A Trans Thread For Trans Friends To Trans In

T

TransPunkPrincess

Guest
So this board seems to be just totally full up with cis gay dudes . . . not that there's anything wrong with the cis lifestyle, of course, but I know I can't be the only tran lurking in here. Come on and let's be friends.

So anyway I'm Natalie and I'm a panromantic, pansexual transgender woman. I'm 26, pre-E but hopefully that'll change soon. I live in like a Big Gay(tm) polycule with my spouse (a trans) and my boyfriend (also a trans) and I like books. When I'm not working I like to write stories and do folk music.

So, like, comment on this thread and stuff and we can, like, I dunno, eat pickles and listen to Against Me! together.
 
Not trans but...

Not trans but I will take this opportunity to wish those searching for themselves to have a safe and happy 2018.
 
So who else is transgender and has been writing #ownvoices smut?
 
Oh good morning....:) what time is it? Happy NY from the UK :rose:
post-op, bi and aspie with a sore head this morning. I found myself years ago, didn't like what I saw, but I'm OK now :D
 
I hope this thread takes off as it seems an appropriate addition. Here's my thought/question:

Interesting that you used the word "Trans" in the title. I use the word 'trans' quite frequently in lieu of 'transgender', 'transexual', 'crossdresser', 'sissy' and maybe even 'androgynous'. The reason is because it seems to me that most who might fall into one of these categories/terms are in fact somewhere on the "trans scale", but my attempt to specify that place seems arrogant and probably erroneous? Thus, "Trans" seems broad enough for all, etc.

This also brings up the concept of "gender fluidity"...would a person who identifies with that reality also be "trans"? Seems so to me.
 
Oh good morning....:) what time is it? Happy NY from the UK :rose:

...with a sore head this morning.

Too much champagne last night?

My partner and I did not have any champagne handy, so we mixed a little bit of Bombay Sapphire gin with sparkling pomegranate juice, and it turned out nice.
 
I hope this thread takes off as it seems an appropriate addition. Here's my thought/question:

Interesting that you used the word "Trans" in the title. I use the word 'trans' quite frequently in lieu of 'transgender', 'transexual', 'crossdresser', 'sissy' and maybe even 'androgynous'. The reason is because it seems to me that most who might fall into one of these categories/terms are in fact somewhere on the "trans scale", but my attempt to specify that place seems arrogant and probably erroneous? Thus, "Trans" seems broad enough for all, etc.

This also brings up the concept of "gender fluidity"...would a person who identifies with that reality also be "trans"? Seems so to me.

I meant "trans" to be a shortened form of "transgender," which is how it is most commonly used, referring to anyone who identifies as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. Yes, that does include genderfluid people and all other nonbinary identities, but crossdressers and sissies are still cisgender; a man who puts on a dress is still a man unless he identifies as something else. There is no "trans scale"; it's a descriptive adjective; either you are trans or you aren't.
 
That's true, but sometimes people need to explore their sexuality as a means of finding their sense of gender particularly when they're younger. These days though most kids are aware of the differences.
I'd hesitate to describe 'shemales' as trans tbh since the term is so much focused on sex and porn: they might be trans but in any case it is a personal declaration, not a rubber stamp.
Not that we were talking about porn, but hey :cool: I don't get shemales that want to top. I totally understand trans women that don't want surgery or who may prefer to keep the genitals they were born with, but using them for penetration.... nopes... I find as alien to me as telling a cat to sit.
Much the same with spunk-guzzling
Thoughts?
I guess it's a personal thing...
shit maybe I'm getting old :eek:
 
I meant "trans" to be a shortened form of "transgender," which is how it is most commonly used, referring to anyone who identifies as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth. Yes, that does include genderfluid people and all other nonbinary identities, but crossdressers and sissies are still cisgender; a man who puts on a dress is still a man unless he identifies as something else. There is no "trans scale"; it's a descriptive adjective; either you are trans or you aren't.

But, transsexual is also a common term. Perhaps both transgender and transsexual refer to the same thing, but it seems there is a difference based on #1 below.

Transsexual defines as:
noun
1.
a person having a strong desire to assume the physical characteristics and gender role of the opposite sex.
2.
a person who has undergone hormone treatment and surgery to attain the physical characteristics of the opposite sex.

If a person has a "strong desire" to assume the physical characteristics and role of the opposite sex, I don't think it's the same as the innate "100% knowing" that one is indeed of the opposite gender...but there is still a "strong desire" of varying degrees. This is especially true when the "strong desires" are not persistent but come and go. In other words; the "feelings and desires" are not as clearly a 100% gender opposite from the birth physical identity as in the transgender. Thus my reference to a "scale" of transgender experience...much like the "gender-fluid" idea.

I may be wrong in all of this, that's why I made the supposition. I tend to doubt any yes vs no when it comes to human traits of any kind, and find the concept of scales of degree more accurate. For example, it remains hard for me to believe that anyone would cross-dress to the opposite gender unless there is a deep seated desire/need to do so. Thus, the question becomes; Why would they desire this if not because of some portion of internal infuence toward the opposite gender?
 
That's true, but sometimes people need to explore their sexuality as a means of finding their sense of gender particularly when they're younger. These days though most kids are aware of the differences.
I'd hesitate to describe 'shemales' as trans tbh since the term is so much focused on sex and porn: they might be trans but in any case it is a personal declaration, not a rubber stamp.
Not that we were talking about porn, but hey :cool: I don't get shemales that want to top. I totally understand trans women that don't want surgery or who may prefer to keep the genitals they were born with, but using them for penetration.... nopes... I find as alien to me as telling a cat to sit.
Much the same with spunk-guzzling
Thoughts?
I guess it's a personal thing...
shit maybe I'm getting old :eek:

I don't know SG; It seems to me that too often the so called "shemales" are indeed transgender but are being exploited by the porn industry. And the porn industry is ruled mostly by cis-males out to make a buck. I question whether or not a non-trans male would undergo sex change just for a chance at being in porn? Personally, I hate the term she-male because it has such a negative connotation from this very exploitation.

In regard to the possibility of a transgender person desiring to engage in the opposite sexual position, I think of how normal that is in cis-gendered relationships and say; Why not? There's a lot of females who like to peg a guy, or another female. Lot's of men who like to bottom for his wife/gf, etc. If heterosexuals can swing both ways, why not the trans person?
 
But, transsexual is also a common term. Perhaps both transgender and transsexual refer to the same thing, but it seems there is a difference based on #1 below.
Transsexual defines as:
noun
1. a person having a strong desire to assume the physical characteristics and gender role of the opposite sex.
2. a person who has undergone hormone treatment and surgery to attain the physical characteristics of the opposite sex.
Yea... I'd call the word transexual as being an outdated term and it was only when I started visiting US sites that I saw it at all. The main problem with the word is the 'sex' bit because that immediately associates it with sex, not gender, which is not very helpful. The terminology has evolved, so strong desire comes kinda pre-loaded too huh? I think whoever wrote that descriptions was either deliberately twisting the facts or stupid. ( It was prob one of McHugh's henchmen )
Thus my reference to a "scale" of transgender experience...much like the "gender-fluid" idea.
I can see where you're coming from but words are important here. Genderfluid people don't experience different levels of one gender or another, they just can't fix on one. Their sense of 'what gender am I?' may change from one day or one year to the next, but it isn't something they desire - it just happens.
For example, it remains hard for me to believe that anyone would cross-dress to the opposite gender unless there is a deep seated desire/need to do so. Thus, the question becomes; Why would they desire this if not because of some portion of internal infuence toward the opposite gender?
Because cross dressers are getting a kick out of what they wear and very often part of the kick is sexual. Drag queens are doing a performance, after which they take the corset off and the pastiche make-up and carry on being a guy.

It has been said that modern society demands both genders perform a role that is expected of them. After all why should what someone wears define their gender? People will suggest that if society were to change and any form of dress was accepted then there would be no need for trans woman or men to transition. In answer to that I reply 'The type of clothes worn are just a shorthand, a marker to an expected gender: they are not the gender nor the person and never will be. Not that society is about to change any time soon'.

I don't know SG; It seems to me that too often the so called "shemales" are indeed transgender but are being exploited by the porn industry. And the porn industry is ruled mostly by cis-males out to make a buck. I question whether or not a non-trans male would undergo sex change just for a chance at being in porn? Personally, I hate the term she-male because it has such a negative connotation from this very exploitation.

In regard to the possibility of a transgender person desiring to engage in the opposite sexual position, I think of how normal that is in cis-gendered relationships and say; Why not? There's a lot of females who like to peg a guy, or another female. Lot's of men who like to bottom for his wife/gf, etc. If heterosexuals can swing both ways, why not the trans person?
You're right - maybe they do like pegging? I'm bi and I've used a dildo on another woman. I was always pretty phobic about using my dick for sex *shudders* so I'm blind-sided to how other trans women might feel about it.
 
SG, Thank you for taking time to answer in such depth. I did go in search of some other definitions, and thought this intro copied below was interesting. (It's just an introduction to a larger article and a short youtube for anyone wanting to more depth. -> LINK HERE

I realize some of this is contrary to some of what you said, I just want to make it clear that I am just trying to learn and not making any absolute claims to anything. This is just something that seemed interesting. As usual, this always seems to get more convoluted than one would expect :confused:
*****

Is There a Difference Between Transgender and Transsexual?

One of the more well-thought out and nuanced explanations was written by Julia Serano, author of Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity:

The distinction (and lack thereof) between transgender and transsexual

The word transgender historically (as well as within the context of this essay) refers to people who defy societal expectations regarding gender. Trans activists of the 1990s who championed the term left it purposely open-ended — it may refer to transsexuals (i.e., people who transition, who I’ll get to in a minute), people who identify outside of the gender binary, crossdressers (i.e., people who identify with their birth-assigned gender, but sometimes dress and/or express themselves as the other gender), people whose gender expression is non-conforming (e.g., feminine men, masculine women, people who are androgynous, etc.), and possibly others. Not everyone who falls under this umbrella will self-identify as “transgender,” but are all viewed by society as defying gender norms in some significant way.

Unfortunately, in mainstream discussions (as well as within certain segments of the trans community), the word “transgender” is increasingly (mis)used to specifically refer to people who identify and live as members of the gender other than the one they were assigned at birth — that is, people who have historically been described as transsexual. Some people who fall under this category don’t like the label “transsexual” (just as some don’t like “transgender”), but I will be using it here because the distinction between people who socially and/or physically transition (i.e., transsexuals), and those transgender-spectrum individuals who don’t transition, is germane to this conversation.
 
ohh i love to trans, it’s nice to have somewhere to do it here.

i told my parents a while ago that i am transgender and they were sympathetic to it at the time. i came away wondering if they were just being nice and polite or if they genuinely wanted to help me. anyway, christmas rolls around and i have to spend the whole time in boy mode because extended family and general lgbtq-phobia, but my mum got me a top and a hat from the ladies section!! they’re not blaring out femininity but they definitely are feminine and it shows a level of acceptance and support that i wasn’t expecting so soon.

so yay!!! happy new year everyone by the way
 
IRT the word "transsexual," there's a lot of discourse surrounding it. A bunch of people (and personally I'm inclined to agree) see it as a bad or at least problematic word with a lot of nasty medicalist connotations, because it overemphasizes sexual dimorphism (thereby erasing intersex people) and carries the connotation that there's "one right way" to be trans--which is actually a *h u g e* problem within trans spaces, of assholes trying to exclude people whose experience with gender doesn't follow the usual narrative talked about in medical literature (like genderfluid people, for instance). As a general rule, "transgender" is going to be the safe, neutral word that I don't think anyone will have a problem with, but you really ought not to call someone a transsexual unless you already know that they're okay with it.

Nothing Serano said is strictly-speaking "wrong," it's just that some of the finer nuances of common usage have changed a bit since The Whipping Girl was written.

And while we're on the subject of words: Yeah, stuff like shemale, ladyboy, etc. are all just porn words; I don't think I've ever met a single person who used one of those as an actual identity label
 
^^^ What she said, Yukon. I remember being a bit surprised when I read that in Serano's book and I find the term really quite offensive.
 
[quoting Serano]
Unfortunately, in mainstream discussions (as well as within certain segments of the trans community), the word “transgender” is increasingly (mis)used to specifically refer to people who identify and live as members of the gender other than the one they were assigned at birth — that is, people who have historically been described as transsexual. Some people who fall under this category don’t like the label “transsexual” (just as some don’t like “transgender”), but I will be using it here because the distinction between people who socially and/or physically transition (i.e., transsexuals), and those transgender-spectrum individuals who don’t transition, is germane to this conversation.

Huh. Serano is a well-respected author in trans circles, but I've only ever heard "transsexual" used to refer to physical transition, and usually specifically to people who've had (or seek) "bottom surgery" (i.e. on the genitals) as opposed to all the other possibilities for physical transition.

Not having read the book, I don't know the context for her making that distinction "between people who socially and/or physically transition ... and those transgender-spectrum individuals who don’t transition". For all I know, she may have a good reason for doing so, even if her terminology might not match those used by others. But I would note that this distinction can very easily become problematic and should only be made when there's a very good reason to do so.

Non-trans people talking about trans people often reduce things to a simple binary: well, do you have a dick? That gets used as a litmus test for stuff like whether you ought to be able to use the ladies' room: only if you've completed physical transition do you get to change the box on your record. I guess it's slightly better that the hard-line "that box never changes from what you were assigned at birth", but not by a lot.

For one, whether trans people transition - socially and/or physically - is influenced by all sorts of factors. Can you afford the medical treatments involved? (In the USA, perhaps $30k-100k for surgeries.) Are they medically safe for you? (Transition can have dangerous interactions with some medical conditions.) Will it threaten your employment, your family ties, your physical safety? All dependent on the people around you. Drawing a line based on whether somebody's transitioned risks defining them by the world that surrounds them, rather than by who they really are.

This emphasis on physical status can also feed into harmful "trans regret" narratives. One of my friends started on testosterone, then stopped for many years because it wasn't safe for him to transition at work. He would have been counted as a "detransitioner", included in the stats used to promote the idea that transition is a bad thing because people may change their minds and want to go back - but in fact he never wavered from wanting to be treated as male, he just made some pragmatic choices about how to get by in unfriendly circumstances. Happy to say he's now in a situation where he can resume T and come out as trans to his colleagues.

For another, "transition" is not a binary status, either physically or socially. The friend I mentioned above presented as female at work, but male to his friends. Physical transition can involve a whole bunch of processes - hormone treatments, surgery to breasts, surgery to genitals, facial surgery - and which ones a person takes depends both on availability/affordability and on a bunch of personal nuances. Some trans people experience genital dysphoria, and for them genital surgery is very important; for others it's not a big issue, and that surgery may have a much lower priority. For trans men, the surgical options still aren't great - you're not likely to get a penis that works for sex without the assistance of an external pump or similar - so some may choose to hold off in the hope that something better will be available one of these days.

From what I know of her, I expect Serano's aware of those issues, and I'd hope that in the context of that book she has a good reason for discussing a distinction between people who transition and people who don't. But even aside from some disagreement with her terminology, I'd caution against following her in making that distinction, at least until one has a very good understanding of the issues involved. It's like watching an expert walk through a minefield - they might know exactly where it's safe to walk, but trying to follow their footsteps could be unwise.
 
IRT the word "transsexual," there's a lot of discourse surrounding it. A bunch of people (and personally I'm inclined to agree) see it as a bad or at least problematic word with a lot of nasty medicalist connotations, because it overemphasizes sexual dimorphism (thereby erasing intersex people) and carries the connotation that there's "one right way" to be trans--which is actually a *h u g e* problem within trans spaces, of assholes trying to exclude people whose experience with gender doesn't follow the usual narrative talked about in medical literature (like genderfluid people, for instance). As a general rule, "transgender" is going to be the safe, neutral word that I don't think anyone will have a problem with, but you really ought not to call someone a transsexual unless you already know that they're okay with it.

Nothing Serano said is strictly-speaking "wrong," it's just that some of the finer nuances of common usage have changed a bit since The Whipping Girl was written.

And while we're on the subject of words: Yeah, stuff like shemale, ladyboy, etc. are all just porn words; I don't think I've ever met a single person who used one of those as an actual identity label

^^^ What she said, Yukon. I remember being a bit surprised when I read that in Serano's book and I find the term really quite offensive.

Much appreciation to both of you for taking the time to hash through some of this. It takes me back to my original statement about how I prefer the word 'Trans' as it is more gentle and inclusive. But I still hold the view that there exists a spectrum for all human traits, including being Trans. There are degrees of gender-dysphoria, if you will. Any further thoughts on that? (and please know, I don't ask these questions with any intent to negativity whatsoever...I may be stupid sometimes, but very rarely mean ~ :rose:)
 
Thank you Bramblethon for your input. From the way I read her piece, it seemed that it was important for her to differentiate the definitions in the sense that: 1. Transgender was originally intended to be inclusive of all non-binary individuals. 2. That Transexual was more in respect to those who did undergo reassignment surgery. She noted that; "...Unfortunately, in mainstream discussions (as well as within certain segments of the trans community), the word “transgender” is increasingly (mis)used to specifically refer to people who identify and live as members of the gender other than the one they were assigned at birth..."

The other thing I found interesting was her inclusion of various expressions of "gender bending" into a larger group of individuals she considers as transgender.

As I said before...not always cut and dry when it comes to some of the words we use. But it's good to discuss them because that brings us closer together. And to be honest, even after I read her piece I had no real idea whether or not her opinion was respected or not. That's the trouble with the web, it's easy to find answers, but are they good answers? However, after reading what others thought, it appears she is a respected voice in the Tran's community.
 
ohh i love to trans, it’s nice to have somewhere to do it here.

i told my parents a while ago that i am transgender and they were sympathetic to it at the time. i came away wondering if they were just being nice and polite or if they genuinely wanted to help me. anyway, christmas rolls around and i have to spend the whole time in boy mode because extended family and general lgbtq-phobia, but my mum got me a top and a hat from the ladies section!! they’re not blaring out femininity but they definitely are feminine and it shows a level of acceptance and support that i wasn’t expecting so soon.

so yay!!! happy new year everyone by the way

I'm really happy that you have found acceptance from those who are important to you. No doubt, this will give you strength and encouragement to keep going in whatever direction you choose. Happy New Year...I know 2018 will be one you remember into old age ~ :rose:
 
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