How to ..... Forget?

Debated quite a while about posting this because of some of the stupid useless answers I've seen.

Need real replies, not irrelevant crap.


How do you forget? People, places, events, conversations, etc. There are things I want wiped permanently, never to be recalled again.

Selective amnesia if you will.

I'm not a fan of hypnosis, but if it would work .....

It would be great if we could forget everything about unloved events. But people might talk to us about them, and so remind us of these events again.

Which would mean we would have to start the process of forgetting them anew. And again.

I don't think it would work, I don't think it should work. Even these unloved memories belong to us, are part of who we are, and wiping them from our memory would make us less than we are, incomplete.

I am afraid we don't have another choice than live with them. It might be we might need help to learn to live with them, and this help can be provided by a skilled person.

i don't think there are answers to this that you actually want to use, because honestly i think turning into a substance abuser is the only way that seems to work sometimes (notoriously unreliably) for some.

my best advice is creating new memories. seriously. go and live your life, win joy from life. don't let yourself be imprisoned by the experiences you've already had and think that's all that there is.

ed

What was the question? I forgot!

I've heard that many old memories are not from long ago but from talking or thinking about them in more recent times.
So stop thinking and talking about the past.

Or just wait until dementia sets in and write this again beause you'll forget you just did.

jaF0 said:

Debated quite a while about posting this because of some of the stupid useless answers I've seen.

Need real replies, not irrelevant crap.


How do you forget? People, places, events, conversations, etc. There are things I want wiped permanently, never to be recalled again.

Selective amnesia if you will.

I'm not a fan of hypnosis, but if it would work .....

Click to expand...

you cannot (usually). While some people are able to bury memories, they are usually the result of a trauma experienced as a child which is then buried deep to protect the self. You usually cannot just randomly erase a memory, as lovely as that would be.

I have a strong memory, and it is very difficult for me to let go. What works for me is after whatever happened and dealing with it, I conscious think of something else whenever the memory resurfaces. I do something that requires complete concentration and therefore I cannot think of it. Through time, I find that the ugly memories resurface less and less until when it does resurface, I have no emotional attachments and am able to easily put it out of my mind.

It's not easy. It requires a lot of discipline not to wallow in my thoughts. But I have to reconcile and be ready to let go of what has happened. I may not forgive (I am still debating on that and I'm usually voting on not forgiving) but the anger I felt is gone. It was only then I was able to work on letting go of the memories.

It sucks, and I wish I had magic words to make someone forget, but I don't.

LIVINRFANTASIES said:

I've heard that many old memories are not from long ago but from talking or thinking about them in more recent times.
So stop thinking and talking about the past.

Or just wait until dementia sets in and write this again beause you'll forget you just did.

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Seeing what dementia did to my cousin's family, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's an awful and cruel illness. Just saying.

Yeah, dementia affects everybody close to the person who has the condition. Not only does it break the hearts of loved ones, it takes 24/7 vigilance. There's no break for the caretaker.

If you are a healthy person, you never forget. Over time, the events, places, people will fade into the background, buy you will never forget.

In some cases, anti-depressants can help, if the events, places and people cause you to become depressed. The will ease the depression, but you will still remember, but you won't really care anymore. (I speak from personal experience) They did help with the racing of the mind and sleeplessness.

Talking to a professional helps, somewhat.

But the biggest help is time.

Time is distance between you and the events, places and people.

fire_breeze said:

Seeing what dementia did to my cousin's family, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's an awful and cruel illness. Just saying.

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My wife has shown signs of short term dementia for years. All she can do is take the two common drugs which do nothing but slow it down. Her biggest aid has been virgin coconut oil, a spoonful twice a day.
I'm not a doctor so do not recommend it. But please read up on virgin coconut oil.

Our very best friends from before HS are battling her advanced demetia. Pat is several years younger than my wife. She is basically a vegetable. Three grown sons who she does not remember.
When we last visited Pat sat in her wheelchair with her head hanging down. She'd ocassionally sing a verse of a religeous song or say "yea that's right."

Seeing our best friend this way worries me about my wife.
So far she works cross word puzzles, reads, and plays on this computer. I believe it is all helping. She often remembers things I temporarily forget.

I don't think anyone is/was seriously promoting dementia.. so I guess all I have is toward your original question. I agree with many others. You really can't forget.

I would go as far as to suggest that you may, at some point in time, find a way to accept your history as just that. You can get to where you're not the victim of your own life. One of the most empowering things is to be able to look back at what you've endured and acknowledge that you were strong enough to come out of it.

So, what I've done, is find parts of my life that are worthy of celebration and build on that. It's similar to what FB is saying. Regardless your history, the future is yet to be determined and much more worthy of your attention.

Short of electroshock therapy, you can't.

There are few, if any genuinely 'pleasant' memories. Almost all are unpleasant in some way. Even the few that are more pleasant moments led to unpleasant outcomes.

There are no real successes.

I need to Format C: and reload the OS (basics like name, age, location of home and finances, etc.) without all the corrupted files and folders.

Good luck. We all live in confusion at times. Try thinking of the future and those fun times you've had.
If only you knew of the memories my wife has of her past you'd be amazed. Yet she is always happy and lives for tomorrow.
It's not her past she has trouble remembering, it's what she had for lunch and things like that.
Take a short vacation or just a long ride. It's spring and life is in the air.

I got a few ideas for you.

First off, get about five to ten rubber bands and wear them on your wrist. Every time the bad thoughts, memories, or feelings start up, pick them up over the pulse point and one at a time let them smack the crap out of your wrist. (Basic aversion therapy technique.)

Something you have to watch out for is that memories are cued by all five of the senses. And the biggest culprit is also our weakest. The sense of smell. Go figure. It may be time to change your perfume, soap, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, etcetera. At least for awhile. Oh, and eating habits. No more Italian or Chinese or whatever your favorite is for about six months. (Smokers are pretty well screwed since that odor is going to be constant.)

Now, it's time for the Patronus charm. Yup, find a happy thought. It doesn't matter if it's a real memory or a fantasy or what. But, it has to be a powerful all consuming thought. Trotting out the sciencese, it has to be something that kicks up an endorphin rush. Sex is a good one. Not much kicks the endorphins up like sex. Although a good adrenaline high can be a pretty good second if, for some reason, sex is in the "want to forget" box. But, it seriously has to be a thought or memory that can set your pulse to pounding and make you feel like there isn't enough air. It has to send goose bumps up your arms and chills down your spine. Humor can work in a pinch, but it's effects are only short term. You're looking for a long term change.

Now, don't laugh. There is one "safe zone" where you can think of these things that bother you and you don't pop your wrist or try to supplant it with the carefully cultivated good thought. You aren't going to try to think about it, you just aren't going to stop it if you do. While you are shitting.

No, I'm not kidding.

While sitting on the porcelain throne, if one of those memories comes to you, let it run. Focus on it. Chase down every sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Bear down on it and get that mental turd out. When you wipe and flush, it's time to change the music. Go back to popping your wrist and refocusing on that positive supplanting thought.

There's more you can do, of course. Lot's more. But, these are some pretty basic starter tricks. Effectively, you're working on a software update that will repartition your hard drive.

I've spent many years with PTSD and have much I wished I could forget.

I've had lots of psych's and people with letters after their names give me all sorts of well meant advice, with varying results.

Things that have helped me are;

Pulling out old memories I want to move on from and writing them in detail. Letting the mechanics of putting emotions and facts alongside each other on paper disarm the remembered horror.

Focusing on the here and and now. Being mentally present where my body is.

Making new, good memories to flood the old ones out.

Things that didn't help.

Drinking to forget.

All the airy-fairy visualisation shit.



Good luck, whatever your motivation. If you can make peace with the memories they'll let go of you sooner.

http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/09/03/edelman-evolution-and-encephalisation/


“If our view of memory is correct, in higher organisms every act of perception is, to some degree, an act of creation, and every act of memory is, to some degree, an act of imagination.”
(Edelman and Tononi, 2000:101)

Edelman is tough for many to grasp, and that's because he wasn't gifted with explaining his ideas simply. He won a Nobel Prize for proving our immune system comes from the factory with natural stuff to defeat most diseases but not all. For the rest we need vaccines or we die.

The same system exists for our senses, what we can sense exists from day one but we cant sense everything (think infrared light and high frequency sound), snakes and bats can. To sense our brains make connections tween sundry templates, and the memory is simply a reference to the neuron group where the perception was assembled. But! If you don't access the reference points the perception template assembly decays and is recycled. Bottonline: Memory doesn't exist, recognition is what we experience.

jaF0 said:

There are few, if any genuinely 'pleasant' memories. Almost all are unpleasant in some way. Even the few that are more pleasant moments led to unpleasant outcomes.

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create new memories, sweetheart -- HAPPY new memories. as simple as that.

Not doing well at all. Got way too much up there that needs to go away. I don't understand why they keep coming up though. A word, a song, a smell .... odd things will trigger stuff I haven't thought about in years.

You wont like this answer....it is called acceptance. Or you can bitch the rest of your life about how "these" people destroyed your life. We live in the present. Not the past. It is your choice to keep giving them power today.

^^ Clearly no clue.

jaF0 said:

^^ Clearly no clue.

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I am not the one seeking "help" on a porn board. Just pointing out the fucking obvious.

Dribble said:

You wont like this answer....it is called acceptance. Or you can bitch the rest of your life about how "these" people destroyed your life. We live in the present. Not the past. It is your choice to keep giving them power today.

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There it is there !!

I spent a good part of my youth trying to suppress memories of bad experiences (molestation) with marijuana or alcohol. It didn't work.

I also had issues with accepting who, and what, I am in relation to my sexuality.

It's the obvious answer, but it took professional help to lift me out of my despair. I first saw a therapist when I was not dealing well with the split from my first wife. He called my habit of stewing over the past "Stinkin' Thinkin' " and pretty well taught me to live in the present and not the past.

For me, the problem was worse when I was trying to go to sleep at night. It would seem like bad thoughts would just bounce off my skull, and snowball, till I was sleep deprived. Some of these thoughts would also involve things I saw at work...as a cop.

Knowing I was a computer hobbyist, he taught me to take the past, and the more recent day's events, and visualize downloading them onto a disc and "ejecting" them for storage in desk drawer. I would then, "Shut down". If, when I got up, it was up to me if I wanted to open that drawer and access those thoughts again.

Forgetting something ENTIRELY? I guess I can only suggest hypnosis. It could help and some people achieve tremendous results.

I'm not sure if you can actually forget a person to an extent of not remembering him even if you meet him face to face.

Our memory is a weird thing. Sometimes it keeps things locked far away until someone brings them up, and then you suddenly remember them in great detail. For example you may try to remember everything on your vacation 20 years ago, and it seems like you remember it quite clearly. But then someone says "Hey, remember that small shop near the place we stayed?" - and it turns out that just a minute ago you missed it completely, but now it seems you remember it to the last detail.
This memory was hidden deep.

The no-hypnosis method is quite simple, but takes time. You just need to make a lot of new memories - of other people, other places, or even the same place that involves other people. If those memories are strong, you'll get over the bad ones.
They may still visit you from time to time, but it becomes less often and easier to just shake your head and make them go away.

I really hope you'll get over whatever you want to forget.

jaF0 said:

There are few, if any genuinely 'pleasant' memories. Almost all are unpleasant in some way. Even the few that are more pleasant moments led to unpleasant outcomes.

There are no real successes.

I need to Format C: and reload the OS (basics like name, age, location of home and finances, etc.) without all the corrupted files and folders.

Click to expand...

You can't have format C:, I'm sorry. Even hypnotists - you won't likely find a person who will agree to do such a thing, even if it's possible. Because it's akin to ruining a person completely, killing, not helping.
And as far as science is concerned - you can't induce amnesia. We don't even know what causes it when it happens naturally, or else we could treat it.

You can change your life. Move to another town, get another job, maybe even another profession. Leave all friends behind and make a new ones. I knew people who did it. I knew those who did it successfully - a re-boot of your OS, not re-install. It's a hard way, but it is a way.

You seem like a very depressed person to me. I would seek some professional help either way. I doubt anyone on this forum can really help you - if anything, you are risking to find a few trolls who will be glad to add to your pile.

Dribble said:

You wont like this answer....it is called acceptance. Or you can bitch the rest of your life about how "these" people destroyed your life. We live in the present. Not the past. It is your choice to keep giving them power today.

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Dribble said:

I am not the one seeking "help" on a porn board. Just pointing out the fucking obvious.

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Acceptance and being an arrogant arsehole perhaps works for you sitting alone at night writing to a "porn board"... if that is what you accept and expect of your existence, well good luck with that and all. Hope you and your misery coincide with acceptance well into the future.

For those who choose or have the ability to think beyond having their head jammed up their own arse they probably would use you as a reference point of what to avoid.

Enough attention for you?

________________________________________________

Moving on - jaF0

I saw the following video today and thought of this thread
"Can we change the past? Hint: yes, by changing our 'cognitive framing'."
https://www.facebook.com/jasonlsilva/videos/1722497898014488/

For my own experience of feeling swamped and overwhelmed by life events it was to take ownership of my emotions. The person (highly unpleasant personality) and events which unfolded over many years were not responsible for making or inflicting anger, sadness and a whole host of other emotions I was feeling. Those emotions were how I chose to react to the situations. Someone does not make you angry, sad or even jealous - we gift those emotions onto ourselves.

When we believe our emotions are in the ownership of someone else, it is very easy to feel powerless to make change. Those of weak and insignificant character may even think "well this is life, I just have to accept it". I choose, however, for life not to be so dreary. Of course you can't change life events but you can change how you react to them. Acceptance is not reaction, acceptance is pitiful in it's nothingness.

For instance, if you felt hurt by a dribble response then you have handed power over to the meaningless. If they recognise that they will feel their meaningless has existence and will attempt to do it again and you may gift yourself more hurt. Another response, however, is the meaningless deserves no emotion (though I have been having fun - and I chose those emotions).

So - you don't forget at all, you certainly don't be pitiful and just accept, you just take ownership of your emotions and choose another path. When you realise you are the sole person responsible for your emotions, it can honestly be as simple as "No, I am not going to be sad any more". That can be life changing - in an instant.

It's amazing how few people can even begin to understand the need to forget so much.

Memories can be your worst enemy, regardless of who, what or how long ago.

Senility may be your best friend when your memories are your worst enemy.