Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,301

"Hurry! The commercials are almost over."

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,302

"It’s obviously not true, what they say about big feet."

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,303

"Put some banana chunks in there and watch me squeeze them out."

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,304

"Are you even hitting the sides?"

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,305

"An Arab, a Jew, and a nun walk into a bar…"

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,306

"Mind if I play with your implants?"

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,307

"You’ll have to do the rest yourself. My penile implant is in the shop getting its annual tune-up."

 

StrangeLife

Eater of beef

Joined

Jun 3, 2013

Posts

3,757

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,308

"You know how female praying mantises kill their partners after sex, right?"

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,309

"Do you think I should start showering after having sex with other men?"

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,310

"Are you in yet?" - "Bitch, I’m already done!"

 

loquere

Smile!

Joined

May 19, 2011

Posts

35,204

• Aug 14, 2014

• #1,311

"My dog licks me way better."

 

J

JWren

Still scribbling

Joined

Jun 20, 2014

Posts

3,438

• Aug 15, 2014

• #1,312

"The ceiling needs redecorating."

 

j769

Literotica Guru

Joined

Dec 10, 2010

Posts

1,104

• Aug 15, 2014

• #1,313

Have you ever heard the sounds of a leaking air mattress? NOT GOOD

 

Handley_Page

Draco interdum Vincit

Joined

Aug 18, 2007

Posts

78,194

• Aug 16, 2014

• #1,314

Heard from the Hall:
"Where did you put my ammunition?"

 

Lia Monde

Life is good

Joined

Jan 28, 2005

Posts

26,266

• Aug 17, 2014

• #1,315

"I guess I'm still a virgin after the first 3 inches."

 

StrangeLife

Eater of beef

Joined

Jun 3, 2013

Posts

3,757

• Aug 17, 2014

• #1,316

"Woof!"

 

Hypoxia

doesn't watch television

Joined

Sep 7, 2013

Posts

28,080

• Aug 17, 2014

• #1,317

StrangeLife said:

"Woof!"

Click to expand...

"Whinny!"

 

49greg

Literotica Hack

Joined

Jan 3, 2012

Posts

1,663

• Aug 19, 2014

• #1,318

zzzzzzzzzzz

 

J

JWren

Still scribbling

Joined

Jun 20, 2014

Posts

3,438

• Aug 19, 2014

• #1,319

Ironic, isn't it, I used to be called Robert as well . . .

 

JKendallDane

Plot Bunny Herder

Joined

Jun 26, 2012

Posts

6,897

• Aug 19, 2014

• #1,320

Little kids snickering from under the bed!

 

Vanadorn

Master and Commander

Joined

May 9, 2014

Posts

2,493

• Aug 19, 2014

• #1,321

The cold click of the shotgun being pumped.

 

Vanadorn

Master and Commander

Joined

May 9, 2014

Posts

2,493

• Aug 19, 2014

• #1,322

"Ugh. Get off of me, you're sweating all over the place!"

 

Vanadorn

Master and Commander

Joined

May 9, 2014

Posts

2,493

• Aug 19, 2014

• #1,323

"Seriously? HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA *snort* HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

 

herrdrier

Literotica voyeur

Joined

Aug 24, 2011

Posts

1,068

• Aug 19, 2014

• #1,324

The phone ringing

Because I just KNOW she will NEED to answer it and it will be months before she is in the mood again.

 

J

JWren

Still scribbling

Joined

Jun 20, 2014

Posts

3,438

• Aug 20, 2014

• #1,325

Will you close the window, I'm cold . . .