Lol Today!

You like the F-35? ... you can't see it. You literally can't see it. It's hard to fight a plane you can't see," Mr Trump said in October.

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A Botox scandal has gripped Saudi Arabia’s camel beauty pageant, with a dozen contestants disqualified amid suspicion their lips had been surgically enhanced.

The annual contest has been moved from its previous venue in the desert to the outskirts of the capital Riyadh, where a jury rates tens of thousands of camels based on their appearance. The event is part of a big festival that celebrates the animal, which symbolizes Bedouin life in the desert.

“The camel is a symbol of Saudi Arabia,” the chief judge of the show, Fawzan al-Madi, said as news that twelve camels were kicked out of the competition broke, Reuters reported. “We used to preserve it out of necessity, now we preserve it as a pastime.”

With a prize money total of around $57 million, it is no surprise that around 30,000 camels have been entered in the show, but the month-long event has already run into controversy.

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JackLuis said:

"My what big lips you have, Fatima?"

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Morning, y’all, Donald Trump did that thing again! The thing that makes his lawyers call their local alcohol delivery service and say, “Bring us a ten gallon bucket of Jägermeister and some straws, we are getting fuuuuuucked up tonight!” That’s right, he emerged from John Kelly’s office Wednesday afternoon out of nowhere and decided to talk to reporters without adult supervision.

It went badly. It always goes badly. We will start with the part that for sure gave his lawyers a heart attack, where he said publicly he CAN’T WAIT to go under oath in the Mueller investigation, unlike that criminal haint Hillary Clinton, who didn’t go under oath at all, did you know that? Did you know Hillary didn’t go under oath? Well if you don’t know Hillary didn’t do it under oath, MAGGIE HABERMAN, then you are a bad reporter, MAGGIE WITH THE BAD QUESTIONS.

WaPo doesn’t identify her in the transcript, but Haberman is the one who asked the question, then got berated by Trump:

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REPORTER: Mr. President, you are going to do it under oath?

REPORTER: To reach a higher standard, you would do it under oath?

TRUMP: Oh, I would do it under oath.

REPORTER: You would?

TRUMP: Absolutely.

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Our favorite Freedom From Religion trolls, The Satanic Temple, have taken a big step beyond erecting Fallen Angel Yuletide displays or meeting school Bible giveaways with Satanic activity books for kids. They’ve gone and gotten the state of Missouri to partly back down on a restrictive abortion law that had required women wanting an abortion to submit to a medically unnecessary ultrasound. On Wednesday, the state’s solicitor general, D. John Sauer, said during oral arguments before the state Supreme Court that the law’s intent was only to give a woman the opportunity to receive an ultrasound (and hear the precious fetus’s heartbeat), but that actually having the ultrasound is not mandatory.

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It might not be especially lawyerly, but it makes the point pretty well. Also, congratulations to media; the three outlets we used for this story, including a Denver teevee station, were all careful to note that the Satanic Temple is a “non-theistic religious organization” whose members “don’t believe in literal Satan but see the biblical Satan as a metaphor for rebellion against tyranny.” That’s an impressive degree of not-freaking-out. Now if the Gateway Pundit would just get a clue (Haha, we are funny).

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Europeans tend to see a lot of American ideals and behaviors as bizarre. In particular, they aren’t wild about our politics and our food (though they love our television and our movies). And when it comes to sex? Well, Europeans tend to view us as the land of the free, home of the batshit crazy. Below are some of the biggest sexual WTFs Europeans have about America.

1. Extreme violence in the media is fine, just don’t show a nipple.

2. Our puritan prudery.

3. Our fear of hugs.

4. Our anti-abortion violence.

5. Our preference for circumcision.

Studies (both formal andinformal) have shown that women in the U.S. have strong preferences for circumcised penises, citing “visual appeal” and “sexual hygiene” as reasons for their predisposition. European women, of course, prefer their men with dong-snuggies

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JackLuis said:

Here are 5 American sex norms Europeans think are crazy

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Barrett Riddleberger is featured on the front page of a new dating site for fans of President Donald Trump. While the site has been mocked for not allowing LGBT people but allowing married people, it may soon fall under scrutiny for its screening practices.

According to the Associated Press, Riddleberger, a North Carolina man, was found guilty of indecent liberties with a child.

Jodi and William Barrett Riddleberger, who are both pictured on the dating site, met each other as part of a Tea Party-inspired political action committee in Guilford County. It’s unclear what their role or association with the website is, however.

State records revealed Riddleberger was convicted in 1995 after filming sex with a 15-year-old girl while he was 25.

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JackLuis said:

Man featured in ads for pro-Trump dating site was convicted of child sex crimes: report

That's appropriate at least.

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Hypoxia said:

Were Alligators Ever Kept as White House Pets?

John Quincy Adams and Herbert Hoover had alligators.

Donald Tromp does not like animals, and vice-versa.

How can he drain a swamp without gators to evict?

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