Rejected Poem

I submitted this poem and it was rejected by the editors of this site.
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As soon as the thought of purgatory had been washed away:

The xxxxxx xxxx, frozen since birth, got up to dance. Bathing in the morning sun, she felt her heart fluttering in the clover patch where she had stopped to say a prayer through a spider's web to the rainbow.

I remember watching her walking in a wilderness of mirrors, where daydreaming sheep with carnivorous eyes sought the opportunities of secrecy; moving like a silent panther through glaring reflections of evident truths surrounded by a fog of lies.

She came to my window, a raven with a broken wing.....


We shall steal fire. With it I shall give you the flame of confidence. Will you take it from me?

We shall walk on the vapors of clouds.

Those who do not count admire your fortress, but I am not impressed. I see your soul reflected in your eyes and the pleading tremors in your narcotic voice. I seek the Beauty you hide within. I shall come at you relentlessly until I squeeze every drop of it onto your mirror.

You know the geometry of passion. I shall take you to a destination where there is no logic; where infinity is an experience and the only proven postulate is pleasure. The doors you fear to walk through hold the treasure that you seek.

Our pleasures will be deducted from our shares in Paradise. I give mine most willingly to sin most wickedly with you now. The deeper we go, the higher we will climb. The higher we climb, the deeper we will go. We shall arrive at the point where each is both.

I am with you even when I am without you. We are there, in our own place, where only the two of us may go.

Half of what I write is meaningless. Keep only the pieces that reach you.

I invite you to an exploration of the psyche where the true realities of desire lie; a journey into the paradox of self, where surrender is a triumph and bondage brings freedom; a catharsis, a purging of the demons so that the spirit inside may take flight.

Will you come to me?

I will present you with the tantalizing tools of the trade: the loving caress of the blade, the scented sensation of Mayan roses scraping and striping the purity of tender white skin, the taste of the whip, the feel of lace and rubber, strands of knotted Prussian rope littering sweat soaked blankets strewn with satin pillows, the persistent presence of a punishment paddle, tears that dissolve ancient sorrows, ice that burns the body, ivy leaf and silver thorn, and a gnawing intensity that drives you insistently to ever expanding edges,

I will confront your fears with a sledgehammer. And you will kiss the sledgehammer as you give it to me.

I will make you do exactly what you have always wanted to do.


......seeking the healing to allow her to fly to the Himalayas and the Seychelles of her mind on new wings stolen from the ashes of the phoenix.

you know why it was rejected - that first line.

interpretation or not, the sites rules are perfectly clear about referencing underage. your opening lines leave this wide open to misinterpretation - not everyone will be on the same wavelength as you.

you don't pay to post here, the rules are what they are, so why complain rather than simply modify that opening? and since it was rejected for publication on the main site, why post it here in its entirety? the site owners protect their own interests and rightly so.

context

the link is to a poem titled 'letter to a submissive'. that clearly frames the context for ''little girl''.

the piece you're frothing about has no such obvious pointer, unless there's a title you've left off that serves the same purpose. without pointers, your intro sounds as if you're speaking about a child.

the whole opening is questionable: if a reader is unfamiliar with your work, and there's no clear signposts as to genre, there is nothing concrete in it to make it obvious that this isn't the start of some paedo's dream material. it might seem ridiculous to you, it might seem unfair, but given the fact you've been shown how to make it acceptable and choose not to take that route then you've no grounds for complaint. simply post it on another site that is less fussy about things.

as for me not fighting for things i deem wrong or unfair, that's . . . laughable.

Would it make you feel any better to know that you aren't the only one here who has had rejections? I've had several.

I usually resubmit with a note attached explaining what's what.

All of my resubmits were accepted with the exception of one poem that I was asked to add a disclaimer to because the participants were clearly still in highschool without specific ages mentioned.

And a disclaimer before or after will not adversely affect your pome in the least.

Koba said:

I submitted this poem and it was rejected by the editors of this site.
=========

The xxxxxx xxxx

I remember watching her walking

She came to my window

I shall come at you relentlessly until I squeeze every drop of it onto your mirror.

I shall take you to a destination where there is no logic;
where infinity is an experience and the only proven postulate is pleasure.

Our pleasures will be deducted from our shares in Paradise.

I give mine most willingly to sin most wickedly with you now.

The deeper we go, the higher we will climb.

We shall arrive at the point where each is both.

Will you come to me?

I will present you with the tantalizing tools of the trade: the loving caress of the blade,

the scented sensation of Mayan roses scraping and striping the purity of tender white skin,

[a bunch of BDSM paraphilia]

I will confront your fears with a sledgehammer.

And you will kiss the sledgehammer

I will make you do exactly what you have always wanted to do.

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It's almost not worth breaking it down because it's so obvious.

If you meant 'little girl' as in an immature/inexperienced adult woman it's not obvious at all. It reads like the narrator is a pedophile interacting with a young girl. It's probably against terms of service for you to be posting this poem here.

If the authors/owners of this website really respected free speech they would let a poem like this slide, whether or not it's a poem from the POV of an adult man with urges toward a young girl. But it's their site and business and their right to censor you.

Either way it's a weak poem, imagery is hack and all too reminiscent of the EL James aftermath.

Koba said:

...

Years ago the entire concept of this site would have been thought of as pornography. But someone had the guts and the sense to stand up and protest and fight against such restrictive interpretations and beliefs. That is called freedom.

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This is still a pornography site. The idea of what is acceptable and unacceptable pornography has just shifted.

Your idea of freedom is a bit skewed. Owners of property, especially intellectual property have every right and freedom to restrict what is presented on their property. If you're interested in writing and imagery that ventures near or into pedophilia there are other entirely legal venues(depending on where you live, anyway.) But I assume most readers and writers who come here and not those places enjoy what this site has to offer over those sites.

It's very much a positive to know you're not going to mistakenly read certain pornography on this porn site.

bflagsst said:

This is still a pornography site. The idea of what is acceptable and unacceptable pornography has just shifted.

Your idea of freedom is a bit skewed. Owners of property, especially intellectual property have every right and freedom to restrict what is presented on their property. If you're interested in writing and imagery that ventures near or into pedophilia there are other entirely legal venues(depending on where you live, anyway.) But I assume most readers and writers who come here and not those places enjoy what this site has to offer over those sites.

It's very much a positive to know you're not going to mistakenly read certain pornography on this porn site.

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Hear! Hear!
The idea of Koba beating up on some 4' 6'' woman is patently offensive to me, I'm glad to see you stand up for the little people.
How's sappho sister doing, I've seen her racing up the charts.

I edited out the words that got the poem rejected. "Rejected" means you can't post it on the forum, either. It's nothing personal, Koba. It's the site rules and if we want Lit to continue as a free source of everything it offers, we have to follow the rules.

The difference between your poem and some famous lyric, for example, is the context. You are posting on an erotica site that requires users to be at least 18. bflag made the point with his usual eloquent directness.

If anyone ever sees a post or submission they feel violates Lit's age rule or suspects someone under 18 is participating on the site, please report it. You can use the button for it or message a moderator or Laurel. Thanks.

twelveoone said:

Hear! Hear!
The idea of Koba beating up on some 4' 6'' woman is patently offensive to me, I'm glad to see you stand up for the little people.
How's sappho sister doing, I've seen her racing up the charts.

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PhaonsBrother was my brief re: to the interesting writing of Sapphos_sister, but for the most part she wasn't all that interested in collaborating.

BDSM paraphilia passed off as anything other than paraphilia is offensive to me, especially in poetry.

bflagsst said:

PhaonsBrother was my brief re: to the interesting writing of Sapphos_sister, but for the most part she wasn't all that interested in collaborating.

BDSM paraphilia passed off as anything other than paraphilia is offensive to me, especially in poetry.

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we are not that much different

Koba said:

I posted a poem on here one time that was rejected because the editor deemed that it wasn't poetry but prose. A week later I posted it under another pseudonym and it flew through without comment.

The term "little girl" is used extensively in D/s as a term of endearment from a male Dom to a sub. Likewise a sub often refers to her Dom as Daddy. Even without D/s many lovers will use the term "little girl" as an affectionate term. That is certainly the way it meant in this poem. Both Springsteen and John Lennon use the term in several of their songs. If someone wants to read something prurient and illegal into what I wrote than I am not responsible for the sickness in the reader's mind.

I am not claiming it is a great poem, nor even that it is above the level of "hack poetry" but it is not pornography that needs to be censored.

If I substitute "ugly bitch" for "little girl" it flies through. To me that would be much more demeaning a phrase to use. I am not going to change my writing and viewpoint to satisfy people who see things that aren't there.

If nothing else posting the poem here gets some attention and stirs things up a bit. Nothing personal but I think that posting 50, 000 posts about what is mostly hack poetry would get pretty boring.

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I would've rejected it for being prose before I would've rejected it for enframing the female character of the poem as any-thing but an adult woman.

Your poem is pornography where you chose flat out paraphilic descriptors that are meant to titillate the already initiated of certain fetishism. There's nothing wrong with writing pornographic poems. The poem wasn't censored for its general or even obscure pornography, it was censored(as far as I can guess) because you, the author, came across as someone looking to titillate adults with pedophilic fantasy alongside the more mundane BDSM fetishism.

Koba said:

<snip>The prose poem, which is still a poem, was written in tribute to a submissive who is a real live person. She was thrilled to receive the piece. Obviously she didn't see anything prurient about the piece mainly because of her viewpoint but also because it simply isn't there. She also didn't get upset about hack imagery because she doesn't expect me to be some great poet just someone who is expressing some loving feelings in a poem I wrote for her. And that is truly and simply all that it is, a statement of loving affection from a man to a woman. <snip>.

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Your poem has reached more people than would likely have bothered to read it on the Erotic Poems Index page, so congrats. It also impressed your intended audience of your subby friend. Let her keep it in her panty drawer and be happy it got you laid.

Golly, you don't expect monetary reward for your poem, do you? I'm pretty sure you're certainly not going to get any poetry trophies with it besides. I'm not editorializing anything either, I'm just stating a truth about poetry posted on a porn site for the edification of a rather sub-sub-culture of a sub-culture on The Internet.

Submit it to poetry.com and pay them for a copy of the anthology they publish thousands of other poems in, without concern for content. ... c'ya.

Koba said:

" it was censored(as far as I can guess) because you, the author, came across as someone looking to titillate adults with pedophilic fantasy alongside the more mundane BDSM fetishism."

Then the sickness is in your mind, not mine.

There was not even the slightest attempt to even mildly imply what you are stating. And to read that kind of thing in there, again says more about what goes through your mind than mine.

The prose poem, which is still a poem, was written in tribute to a submissive who is a real live person. She was thrilled to receive the piece. Obviously she didn't see anything prurient about the piece mainly because of her viewpoint but also because it simply isn't there. She also didn't get upset about hack imagery because she doesn't expect me to be some great poet just someone who is expressing some loving feelings in a poem I wrote for her. And that is truly and simply all that it is, a statement of loving affection from a man to a woman.

"Puff the Magic Dragon" the Peter, Paul, and Mary song was once banned from more than a few radio stations because it was a "drug song". They were not so happy about that. I now know how they felt.

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I wasn't the first or last to believe your poem was likely talking about an underage girl veiled as BDSM/general sex talk. Many of us have spent some time studying poetry, you talk as if the people who've read this poem have no idea how metaphor works. If you're really curious why I think you're suspect I will make the laundry list above even clearer. Sometimes authors here, and all places really, try to slip things past the censors to see what they can get away with, cuz it's fun and games.

I assume you are doing the same and that's why you wouldn't just do what the submission editors ask of you for publishing here. Likely all you would've had to do was drop 'little' but at this point you might need to have a little preface saying all characters are of age because of your ardent defense of the poem absolutely not being pedophilic in nature.

Again, go resubmit it with an added disclaimer that won't affect the original writing.

And add an explanation clarifying your intent on any future submits that have the potential of being misconstrued.

Koba said:

"I wasn't the first or last to believe your poem was likely talking about an underage girl veiled as BDSM/general sex talk. "

Well, once someone points a finger that way, everyone goes looking for it. Much like Puff, the Magic Dragon (or Mr Tambourine Man too, for that matter.). Once the implication was made everyone hunted for it. Much like the "Paul is dead" stuff too. There was never anything there but everybody looked for it because someone said something was there. And in this case there is nothing there either. I wrote it. I should know what the intent was. If people make a choice to see something different I am not responsible for that.

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no

we were asked to look for why it might have been rejected. your opening pargraph was the reason, specific wording the 'red flag'. i read things with an open mind. that paragraph, lacking signposts, made me immediately see a real child and not some woman's 'inner child' as you state you hoped to express.

of course some of it is directly your fault. you could have made things clear, context-wise, with a better choice of title - for instance 'the awakening of her inner child'... cheesy but gets the context clear from the outset. you can't be held responsible for every reader, but if lots of fairly decent readers point out the same thing to you then it behooves you to look again instead of your ego reacting in the manner it has. we're all wrong and sick in the head - right? wrong.

you can change xxxxx xxxx to Miss Laurel and test the waters again...

The xxxxxx xxxx

I remember watching her walking

your arguments about writer intent are valid to a point , and it is not just the little girl but also in conjunction with the next line would force the majority of readers to arrive at what bflagsst is seeing. So it is not so much what he is seeing, but what you are forcing him to see.

It comes across as 11 on a 10 scale creep-o-meter
If you want this term of endearment, be careful of the placement.

Or one could just dig the trench deeper and white knuckle his rifle.

Magnetron said:

Or one could just dig the trench deeper and white knuckle his rifle.

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Gotta respect someone willing to go under with the ship.

I'm all for offensive poetry. Poetry is too often polite and too thought out.

bogusagain said:

I'm all for offensive poetry. Poetry is too often polite and too thought out.

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if it helps Koba is a fat capitalist and the exploited waif is a miner.
Miner.

twelveoone said:

if it helps Koba is a fat capitalist and the exploited waif is a miner.
Miner.

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Lulz. A fat capitalist and a journalist and a red room and women frigging themselves over their ipads taking it all in. No pre-teens though, just 18+ women and their fully developed minds.

Koba, you filthy pedophile! There you go again!

shit title

Tsotha said:

Koba, you filthy pedophile! There you go again!

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Well, no. The implied accusation was that koba was baiting pedophilic fantasy through a narrative.