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Feels like the first time

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hooterbif

Really Experienced
Joined
Jun 24, 2016
Posts
161
Have any of you given thought, or practice, to the concept of leveraging the insecurities and thrill of the "first time" with a new partner?

I did this once by crafting a scene in which the sub shows up at my house, without ever having first met me in person, and walks through my open door, pours me a drink, brings it to my master bedroom, knocks on the door, and then comes in. I have her bring the drink up to my lips and pour some in. I then tie her up in a chest harness, bend her over, and then give her a paddling. All of this is done without her speaking.

The reaction I got was amazing. My sub was almost shaking with fear/anxiety, but her pussy was dripping. I let her cum with the Hitachi quickly.

So, I mentioned this type of scene with a new sub (who I also have not met face to face). She is traveling from over and hour away (by train and cab, at her expense) to do this next week.

Now, here is my question. Can any of you share your thoughts about this kind of scene? Can you relate to it? Is it unnecessary theater?
 
It is an interesting concept. I don't think it is one that holds much appeal for me *personally* but I can definitely see the appeal for some. If it works for you, and works for her, then there is no such thing as unnecessary theater. It certainly sets the tone for the dynamic.
 
It's not my kind of scene, but there are different things that arouse different people.

If it's something you like, and she's amenable to it, where's the harm?
 
barefootgirl69 said:
It's not my kind of scene, but there are different things that arouse different people.

If it's something you like, and she's amenable to it, where's the harm?
Click to expand...

Thank you for your response!

I agree that it is unlikely there would be any harm.

My post was more primarily aimed at hearing about other similar scenes. What else could I add? Will I run into any practical difficulties? Is there a name for this kink (that I could then Google)?
 
hooterbif said:
Thank you for your response!

I agree that it is unlikely there would be any harm.

My post was more primarily aimed at hearing about other similar scenes. What else could I add? Will I run into any practical difficulties? Is there a name for this kink (that I could then Google)?
Click to expand...

If there's anything I've learned at Lit, it's these two things:

1. Most things have names. Things I've done for years now have names, and it's best to Google phrases I see here rather than ask in open forum. I learned that the hard way! :rolleyes:

2. I mean no offense, but I would caution anyone about going to someone's home and being put in a position where I cannot be free if I've never met them. To me, it's common sense. I'm not letting a man into my home to tie me, either. I would never be alone with someone I'm just meeting.

To answer one question - maybe have her dress a certain way.
 
sissy does not know of anyone that would do just what you have. In D/s the s must trust the D and you can't do that at first meeting. That said, if the s was sent by a trusted D knowing that the sending D knows and trust the unknown D then that could be possible.
Remember the D/s relationship is symbiotic and for someone to blindly put themselves into complete control of someone else then there must be a large amount of trust between the two.

In far left field there might be escort services(or similar) that would do such a thing but that would mean payment.
 
hooterbif said:
Now, here is my question. Can any of you share your thoughts about this kind of scene? Can you relate to it? Is it unnecessary theater?
Click to expand...

It's not "unnecessary theater" if you and she enjoy it. (Or, put another way, pretty much all BDSM is unnecessary theater to somebody who's not interested in that particular activity.)

It probably wouldn't be for me. I usually need to know somebody pretty well before I go to bed with them; aside from the safety angle that sissy mentioned, I just don't tend to get seriously attracted to strangers. But that's my preference, not yours.
 
Thank you all for your responses.

If she had completely vetted me, and got to know me, and got to trust me, then she would not have the thrill of NOT having done these things. I am guessing that this dynamic plays out in rape fantasies. One big difference is that at no time in our scene will she be doing anything against her will - not even acting out anything against her will.

We have exchanged probably over a hundred texts at this point, so she has attained some comfort level with me.

Having her travel on public transportation in a whore outfit might be interesting. Maybe giving her some assignments while on the train would be exciting.
 
She is traveling from over and hour away (by train and cab, at her expense)
Click to expand...
Somehow, this rubbed me wrong.
Because... why? Why is this so important to you that you mention it?

Otherwise, well, I can see lots of potential problems in your setup, and it isn't for me. But as long as it works for the two of you - good.
Only, take care not to break her. It seems like your sub is sticking ehr neck out way more than it is reasonable, and it also seems like you are fine just having fun with her to toss her away later. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the kind of vibe I got from your post.
 
Nezhul said:
Somehow, this rubbed me wrong.
Because... why? Why is this so important to you that you mention it?

Otherwise, well, I can see lots of potential problems in your setup, and it isn't for me. But as long as it works for the two of you - good.
Only, take care not to break her. It seems like your sub is sticking ehr neck out way more than it is reasonable, and it also seems like you are fine just having fun with her to toss her away later. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the kind of vibe I got from your post.
Click to expand...

I kinda agree with this. ^

For me, I would be TERRIFIED to try this. As a fantasy I could imagine it being hot. But in real life? No thanks.

Also, first meetings already have elements of nervousness, excitement, uncertainty, anticipation, etc. So "unnecessary theatrics" might be an accurate description. However, a similar setup to spice up an existing relationship could be fun. And then mixing it up by adding extra orders or challenges. Interesting concept though.
 
Nezhul said:
Why is this so important to you that you mention it?
Click to expand...

This demonstrates, in a very practical way, that she wants to do this. It tells me that she is directly getting something out of this experience that is "worth" something to her. It is not simply fulfilling my fantasy (unless she is primarily fulfilled by fulfilling other people's fantasies).

Nezhul said:
Only, take care not to break her. It seems like your sub is sticking ehr neck out way more than it is reasonable, and it also seems like you are fine just having fun with her to toss her away later. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the kind of vibe I got from your post.
Click to expand...

I have spent a considerable amount of time texting with her. She has a primary dom and at least two other doms. I hope that she doesn't just have fun with me and toss me away later!
 
barefootgirl69 said:
I mean no offense, but I would caution anyone about going to someone's home and being put in a position where I cannot be free if I've never met them. To me, it's common sense. I'm not letting a man into my home to tie me, either. I would never be alone with someone I'm just meeting.

To answer one question - maybe have her dress a certain way.
Click to expand...

I am not offended at all! I also would similarly offer caution in a case like this!

By the way, we have now chosen clothing, thanks to your suggestion - I had totally forgotten about it. It CLEARLY is exciting her to please me with clothing choices.
 
BensSweetSubmissive said:
I kinda agree with this. ^

For me, I would be TERRIFIED to try this. As a fantasy I could imagine it being hot. But in real life? No thanks.

Also, first meetings already have elements of nervousness, excitement, uncertainty, anticipation, etc. So "unnecessary theatrics" might be an accurate description. However, a similar setup to spice up an existing relationship could be fun. And then mixing it up by adding extra orders or challenges. Interesting concept though.
Click to expand...

I 99% agree with everything you have said, except....

I have tried this in existing relationships. It is sorta fun.

But, there is no replacing "the first time," and the intricate machinations that can come with it. For example, it is hard to "suspend disbelief" when trying to pretend to take a train for an hour to meet someone for "the first time" when you are in a relationship.
 
Personally, if I had taken the time to get to know the Dom and trusted him, I would enjoy this fantasy. If you have discussed it, and she is comfortable with it, then that is all that matters. I do hope you will be compensating her for the travel expenses.
 
BrookeyB said:
I do hope you will be compensating her for the travel expenses.

Primalex said:
Why? Don't you believe in women being able to pay?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

I guess that the "neutral" thing to do is for both to pay half (although that doesn't really compensate for the "pain" of the actual travel, if such a thing should be compensated).

I offered to pay all the travel because she is the one going through most of the effort to see me (not because she is a woman). She said no.

So, in the end, I will make one more attempt in person, perhaps by putting the actual money in her hands and asking her if she would take it.

(I do not like treating women like children who lack agency. If a woman says that she wants to pay for something, then I don't like to rob her of that choice by White Knighting. How would you feel if you gave someone a gift and the giftee insisted on paying you for it?)
 
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To each their own, but I think it's worth pointing out that this situation is how people die and their bodies get found in shallow unmarked graves.
 
LostGirlTink said:
To each their own, but I think it's worth pointing out that this situation is how people die and their bodies get found in shallow unmarked graves.
Click to expand...

Isn't there something disingenuous about this statement? After all, on this board, we talk about behavior that would seem brutal and damaging taken out of context. We literally flog people, clamp up their nipples, play-act rape scenes, choke people, enslave, cage, etc.

You could say that all those things are "how people die."
 
hooterbif said:
Isn't there something disingenuous about this statement? After all, on this board, we talk about behavior that would seem brutal and damaging taken out of context. We literally flog people, clamp up their nipples, play-act rape scenes, choke people, enslave, cage, etc.

You could say that all those things are "how people die."
Click to expand...

Sure, but the difference is that there's usually a relationship of sorts built into that as well as some actual trust.
You are talking about taking someone who has never met you, asking them to come onto your "home field advantage" with no safeguards.
They "know" you because they've talked to you online or on the phone. Do you know how easy it would be for you to have lied?

You might be completely safe. Good for you.
The next person they agree to do that with could be a serial killer.
What you are describing just isn't very safe and advocating for it is somewhat irresponsible.
This is the kind of thing that sounds like a great story or a good fantasy but in reality is very dangerous.
For both of you really.
I came back to add in that you have no protections in terms of what she will say happened either, you don't know her well enough to say she isn't going to freak out and decide she didn't want this and now you could be looking at a potential assault charge.
You don't have to like what I'm saying but if you are knee-jerk reacting to it, maybe it's because you know I'm right.
 
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LostGirlTink said:
I came back to add in that you have no protections in terms of what she will say happened either, you don't know her well enough to say she isn't going to freak out and decide she didn't want this and now you could be looking at a potential assault charge.
You don't have to like what I'm saying but if you are knee-jerk reacting to it, maybe it's because you know I'm right.
Click to expand...

There is "a relationship of sorts" and "some actual trust." I bet that we have asked each other at least a hundred questions by now, and exchanged verifying photos. I asked her if she wanted to phone and Skype, but she requested not to do so because it would take something away from the scene.

I am aware of the risks you note, but I have also learned that there are enormous risks of false allegations even in long-term relationships. In fact, the level of deceit and motivation to lie can be far greater in such relationships.

I think that an extensive record of texting with these discussions, as well as mutually-agreed recording would dramatically limit the potential of false allegations.

"What you are describing just isn't very safe and advocating for it is somewhat irresponsible."

Am I advocating for it? Have I encouraged anyone else to do this? I think adults should have agency to make their own choices. Merely speaking about something is not the same as advocating it for others.
 
hooterbif said:
Isn't there something disingenuous about this statement? After all, on this board, we talk about behavior that would seem brutal and damaging taken out of context. We literally flog people, clamp up their nipples, play-act rape scenes, choke people, enslave, cage, etc.
Click to expand...

We do warn people about choking and other activities that are harmful, too. So it's not disingenuous, you just don't know this because the "we" in "we talk" does not really include you.
 
LostGirlTink said:
To each their own, but I think it's worth pointing out that this situation is how people die and their bodies get found in shallow unmarked graves.
Click to expand...

LostGirlTink said:
Sure, but the difference is that there's usually a relationship of sorts built into that as well as some actual trust.
You are talking about taking someone who has never met you, asking them to come onto your "home field advantage" with no safeguards.
They "know" you because they've talked to you online or on the phone. Do you know how easy it would be for you to have lied?

You might be completely safe. Good for you.
The next person they agree to do that with could be a serial killer.
What you are describing just isn't very safe and advocating for it is somewhat irresponsible.
This is the kind of thing that sounds like a great story or a good fantasy but in reality is very dangerous.
For both of you really.
I came back to add in that you have no protections in terms of what she will say happened either, you don't know her well enough to say she isn't going to freak out and decide she didn't want this and now you could be looking at a potential assault charge.
You don't have to like what I'm saying but if you are knee-jerk reacting to it, maybe it's because you know I'm right.
Click to expand...

Exactly!

To put yourself in a position of being bound by someone you don't know is something that movies are made of, and not the Disney ones.

Do her Doms or anyone else she trusts know your real name, address, phone number? Do you have a safe word? Is there a time she is to check in with others so they know she's safe? These are things we do DATING and I can't imagine not having them in place for a scene.

I get the 'we know and trust after 100s of messages' thing. But, I'd still have safety measures involved. In a public place, checking in with friends, not being bound.

To each their own... people have one-night stands, too, but I doubt bondage is a part of it.
 
barefootgirl69 said:
Do her Doms or anyone else she trusts know your real name, address, phone number? Do you have a safe word? Is there a time she is to check in with others so they know she's safe?
Click to expand...

Yes, yes, yes. Also, one of her dom's wanted a certain kind of verifying picture, and I provided it.
 
All I have to say on the matter is this.

#1 - If you're going to have sex, wear a condom or use a dental dam.

#2 - If you are into one-shots, and stranger sex, or short term dating, rock on.

#3 - If you are looking for long term potential? Take a pass. She's in it for the thrill, this is attention seeking behavior in the extreme. You'll become old news very quickly.
 
Holy shit.

For a second I thought I saw Evil_Geoff posting here again.
 
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