Lord Pmann
Lord
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2012
- Posts
- 19,430
I am scared to go now, for fear I'll run into HH and he will punish me for all the bad I've done in my life.
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Sistinas74 said:IN MY OPINION I don't feel HH is after his friend's wife, because as he said, there are easier ways of going about doing that.
From memory HH has openly admitted he'd join them if the offer was there, so I'm sure on SOME level there is a physical attraction and desire for either the husband or the wife, or both. That's fine we all have desires that we will ever act on. I agree though, I don't think HH is actively seeking to fulfill anything like that.
People don't do things like this without having an agenda.
You guys are so lame. Here on a Saturday. Pfft.
I stepped up to handle this.
No offense. I don't need to know that whole story.That sentence tells me so much. Exactly you stepped in. You stepped in to do what he couldn't. You got hte job done. And in the process completely subverted and undermined your supposed best friend.
This is not a matter of feeling superior. It's looking at you and realizing that you are so young, that your friends are obviously young (and I would guess have not been married long) that you have no idea the damage you have done. And I'm not talking about to TL. I'm talking about to your friend's marriage.
You have set up a dynamic by which your BF appears weak and unable to handle a situation that he created. And in comparison you appear strong and effective, take charge, protective (valiant in some perhaps screwed up perspective) Do you really think that is not going to affect their marriage? Do you really think long term that is not going to affect how his wife sees him?
With your actions you have nicked the armor of their marriage. And ultimately it doesn't matter why you did it. All that matters is that you did. Your best friend has so much more now to overcome, and some of that is due to your actions.
And honestly we could trade stories about horrible things others have done to ones we care about. Nothing will change the fact you have damaged their marriage. Perhaps you did so with good intentions (I am not an optimistic so I would disagree) but you know what they say about good intentions... the road to hell is paved with them
Added to that is the fact that she came running to him. Honestly ladies... when your guy does something wrong, do you go running to his friend or yours? Again in all my years, every time a woman goes running to his friends, there's something afoot. Maybe not consciously...oh but open that door just a little...
Well, let me raise my hand and stand up as someone who did turn to the best friend when my marriage fell apart. For no other reason than to try to figure out what was going on in my ex's head. Clearly I didn't have the answers, my freinds didn't have the answers, so I figured I'd try my luck with his best fried. Unfortuantely, even he could offer no insight into the douchie mind of my ex. Although he did offer support, an ear to listen and yes, a shoulder to cry on. Nothing untoward ever happened; nor was I hoping that it would. That would just be weird. Frankly, I would question my character as well as his if anything did happen.
My ex and the best friend no longer speak, for various reasons. The friend and I email occassionally and send Christmas cards, but that's it. I will always be grateful to him, for helping me though a very difficult time. He stepped up to the plate many times when he didn't need to.
What a basket of assumptions you have! I have to admit that I was very tempted to cave in to throwing back insults and assumptions at you, but rather than sink to that level, I'm just going to say: I'm sorry to hear that you don't have enough of an open mind to hear the rest of the story.
If you ever do change your mind, you know how to send a PM. Until then, I will certainly read your posts on this thread -- no matter how misguided and loaded with assumptions they might be -- but I won't respond to you again.
Take care.
Then you are the minority and I guess the example that proves the rule. But can I ask this? And this is just to drill down on exactly what I was saying. When you spoke to the ex's best friend was this while you were trying to work things out? Or after it was done with?
Fair question. During the time we were actively in counselling, no I did not turn to the friend, because I had the counseller to turn to. When the ex stopped counselling and literally walked out the door not to be seen or heard from for 2 weeks, yes, that is when I turned to the friend. However, the ex came back, and we tried to work things out for a while and during that time, I did continue to converse with the friend.
I would not say that my filing for divorce had anything to do with what the friend did or did not say as I don't think he was trying undermine my marriage. I genuinely feel he was trying to help. I do feel, though, that during that time, the friend was more concerned about me and my feelings than those of my ex. My decision was based on the fact that I simply could not stand to be around somebody who clearly had no respect for me or our marriage.
My situation was slightly different than that of HH's friends, although it did involve cheating. I took matters into my own hands and confronted the whore myself.
Fair enough.
I do have to say that I chuckled at your statement of confronting the whore yourself. Can I ask something? Looking back do you find that being able to do that helped you?
One interesting thing I have found is that of my friends, the ones that were able to confront "the other" (again keeping it gender free) seem to find it easier to move on. Almost as if in the act of confrontation there is a that feeling of getting it all out and dealt with.
I can understand it being healing to confront the other women. I do not think I would have the fortitude to do that, except for verifying they had been involved.
An update...
My friend and his wife had some big news to share last week...they're pregnant! Their first child will make its grand entrance in the spring.
They are sweet to watch. He carries a sonogram picture in his wallet and gladly shows it off to anybody who even mentions kids. She has that lovely glow that pregnancy brings. I've never seen them happier.
And guess who gets to be Godfather?
I am going to spoil that child rotten.
.....
There is new news on the ms_intrigue front, which I will share once I figure out what to do about it...but in the meantime, suffice it to say that my friends have definitely moved on from the little witch.
Thanks for the good wishes!
On the idea of taking pictures at the delivery...hmmm. My friend is prone to the occasional shitty decision (as we all know by now) and he does love his camera. It's entirely possible this idea has crossed his mind.
My first duty as Godfather shall be to help ensure that Daddy does NOT use the camera for any purposes that are not clearly and explicitly allowed by Mommy. I mean, the kid probably doesn't want his or her birth story to be about how his father got knocked out cold by a flying camera in the delivery room.