heavily, he didn’t want her to fall over after all. He just… he needed the space to clear away the lust. His voice was rough with an edge of desire, but still warm.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be inappropriate. I was doing well until I opened the body wash. I can always smell that on you. At night while you are asleep, on the sheets when I go to bed. Just smelling it makes me think of being close to you and well… my body very much likes the idea of being close to you. I really did start out with the best intentions.”

"Just give me a moment to calm down, I'll be fine."
 
The steam built up and weighed heavily around them. Everything in the room was just so heavy. Every bit of her being felt weighted, weighed down. It wasn't even a draining feeling. It was just a heaviness pushing down upon her, and she was afraid that not even Craig would be able to hold her up under the pressure. She wasn't ever sure she'd felt this way before. With the weight came a kind of quiet that told her to be still. And so there was a stillness. In her heart, in her mind, in her body. If she moved in those moments, it was certainly not a movement of will.

Her fingers laced through her own tangled locks, Julianne held her harms up half crossed as she continued to stand there, with her eyes closed for a time, letting the water run down over her. She wanted to close herself off from her body, if just for a moment. She wanted the grime that she was covered in gone before really reconnecting with her body. Maybe that was why she felt so heavy...because no matter how bad she wanted it gone, it would not leave her. Not that easily. Not that quickly.

She was almost oblivious to Craig. She felt him there, his presence, sharing the odd sort of breath held stillness with her. But she was too wrapped up in the slow unraveling of herself to notice much. His body may have responded, but she was not afraid. She was not concerned. Her mind did not need to be in the "on" position, and even if it did, there was a high probability that she couldn't formulate a response for him. Not even if she tried. She was spent. It took what felt like every ounce of her being to just continue breathing.

Her slighted gaze came in to focus to meet his, just for a moment. She'd been staring, mindlessly. As he made his slow deliberate motions, Julianne realized immediately what it was that he was doing. Her eyes slid out of focus again as she nuzzled her cheek against him, waiting. In her mind she prayed for the awful thing that had crawled inside of her to leave. In that moment standing there she didn't want to hate Craig the way she had. She didn't want to have a reason to hate Craig. She wanted nothing more than to take back anything and everything they'd said and done to one another, to take back all the hurt and the pain and the frustration.

Make it go away. That was all she could think of.

She let him wash her. She relaxed her limbs, letting them flow more freely, relaxing them and releasing the tense rigidity as Craig worked his way up and down. She lifted her head to let the water hit her face again. She waited patiently, still in some ways very confused and unsure of anything and everything around her, but trusting him enough not to care. Her reality in those moments was going to be whatever Craig made it. She'd never trusted a man in such a way before. She may have given herself over to what she thought was deserving men before, but not like this. Never in this way. What she gave him was ever so fragile. If he were to flicker in the slightest, if he were to hesitate, or if there was fear, uncertainty...she would feel it. She would know and she'd withdraw. It would be a ripple effect, rippling straight through her. She would know to run. She would to run as far and as fast away as she could.

But it was as if that wasn't even remotely a possibility. And for that reason, she could just be. She could just be in the form that she was in, whatever that happened to be. His motions, up and down her body, put her in a kind of trance like state. Every once in a while there was a rocking. Teasing at her focus as his hands jerked or when he dropped something. But Julianne paid it no mind. She was quite content with ignoring most everything around her except for his hands and the water.

Her needs and desires were quite basic. Instinctual cravings. All she'd wanted from Craig was to feel safe. He'd taken that from her and then he'd given it back to her with the unsaid promise of never taking that safety from her again. Julianne knew the risk she was taking in making that decision, but she also knew the difficulty Craig faced in it as well. He'd have to find very different ways in dealing with her. She was wild. She couldn't help it. It was just the way she was, the way she'd always been. A part of her would probably always be that way. Somewhere deep down she wanted him to understand that, to understand that with her came her temperament and her sharp tongue, along with everything else.

Safety though, that was the most important. In that moment and in every moment after she'd have to feel safe. No matter how dark either of them may have gotten, there can still be safety in that darkness. And Craig gave it to her. He was giving her everything that she needed in that moment, as minimal as her needs were. Julianne needed nothing more, everything else had become irrelevant. But slowly...his thoughts came bouncing at her out of nowhere.

Fuck I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“..............

At first she wasn't even sure of what he was saying. She didn't understand why he felt the need for words. She found them rather pointless, and empty..

“I.. What I mean is I am not trying to seduc...

Craig never realized his actions with her always spoke louder than his words ever could. In that moment Julianne realized his words truly meant nothing to her. She was uninterested and unmoved by them. If there had been cause for concern, even in her trance like state her senses were so heightened, that she would have known. But there wasn't. There were no warning bells going off, no red flags. She'd decided to stay and everything around her told her she'd made the right decision. So there was no need for him to explain.

She felt him pull away and there was a kind of sadness in her. Her body was slick with water and soap mixed with sweat where his skin had been in contact with hers. She felt dizzy and dazed as she was forced to stand on her own. He started talking, but the truth was she'd stopped listening. She'd barely understood what he'd said to start with.

I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be inappropriate... Just give me a moment to calm down, I'll be fine.

Julianne sighed. She wasn't sure what to do, what to say, or what to tell him. He'd disturbed her peacefulness. Not with his actions, but with his words. She sighed again and turned to meet him. She looked up at him, in her piercing sort of way, bearing him the stillness she held inside that his words had disturbed. As she looked up at him she realized he had a sort of desperate look on his face. Almost lost. She took a step and slid her arms under his and around his waist. She pressed her body up against his, ignoring his need for a moment to...calm down. He just needed to stop talking, and she didn't know how else to make him stop.

His arms closed in around her, slowly, and with some hesitancy. She pulled herself closer to him, bringing her body into his more tightly. Nuzzling her face against him as she ran her nails across his back, she mumbled softly,

"Craig.....shut up."
 
He was flailing, faltering. He was acting like a virgin on his first time because the truth was this was a first for him. No one had ever just yielded to him in this way, he could feel it, taste it, smell it. He didn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t understand that what he was doing had been right, so he complicated it with words, he tripped over it with thoughts.

He was struggling against his body’s instincts. He was trying to stop the inevitable, and the natural. That was the cause of the awkwardness. His request for time to focus was denied. She folded herself against him and the heat of her skin crashed around him. He scrambled for control, for focus. These things had always been important to him. That was why Julianne scared the shit out of him, and at the same time why she lured him in. Something about her overturned his apple cart. His control, gone. That was exciting. It was that wildness about her that he had never seen in a woman. He loved it, even when it frustrated him.

As their bodies pressed together her words filled his ears. Such things would have produced a barbed remark, but not anymore. He laughed. Soft, warm, gentle laughter. His body shook with the mirth until it finally subsided. He had been going about this the wrong way, and he saw it now. Instead of replying with words, he let things flow naturally. Pulling her slick flesh closer to him, he let her feel his body. He let her feel the hunger for pleasures only her body could provide, he let her feel the way her touch awakened his skin, and sent goose bumps racing over the flesh. He let her in, for the first time. As their bodies shifted together his frame jerked. He let out a soft gasp as her water slick skin teased that aching hunger nestling against her. Instead of making excuses, instead of pulling away he shifted himself against her to cause it to happen again.

A low groan erupted from his lips just as he pressed them to her ear. He began to kiss his way over the shell of her ear, drawing intimate, loving kisses along her jaw line. His hands drifting up began to cup her face. He took a moment, let the roaring water mingle with his hot breath as he just stared deeply into her eyes. He let her see it all. The passion, the hunger, and the complete surrender of his defenses. No more tricks, no more ploys, no more keeping her at arms length. He sealed the promise with a tender, yet passionate kiss.

Every part of his body screamed in unison one message. “I need you.”

He broke the kiss, staring into her eyes. Yet he still found himself kissing her. Less than three heartbeats later his lips claimed hers again. The desperation, the hunger that she had nurtured within him after all this time was finally free to roam. It was tempered with the mood he found himself in. He had always imagined that the first time they were together it would be fiery, passionate. Scratch marks and bruises, bite marks, and handcuffs, that you would be able to follow the trail of shredded clothing. Now though, now he just wanted to share a sense of intimacy with her. He wanted to take his time and kiss every inch of skin. He wanted her to feel like the most important woman in the world.

His arms latched tighter around her slender body. Fingers digging into her supple flesh as he began to drag his hands down her back, over her bottom and along the back of her thighs. His blood was on fire, and he was breathing out the radiant heat with every panting breath pushed through his nose.
 
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