Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

I invited a bunch of my emo friends to come live with us. I told them you wouldn't mind cooking and doing their laundry for them.
 
I get the feeling that a hundred men have climbed this mountain before me.
 
Why yes, I do love my computer more than you. Have you got a problem with that?
 
I thought that I'd better warn you now. I have a bad urination problem whenever I sleep with another person.
 
I've had a hard time making love on a beach ever since my bad experience with a naughty hermit crab.
 
You're going to have to go easy on me. My pacemaker battery was made in China.
 
Uh oh. Gotta go. My ankle bracelet is beeping. My parole officer is going to be looking for me.
 
Do you think that we could have a threesome with your mom, and your grandmother?
 
After the sex is over...

"Wow, and you're not even a hooker!"

(Actual quote from an actual guy, who, I assure you, never saw me naked again.)
 
"Wow, and you're not even a hooker!"

(Actual quote from an actual guy, who, I assure you, never saw me naked again.)

Wow, I am sorry that happened. Asshole phrases like that do not make you feel good about yourself.

PS: I would laugh if he saw that on here, someone that would say that fits the profile of the membership of the Litt General board.
 
Oh good. You're conscious again. While you were passed out, I drew smiley faces on your boobs, but I could only find a permanent marker.
 
You might want to quit your job at the nuclear power plant. Your implants are glowing.
 
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