The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

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who immediately jumps on the chair screaming
[oh - sorry, I though ti was 'mouse']

I put in a new central-heating pump.

and you get a central midriff bump...plus a few paparazzi, and a front page snap.

I put in a 30 minute chess game, with an ex-Third world dictator.
 
and you get a central midriff bump...plus a few paparazzi, and a front page snap.

I put in a 30 minute chess game, with an ex-Third world dictator.

and he offers you $8,000,000 from his secret Nigerian reserve if you'll only give him your account number and PIN so he can make the deposit.

I put in a best-two-falls-out-of-three between Mammon and Leviathan...
 
and he offers you $8,000,000 from his secret Nigerian reserve if you'll only give him your account number and PIN so he can make the deposit.

I put in a best-two-falls-out-of-three between Mammon and Leviathan...

but God does not appreciate the contest.


I put in a book of cartoons.
 
Which chronicle the life and times of Mohammed.

I put in a safe house in Den Hague.

and Al Hague (Haig) says, "Jerry! This IS NOT a party house for you, or your scurrilous friends! Beat it!"

I put in a missing page to the Nixon papers, found in Al's collection of vietnam era Soldier of Fortune magazine collection.
 
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and Al Hague (Haig) says, "Jerry! This IS NOT a party house for you, or your scurrilous friends! Beat it!"

I put in a missing page to the Nixon papers, found in Al's collection of vietnam era Soldier of Fortune magazine collection.


and you get a copy of Robert McNamara's Fog of War.

I put in leftover barrel of Agent Orange.
 
that's some serious saliva!

I put in a Bic Cristal ballpoint pen, fired from a gun into a piece of wood, and still writes.

and you get the hand written memoirs from adventures of the potato peeler.

I put in a cozy evening in, sitting in front of the fire and listening to the sounds of the wind outside...
 
and you get the hand written memoirs from adventures of the potato peeler.

I put in a cozy evening in, sitting in front of the fire and listening to the sounds of the wind outside...


but the natural sounds are obscured by the clopping of a horse's hooves coming down the path, the stable door across the courtyard opening and closing, and eventually your lover's steps on the porch. Your heart races, as you go to the door to welcome them in from the cold. In your hands you hold out a glass of warmed red wine, and are greeted with a loving smile, and a leer at your brazen nakedness.

I put in a bowl of ice cubes, some nylon rope, and the ticking of an old grandfather clock.
 
but the natural sounds are obscured by the clopping of a horse's hooves coming down the path, the stable door across the courtyard opening and closing, and eventually your lover's steps on the porch. Your heart races, as you go to the door to welcome them in from the cold. In your hands you hold out a glass of warmed red wine, and are greeted with a loving smile, and a leer at your brazen nakedness.

I put in a bowl of ice cubes, some nylon rope, and the ticking of an old grandfather clock.

and you get a bucket of cold chickens, a bic lighter, and one seriously pissed off grandmother.

I put in a bic cristal pen, used as a drill bit, and still writes!
 
and you get a bucket of cold chickens, a bic lighter, and one seriously pissed off grandmother.

I put in a bic cristal pen, used as a drill bit, and still writes!


but dude picks it up, looks at it, "I can make a pipe outta this !".

I put in $10 worth of BC Bud.
 
but dude picks it up, looks at it, "I can make a pipe outta this !".

I put in $10 worth of BC Bud.

and Barrack Obama declares, $10 worth of BC Bud is now worth $250 in the U S A

I put in a bic cristal pen that rights even when submerged in pig blood.
 
and Barrack Obama declares, $10 worth of BC Bud is now worth $250 in the U S A

I put in a bic cristal pen that rights even when submerged in pig blood.

And, you find out you've lost your Timex in the same mess, but it's still ticking.

I put in roll of paper towels.
 
and Barrack Obama declares, $10 worth of BC Bud is now worth $250 in the U S A

I put in a bic cristal pen that rights even when submerged in pig blood.


and you get blood from a stone(r).

I put in a litre of saliva from my Pavlov's Dog experiment.
[damned]those southern winds that carry the lusty aroma of pig roast crackle ever northward ![/damned]



edit: Too slow.....
 
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