Mental Illness

sleep hygiene... what a perfect description for what I lack.

It's really hard - I'm not the one with the major issues and I still find it hard. It's not like dieting, which is easy by comparison, a slip up can really consign you to "start" again. BUT - I think that just realizing it's hard and that imperfect compliance is temporary setback helps. It's not like "wow this should be easy" - it's possibly as much to ask as it is to ask everyone else to do 4-4 shifts.
 
Last edited:
Delayed sleep phase syndrome - kind of an answer for a lot of things around here.

Basically this means that once upon a time there were 3rd shifts and jobs as the night watchman or town crier for people who have this. Some of us just ARE night people, end of story.

Now, as people have to FORCE themselves onto schedules unnatural for their bodies, they discover that this creates all kinds of mental stuff. Mental stuff is then diagnosed as mental stuff, the sleep issues are still unaddressed, and the failed meds pile up. Common syndromes to coincide are ADD, OCD, depression.

Unfortunately, the answer is to either roll back sleep very gradually, have PERFECT sleep hygiene every night forever, or find a way to monetize yourself by night.

Yep. According to the research I've read, it's really goddamn hard to alter your sleep schedule permanently when you genuinely have things like Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder or, even worse, Non-24 Hour Sleep-Wake Disorder. I dunno if I qualify for DSP Disorder, but I've got plenty of the symptoms, including the "Fuck it, I'll just stay up all day today since it's already 10 am, and then I'll lay down around 6 this evening and sleep for 18 hours" symptom.

So much mental stuff is tied to fuck-ups of the sleep/wake cycle. Me, I sleep too much, and I'm depressed. I don't sleep enough, and I'm manic. Am I depressed because I slept too much, or do I sleep too much because I'm depressed? Chicken, egg, ad nauseam.
 
my past experience with sleep meds was that they dont help one get to sleep, they prevent you from waking before you're fully rested. I once slept in (through phone calls ect) 5 hours into a work shift because of a sleep med. My boss wound up asking for a doctors note to prove medical reasons, because the policy was 2 hours late without contact required proof of unusual circumstances (like a car accident) or termination. I had to discontinue the sleep meds because I simply didn't have space in my schedule to sleep all day on a regular basis, & withdrawls sucked.

herbal teas might be a good route for me.

There were a couple energy drinks with an ingredient which I react paradoxically to; they knock me right out. I actually fell asleep at work, standing up, in a walk in refrigerator, because of an energy drink. They also give me a splitting headache though.

i dont remember if it was ginseing or ginko, or perhaps the combination.

excercise in the morning is one that i've been trying hard to get off my butt for. The only time I seem to have the energy to do so, however, is on the very rare occasion I'm allowed to sleep in, at which point it's not really morning anymore.

I hope you find your way to get some sound sleep. Some way some how at least. I fight the sleep issues too. One thing that does help me is I try to go to bed at a certain time everyday sunday through thursday night I allow myself to stay up late friday and saturday if I feel like it. By building a routine of going to bed at regular time it helps. My Doc also says if I cant sleep don't fight it if I can't sleep get hop do something productive until I get tired. The natural sleep remedies do help and can prevent the hangover effects by adjusting the dose you take. That takes some adjusting on your part, it's true with any med.
 
yeah i generally find the worst thing i can possibly do is lay in bed when I'm not tired. Thats the perfect way for me to still be awake come daybreak, particularly if theres any depression involved... depression & insomnia seem to go hand in hand for a lot of people.

Unfortunately the second worst thing is to come out & stare at the computer, which is what i typically do. It becomes hard to find that line of "ok now is the opportune time for zz's"

May I suggest doing something other than the computer then lol.
 
Just for today, celebrate your efforts, not your outcomes.

yep. i have bi-polar 2 disorder. formally known as manic/depressive.
i do think this lets me do things i might not have been able to do otherwise.
this includes elements of the lifestyle.
 
Just for today, celebrate your efforts, not your outcomes.

When I think of all the things that have happened to me as a direct result of my illness--the inability to sustain any kind of relationship, having to drop out of school, being essentially unemployable, the bouts of binge drinking, the loss of the three people I loved most in this world--I know without question that I'd give up everything else I have (which ain't much, but it's mine) to have a normal, non-disordered brain. I have destroyed my life because of it.

But if I'm to make it through this world, I can't dwell on it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of it, but since my last med increase just before Thanksgiving, I can go whole hours without it occurring to me at all. I don't suffer any less for it, but there are, at least, gaps in the pain.

Something happened the other day to make me ask God how long He was going to keep punishing me for the same old sins. Hadn't I wanted to be forgiven? Hadn't I changed my life? Hadn't I done all I could do to set things right again?

And the answer that came back in the night was "Maybe it's not Him who is punishing me. Maybe it's me who is punishing myself...."
 
When I think of all the things that have happened to me as a direct result of my illness--the inability to sustain any kind of relationship, having to drop out of school, being essentially unemployable, the bouts of binge drinking, the loss of the three people I loved most in this world--I know without question that I'd give up everything else I have (which ain't much, but it's mine) to have a normal, non-disordered brain. I have destroyed my life because of it.

But if I'm to make it through this world, I can't dwell on it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of it, but since my last med increase just before Thanksgiving, I can go whole hours without it occurring to me at all. I don't suffer any less for it, but there are, at least, gaps in the pain.

Something happened the other day to make me ask God how long He was going to keep punishing me for the same old sins. Hadn't I wanted to be forgiven? Hadn't I changed my life? Hadn't I done all I could do to set things right again?

And the answer that came back in the night was "Maybe it's not Him who is punishing me. Maybe it's me who is punishing myself...."
This has the origin of a breakthrough written all over it. Please keep reading your intuitions.
 
When I think of all the things that have happened to me as a direct result of my illness--the inability to sustain any kind of relationship, having to drop out of school, being essentially unemployable, the bouts of binge drinking, the loss of the three people I loved most in this world--I know without question that I'd give up everything else I have (which ain't much, but it's mine) to have a normal, non-disordered brain. I have destroyed my life because of it.

But if I'm to make it through this world, I can't dwell on it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of it, but since my last med increase just before Thanksgiving, I can go whole hours without it occurring to me at all. I don't suffer any less for it, but there are, at least, gaps in the pain.

Something happened the other day to make me ask God how long He was going to keep punishing me for the same old sins. Hadn't I wanted to be forgiven? Hadn't I changed my life? Hadn't I done all I could do to set things right again?

And the answer that came back in the night was "Maybe it's not Him who is punishing me. Maybe it's me who is punishing myself...."

Oh good God. This is fucking beautiful.

I *heart* your brain, BB.
 
:eek: Thank you. :eek:

Not altogether sure I can take the credit for that one, though.

Jack Handey????

Really??

yep. i have bi-polar 2 disorder. formally known as manic/depressive.
i do think this lets me do things i might not have been able to do otherwise.
this includes elements of the lifestyle.

Well, that's really cool, and I wouldn't have thought of it.

I do love, though, those moments when you realize that your major weaknesses are also what give you your superpowers. I had one of these moments a few months ago. I think people call it "self-acceptance."
 
Jack Handey????

Really??

Well, what can I say? I hang out with the coolest people. ;)

Well, that's really cool, and I wouldn't have thought of it.

I do love, though, those moments when you realize that your major weaknesses are also what give you your superpowers. I had one of these moments a few months ago. I think people call it "self-acceptance."

Honestly, I hate that "I can do things I never would've been able to do if I weren't crazy!" attitude, especially when I think of things I would've loved to do, had I not been crazy. All my illness has ever done for me is made me do crazy shit.

Ugh, fuck all that "Touched by Fire" bullshit. This ain't no backhanded blessing; it's a damned curse.

ETA: Pretty sure it makes other crazy people wonder just what the hell they're doing wrong that they aren't reaping great things from being batshit, too.
 
Well, what can I say? I hang out with the coolest people. ;)



Honestly, I hate that "I can do things I never would've been able to do if I weren't crazy!" attitude, especially when I think of things I would've loved to do, had I not been crazy. All my illness has ever done for me is made me do crazy shit.

Ugh, fuck all that "Touched by Fire" bullshit. This ain't no backhanded blessing; it's a damned curse.

ETA: Pretty sure it makes other crazy people wonder just what the hell they're doing wrong that they aren't reaping great things from being batshit, too.

Well, point taken. Disease is disease, and the cruelest thing I regularly hear is uttered to people who have close family or friends die: this is part of the plan, or it was his time, or some variation thereof.

Shit is shit, and trying to convince someone that it's Ben and Jerry's Phish Food is just absurd, and mean.

However, While not the same thing exactly, I do think that the things that have held me back, or made me odd, also contain a lot of what makes me great, or weird. I dunno if I'd classify them as mental illness, but they're definitely fucked up.

Maybe it's a matter of degree. What do you think? Are there no seeds of what make you fucked up that also make you uber bunny? Nothing??
 
Well, point taken. Disease is disease, and the cruelest thing I regularly hear is uttered to people who have close family or friends die: this is part of the plan, or it was his time, or some variation thereof.

Shit is shit, and trying to convince someone that it's Ben and Jerry's Phish Food is just absurd, and mean.

Yep. Makes me stabby.

However, While not the same thing exactly, I do think that the things that have held me back, or made me odd, also contain a lot of what makes me great, or weird. I dunno if I'd classify them as mental illness, but they're definitely fucked up.

Maybe it's a matter of degree. What do you think? Are there no seeds of what make you fucked up that also make you uber bunny? Nothing??

I'm not sure. I think trying to sort out what is Bunny and what is the demon that shares Bunny's head is a lifelong process. I don't know that I'll ever know for sure.

I have a perspective that people who didn't have a complete psychotic break at the age of 26 don't have. On the other hand, I'm not sure if that's anything to write home about.

Maybe my superpower is the ability to see the cloudy wrapping around every lump of silver. All hail Captain Pessimism!
 
This time last year (in fact, right down to the day) I was in the mental hospital. Suicidal.

This year... It doesn't feel like things have gotten much better over the past year. I've had some up-times, but... My anxiety hasn't been this bad in years. It's not unusual for me to have 6+ anxiety attacks during my 4-hour workday (.... and that's when my depression allows me to GO to work). Today I stayed home from work and literally slept and cried all day. Have appt with doctor tomorrow, but... it doesn't seem like any of these meds are helping, not enough.

I keep telling myself it's the time of year. Christmas is always difficult, with multiple family members deceased.... Maybe things will get better after the New Year. I can always hope.

(for what it's worth, I'm Bipolar 2, social anxiety, with a history of anorexia and still has anorexic tendencies, plus I'm a self-harmer.)
 
This time last year (in fact, right down to the day) I was in the mental hospital. Suicidal.

This year... It doesn't feel like things have gotten much better over the past year. I've had some up-times, but... My anxiety hasn't been this bad in years. It's not unusual for me to have 6+ anxiety attacks during my 4-hour workday (.... and that's when my depression allows me to GO to work). Today I stayed home from work and literally slept and cried all day. Have appt with doctor tomorrow, but... it doesn't seem like any of these meds are helping, not enough.

I keep telling myself it's the time of year. Christmas is always difficult, with multiple family members deceased.... Maybe things will get better after the New Year. I can always hope.

(for what it's worth, I'm Bipolar 2, social anxiety, with a history of anorexia and still has anorexic tendencies, plus I'm a self-harmer.)

*Hugs*

I'm so sorry. Hang in there and let us know if we can do anything. :rose:

As an aside, I found that once my BP was treated, most of my social anxiety went away with it. I don't know if that'll be the case when you and your doctor finally hit on the right combo of meds, but I sure hope so.
 
So tired.

I'm about at the point of just erasing any messages my mom leaves on my machine without listening to them. She wants to resent me so much she makes things up.

I just want a calm and warm family christmas. She wants to eat my soul and live in my body using me like a puppet. Not going to happen.

In other news, my son has quit college. Not altogether a bad thing. He was miserable and afraid he might hurt himself if he continued. So his path is just not an academic one. My husband and I had that same issue and we are happy with our lives today.

My girl may be better finally. She seems more like herself than anytime since last Spring. However, that means she is more verbally combative. Also she continues to have trouble actually taking her meds. I don't understand how that can happen. She now has a days of the week pill thingie with both morning and evening slots.

Asked her when she started acting out irrationally today if she'd taken her meds this morning. She said yes. After she continued to act up and out, I went to look. No. She hadn't. She also missed Sunday. Her drugs "build" up so that's a problem. Bigger problem is, when I can't check on her anymore how is she going to take her meds and have a decent life?

Not letting it get me down but I do wonder.
 
*Hugs Fury* Sorry it's a little late; I missed it when you first posted. :rose:


My own mini-rant:

Don't you just love how, now that some crazy motherfucker has shot up a school, everybody in the world has declared themselves an expert on mental illness or the non-existence thereof?

Seriously, if you've never experienced mental illness personally, please shut the fuck up about it. You have no idea what you're talking about.
 
Thanks! *HUGS*

Oh yes. I feel you on that one.

From the articles you'd think that if a school psychiatrist had ever seen a kid or if they had autism, they would be killers some day.

Also the way the asses have polarized this shit into anti guy / pro gun stuff really pisses me off. It seems everything in the "news" is now polarized that way.

FF

*Hugs Fury* Sorry it's a little late; I missed it when you first posted. :rose:


My own mini-rant:

Don't you just love how, now that some crazy motherfucker has shot up a school, everybody in the world has declared themselves an expert on mental illness or the non-existence thereof?

Seriously, if you've never experienced mental illness personally, please shut the fuck up about it. You have no idea what you're talking about.
 
My girl's brain is def back. She is once again arguing about anything and everything, endlessly, but at least she is herself again! I know her now!

:)
 
You can't attribute the existence of a whole subculture to mental illness (though I guess that won't stop some people trying). However, there is possibly a higher proportion of people with mental illnesses in the bdsm culture or other minority groups; goths, punks etc. People still fall for the 'correlation implies causation' fallacy. Perhaps intelligent people are more likely to be in a minority group, but are also more likely to have mental problems. People who like control or submission could have attributes of their personalities which make it more likely for them to suffer from anxiety or something similar. It's just not that easy to say.

I think my issues did lead me to have an interest in the lifestyle. I was diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety, social phobia and avoidance personality disorder in 2009, about one year after graduating highscool. I'd had it all since I hit puberty. I saw a psychiatrist who got me out of my suicidal state and really patched me up, and I learned a lot about what it is to be... more normal by taking an SSRI.

Well, a few years down the track and I'm still not perfect, but I decided to see a psychiatrist again and actually go through with it all (the first time I did about three months and stopped going, and taking the drugs). Now I have learned a lot more about myself. Most of the real issues - or should I say, behaviors, I've actually had since childhood.

What I find is that I want to control the outcomes of situations, people's opinions... you name it. It makes me quite uncomfortable when I can't, or when my plans get ruined. I love to serve people and I get genuine pleasure from it, because... I'm not sure. Somehow it's relaxing. If I'm obeying someone's orders I'm doing what they want and they're more likely to like me as a person. Crumbly logic I know, I'm just trying to fit reason to what's really an impulse.

Before the bdsm craze hit popular notice I sort of... fell in to it. I'd been nicknaming my partners Mr. or Master, going out of my way to make nice food and please them. Because that's what felt right. One relationship actually ended because of a misunderstanding over it; he thought I was hopelessly in love and was just putting to much into the relationship, but all I wanted to do was serve. I didn't have a clue what I'd done wrong at that point; I didn't know it was a little different. I'd been doing it all my life. I had been to a bdsm club once while living in Australia, but didn't really think anything of it. Since moving to Germany though I found one and went just out of curiosity, and after attending a few times I guess I realised that I fit in really quite well. It means I don't have to change, that how I am (aside a few things that I need to work on) isn't necessarily... wrong.

I'm still experimenting with the whole thing, I'm fairly new to it. I have to push boundaries and see what I like and what I don't. Anyway, what I wanted to say was... I got drawn in to bdsm because of mental illness. *waves*. My partner thinks it's kind of funny, that I'll freak out about having to talk to people but I'm totally happy to walk around tits out in a freaky bdsm club. Haha. Somehow I find the environment to be totally relaxing.
 
I've heard quite a few people say that BDSM or Kink helps their mental illness.

:rose:
 
I've heard quite a few people say that BDSM or Kink helps their mental illness.

:rose:

There is a wonderful calming, settling effect (for me) of pain. I've never been a cutter -- maybe this is my way of finding that vent for the black dog in me.

When I'm depressed, I don't FEEL ... Feeling pain is feeling, and it's a road back to emotions that are not there in depression.
 
Back
Top