Please help me...

Hello im very concerned ive had the CID (UK Police) at my door today ......

They showed up at the house i share with my girlfriend and her nine year old daughter.

Two officers showed up this afternoon and informed me that they were there to ask me a few questions regarding child protection, long story short i had been a member of a "swingers" website where people meet for sex basically, and they had evidence that i had engaged in sexual fantasy roleplay "chat"/"e mails" with a woman that in some way involved underage children (the roleplay in question as i recall it involved me breaking into her house and having rough sex with her and me not caring who was in the house kids etc....and as part of the roleplay being the "burglar" i wouldnt care if her kids were in the next room and if they were banging on the door to get in etc)....all of which i may add was complete fantasy and was never ever going to happen it as just cyber sex....no pictures of any children were ever swapped etc etc....it was just sex chat.

At first the two officers asked me questions infront of my girlfriend who as you can imagine got very very upset hearing these questions... and very embarrassing for me.

Then they asked to speak to my girlfriend on her own and then me on my own, we were informed that social services would be around the same day (today) and they would speak to my girlfriend and see if there was any risk to her daughter.

i was told i was not being charged with anything and they were just collecting more information...



Then they left.... i went for a walk to clear my head as i was very shocked and paniced by these events.....i called a 24 hour solicitor as i take this kind of investigation very very serious ....while on my walk my girlfriend had a call from the social services to say they could not attend and meet with her today as something had come up "an emergency" and it would probably Monday they would call round ...(for officals such as the police and social services to think a child maybe in danger one minute and then not be that bother the next leaves me speechless).

I have voluntarily gone to stay with my mum who lives 90 miles away as to make sure that social services know that my girlfriends daughter is safe in that house (which she would be if i were there but i want to do things right )

where do i go from here my life has been turned upside down today all because of some cyber sex chat that was abit hardcore....(and im in no way defending it but as far as i was aware fantasy is just that ...fantasy).

If you can help advise me i would be so greatful !!!!!

Chris (Yorkshire UK)

There is bound to be legal group that defends sexual expression, if it comes to that.

In the meantime, you're going to have to square things with your girlfriend. Who knows, maybe she will want to play some of those games with you, and has never said so.

meanswhiles do you know what a pseudonym is? It's a name that is NOT Chris, and does NOT imply that your last name starts with a W, so that you can play with a little more privacy.

and what the hell are you doing adding your location into your post?

Stella_Omega said:

There is bound to be legal group that defends sexual expression, if it comes to that.

In the meantime, you're going to have to square things with your girlfriend. Who knows, maybe she will want to play some of those games with you, and has never said so.

meanswhiles do you know what a pseudonym is? It's a name that is NOT Chris, and does NOT imply that your last name starts with a W, so that you can play with a little more privacy.

and what the hell are you doing adding your location into your post?

Click to expand...

My girlfriend is not into roleplays really and thats fine...i only engaged in the roleplay with this woman as a bit of fun....thats all nothing more.... i put my location in the hope people would see im from the uk and tell me if they knew about uk law etc.

Stella_Omega said:

meanswhiles do you know what a pseudonym is? It's a name that is NOT Chris, and does NOT imply that your last name starts with a W, so that you can play with a little more privacy.

Click to expand...

Yeah. That.

Internet and phone usage is scanned constantly these days. You need to not use any words that might alert the auto scanners, even in fantasy. Any person you speak or write about needs to be older than 18.

I think you are doing the right thing and getting legal representation. I am not sure leaving the house is all that great unless your gf asked you too. I would check with the lawyer, you don't want to imply guilt of any kind.

Hang in there, as far as I know you did nothing legally wrong, although maybe there is some nanny state law you ran up against.

It amazes me that human trafficking exists on such a large scale and yet they are spending their time harassing you.

Lior2006 said:

Internet and phone usage is scanned constantly these days. You need to not use any words that might alert the auto scanners, even in fantasy.

Click to expand...

I'm not sure about that...a bit tinfoil hat, no?

Lior2006 said:

Any person you speak or write about needs to be older than 18.

Click to expand...

This is all too true. That's what happened to Max Hardcore. His models were 18+, but by claiming on camera that they were younger, he was busted for child pornography. Even though the models were 18+, they were depicting children. So even in stories, you should focus on 18+.

Not sure what kind of advice exactly you are looking for. My best advice right now is to live your life. It was rather gallant of you to leave temporarily but, unless your girlfriend wanted you to go, my opinion is you should have stayed and lived your life. If they thought the situation was very serious they wouldn't have put off their vist for several more days. I wouldn't be surprised if they dont' even show up when they say they were going to. My opinion is that this will all blow over but you should take it as a learning experience. If you have nothing illegal to hide you should just live your life and let things progress so that it can be over and done with.

The Internet is watched, but they are specific as to the web sites they patrol. They have certain hot spots they watch and once they find something they suspect, then they get tapping warrants and look deeper into individuals. You might have been visiting a web site they have been investigating and just happened to get noticed. You could also have been outed to police by someone.

Phones aren't watched as a rule unless they have a good reason. They can check transmission data as to where phone calls are made any time they want, but they need a reason to go much deeper. If there's an investigation, they can subpena phone records which can include voice mails and text messages.

Everything said in open web sites should be within the law of your area and that could be taken further, if your conversation is taken outside of your local transmission area. Most child laws require someone to be 18, and that includes any fantasy talk, if you don't want someone who is listening in to suspect what you're talking about as anything else.

Most police will react first and ask questions later, when they suspect the safety of a child is at risk. They only need to state what was said in a conversation to prove they had just cause. Sure, it could all be fantasy, but they take things seriously until it can be proven to them that's all it was. As for children being in the vicinity at the time something is happening, be it fantasy or not, you are likely to get a visit, if what you say is caught by their ears. Again, they can only suspect your fantasy talk is the truth, until you can prove otherwise.

You should find a good legal representative that understands the situation. They will find out what evidence there is and what laws are involved. Keep a level head and don't let this get the best of you. If you did nothing wrong, you will be given the chance to explain. But you will be seen as a bad person in the law's eyes, until then. They are just doing their job, so don't take it too personally. They know it can rattle you some, just to be accused and they will be watching your reactions.

Stag of Oberon said:

Delete all your cookies, every time you log on, every time you change activities.

Run virus scans regularly.

data mining is rapidly spelling the death of anonymity, even with pseudonyms.

There is no legally protected "reasonable expectation of privacy" on the internet. Abuse of this misconception is becoming rampant.

"Your own damn business" is extinct.

Also; perusing porn is one thing, but downloading and especially creating content, people will want to hold you accountable for. Even if it's just words on a screen that should be protected.

Click to expand...

A lot of this is true. And some police tend to go overboard, partly because they don't want to be seen by the community as not doing their job, if it were to come out that they knew about something and didn't act. Child safety should be everybody's concern, so police react first and ask questions later.